Note: Hey! This is just a oneshot based on a headcanon post by tumblr user @poppysanders, I hope you enjoy!
Pairing(s): Platonic LAMP/CALM, can be read as romantic
Warnings: Heartbreak, mention of breakups, high levels of frustration, slight feelings of helplessness, mention of heightened levels of anxiety, mention of Deceit, fear of being forgotten, slight self-deprecation, and insecurities (?)
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Roman is far more modest than he pretends to be.
His world, made up of nothing except his imagination, is possibly the most personal thing to him; somewhere he can escape to whenever things become too overwhelming. Every single tiny detail in this world is designed and created by him and him alone. He can change and reshape the world in whatever way he likes, whenever he likes, and is only limited by his imagination. It truly is his safe space and there's nowhere else he'd rather be when overwhelmed.
This slowly changes the closer he gets to the other Sides.
Yes, he still adores his world and always finds it a comforting place to be whenever things become too much, but if it's possible at the time, he feels much better being around them. Even just being in their presence calms his nerves, or distracts him from whatever dark thoughts that are plaguing his mind. Usually, the others don't know when they're helping him because he refuses to display the pain on his face and he definitely never willingly tells them about whatever is hurting him at the time. But he always finds an excuse to be in their company whenever he needs it. And he's always grateful for it.
When he begins to notice the bags under Patton's eyes, the slight delay in his reaction to unintentional puns or dad jokes, and the wobble in his smile, Roman knows something is wrong. However, he only truly understands the problem when Thomas tries to make a new video, but seems a lot more depressed than usual. As it turns out, everyone, Patton especially, has been thinking a lot about one of Thomas's ex-boyfriends.
As usual, they all talk out the issue and figure out some sort of solution, but unfortunately, this doesn't completely solve Patton's problem. Later that night, Roman finds him curled up on the couch in the Common Room, not quite crying, but definitely not smiling. At the time, he doesn't know how to help him and simply offers to pour him a glass of water. The offer is turned down with a painfully fake smile and a weak wave as Patton sinks down to his room.
It takes a few days of deliberation, but Roman eventually decides on a way he can help Patton without letting Patton know that's what he's doing; he doesn't want the moral facet to think that he isn't healing, because he is, he just needs some company.
"Patton, could I borrow you for a moment? I'd like your opinion on something I've created!"
The older aspect smiles tiredly up at him and nods, standing up and making his way over to his friend. Roman lightly takes him by the arm and leads him to a door in his room. In it, there's a carved pattern of swirls and circles that melt into the brown mahogany wood. And although the door doesn't look all that old, an observant eye could spot the tiny scratches covering the golden door handle, as well as the little nicks and chips on the edge where it had been caught on something, or possibly slammed too hard. Roman can change that whenever he wants, but he finds that those tiny details give it a little bit of history. A little bit of meaning that can be seen by the human eye.
When they enter, the world around them is bright for a second. But eventually, they are able to see the landscape that has suddenly been reshaped around them. Obviously, previously designed and crafted by Roman, but only set up the second Patton enters the room.
Patton's amber eyes drink up the scenery that has been placed around him. The sky is an extraordinary mix of colours. Orange amalgamating with red to put on a fiery performance that the sun is so entranced by, it hesitates to sink any lower, desperate to watch as even the red manages to melt into soft shades of bubblegum that has already found its place in the arms of a purple cloud illuminated by the last farewell rays of sunlight. Guiding the sun to its place of slumber is a clear cobalt blue sky, not quite allowing the stars to shine yet, but gradually making room for the tiny silver ships to sail.
In front of them? A simple building. Nothing too fantastic, but since it's Roman's creation, Patton knows not to let his guard down just yet. Surely, the prince has something up his sleeve. And that he does.
As soon as they enter the flawless doors of the white bricked building, Patton gasps as a flood of soft, adorable puppies rush through the halls. Of course, since this is Roman's world, there is no possible way for the puppies to scratch, bite, or harm Patton in any way. The bubbly trait can simply enjoy playing with the animals in peace.
