Everyone was thankfully asleep by the time we got home. I wasn't surprised, it was nearly 2AM. After lending Theo a pair of pyjamas - which were adorably too big for him, we went straight to bed. In comparison to Theo's small, singular bed, we had a lot of room to move around. It was almost disappointing - I would've liked an excuse to snuggle up with him. But it seemed Theo felt the same way, because the second we slid beneath the covers, he curled up at my side, his head resting on my bare chest, his tousled hair tickling my chin.
Far too soon, my alarm clock was screeching in our ears, demanding we get up. I reluctantly complied, slamming it off before groaning as I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes free of exhaustion. Theo grumbled in complaint, pulling the covers past his eyes as he burrowed deeper into the soft pillow. I smiled slightly at his stubbornness before ripping the covers away. He squinted as the light hit his face, making him wince and tell me to "Fuck off."
"Come on, baby." I urged, deciding to test my luck. I'd been curious for a while now, wondering how Theo would react to a name like that.
He rubbed his face as a yawn stretched from his mouth, "B-Baby?" He queried with a faint frown.
"Yeah, well, since you're my boyfriend, I thought it'd be okay." I teased, bouncing out of bed. I noticed Theo watching me, more specifically, my abs. Maybe having someone to inflate your ego with their eyes wasn't the best idea for someone as arrogant as myself, but I wasn't complaining. I loved his body, so it was good to know that he liked mine too.
"O-Okay." He responded, hastily clearing his throat and averting his eyes.
Once I was fully dressed, I turned around to face him. He looked cute. He was sat cross legged on my bed, wearing a pair of pyjama trousers from when I was thirteen and a loose jumper with a Dutch slogan scribbled in the corner. He looked nervous about something, chewing on his lower lip in apprehension, "D-Do I have to go to school?"
"Kinda." I shot back with a playful smile, crossing the room to sit beside him on the edge of the bed. "Do you not want to?"
He shook his head frantically, "N-No."
"Why? What is it?"
"I-I just...I don't feel like..." He tangled his fingers into his hair in irritation, "I don't want to." He settled on.
"You don't have to." I agreed. "Take a day off if you need it." I smiled encouragingly, leaning forward to peck him on the forehead. "You want me to drop you off at home?"
He tugged his sleeves over his fingers, trying to cover all his exposed flesh, "Y-Yes please." He whispered.
"We'll do something on Friday, okay? Something casual. What'd you say?"
He nodded, shooting me a weak smile before finally getting out of bed. Once he'd changed - keeping my jumper on, of course - we headed downstairs, where my parents were rambling in Dutch, my sister reading a book for school. They were all sat around the kitchen table, buttering slices of toast or pouring bowls of cereal. I cleared my throat as we entered the kitchen, Theo cowering behind me slightly.
"Guys, this is my friend." I introduced, waving vaguely to Theo. I knew they'd met before, but it was just as Rosa was leaving for the airport, everyone was so flustered and rushed, they'd barely had time to even acknowledge his presence.
"Morning." My Mum greeted, gesturing for him to sit down, before she turned all her attention to me. "What's going on?"
"He stayed over last night." I supplied with a shrug. "Sorry, it was last minute."
"Waarom?" My Dad pried in Dutch, asking me why he was here.
"Het was een noodgeval." (It was an emergency) I shrugged. "Ik zal het later uitleggen." (I'll explain later) "What'd you want to eat?" I turned to Theo, dismissing my parents immediately.
I drove Theo home after breakfast, though my sister was in the car with me, so I couldn't kiss him goodbye like I would've wished. Once I'd dropped him off, I swung the car around and started driving Vera to school, "Why isn't he going with you?" She asked curiously.
"He doesn't feel well." I told her simply.
"Is he sick?"
"Sort of."
"Are we gonna get sick?" She rose her brows.
"What he has isn't contagious."
She nodded, then asked, "Why did he stay with us last night?"
"Vera, stop with the questions." I instructed bluntly as I pulled up at her school. "I'll see you later."
She pouted, but said no more as she swung her backpack over her shoulder and skipped up to the entrance. I wasn't late for once, and made it to school on time, locking my car behind me as I trudged into the grey building. My friends were all huddled around my locker, waiting for my arrival as they chatted amongst themselves. "Wow, Luca, you look like shit." was the first thing Phoenix said.
