A dark stage. The sioluettes of 13 people. Seven sitting in chairs. The other six standing behind them. A quiet tone starts playing, as a quiet chorus of words from the standing six fill the quiet show room.
Vape
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Nogla!
They repeat themselves getting louder and louder. A black man in a crisp suit walks out to the corner of the stage, putting a microphone to his mouth.
"And now, the six merry murders of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango."
He has a smirk on his face as he exits. They get louder. A spot light blinks from sioluette to sioluette as they speak their single word.
Vape
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Nogla!
It gets faster and faster, the spot light going from person to person so fast it could cause a seizure.
Vape, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Nogla
Vape, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Nogla
Vape, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Nogla
Then it stops and spot lights shine on all of them as they stomp their heeled boots in unison.
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Vape, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Nogla
Vape, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Nogla
All the other lights cut out except for the one on the first man. He has white hair, brown eyes, and a sadistic smile. He comes around the front of the person in the chair and takes a seat on their lap before turning to the audience.
"You know how people have these little habits that get you down
Like John."
He gestures to the man on the chair. A man with bleach blonde hair and a confused look.
"John likes to smoke
No, not smoke, Vape"
John nods in agreement. The man with white hair glares at him before getting up and slowly walking around John.
"So I came home this one day
And I'm really irritated
I'm looking for a little bit o' sympathy
And there's John lyin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and smokin'."
He stops behind John and puts his hands on his shoulders.
"No, not smokin'
Vapin'. So, I said to him, I said "You puff that vape one more time"
He lets out a sigh and John gave him a confused glance.
"And he did"
The man picked up a shotgun from under John's chair and pointed it at his head. John's face was a mask of fear.
"So I took the shotgun off the wall
And I fired two warning shots"
"Into his head."
Bang. John's brain's splattered onto the floor next to him.
All the lights came back on as they all sung together.
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would have done the same!
The lights went out except for on the second man who gave us a friendly smile. He stood beside his man in the chair and gestured to him.
"I met Luke Patterson from Los Santos about two years ago
And he told me he was single
And we hit it off right away."
He smiles and leans on Luke's seat. Luke seemed bored as he rolled his eyes.
"So, we started living together
He'd go to work, he'd come home
I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner"
His face turned into a mask of anger as he glares at Luke.
"And then I found out,
"Single" he told me
Single, my ass
Not only was he married
Oh, no, he had six wives
One of those Mormons, you know"
He went around Luke and came out the other side with a glass of whiskey.
"So that night when he came home from work,
I fixed him his drink as usual"
He gestures to the glass before forcing Luke to drink it. Luke's face went pale as his throat constricted and his breath stopped. The man sighed and shook his head.
"You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic."
He laughs and throws the glass away, walking back behind Luke's lifeless body as him and his comrades sing.
He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
The third man takes off his white mask as he walks around to the front stage. His eyes are crazy blue and his face covered in clown makeup. He looks at the man in his chair and puts his hands on his hips, turning to the audience.
"Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
Carvin' up a chicken for dinner,
Minding my own business,
In storms my husband Vanoss in a jealous rage."
He laughs and gets right down in Vanoss's face. He then points to Luke's dead body.
"You been screwin' the CaRtOoNz, " he says.
He was crazy
And he kept on screamin',
"You been screwin' the CaRtOoNz."
The clown pulls a knife out of his pocket and starts jabbing it into Vanoss's chest. He coughs and chokes on his own blood as he goes limp. The clown stands up and grins at the spectors.
"And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times."
He laughs and goes behind Vanoss's as him and his friends start singing.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
The fourth man was in tears, standing behind a headless body, their pale handsome face resting in their lap. He sniffs as he sings.
"Cad é a dhéanfaidh mé, ar dheis anseo?
Tá mé ag insint duit go bhfuil an díobhánaí glactha ag an Boss cónaitheach
Níor gearradh mo cheann. Ach níl sé fíor,
Níl mé ealaíne.
Níl a fhios agam"
He stops and bends down, pressing his lips to the decapitated head.
"Mar a deir Neamh-Sam Sam nach ndearna mé é.
Bhain mé triail as
Gabhadh an t-oifigeach póilíneachta ach níor éirigh leis"
The clown popped his head into the light.
"Yeah, but did you do it?"
The upset man shook his head violently and sobbed,
"Uh uh, not guilty!"
Soft music played and the multiple words played softly in the background. A man with purple hair approached the front of the stage, leaning in between two people sitting in chairs.
"My brother, Anthony and I;
He gestures to the bigger man on his right.
had this double act"
"And my husband, Tyler;
he gestures to the man on his left
traveled round with us."
"Now, for the last number in our act,
We did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row"
He stands up and starts counting off on his fingers.
"One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles,
Back flips, flip flops,
One right after the other."
"So this one night before the show we are down at the Hotel Cicero,
The three of us, boozin'
Havin' a few laughs"
He let's out a chuckle and shrugs.
"And we run out of ice
So I go out to get some"
He pulls a pistol out of his pocket and cocks it.
"I come back, open the door"
He points the silver barrel at his brother's head.
"And there's Anthony and Tyler
Doing Number Seventeen
The spread eagle!"
The light goes out for a minute as two gun shots ring through the air. The light comes back on but it's just on him.
"Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing"
He looks into the darkness.
"It wasn't until later,
When I was washing the blood off my hands"
He shows us his red covered hands. His eyes harden as he points into the darkness, a light shining on his now dead brother and husband.
"I even knew they were dead"
All of them start singing again.
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming all along (they took a flower in its prime)
I didn't do it (and then they used it)
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me
That I was wrong?
They die down as the final man comes up to the stage. He's small and tan. The person in his chair is tall and stupid looking (Sorry Nogla)
"I loved Daithi de Nogla
More than I can possibly say."
He looks over at the guy in the chair, turning back with a sigh.
"He was a real artistic guy...
Sensitive... A Singer."
He looks out at the audience and crosses his arms in a sassy way.
"But he was always trying to find himself."
He started to circle Daithi in the chair.
"He'd go out every night looking for himself
And on the way
He found Scott,
Joe,
Tony and Jacqueline"
He named off, rolling his eyes at the last one. He pulled a piece of fishing line out of his pocket.
"I guess you could say we broke up
Because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive"
He gestures to him before wrapping the fishing line around his neck and strangling him, Daithi's face going purple.
"And I saw him dead."
He let Daithi's head fall forward as all the guys came to the front singing together.
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming (they had it coming)
They had it coming all along
'Cause if they used us ('cause if they used us)
And they abused us (and they abused us)
How could you tell us that we were wrong?
He had it coming (he had it coming)
He had it coming (he had it coming)
He only had himself to blame (he only had himself to blame)
If you'd have been there (if you'd have been there)
If you'd have seen it (if you'd have seen it)
I betcha you would have done the same!
The music got slower as it slowly died down, each of them saying their own line.
"You puff that vape one more time!" "Single my ass!"
"Ten times!" "Mar a deir Neamh-Sam Sam nach ndearna mé é."
"Number seventeen-the spread eagle." "Artistic differences."
They slowly make their way back to the dark stage behind them, whispering the final words of the act and leaving their dead lovers on the stage.
Vape
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Nogla
The curtains close. And darkness.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Hey guys! This is a long one I apologise but I think I did well with it. I of course added my own twists on the song to make it fit them but the original from the great musical movie Chicago is at the top. I really want to get back into the song one shots and I will have another musical based one out soon. But as always I hope ye enjoyed and I hope to see you all in the next chapter. Peace.
-MEOW🍍