Roman flinches when a loud shriek pierces through the air. Has he made some sort of mistake? Is Patton not enjoying his creation? But when he properly analyses the situation two seconds later, he realises that what he's hearing are the high pitched giggles of his companion, who is laying across the floor with puppies of all breeds and sizes climbing over him to fight for his attention.
No, Patton doesn't need anything too exquisite to make him happy, but Roman, as he watches the giddy man kiss the tops of as many puppy heads as he can, gets an idea of how to make this world even better. Because Patton deserves every bit of it.
He excuses himself, promising to be back in just a few minutes and leaving Patton with an endless supply of dog treats. Lifting his hands up in front of him, he summons every cloud in the sky and slowly positions them on the ground, creating a fluffy, smokey-looking bed for Patton to relax on. It takes a little bit longer than he originally plans, but when he's finally finished, he re-enters the building and calls for the dogs to run outside and make themselves comfortable. Patton soon follows, curious as to what else Roman has in store.
When Patton spots the cloud bed made up for him, he grins widely in excitement and throws himself upon it, laughing loudly once again when the puppies surround him, lying beside him, across his chest, tucked wherever they can fit. Roman takes his place beside him and sighs happily, glad that he's managing to distract Patton from any pain he's been feeling for the past few weeks. "If you could meet any mythical or fictional creature, what would it be?"
Surprisingly, Patton's answer is almost immediate. "A pixie. Oh, or maybe a mermaid?"
"How about both?" Roman smiles.
The question slips out of his mouth before he can stop it. This is going to take more energy out of him than any other creation he's put into existence, but it'll be worth it. He just wants to help Patton the way he's helped him.
A bright beaming smile pulls at Patton's lips and Roman's heart strings as he closes his eyes, raising his hands to place his mental sketch of both a sweet little pixie and an elegant mermaid into the sky. He can see Patton's slight concern out of the corner of his eye and guesses that he'd worrying about how the mermaid will move around without water.
Roman places his hands behind his head and watches the shimmering green tail of the mermaid curl around the few clouds Roman had sent back up into the sky, manoeuvring around them so she can hover a little closer to where Patton and Roman are sitting. The pixie beams up at Patton and politely asks if she can sit herself on his shoulder, which is of course met with a giggly 'yes'.
For hours, the father figure asks them as many questions as he can; both about them as a species and about anything else. Eventually, the loneliness burning his chest and yearning for the one person Thomas can't have catches up to him. He looks up at the mermaid, who has made herself comfortable on a cloud of iris, and smiles sadly. "What do you think the best way of moving on from something is?"
A few moments of silence follow his question and Roman deflates, suddenly feeling as if he has failed. Patton is still sad. He couldn't cheer him up the way Patton has always done for him.
With a sympathetic smile of her own, the mermaid rests her chin in her hand and taps her dainty fingers against her chin, her ochre brown skin glowing as the last drops of sunlight hits it, reminding Roman and likely everyone around her of the light in a forest just before the last moments of sun disappear into the horizon. Her voice, as smooth as her complexion and as rich as a Belgian chocolate cheesecake, offers the one thing Patton really needs. A solution.
"You just have to wait, sweetheart. I know that it isn't the easiest or fastest medicine, but time will heal you." She sees Patton's smile waver and sighs sadly. "But one thing that may quicken the process is staying as close to your friends as you can. No, love by itself won't fix whatever hurt you're experiencing, but it will remind you that you aren't alone. Even when in the chaos of a storm, the ocean doesn't give up who it is because of one hardship."
Roman is completely stunned by the advice he has been too afraid to give for fear of wording it wrong and sounding harsh, but is grateful to his subconscious for having one of his creations do it for him. He smiles softly as Patton wipes his tears away on the sleeve of his cat hoodie, relishing the soft material brushing against his skin and sighing into it. "Thank you."
