I felt my phone buzzing uncontrollably in my jeans pocket. I knew it had to be sometime after midnight, because my mother had told me to be home by 11:30pm. Thing was, I didn't want to be home by then. In fact, I didn't want to be home at all, ever again. Not with her.
My mother decided two and a half weeks ago that our time in this town of Winston, Pennsylvania had expired. She made this decision on her own, excluding myself and my three brothers and two sisters. She tried to tell us it was for work-related reasons, but we all knew it was because dad had left her only six weeks prior to her making this decision. It didn't occur to her how obvious it was, but we all knew.
Dad completely took off on us, after seeing another woman for almost an entire year while still being married to my mother. When mom found out, she took the betrayal very harsh. She fell into a depression that made her completely bed-ridden, almost costing her her job. Somehow she kept it though, after my oldest brother Steven stepped in and forced mom back into reality. Steven and I didn't have any contact with our father. We still hadn't forgiven him for what he'd done. On the other hand, Fauna, Lilith, Brady, and Zander have all made amends with dad.
I couldn't really say much about that, Steven and I took care of mom on our own with no help from them or anyone else. Lilith and Brady I certainly couldn't blame. They were both under the age of thirteen and didn't have a clue about the world. They didn't understand what a horrible thing our father did to our mother, and they certainly still wanted a father in their lives at that age. Fauna and Zander though, I had hoped would riddle him off. They were sixteen and seventeen years old - old enough to know better - in my opinion. I had just turned 19 in July, and today was August 18th. Steven was already twenty one.
Steven didn't really care about moving out of Winston. He didn't have any friends here, and was already fixing to move out on his own in a few months. I felt differently, though. My whole life I've lived in Winston. All of my friends lived here, and every good memory other than my dad took place here.
I spent a lot of my time outdoors, Winston was such a beautiful town. The center of town had dozens of shops and restaurants, some even sitting along the river that passed through. All of the bridges that went across the Sandusky river were huge pieces of art, made from cobblestone. It reminded me of castles you'd see in movies that were made of the dark grey cobblestone; historic and works of art. There was one bridge in particular that sort of became my hanging spot over the years. It was smaller than the other bridges, and it was more upstream from the wider part of the Sandusky. It was also closest to my home, a straight shot through the forest.
Past the bridges was nothing but a dense forest. The closest home from any bridge was no less than a fifteen minute car drive. After that, it was house after house, after house. Then, more forest. The trees were beautiful around this time of year, autumn approaching of course had all of the leaves changing colors.
I continued to sit on my wooden stool underneath Little Bridge while my phone buzzed away in my jeans pocket. I had no intentions of answering it. What anyone might wonder is, why not just find a place in Winston so I wouldn't have to go with my mother, right? I may have been nineteen, but I was not ready for that yet. I didn't even have a job, and I seriously doubted that my birthday and Christmas money would be enough to cover food and rent for more than a month. I guessed if nothing else, maybe I'd get a job in this new town and save up enough money to come back to Winston. I didn't have to live with my family forever.
Probably the best thing about Winston, was that it was a very low-profile town. Nothing bad ever happened in Winston. Everybody knew pretty much everybody that lives here, which was also another reason I believe mom wanted to move. Dads office building was connected to the one she worked at. That's where dad met the other woman. He had transferred from moms building to hers and I guessed that was when it all started.
I don't think my father actually intended for anything to happen, he was up for promotion and could only continue by transferring branches. My parents saw it as a pay raise, so he did it. I think mom has deeply regretted it ever since, I knew she felt responsible for what had happened.
But that still didn't mean we needed to pack up and just leave. Lilith and Brady still had friends and school in this town. I knew they wouldn't want to leave all of that behind. Mom had not told them yet, only Steven, Zander, Fauna and I knew. Mom had told us first because she thought we could 'handle it.' She was wrong when it came to me, of course. Even though Fauna and Zander had friends and school in Winston, they were actually excited about moving away, and I couldn't believe it. They were actually glad to move to a new house, in a new neighborhood, with a ton of new people. Obviously I couldn't relate.
