CHAPTER TWENTY THREE- Un-reserved regret, concern and traumatised hope.
“Well of course, that sounds like a wonderful opportunity…Yes, yes, I’m sure she’d be thrilled. Oh I know, it has been a while but I’m sure she’d love to…I will be sure to mention it to her. Yes, okay, thank you so much, we really appreciate your call, thanks, bye.”
My Mother’s chirpiness for eight in the morning triggered a certain sense of nausea in my gut. Hopefully, this business sounding call could be for Ellie, in fact, of course it was regarding Ellie. She was the only one who got wonderful opportunities at eight in the morning on an average Tuesday.
“Oh Ashley dear, morning love. Do have a seat, I have something very important to discuss with you.”
The double use of a pet name worried me even further and now, I was not so convinced that call was for Ellie. I let my expression remain impassive as I tightened my dressing gown around me and slid into the stool by the island. Staring at my mother blankly as I awaited my explanation.
“You will never guess who just called.”
She gushed and I refrained an eye-roll.
“Who?”
I questioned flatly but she didn’t seem to notice my bored tone and expression as she continued to busy herself with the clean plates and bowls on the side.
“The Secret Possessions London people!”
She exclaimed and I dropped my expression, if it could get any lower. No freaking way.
“And?”
“They want you to come in for a go-see. Isn’t that just wonderful? This is the perfect opportunity for you Ashley, you’re out of work at the moment because of the situation in New York and your exams so it would be the perfect time-filler and I’m sure you could incorporate it into your New York career and-“
“No.”
“What was that honey?”
“No. No way.”
I shook my head furiously standing up and beginning to walk away from her. I had done this so many times, just walked away, but somehow, she always found her way back to me. One petty proposition or insult after the other.
“Why ever not?”
I turned at this point; spinning on my heel I came square with her and narrowed my eyes.
“You seriously can’t understand why? Because I don’t like modelling! I don’t enjoy it; I never have, and never will. Is it really fair that I should be pushed to do something I don’t want to do?”
This question probably seemed like a trick one to her. It was always clear, that I was her daughter and she was the Mother, therefore she could tell me what to do and when, without reason, there was never any expanding, just giving or taking a little bit less to ease the feeling of not wanting to do something I held, never.
“Ashley why ever don’t you want to? Don’t be so selfish, you have the physique, the look, the face, you have a gift, Ashley. You have model looks; don’t let them go to waste.”
“Selfish? I’m selfish? Mum, the past few years I’ve done everything you ever told me to, and I never complained. I even moved my life halfway across the world and broke up with my boyfriend because you told me to. And I’m still the selfish one because I don’t wanna go to a Secret Possessions go-see?”
For a moment she just looked at me, her mouth open, ready to shoot something back at me but there was a pause, as if she was weighing out the points we had on each other.
“I can’t believe you’re bringing that boy back into this Ashley. He has nothing to do with my suggestions for you.”
“Of course he does! Mum, they weren’t even suggestions. You told me what to do. Do you think I wanted to break up with him and move my life to America just like that? No real warning, I just dropped everything to move there because you told me to. Do you not even feel guilty that you made me drop everything I love and pretend that it didn’t matter? As my own Mother, do you not feel guilty?”
All this over a Secret Possessions go-see. But in my opinion, the real meaning behind this went down a lot deeper than that and now; I had found the willpower to show this.
“Ashley, you know why it was necessary for you and Niall to finish things. He was distracting you; you had more important things to focus on than him. And besides, I was extremely disappointed in you for wasting you summer like that. You and Niall were part of summer Ashley, why can’t you leave it there? It was just a summer fling, you forgot about all the ones before so why can’t you leave this one back there and move on?”
I shook my head biting my lip.
“It was much more than a summer fling Mum. And that is why I’m not leaving it there; it’s pretty simple in your world, right? Yeah. I thought so. Too bad it’s not for us-“
“What do you mean us?”