That night when Roman gets up to pour himself a glass of water, he finds Patton curled up on the couch, not quite crying, but definitely not smiling. He offers to get Patton a glass of water and with a smile much more genuine than before, his offer is taken and they sit on the sofa in the Common Room for a short while. Stories of mermaids swimming through the clouds and pixies promising to send joy their way eventually send them to sleep.
It isn't for another week that something else happens. Logan has been acting... unusually irritable and it's beginning to negatively effect the people around him.
At first Roman doesn't think enough about it and puts himself through the meaningless and pathetic arguments between them, Logan's behaviour reminding himself of how he used to act around Virgil. This gives him an idea of what could be wrong, though he isn't completely sure.
One of the main reasons he was so rude and hostile towards Virgil was because he was afraid of how much he didn't understand him, and he just couldn't grasp how he was supposed to help Thomas in any possible way. But once he did, he made a huge effort to change. And as far as he's aware, it's working. He and Virgil are much closer than they were before, and he understands how, as the embodiment of anxiety, he tries his best to protect Thomas.
What does Logan have to be afraid of? What doesn't he understand?
Instead of asking him up front, Roman once again gathers as much energy as he can and reshapes his world once again. Once he's finished, he enters the Common Room and finds Logan reading a book in the armchair situated at the far side of the room, further away from the couch, where the others are sitting. His eyebrows are knotted together as he tries to ignore the concerned glances he's receiving from both Patton and Virgil. Before he can lose his temper at the pair, Roman steps in. "Logan, you're observant, correct?"
Arching an eyebrow in partial annoyances and complete confusion, Logan nods. "I suppose. Why?"
"Well, I've been working on another creation for the past two days, but something just doesn't seem right. Would you mind checking it out and telling me if you think something could be improved?"
His question is met with a sigh of slight frustration, but the logical Side shuts his book, forgetting to place down his bookmark to save where he was up to. However, Roman has a feeling that Logan was just using the book as an excuse not to speak or look at anyone, so not placing his bookmark down isn't really that important. They both stroll down the hallway and to Roman's room, where they move towards the beautiful mahogany door in the corner. Logan doesn't even notice the little details marking the history of the door and simply enters through it, calling for Roman to hurry up after him.
The frustration seems to fade away as soon as he catches sight of what is inside the door.
A sky so dark it's almost the colour of coal, the only way Logan can see that it isn't is the faint tinge of navy blue that stretches across the sky like a bridge. Across that bridge, Logan imagines, there would be a parallel universe where stars are the only source of light, constellations are pathways leading each person to where they need to go, and humans have the abilities to survive on any planet they want. Below the sky, there is a neatly cut, fresh green field for them to lie on if they want to.
Between the blades of grass are daisies, fluffy white dandelions, bright yellow buttercups that contrast and stand out next to the duller green of the field, and though it was unusual, beautiful crimson poppies. No colour overwhelms another. All flowers catch Logan's eye and receive equal amounts of attention.
He turns to the older Side and silently questions him on how he could possibly think this landscape isn't good enough. But before he can put those thoughts into words, Roman leads him to a large oak tree sitting in what looks like the centre of the field and sits him up on a thick branch only a metre or two off the ground. They shuffle right to the edge, ignoring the roughness of the tree bark as it scrapes uncomfortably against their hands. Roman had made it so that they can't get hurt, but he tries to make it as realistic as possible, which means going through the process of finding a comfortable place to sit on the scratchy surface of the tree branch.
Once again, Logan opens his mouth to say something, possibly to ask him a question about why they were sitting in a tree rather than in the lovely field of flowers and grass beneath them, but Roman cuts him off by raising his hand and slowly lowering it. Logan furrows his eyebrows in befuddlement for a moment before letting out a quiet gasp; the stars are very carefully being lowered to the space around them. Before he knows it, he's sitting in the middle of a full sky of stars. He feels like the man on the moon.