Mom found this town in Maryland called Happsville, she said it was a 'peace and quiet' kind of town, and that the house she had found was perfect for us all to have our own bedrooms. None of us had ever complained about sharing rooms, though. I guessed she must have thought it would somehow be a healthier environment for all of us.
When Zander and Fauna had classes together in school, they got picked on because they told some kids they shared a bedroom. Our family got labeled as 'incest' after that, and Fauna & Zander were constantly getting bullied. I guess I couldn't blame them for wanting to get the heck out of here either.
I let out a deep sigh, gazing out at the lazy lapping river. The moon was high in the clear starry sky, casting its reflection on the water.
I had begun to feel quite selfish at this point. My family had their reasons for wanting to leave this town. Why couldn't I just get myself to be accepting of it? My mother was already hurt and stressed out about this move, on top of dealing with my father and his lover at her work, and also transferring her job to Happsville. I was like the cherry on top of it all, the child that wouldn't cooperate.
I snorted at the that thought, it all seemed so cliché. I just really wasn't on-board with any of it, my gut feeling was telling me it would be such a bad idea. What if we hated the new house? What if the little ones hated their new schools? Not that any of these what-ifs really mattered, we were already set to be moving on Friday, and it was already after twelve o'clock midnight on Tuesday.
I froze completely still with my hands gripping my jeans, as I heard the sound of a few rustling noises and twigs snapping. The sound came from up the river bank just at the edge of the forest. I assumed it was probably just a deer or a raccoon, but my curiosity had gotten the best of me. I stood up slowly, put my hands behind me, using my fingertips to touch the cobblestone bridge to guide myself slowly up the bank. I kept my eyes wide and focused on where I heard the sound come from.
More twigs and leaves cracked and crunched, as I then heard the sound of someone, a person, clearing their throat. I squinted my eyes trying to peer through the darkness at the figure that was approaching the tree line. My heart dropped into my stomach as I realized who it was.
"Dean?" I said aloud. He stepped out of the tree line onto the riverbank, and shook his hand through his messy blond hair.
"Jezzie, shit, sorry. I didn't know you'd be here." He said, regrettably.
"Don't call me that." I said sharply, turning my head away from him. I never wanted to hear him call me that again.
"Sorry, Jezabelle, I didn't know you would be here." He corrected himself.
"It's fine, I was just leaving anyway." I said, heading back down the riverbank to grab my gym bag.
"You don't have to leave, I can just go. I mean, this is your spot anyway. It's not like you have very many days left to come here." He said, stuffing his hands into his light blue jean-jacket pockets.
I snatched my gym bag off the sand, and looked up to shoot a nasty look in his direction. But his head was down, he was looking at his torn-up sneakers.
"I have to get home anyways. You can stay here as long as you want. You're right, but it's not my spot anymore." I said, swinging my gym bag strings over my shoulders.
"This used to be our spot, you know..." Dean said, lowering his tone.
I bit down on my tongue, but all I could feel was a pang of guilt setting in. It hadn't occurred to me until now, but I did have at least one reason to leave this town; Dean Sanders.
Not only was Dean my childhood crush, he was also my very first kiss. Right underneath this bridge, to be exact. That wouldn't be a problem, except that his mother was the very reason my mother was now about to flee Winston. He knew all along, and was also the reason my mother and I had found out.
I had been over at Dean's just a few weeks ago to have dinner with him and his mother, Maureen. She and I actually really hit it off, I dare say I even liked her. She was very charismatic and spontaneous, but also very secretive. Before I had left their house that evening, she invited me to come over again for lunch the following day, so of course I accepted the invitation. Dean came to pick me up the next day around noon, and as we pulled into their cement driveway, I saw my dad scurry out of the house with his work suit on. He got into his car parked in their driveway and very hastily drove off. We pulled in as he was backing out, and in that very moment the vehicles passed each other, my fathers troubled eyes beamed right into mine.
Of course I had freaked out and began to question Dean, because my father had long sped off. I demanded that we follow him, but Dean gave me a very apologetic knowing look. In Dean's defense, he didn't know Marcus was my father until just a few nights prior when he demanded Marcus tell my family the truth, before I would somehow find out. Even though that was exactly what happened.