She snapped narrowing her eyes at me and placing a hand on her hip.
“You know exactly what I mean.”
I retorted assertively and with confidence.
“Do you mean to imply that you and the Niall boy still have something going on? Because if you do then that’s-“
“Maybe we do, maybe we don’t.”
I shrugged supressing a smirk at how mad this made her.
“Ashley Jessica Dawson, you tell me what’s going on right now.”
“No.”
I formed this word perfectly, leaning forward as I said it I got such a satisfaction from telling my Mother no. Refusing to do something, it had this certain sense of achievement, like I’d wanted to do it for years but never quite did.
“What did you just say?”
“I said no.”
Suddenly, I had this idea. Making my Mother feel guilty for what she had done to me was so inviting and suddenly I was feeling particularly rebellious. And I had this feeling that using the go-see today, could be used to my benefit.
“Ashley. Would you like me to bring your Father into this? I’m sure he can set you straight.”
I shrugged carelessly.
“Do what you want. I’m an adult now, Mum; you can’t tell me what to do anymore.”
“Ashley, enough of this talk thank you. You know that before you turned eighteen there were certain things that I could not and would not tolerate. You holding them against me is purely immature of you.”
“Oh yeah? Like what then Mum? What did I do that was so stupid that you could not tolerate?”
I challenged and she seemed a bit taken aback by my sudden bluntness.
“Like ruining your life Ashley. That, I was not going to tolerate.”
I just looked at her, dumbfounded by the fact that my own Mother could ever suggest that I was going to ruin my life, I never did anything I didn’t believe in, apart from move to America and break up with Niall, all decisions before that related to Niall were the best ones I had ever made.
“How the hell was I running my life?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know.”
“What? Was this apparently to do with Niall as well? Are you now suggesting that I was ruining my life by falling in love with Niall? Go on, just say it. Is that really what you think?”
She just stared back at me, my remark fresh in the air it lingered, un-answered and awaiting upon her speech, but it never came. Keen to have the last word, I smirked shaking my head as I turned on my heel and walked away.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,.”
I spat already halfway up the stairs. For once, she didn’t follow, call after me, or anything, maybe because she needed me on her sweet side, or maybe I had just made my point for once. I could have done better, but what I had said, I was proud of. She needed to know some of what I was feeling and she got it, whether she was dis-regarding it or not was irrelevant, it was just nice to have it out there, to know that even for a split second, what I had said to her was audible and that it had left her speechless.
-
By half four that day the silence was apparent between my Mother and I. Although, despite this silence we had somehow been able to communicate enough for her to know and enthuse in the fact that I was going to the go-see this afternoon. My father, did not approve and neither did my sister, but my Mum was fully insistent that it’d be a good time-filler and was only meant as a bit of fun. But we all knew the definition behind a bit of fun, and that was, that she was getting something out of it, whether it was fame, money or a one-up on another competing business women, Ellie and I were always turned out to enjoy ‘a bit of fun’ for her benefit.
I was tweaking with my hair and re-applying lip gloss before we left to go the studios on the other side of town when my phone buzzed in my pocket and I smiled as I saw the caller ID as Niall. I looked around and then shut the door behind me before answering, I put it on speaker and set it on my dresser in front of me as I continued to tweak with my appearance.
“Hey baby.”
I breathed beaming at just the fact that I could talk to him for even just a minute or so.
“Alright babe? How are you?”
He asked, sounding equally as happy, a smile in his voice.
“I’m hanging in there, I guess.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear it. I really miss you though.”
He sighed and I smiled, but a sad smile as I put down my hairbrush and slid in a few more grips clipping back my bangs and settling my waves around my shoulders.
“I know, I really miss you too. But it’s Wednesday tomorrow! Is everything still going to plan over there?”
I questioned now dropping my comb and lip-gloss into my bag I tucked my top further into my shorts and pulled my knee high socks up a little further so they were covering my whole knee.