His gaze scans the area around them for a second or two and he feels a strange aching in his chest when he spots a constellation that he knows. This time, Roman doesn't interrupt him as he points it out. "That... That's the constellation known as 'Pavo'," he's feeling a little bit breathless, but Roman tries his best to be patient with him because even though he is known to have a short temper, he sometimes does know when patience is needed, "it contains seven stars and symbolises the peacock. How are we so close to it...?"
Roman can't help the somewhat amused smile that graces his features at the true bewilderment and fascination of the logical persona. He silently listens to Logan's rants and lectures about each and every constellation he can see, and although it isn't very realistic, Roman brings in as many as he can just so he can distract Logan for a little bit longer. He wants to keep this image of his favourite nerd's exuberant smile alive for as long as possible. "You truly do know and understand a lot about stars, Logan."
Suddenly, he feels the logical facet lightly grasp his hand and squeeze it gently. "I do..." he pauses for a moment and lets out a shuddering breath, "But maybe I don't have to understand everything. At least not without... assistance from loved ones, correct?"
The creative trait realises that this is the epiphany he's been wanting Logan to have the entire time and smiles in relief at hearing it, firmly lacing their fingers together. "You're right once again, my friend. Clever, as always."
Logan's grateful smile never quite leaves Roman's mind.
When they leave Roman's realm, the logical facet points out how each little chip and scratch on the door gives it a bit more charm. Roman smiles and thanks him for noticing.
As everyone in the Mind Palace knows, it's normal for Virgil to distance himself from the others when he's feeling overly anxious. However, usually these periods only last a few days to a week and since Deceit's reveal two weeks earlier, Virgil has been keeping everything to himself. He's been hiding away in his room, refusing to talk to anybody about his worries or concerns. Something he does, but this time just feels... different. Not that Roman can place his finger on exactly why that is.
Even still, he thinks about the pleased flush to Patton's cheeks and the sweet smile of gratitude from Logan, and decides that he wants to help Virgil. He wants to make up for every time he wasn't there in the past. So he gets to work.
He finishes his last world in three days and prays that it will at least be able to distract Virgil from the darkness plaguing his mind. After adding a couple of finishing touches, he sinks down and appears in Virgil's room, where the youngest Side is lying on the sofa, his phone sitting beside his head on the arm of the chair and his headphones positioned carefully over his ears as he snoozes.
Roman almost doesn't want to wake him up, merely happy that he's able to receive even a small break from the anxiety that must be suffocating him, but believes that the importance of his gift overrules that little voice in his head telling him to let the anxious facet sleep.
Grumbling tiredly about absolute nonsense for a moment, Virgil yawns and rubs his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows at the sight of Roman standing over him in his room. He glances quickly at his phone to check the time and sighs irritably at the numbers that light up his screen: 7:15PM. "Princey...? What are you doing here? I know I slept in a little, but I don't think you coming to my room is such a good idea."
Memories of his first time entering Virgil's room are still fresh and not quite the best. The thundering noise of his heart slamming fearfully against his chest; his lungs malfunctioning and burning up whenever he tried to take a breath; cold hands curling around his neck as a silent threat that if he moved too much or too fast, there would be serious consequences. But Roman is almost certain that the memories Virgil has of the other Sides visiting his room are much more precious and positive, and somehow, that makes the scary experience Roman had there a little more worth it. "I know you are good at finding the flaws or mistakes in my creations, so I simply wanted to ask if you would assist me in improving my newest idea?"
For a second, it seems like Virgil is going to refuse the request, roll over, and fall back asleep. But instead of doing any of that, he nods tiredly and sits up, reluctantly pushing himself up from off his sofa and following Roman to his room. When they get to the door that leads to Roman's realm, Virgil's eyes scan over it for a moment before he tilts his head and traces the edge of it with his index finger. "I think a white or black frame would look nice around it. Though, you'd probably have to make it look as used as the door itself. I mean 'used' in a good way, by the way."