I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, I was up late." I grumbled as I twisted the lock and yanked my locker door open.
"Was she cute?" Sam teased, nudging my shoulder playfully.
"Adorable." I shot back, making Daya grin up at me discreetly. But it was Daya, so it wasn't very discreet.
"And on a school night and everything." Daya mocked dramatically.
I glared at her threateningly, before deciding to change the conversation as quickly as possible, "How long till first period starts?" I asked curiously, rubbing my heavy eyes, weighed down with dark circles.
"Twenty minutes." Tommy replied, glancing down at his grandpa's cracked watch.
"I gotta go." I slammed my locker shut, headed down the corridor, and I slipped into an empty classroom.
I leant against the nearest table, dropped my backpack at my feet, and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I typed two words into Google. Depressive episodes.
I started browsing through the most reliable-looking site, scrolling through the symptoms. It was hard to keep up, there were so many. Anxiety. Insomnia. Loss of interest. Changes in appetite. Lack of concentration. Feeling of worthlessness. It went on and on. A sense of hopelessness, emptiness, guilt...
Suicidal thoughts.
"Whatcha looking at?"
I nearly jumped out of my skin, my heart hammering against my ribcage at the new voice that had fabricated behind me. "Fucking hell, Tommy!" I scolded, swivelling around, clutching my chest.
He wasn't paying any attention to me, his eyes were fixed on my phone screen as he peered over my shoulder, squinting as he read the article spread across the screen, "Learning your triggers? What the fuck are you reading?" He reached over to scroll down, but I grabbed his wrist and quickly turned off my phone.
"Nothing." I mumbled. "Did you follow me?" I accused.
"What? No!" He replied in mortification. "I have Sociology here first period. I got here early to talk to the teacher about an upcoming essay, but it looks as though she isn't here yet." Tommy explained, "What're you doing here?"
I sighed heavily as he perched on the table beside me. "Research." I shrugged.
"For what?"
"Psychology."
"You don't take Psychology."
I sighed, realising I was already out of excuses, "Why do you care?" I growled in annoyance, getting ready to leave before he grabbed my sleeve, forcing me to stay put.
"Luca, I have no fucking clue what's been going on with you recently, but it needs to stop. Whatever's happening, you can talk to us, to me. I can help, okay?"
"I don't need your help." I insisted stubbornly, "I'm happy."
"Great, so why don't you share some of that intense joy with your friends?" He asked sarcastically. "Because as far as I'm concerned, you've been withdrawn for weeks now. And suddenly you're looking up the symptoms of depressive episodes? What the fuck, Luca?"
"It's not for me." I hissed. "It's for my friend."
"Teddy?" He rose his brows expectantly. "You've been different ever since you started hanging out with him and less with us. Are you better than us all of a sudden?"
I laughed humourlessly, "I'll never be better than you guys. I'll never be better than Theo, I'll never be better than anyone, d'you understand that?" I asked exhaustedly. "There's a lot you don't know about me. I'm not a good person, alright?"
"Then tell me."
"I tried to burn down my school when I was younger." I was so tired, and so sick of lying. Once the words left my mouth, I felt an instant feeling of relief.
Tommy stared at me, completely dumbstruck, "You...You tried...?"
"Arson. Add that to the list of totally fucked up shit I've done." I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. "I'm trying to be better, Tommy. I'm hanging out with Theo because he makes me better. I like who I am when I'm around him and when I'm around you guys...I just...it's not the same."
"The same as what?"
"As how it used to be!" I whispered harshly. "Before we became these empty vessels who only know how to talk about sex and parties and gossip. We used to be real. Now we're just a bunch of humans who spend time together for the sake of it!"
He gulped, glancing down at his hands resting in his lap. "You should be at history." He whispered shortly after.
"I can be late." I said dryly. "Gabarro lets me do whatever I want since he caught me getting sucked off during detention."
His eyes snapped wide open as he stared at me, completely lost for words, "By who?"
"Theo." I spat, grabbing my bag and storming out of the room without a backwards glance.