“Yep, at the moment, anyway. Are you sure you’re doing okay over there?”
“Uh-huh, I mean, it’s not exactly wonderful but I’m coping…Hey you’ll never guess what?”
I mused an octave cheerier now.
“What’s that then love?”
He chuckled and I bit my lower lip picking up my phone and crashing down onto my bed.
“Last week, after my math exam I went down to the track. I was only gonna go and see if anyone was down there but once I got there, I ran for like four hours. It was quite fun, actually, I haven’t ran for that long in years.”
I gushed suddenly feeling embarrassed by how young and foolish I sounded when saying this, like a kid watching their first Disney movie, but that was a first time, I, was re-discovering the magic of the thing I had starved myself of for years. But I suddenly sounded eleven years old again, getting so excited about this one small detail and building it up to be something big and then gushing to my boyfriend.
“You did? That’s great, Ash, I’m glad you had a good time doing something you love, and are good at.”
I could hear the smile clear in his voice and I was content that he wasn’t looking down at me because I was as excited that I had done this, all by myself, and that he was happy for me and that I was able to enjoy myself, doing something.
“Thank you, but how do you know I’m good at it? You’ve never seen me run, properly anyway.”
I asked running my fingers through my slightly tangled waves.
“I just do. I can tell. Are you ready for that to change then? If you wouldn’t mind, I’d love to see you run, I mean, if you’d be comfortable for me to.”
I considered this for a moment, and then I could hear car doors slamming and voices downstairs and as I leant across my bed and peered out the window I could see my Father putting stuff into the car, readying himself to take me to this go-see.
“Uh, yeah, I guess, maybe. Sometime, when things have settled down a bit or something. Don’t tell Louis or anyone though, cus I’m not racing him.”
I informed him warningly as I chucked my make-up back into the bag and resumed it’s place on my second shelf up and then folded away a few jackets back into my drawers.
“Alright love, don’t worry I won’t. It can be a me and you thing, hey where do you want me to meet you tomorrow? I think the airport would be a bit too risky if you ask me…”
He chuckled and I bit my lip as I listened to my parents discussing something quietly downstairs. It had to be almost time to go.
“Err, I dunno. Will you video call with me tonight? I’ve gotta go.”
“Oh, okay, sure. We’ll sort something out then. Are you going right now?”
He questioned and at this point my Father shouted up the stairs that it was time to go. I guess I am.
“Yeah, sorry. I’ll text you?”
“It’s okay, sure, text me. Mmm hmm. Well, I’ll speak to your properly tonight then and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow love, I love you.”
He mused and I smiled at this slinging my bag over my shoulder I leant against my closed door and let his words savour in the air for a few seconds before forming my reply.
“I can’t wait to see you and I love you too.”
I enthused and I could almost picture him smiling.
“Good, I should hope so. Have a good time whatever you’re doing between now and when I see you tomorrow love.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll speak to you later.”
“Alright babe, bye.”
“Bye Nialler.”
I sighed ending the call.
I ran down the stairs pushing the thought that I was still hiding everything that me and Niall were to each other again from well, pretty much everyone. It was necessary though, and if it meant we could endure any type of relationship at all, it was worth it.
-
Later that night I was feeling woozy and with every step I took my head began to spin a little bit more and my balance began to fail me a little bit more. The go-see was purely horrible; I might even go as far as saying I was disgusted. Disgusted that when I walked through the halls to the main studio I was forced to look and pass all those pictures of me from so many years ago. How fake they were purely ashamed of myself, my hair looked bleach blonde from the tint they put it on during editing and I also looked a little orange and my outfit was skimpy. I couldn’t help but wince at the fact that even though back then, those few months when I did model, was one of my worst times, my body looked so much healthier than it did now. Sure, my waist was tiny but it always had been and now, it was just even worse. And then, they took the liberty to comment on it. Telling me that I was so much more of a model now than I was in those pictures. Sure, the outcome is pretty, but the real world of modelling is an ugly business and if you can’t take the heat, you better get out of the freaking kitchen.