The creative Side blinks in surprise for a moment, not expecting criticism or ideas so soon, but then realising that Virgil thinks the door is his creation. He smiles warmly and scratches his chin, imagining the white frame Virgil described and realising that, wow, it really would look nice. "Thank you, Virgil. I'll be sure to make those changes. Now, you may enter first."
Virgil looks over at his companion nervously and pulls at the sleeves of his hoodie, but Roman merely smiles back at him, encouraging him to enter the door. After a few moments of deliberation, the anxious facet decides to trust him and steps through the door. Roman follows only seconds after and is pleased by the quiet 'whoa' of both surprise and wonder he hears slip through Virgil's lips.
They're standing on a beach with a cool breeze blowing through their hair, but the air around them is warm. It's the perfect temperature and Virgil doesn't quite know how to process the feeling of being truly comfortable. The sand beneath his feet is a shade of black Virgil never thought could exist, squishing and sinking to form the shape of his feet as he takes a baffled step backwards. He takes a shaky breath and moves to kick the glittering grains of sand gently, watching as they roll across each other as if clambering over each other to get as close to the sea as possible. And it's not like Virgil could blame them.
An ocean of violet and boysenberry soaks into the dark sand as it gradually edges its way forward, the front of the tide fading into a soft shade of periwinkle as it drags loose grains of sand back into the water. Virgil turns to look at the side of the beach where large black rocks are sat, slowly being drowned in a glistening sea that leaves no damaging or purple marks on them. As they make themselves comfortable in front of the ocean, sitting on the damp sand, but somehow not feeling the sand stick to his jeans or to his skin, they draw swirling patterns and Virgil is unable to believe how soft the sand is. He reaches forward hesitantly, almost afraid to touch the water because of the unusual colour.
Roman smiles fondly and pulls his legs up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. "This world is completely controlled by me, so the water won't hurt you. Nothing will."
The anxious persona nods in understanding and dips his fingers in the tide that calmly sweeps forward, as if welcoming him to brush his hands through it. Subconsciously, a smile flutters across his face and he cups his hands, filling them with water and staring down at his reflection, pleased at the way is face is mirrored in a purple parallel universe. "Everything here is so detailed..." he pauses for a moment before looking up at Roman and offering him a sweet smile, "This place must mean a lot to you."
For a second, Roman doesn't quite know how to reply, but before Virgil has the chance to overthink what he said, he nods. "Yes, it does. But be completely honest with me. What do you think of it?"
"It's beautiful, Roman." Virgil voice is soft as he says this, as if trying to speak in a whisper for fear of the voices that tell Roman he isn't good enough hearing him. "When did you make this? And what are you thinking about doing for the sky? I mean, it's pretty, but I can tell you've left it blue for a reason."
Nodding to confirm his friend's theory, Roman shuffles sideways so that they are sat closer together and gestures to the sky above them. "I wanted your help with that actually. Do you think it should be a dark night sky, or...?"
Virgil hums for a second or two, thinking about his decision carefully before answering. "What about a mix of a sunset, a sunrise, and the night sky? Or is that not, you know, possible?" He finishes his question with a nervous chuckle and shrugs loosely, clearly insecure about his idea being silly or impossible. Roman knows that feeling all too well and doesn't like seeing that in someone else.
"I think I could make that work."
Lifting his hands up, he concentrates on the fusion of orange and scarlet melting into a glowing mixture of taffy pink and lemon, the sun just peeking over an indigo horizon inviting the moon to begin its nighttime performance and allowing the tiny speckles of shining silver to pierce through the sky. Virgil's jaw drops open and his eyes drink in the fabricated beauty of the world around him; a sky that could never exist in the real world, with the sun both setting and rising; an ocean so perfectly relaxing, its purple reflecting the wide variety of vivid colours painting the sky as it's a canvas; the sand beneath him so smooth and flawless, not sticking to their clothing or getting in their shoes.
