FORTY: The Empty Chair
Astrid slept very badly, her conscience kicking her hard and frequently as she tossed and turned alone in the bed. The soft breathing and occasional murmur of her daughter was the only sound, with Hiccup and Toothless absent-and she found the silence unnerving. And even a fretting Val was a relief as she was able to focus on her daughter for a few minutes...until she dropped back to sleep, leaving Astrid with her guilt once more.
She was used to getting her own way, her natural competitiveness and assuredness making her very determined in any argument-and she had exploited her position as Hiccup's new wife in bringing Garff back, knowing he wouldn't yell at her in front of the others, as he sometimes did with the others when necessary. And she had been so smug in winning the argument, she hadn't considered what consequences her actions had on Hiccup. Undermined and landed with an untrained dragon on a very dangerous mission in the heart of enemy territory, Hiccup had stood no chance in successfully completing the mission. His plan was blown out of the air in the first two minutes and there had been no retrieving it as the whole mission spiralled into disaster, saved only by chance and Fishlegs. The twins' and Snotlout's usual snarking had all been mercilessly directed at Hiccup and for once, he hadn't handled it with his usual equanimity.
Because, of course, a lot had happened since he had last led them on a mission-including his loss of his father, his position, his Tribe and home. He had endured captivity and torture, hostility, disappointment after disappointment and utter fear that she was captured by Hunters. And in his desperation, he had committed heinous crimes in attacking the Hunter ships that still haunted him. And now, back with his friends acting as if nothing had happened, he was much more aware of his responsibilities and the safety of his friends and his family. And he was right: being the leader of the Riders was all he had left.
She stared at the roof of the hut-Hiccup's hut, destroyed when he had left to chase her, when she hadn't listened to him again, hadn't trusted him to sort it out as he had promised. And as a result, he had been tortured and hurt, he had lost everything and he had suffered agonies in imagining she was dead or hurt. They still would have left-but they would have left together.
Do I never listen to him? Is he right? Am I so stubborn and wilful that I only do what I want?
She knew it wasn't true because she was a good Viking, a respected young warrior and always did what needed to be done.
So is it just with Hiccup that I ignore my leader and do my own thing?
No, I usually do what he asks, even if it means partnering Snotlout. Ugh.
But he felt this was important and what I did ignored everything he said and it almost cost us all, our dragons and Garff our lives. And I didn't apologise. Even when he was clearly upset, I didn't apologise. I didn't follow him. I did nothing to make him feel better or show I was sorry.
What is wrong with me?
But she knew. She had run and she had known he would follow. She had waited for him to follow and then flown off when he didn't come immediately, knowing he would eventually come. She had prayed for him to come when she needed him most and, against all probability, he had. He had been amazing and supportive when she gave birth. He had danced attendance on her, doing everything she had asked without complaint or argument. And when she asked for something for her or her daughter, he had done it immediately.
I have got used to him just doing what I want without taking into account what he says or what he wants. I've treated him like a serf!
Thor, that sounds horrible. And it has clearly really upset him.
She sat up and clutched her knees to her chest. She did love Hiccup-every part of him, from his freckles and sparkling green eyes to his intelligence, kindness and compassion to his selflessness, decisiveness and stubbornness. And the thought he was so hurt that he had felt he had to take himself away from her-even for a few hours-was painful. So she stared at the golden light seeping through the tiny grille high in the front wall of the hut and got silently up, casting a look at her daughter who was still sound asleep before dressing and heading down for the stables.
But this time she walked slowly down the walkways towards the stable. It was only two days since she had made this journey the morning before their wedding, to find her drunken fiancé. Now, she was wracked with guilt that she had managed to make him feel so undermined...so when she rounded the stables to reach the door, she was willing to say anything to prove to Hiccup that she was sorry. But when she reached the stables, the doors were open and a knife was stabbed into the wood, holding a piece of parchment. With trepidation, she approached and read the clumsy runes:
HICCUP-COME HOME NOW. YOUR DAD HAS BEEN BADLY INJURED. GOBBER.