“Ashley? Are you sure you’re okay? Do you not want something to eat? Or a drink? Water. Why don’t you have some water. Ash?”
Ellie’s words came out more like echoes to me. She sounded like she was a million miles away when in fact she was right next to me with her hand on my shoulder steadying me as I stumbled towards the living room. My Father just watched me, a look of concern on his face and my Mother was already off the scene, any conversation between us still absent I couldn’t see her caring if I dropped dead right now. Harsh, but true.
I shook my head waving Ellie off as my balance resumed and I stood up.
“Just pass me that bottle over there.”
I ordered gesturing towards a bottle of un-opened Vitamin water on the coffee table in the living room. Ellie immediately obeyed and un-done the bottle for me passing it to me, I took it with ease as I gulped down almost half the bottle and I instantly felt better. And I was totally fine again, my balance was fine, my headache was kept at bay and I no longer had that nauseated feeling in my stomach. Just like that, within a few seconds, everything was fine again and I was back to being overly excited about seeing Niall tomorrow hopefully spending a week together, just us alone for a whole week, totally and utterly fine.
“Look I’m feeling completely fine. So I think I’ll just go and have a nice long and hot shower and then go to bed, and then I’ll pack and get an early night, okay?”
I enthused and Ellie just stared at me wide eyed and confused.
“O-Okay. Are you sure you don’t want something to eat first? You haven’t eaten all day, Ashley. That was probably why you were feeling dizzy. Having a simple drink won’t keep it away forever.”
“What? Don’t be ridiculous, I wasn’t even dizzy. I just had a funny few minutes and I’m completely fine now. That happens to people you know, it’s nothing to do with whether I’ve eaten or not. Now if you’ll excuse me I’d like to shower in peace. Maybe I’ll come down later.”
I had told my family that I was going to stay with a friend on the other side of town for a week, a friend from collage to be exact, that I knew my parents approved of. Truth be told, I didn’t even speak to this friend anymore but if it was what it cost to spend a week in private with Niall then so be it because I knew I’d be safe with him anyway. They were weary at first, but agreed after I stressed about how much I had never stopped working, revising or doing something lately. And in all honesty, this was true, I hadn’t stopped working and I saw this as a holiday, although as far as I knew we were going to be in London I was looking forward to just a private week with Niall, this was my first real holiday in a while and I knew it would be amazing, as long as all our lies went to plan.
“Right, if you’re sure. I’ll tell what I’ll bring up some hot chocolate and some biscuits up later or something?”
She suggested and I refrained an eye-roll. I knew she meant well, and I was happy that she even cared but right now, I wasn’t in the mood for anyone to tamper with or push my eating habits to the test, but I couldn’t decline right here, right in front of my Father and his sceptical and concerned glances.
“Right, fine. Now I’ll see you later.”
I forced a small smile disregarding my sister and father behind me as I traipsed up the stairs and already began to strip off my clothes as soon as I entered the bathroom leaving myself in my underwear as I whacked on the shower letting it get up to heat as I brushed my hair through and removed my eye make-up slowly but surely. I closed my eyes as I passed the full length mirror keen not to look at myself just yet, so exposed like this, I didn’t like it. I felt bad enough at the go-see today, I didn’t need to endure in that figure analysing in my own home. Never again, was I going to any modelling relating event.
I stepped inside letting the jets of water tumble over my bare skin. At first it kinda hurt, and my skin seemed particularly sensitive to the scorching spurts of water but I soon adjusted to it. I lathered my hair in an apple scented shampoo and left it on there for a bit as I sung softly to the late night radio. Feeling the water cleansing over my aching and weak muscles was good, but the nauseated feeling churning in my gut was creeping back and I hated it. Even though I felt so guilty to do so, I knew that later, in order for this to go away in order for me to at least sleep a few hours I had to eat. So I promised myself that after I showered and everything I would at least eat a biscuit or two that Ellie would provide for me, and possibly even an apple or something, and a glass of orange juice and that, could be my intake for the day.