I cared for Dean, but it went without saying that I could never be with him or be involved with his family. Not after what his mother did to us. It made me sad, beings he had been my childhood crush and all, because I knew I'd never be able to act on those feelings ever again. Dean, however, was not over any of it. Part of him still seemed to hold out some kind of hope for something to happen between us. I could never find it in my heart to outright say it to him, so I came off as harsh and unbothered to him instead, in hopes it would drive him away. Now that we were moving though, I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. He'd just be somebody that I used to know.
"I need to go home now. Little Bridge is officially yours." I said, gesturing to the bridge with my arms spread open wide.
"Jezz, wait a second." Dean said, behaving very fidgety. "Look, I lied. I was actually hoping that you would be here, I needed to talk to you." He said, taking a few steps in my direction.
I hesitated, debating on running off into the trees and going straight home. But I didn't, I just stood there wondering what he wanted to say to me.
He picked up on my curiosity and continued, "I wanted to tell you that I found out something about my mom and your dad. They're moving away, you guys don't have to move anymore, you can stay here, they're moving completely out of Pennsylvania." He said, slightly smiling.
I shook my head, "Dean, my mom already bought the house, she transferred jobs. It's already there and waiting for us to move in. She's not going to change her mind." I said, angrily.
"But you'd be going for no reason! All she has to do is cancel it all, call the whole thing off. I'm not even going with them, my mom is giving me the house and everything as long as I have a job before they leave. We can start all over and make it work!" He persisted, in an excitable tone this time.
I felt my face get hot, and my eyes had begun to fill with tears. I didn't know what about this was worse; the fact that I was angry with Dean for throwing out an impossible alternative, or the fact that I secretly had wished I could've made it happen.
"Dean, I need you to stop. Please, just stop. It's over, okay? I could never betray my mother by being with you, I can't have any ties to my father or that home-wrecker. Being associated with you means there would be direct ties to them. And I will not make you drop contact with your own mother. There is no future here. Not with you, not with us or with this town. I've accepted it, it's your turn now." I spat at him, in hopes it would've pushed him away. But it didn't, and he did the very last thing I would've ever expected.
Dean pursed his lips tightly together, in an attempt to fight off the tears welling up in his eyes. He took a deep breath, and hustled himself toward me. He stood right up against me, pressed his hands on either side of my face, and pulled me into him, kissing me fiercely on my lips.
Regrettably I kissed him back, our faces were becoming soaked with tears. I wanted him so badly, and I knew I could never have him.
I knew deep down that this would have to be my very last encounter with Dean Sanders, so I promised myself that this was my last visit at Little Bridge. I didn't like it, and had been planning to spend every last minute here, but it would be to easy for him to find me. I also knew deep down that this was only going to make it harder to cut ties with this town.
I broke our kiss off with a sigh, but I kept my eyes closed. Dean pushed his forehead against mine and continued to hold my face in his hands.
I realized he wasn't going to let me go home until I gave him some kind of openness to his plan. I didn't want to lie to him, but I knew it was the best thing to do for the both of us.
I broke away from him and wiped my tears away with the backs of my hands. I did my best to crack a convincing smile at him, "You know, I think maybe you're right. Maybe we actually could make this work."
Deans eyes sparkled, he smiled so big it was almost theatric. "Do you really mean that?" He asked, hopeful.
I smiled at him again, "Yes! I do mean it. I'll run it by my mom in the morning and we can meet here again tomorrow night. But I really do need to go home now, before she sends out a search party for me." I said with a forced chuckle.
He seemed a bit unsure, but he nodded in agreement anyway. I truthfully didn't think it was going to be that easy to convince him.
Dean sighed in relief, "Right, sorry for keeping you here so late. Tell your mom I'm sorry." He said as he put his hands on either side of my face again. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jezzie." He smiled, planting another kiss onto my lips.
"Goodnight, Dean." I looked up at him, smiling.
Just like that, he let me go. I walked to the edge of the tree line, and turned to face the bridge one last time before heading home. Dean was standing there facing me, with a smile on his face I had never seen before. I felt so sick with guilt from lying to him, but I knew there was no other choice, it had to be this way.
I turned away then, and began walking home through the forest alone in the darkness.