She gaped and then ran into the stables, finding no sign of him or Toothless and she knew he had gone. But he had left the the letter so she-and the others-knew where he was. And even though he had been outcast and disowned, she knew there was no power on Midgard that would stop him seeing his ailing father. Grabbing the letter and calling to Stormfly to follow, she sprinted up the walkways to the Clubhouse.
It took an age to round everyone up, for Snotlout was almost impossible to rouse before he was ready and the twins were missing. Fishlegs had insisted on completing his morning meditation in his rock garden with Meatlug and then Valkana woke, so Astrid had to feed, bathe and change her daughter. By the time she had finished, Snotlout had surfaced, the twins had reappeared and Fishlegs was serenely sitting in the Clubhouse. So they all convened at breakfast, munching yak and bacon sausages, eggs and bread and chattering about the mission yesterday, what they were planning for today-mainly relaxing-and where Hiccup was.
"Typical. Princess Outpost has a meltdown," Snotlout scoffed, still peeved at how badly the mission had gone wrong. "Or have you grounded him, Astrid? Made him stay at home looking after baby? Thor, I can see who wears the leggings in your marriage..."
"Yeah...just like Tuff and me," Ruff commented cheerfully. "One of us is weedy and pathetic and one of us is the girl."
"He's gone," Astrid said tightly, slapping her hand-and the letter-onto the table. They all stared at Snotlout went white.
"Uncle Stoick..." he mumbled in a breathless voice. "No...he has to be okay...I can't be Chief...I'm only being the Heir until Hiccup can work out a way to come back." They all stared at him. "What? You think I don't know he's far and away the best choice? I'm Snotlout! I mess it all up and I really don't have the brains to run my own hut, let alone the entire Tribe! C'mon-Hiccup is smart while I can barely spell the 'S' on my hut! We'd starve or get overrun by Outcasts within three days of me taking over!"
"Wow. I wouldn't have thought you ever had that much insight!" Fishlegs commented bluntly as the stocky Dragon Rider scowled.
"Shut up, Fishface. It doesn't mean I'm not completely awesome as a warrior and a dragon rider but I know what's best for the Tribe!" he snapped. Then he looked over at Astrid, who was simmering with anger. "So did you drive him away, babe? Married two days and your husband already abandons you? I..."
He didn't get any further as Astrid lunged forward, her fist swinging round and cracking Snotlout full in the face. They was a thud as Snotlout hit the floor and blinked. He lifted his head and spat out a tooth.
"Ow."
And then he fainted. Spinning in her heel, she grabbed the letter and glared at the riders.
"Pack-only what you need," she snapped. "We leave for Berk. Wings up in ten!"
oOo
It was late afternoon as Hiccup reached Berk, travelling far faster than he could with the rest of the gang because it was just him and Toothless. And for once, he encouraged the Night Fury to accelerate to his maximum speed, his wings slicing the air, the scream of the wind deafening in his ears as he pressed himself as low as he could over the dragon's back. Toothless was honed to his most aerodynamic, eyes locked on the horizon and wings pumping fiercely. Hiccup's face was numb with the cold, his eyes narrowed against the wind and muscles aching from the strain of remaining hunched so low over the dragon...but he didn't care, for guilt was surging through his heart like a constant, burning pain.
Dad, I'm so sorry, he thought desperately. I should have been there. Somehow, I should have stopped it happening. I know I could have.
Please don't die without me ever saying how sorry I am this happened.
And then he blinked, tears from the blasting wind burning his eyes.
And I know it was your fault...but you're my father and I can't imagine you dying without my having a chance...to see you. I've spent most of my life wanting you to be proud of me...and I-I thought I had at least made you proud. You even called me a fellow-Chief, an equal...so for you to have to outcast me because you wanted me to marry Camicazi instead of Astrid...even when you could see it was wrong...Odin, that broke my heart. I-I think it broke yours as well. But you're too stubborn to make the first move...and so am I...
Until it's maybe too late.
Toothless crooned, as if sensing his torment, and strained himself even more, blasting through the air like a missile and bringing the remote Isle of Berk into view far quicker than it ever had before. The familiar jagged shape coalesced through the mist and darkened, the details appearing as Toothless slowed and soared up over the harbour and the cliffs, seeing Berkians looking up at the familiar sound of the Night Fury and pointing. But his eyes were fixed on the large house at the crest of the hill, the Chief's House-his former home.