I then washed my shampoo away and lathered my hair in conditioner combing it through so there were absolutely no knots or tangles, this would make it so much easier and quicker to dry, if I combed through all the knots and difficulties that came with having thick when wet and with conditioner ridden throughout it.
Then, as if the nauseated feeling had to trigger everything else I felt a wave of dizziness take over my body as my legs buckled a bit before I leant against the wall of tiles. My breathing became heavy and somehow my body temperature seemed to sky rocket and I broke out in a hot and sticky sweat. My chest became tight and I was finding it hard to breathe. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying to decipher if this really was because I hadn’t eaten all day and why this was all so suddenly thrashing back at me. I could feel the sweat trickling down my brow too. My skin seemed to become tighter and hot and sticky as well as it began to feel saw, this was so weird. I had felt ill from lack of food before but it was never this intense. My head started spinning, really spinning and I could feel my body going with it, my limbs hastily becoming weaker all that was keeping me up-right began to buckle on me and then, it was gone. It was all slowly slipping away and I was beginning to feel fine again, that was before I felt my body make contact with something hard and I forced my eyes open to inspect my surroundings as I was seriously questioning if I was even in the shower anymore, however, the only and last thing I saw was blood, dark red and dripping from somewhere in front of me and then I felt a sudden pain hit my head and my eye lids became too heavy and I snapped them shut. And before I knew it, I couldn’t feel anything anymore.
-
Niall’s POV:
Sitting on my bed I looked around at the mess of clothes around me. Why did packing always take so long and always go so wrong when did it on my own? Damn, I wish Ash was here to put her organisation skills towards my lack of knowledge and understanding on how to pack a suitcase successfully. Such a simple task, to her, but to me, this was so hard. I mean, this should be easy, I’ve done it so many times, always changing locations, packing up for a different hotel, a different country, a different town, so many times I’ve had to pack up and move somewhere else and each time it never gets any easier, in fact maybe even harder. I was completely bewildered by how I had been sat here for at least forty-five minutes and I still had a ridiculous amount of clothes to fit into the suitcase that seemed to grow smaller each time I used it.
It wasn’t like it was easy; convincing the Claire and the rest of management that I had to go back to England in the week we had off because I was going to see a friend I had lost contact with. This, was partially true, apart from the fact that Ashley and I had anything but lost contact, she was just too far away though, the closet I had got to feeling as if she was with me at the certain moment was when I video called with her but that never lasted any more than an hour because either I was pulled away, warned by Liam or Zayn that Claire was coming to find me, or the time zone set in and one of us was practically falling asleep on the other, or she had to go, whether it was an exam, a revision session, or a family occasion, we were always both busy at the wrong times and hardly ever caught a time where we both could afford to just talk for a decent amount of time. That was why, this private week we were planning on spending together seemed so blissful to us both at the moment, I was needless to say, pumped at the idea of spending one whole week with my girl hopefully un-interrupted. We had fed may lies and acted a lot of things out to get this week together to happen and I was so excited that it was finally here and we had managed to pull the agreement of the people that it concerned off.
Liam was the only one who knew about whom and where I was really spending this week off with and how many lies I had told in order to get just one private week together with my girlfriend. I had considered telling Zayn but I really couldn’t risk Claire finding out, or anyone, for that matter so I concluded that the less people that knew the better. Harry and Louis still didn’t know about Ash and I and all three of us felt bad for keeping it from them but right now, it had only been almost a month and everything was so hectic and tense we couldn’t afford to risk it right now. Although I was adamant that whoever found out and whatever happened about that I was sticking with my Ash through it all no matter what anyone else had to say it was just good to avoid if I could. I trusted and knew that Liam wouldn’t dob on us but I fully respected that if we got caught, it was Ashley and I on our own, this was our crazy operation to get some private time together and if we got found out then that was up to us to deal with the consequences by ourselves, and that was okay, because even though painful if we got banned from seeing each other completely I still wasn’t going to give up. Because I just knew, I had this feeling that with whatever life threw at us we’re going to be okay in the end and all the lies and faking stuff that it took, was going to pay off in the end. I didn’t know why or how, I just knew.