Roman is overjoyed that his anxious friend is feeling so relaxed, but he's learned by now that this state is only temporary and doesn't solve the problem in the long run. But he's never been skilled at comforting others. Yes, he can rescue them and save the day, but he doesn't think he can ever help with the long-term effects of negativity. As he watches the excited glow in Virgil's russet eyes fade slightly, words spill from his lips without permission. "Everything's going to be okay, you know?"
There's a heavy pause that weighs them both down until Virgil hesitantly tilts his head towards the prince, the corner of his lips twitching slightly. "You think?"
"Definitely."
At the encouraging smile on Roman's face, Virgil scratches the back of his neck and returns it faintly. "Thanks."
Before Roman has a chance to respond, he feels the younger Side lean against his shoulder lightly, as if afraid to get too close. This gives Roman a huge sense of relief because he made a difference. He truly made Virgil feel a little bit better and tried his very best to comfort him instead of just simply distracting it, it may have been small, but both of them know how meaningful it is. They simply sit there and enjoy the gentle breeze against their skin, the violet horizon soothing them and bidding them farewell when they decide it's time to leave.
It's after Thomas's Crofters sponsor video that the stress gets to Roman.
One day he's going to be replaced. Nobody is going to miss him because even the Side many thought as a nerd is becoming more popular than him! Roman loves Logan very much and is happy that Thomas's supporters do too, but what if one day, the other Sides begin to push him out of their group? What if Thomas figures that if he isn't popular, Roman isn't needed in his videos? What if he's just... forgotten?
As he sinks up to hang out in the Common Room, he finds the other three already there waiting for him. "Greetings, friends! Is there something wrong that we need to talk about?"
Patton smiles kindly up at him from his spot on the sofa and jumps to his feet. "Hey, kiddo! We just have a gift for you since things have been a little stressful with a certain Dark Side's return and we want to make you feel a little better."
Smiling a befuddled smile, the creative facet hums in agreement and moves to stand in front of the couch, waiting awkwardly for the three of them to organise themselves. Patton hands him a picture and grins. "You created worlds for us, so we wanted to make a world for you! We know we can't do it in quite as much detail as you, but we wanted to try."
In the picture is a sky full to the brim of stars in vague constellations that Logan surely helped Patton to place, a fresh field with a seemingly wide variety of beautifully coloured flowers, and five figures watching a very familiar silhouette of a mermaid swimming through the stars. He swallows the lump that has suddenly grown in his throat and smiles softly, opening his mouth to say something, but being cut off by Logan before he can do so. "I helped Patton to place constellations representing the star signs of Thomas's friends. They inspire you to keep creating, correct?"
Roman can only nod and stare down at the stars covering the crayon sky of various shades of blue, purple, and pink. He presses his lips together and smiles widely, stroking his thumb over one of the constellations in the corner of the paper. Without warning, the anxious facet shoves a CD in his face and stares down at the floor in embarrassment. "This is a bunch of songs that kind of, you know, go with the atmosphere of the picture. And they, uh, usually manage to calm me down, I guess? Or they make me feel a little better. Relaxed. I don't know. It's not like I can draw or point out cool things in space so I just thought this would be better than doing nothing."
Written on the front of the CD are the words 'Roman's Safe Space'.
Carefully, he places the items down on the couch in front of him and pulls the three of them in for a hug, squeezing his eyes shut to prevent the tears pricking the corners of his eyes from falling. He sniffles and pushes his face into Patton's shoulder, feeling three pairs of arms attempt to comfort him, though Logan's are a little stiff since he isn't used to giving out such affection. They all took part in trying to cheer him up and, at least for now, the demons lurking in his mind have disappeared.
Even if it's only for now. He has his safe space as long as he has them.
... But how long will that last?