I was able to escape my thoughts on how the hell I was going to pack the rest of this stuff by myself as my phone buzzed on the desk and I gladly got up from my position on the bed and picked it up searching the screen for the caller ID.
I was a bit dumbfounded and surprised by who it was. Ellie Dawson. The ID read, I hadn’t spoken to El properly in a while since we finished our album tour together and everything about the record deal we had with her died down in the tabloids. We’d tweeted a few times, wishing good luck for upcoming shows and well done’s on various awards won and stuff and a few times she texted me random stuff relating back to Ashley that I didn’t really understand, but aside from that, we didn’t talk a lot more anymore and I was even more confused and slightly concerned when I answered it and she appeared to be crying.
“H-Hello? El, is that you?”
I asked trying to sound cheery. Why the hell was she calling me? Had she found out about me and Ashley and wanted answers from me myself instead of her sister? But surely, if she had, then Ash would have texted me or something to warn me. If she was calling me just for a chat, then I suppose that was cool, I mean I’m always up for a good conversation but I knew it was late in England and she wouldn’t be crying, would she? And besides, I just had this feeling this wasn’t a casual conversation call, and that she, had a reason for calling me out of the blue and I was about to find out. I got a strange sense of nausea as I sensed something was wrong, really wrong, but I didn’t know what or who with, I again, just had a certain feeling.
“H-H…Hi Niall.”
She choked out and then I was pretty sure she was definitely crying but then I decided to be polite and clueless about this and decided to play it as if I didn’t have a ridiculous nausea ever churning in my stomach and my heart beat wasn’t quickening with certainty that was something was really wrong and I wasn’t going to like it.
“Alright El? What’s up?”
“I…I’m really sorry but…”
“You’re sorry? Why? El, what’s going on?”
“It’s Ashley…” She choked her voice cracking and I decided to remain silent as if something was wrong with my Ash that was worth Ellie crying over I wanted to know exactly what and in every single detail, however painful it might be, I had to know what was going on that was causing Ellie to call me out of the blue and be so upset. “I’m, uh, really sorry for bothering you but something happened with Ashley and…I didn’t know what to do. I’m so scared and I don’t know who her friends are anymore…and I umm had no clue what to do and who to call so I looked at her phone to get some idea of who she’s close with now a days that would need to know and umm…I’m really sorry for invading your privacy and stuff but I just had to and when I saw her messages between her and you and the dates on them I figured you were the only person I knew well enough to call and that you needed to know and I-“
“Whoa slow down. What’s happened? Is Ashley okay?!”
I rushed already feeling my heart beat so quick I couldn’t even feel it anymore and my palms broke out into immediate sweat and my whole body began to heat up in fear, and nerves, what could have possibly happened to Ashley that was causing Ellie to be this scared and upset?
“N-No, she’s. She’s not, She um…She collapsed while she was in the shower like an hour ago and I-“
I swear my whole world stopped to an abrupt halt. She had collapsed before, but that was a bit different, she was only out for about a minute and I was there, and plus she was surrounded by people aka me and the boys, sure that time was frightening too, terrifying even. But I felt something more serious about this time, that I had a reason to be this worried. I was already kicking myself that I wasn’t there, and that she was on the other side of the world when this happened. Tomorrow. I was going to be with her again tomorrow and this happens now? I was beating myself up about it already but I didn’t have time to ponder over how bad I felt. I kept the phone pressed in-between my shoulder and ear as I hastily began to launch clothes into my suitcase not giving any second thoughts on how well or not well I was packing, all that mattered was that I was with her ASAP and that she was okay, or was going to be soon.
“She what?! Where is she now? Where are you?! Are you with her? Has she woken up yet? Did she hurt herself when she fell?!”
I was full of questions and I was probably making Ellie even more scared right now but I was scared too, terrified in fact, petrified, I swear I had never felt so worried in my entire life. And that was saying something. I heard Ellie let out a few more long sobs before she caught her breath and began to talk again.
“Sh-She collapsed Niall. And I…I’m so scared. I’m at home, on my own, Mum and Dad took her to the hospital and I wasn’t allowed to go, I don’t know anything. Dad said he’d…He said he’d call me with her condition but I haven’t heard anything and both their phones are off and you were the only person I could think of to turn to that needed to know…I’m really sorry for invading yours and her’s privacy and I don’t think she wants me to know but I was desperate and…Wait I’m not being stupid and you are actually together, aren’t you?”
She rushed and by now I had managed to squeeze everything into my suitcase and I was trying desperately to jam the zip closed so I could get on my way. I didn’t care what anyone else had to say I was getting the first flight back to London and I was going straight to wherever she was.
“Y-Yeah, we um…are. But can we not talk about that right now? I really need to know if she’s okay. When do you think you’ll be able to find out? When you do can you promise to call me straight away? And if I don’t answer, just leave me a voicemail, however long I don’t give a shit as long as I know she’s gonna be okay…El, can you answer me this for me? Do…Do you know why she um, collapsed?”
I stuttered and now I was throwing random items like body spray and shower gel into a bag and then I slung that over my shoulder and switched off my light with my phone pressed tight to my ear I made a mad dash for Liam’s room. I figured I had to tell someone, this wasn’t something I could keep inside and I didn’t want to risk spilling to the wrong person, for both mine and Ash’s sake.
“I-I’m not a doctor and I don’t know for sure but I know she hasn’t eaten all day and…I suppose it’s happened before so I guess um that, that must be it. But Niall please what should I do? I’m so scared and I’m just here in the house on my own and there’s no way I can sleep…”
It’s strange, isn’t it? How you can lose contact with someone for so long and then suddenly something happens that involves both you greatly and suddenly you’re close again. Just like that, wanting, needing answers from each other you’re so desperate just to turn to someone who’s equally as scared and worried as you, somebody who understands, somebody to share your grief with, somebody to share you fear, even if only for a few hours, these friendships that suddenly grow just because something happened to someone who you both know and love greatly.
“Don’t panic love. Just calm down, you’re closer than me. Listen, I’m on my way r-right now. I’ll get the first flight out just try and stay bit calmer than I am, alright? Just stay where you are and keep your phone on, she’s at the hospital, she’s in good hands and I…I’m sure; I know she’ll be okay. She’ll pull through, she always does. Just stay where you are and calm down, and promise me this? That as soon as you hear something to call me right away and um when she wakes up and you can speak to her tell her from me that I’m on my way and that she just needs to hang on in there because I’m almost there, alright?”
My voice was shaky and was cracking but I held back the tears determined not to cry until I was close enough to her, until I was really on my way. I barged into Liam’s room without knocking and he looked startled as he looked up at me from his laptop and took in all my bags.
“Alright, Niall. I’m-I’m so sorry for invading yours and Ash’s privacy but I was desperate and-“
“It’s fine. Honestly, I’m glad you did, you did the right thing, Ellie. Just hang in there and call me as soon as possible, alright?”
“O-Okay Niall. Thanks, I’ll speak to you soon?”
“Yeah,” I said. “You…You will.”
And then she ended the call.
“What’s going on Nialler?” Liam questioned. “What’s with the worried face and the bags? I thought you were going tomorrow-“
“Ash collapsed.” I blurted out straight away hearing my voice crack several times again. “And I have to go back to England right now because Ashley and-“
“Whoa, slow down. Right now?”
He raised his eye-brows but I could tell he was a little worried too. We all knew and loved Ashley, me in a different way, but we still loved her a lot and she meant a lot to us. He was just doing a better job of keeping calm, by the looks of things.
“Yes! Of course right now. Look, I really have to go because I can’t stand being here and her being there like that and…I just have to go.”
I rushed.
“Wait…Just wait. What about Claire and-“
“I don’t give two shits about what Claire has to say. She can go shove her rules somewhere else, I’m going to be with my Ash and that’s final. Just tell her that a family member got ill or something so I had to fly out early, I don’t know, tell her whatever you want, dob on me if you like I just don’t even care right now I just need to know that she’s okay!”
“Niall, you’re worried and scared, okay? And you’re not thinking straight. Just stop and think for a second before you do anything rash. She’s collapsed before, right? And wasn’t she fine then-“
“This is different! Liam this is more serious. I can feel it! Just please, call Paul for me and tell him to get me the first flight to Heathrow, I have to get going. Just tell everyone whatever, just please, let me go, I have to go.”
I pleaded and he just looked at me for a moment I was asking a lot of him, I knew this, but I really needed him to be there for me right now, the same as I needed to be there for Ashley.
“Mate…You really love her don’t you?”
He asked and I felt my heart slow down a little. He half understood, finally.
“Yes! Of course I do! Which is why I need you to understand how much I need you to do this for me right now, I’m sorry, I just can’t wait a full 24 hours, so many things could happen in that time and if it does, I need to be there. Please, Liam, just call Paul, or someone and ask them to get me a flight to Heathrow and then tell the boys and Claire something or other, that’s all I need you to do and I won’t ask for anything like this again anytime soon, please?!”
He sighed looking to the floor before back up at me.
“And you’re sure? You’re sure you definitely want to do this now, right?”
“Yes.”
“Fine,” He sighed again. “I’ll call Paul right now and I’ll lie to the boys and Claire for you, the things I do for you…Just…I suppose you better just go, you don’t know how soon your flights gonna be. I admire your dedication to the girl mate though… I sincerely hope she’s okay and send my love to her, alright? Just be careful with what you say and who you talk to on the way, even better, don’t talk to anyone.”
“Yes. Yes, a thousand times yes I’ll do all those things. Thanks Liam, I owe you big time! See-See you in a week mate.”
I stuttered trying to not to cry yet. My body was trembling with the fear that she wasn’t going to be okay again, like she had been before.
“Yes, yes you do. Now go, before I change my mind.”
I nodded eagerly before thanking him a few more times, hugging him and then I left.
Suddenly, as I made my way to the airport I began to feel more nervous about actually arriving there. Her parents would be there, surely, and so would other family, probably and what were they going to say? Or more to the point, what was I going to say? Oh hi Mr and Mrs Dawson it’s me Niall, you remember me? And I’m just here to see your daughter because we’re having a secret and forbidden relationship right now behind yours and everyone else’s backs and I’m honestly about to pass out myself with fear that she’s okay right now because I’m so ridiculously and hopelessly in love with your daughter, so if you don’t mind, I’d just like to see my Ash? Yeah, I’m sure that’s go down well, real well.
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A/N.
hey yo
fucking drama ftw:)
the bbq twas good last night, watching drunk people dance is hilarious.
and I got these really cute cupcakes which you would have seen if you follow me on twitter;)
omg right like it's summer baby it's so hot and sunny and kfhwefhbsjkeb it's SUMMER.
hehe
joining the gym cus yolo
but dude like wth something happened to my best friend and I can't get hold of her like freaking out right now I think I might just walk round there or something but hwat if she's not at home why is nobody telling me
oh my lordey
anyway.
love you lots and I guess I'll see you tomorrow, although I think as group of us are going to the river tomorrow on the cycle route cus we're cool so there's no definite time for an upload so it'll just be whenever:)
bye.
-Emily.