Toothless landed, exhausted, on the grassy strip before the house and Hiccup threw himself from the saddle, running in through the door with his dragon ambling at his back and finding the house dim, the flames low in the fire pit and the Chief's bed by the fire, with Gobber standing by and Gothi leaning over the large shape. Hiccup's eyes widened and he took a sharp breath.
"Dad!" he breathed and walked forward, eyes locked on the still shape, heavily bandaged and bloodied, the eyes closed. Glancing up, Gothi stepped back, her face sympathetic as she read his anxiety. "Dad?" he repeated, seeking for any sign of response. Thor, he would be happy if his father sat up, yelled at him that he was an Outcast and had him hauled off to the prison, if it meant Stoick was fine. "I-I don't understand. What-what happened?" he asked.
Gobber walked over to him and rested an avuncular hand on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. There was real worry in his blue eyes as well, for Stoick was his oldest friend. "He was on patrol. Got ambushed by Dragon Fliers. He put up one heck of a fight!"
"Why was he out there by himself?" Hiccup asked urgently, searching Gobber's face for answers-and the big blacksmith looked self-conscious.
"We were in the general vicinity-but yer know yer father, Hiccup!" he explained urgently. "He does what he wants!"
Thor, I know that, the young Viking thought silently, seeing guilt fill his mentor's face.
"We got there as soon as we could..." Gobber protested defensively but Hiccup sighed.
"I'm sorry, Gobber," he apologised honestly. "I'm just...er...I'm just..." And his voice faltered as his eyes drifted back to the still shape as Gobber patted his shoulder once more.
"I know," he said sympathetically. "We are too. We're doing everything we can." Hiccup felt a small hand rest against his and Gothi looked up, her eyes sorrowful. There was something in her face that settled a lead weight in the pit of his stomach and he looked at his father, his eyes widening.
"No..." he breathed, shaking his head in despair. "No..."
oOo
When the Riders finally arrived back on Berk, it was late at night, close to dawn and they were all exhausted-but the village was still lit by torches and the night patrol was doing its rounds. They were greeted like conquering heroes and someone ran for Spitelout, to welcome back the Heir. Meanwhile, Astrid dismounted and cast a longing glance at her parents' home: she wasn't sure how she would be received, since the last things they had said to her was to start planning a wedding for her to anyone off island they could get a bride price off as spoiled goods.
Well, good luck with that now. Technically, no one on this island-except Stoick-could afford me now as a Chief. And I'm already married anyway.
Then she offered her hand and helped Hjordis down, watching the woman wince and try to stretch out cramped muscles and aching joints. There was a pressing problem, even as she was handed her sleeping daughter, for she was certain that she couldn't just walk up to the Hofferson home and ask for a place to stay-for her, her supposed bastard daughter and a complete stranger from another Tribe.
"Astrid!" Fishlegs gently touched her shoulder to try to get her attention and she looked up with a small smile at the husky Rider. "I said-Hjordis can stay at my home. I'm sure my Mom would love to have someone sensible to talk to-since apparently I only talk about Meatlug, Iggy, other dragons and plants!"
"You don't say-I never would have guessed," she commented and sighing in relief. "That is, if Hjordis...?" The other woman gave a smile.
"I would be delighted to meet Mrs Ingerman," she said gratefully. "You Riders are wonderful people, but Thor, you have no idea about home-making. I'll be really interested to see how things are here in Berk..."
"And my Mom would welcome you with open arms..." Fishlegs said kindly. "Especially since I appear to be a disappointment in that area." He paused and looked over at the blonde warrior. "And you're going up to the Chief's House, aren't you?" Astrid nodded and hopped back onto Stormfly, her daughter still sleeping in the carrier on her back, then flew up the village. The Chief's House was quiet as they landed and the Nadder dipped to allow Astrid to scramble down without disturbing Valkana, then walked to roost by the front door. Lifting her daughter into her arms, Astrid cautiously walked to the door and pushed it open, then silently walked in.
The fire was low and the little space was warm, the dancing shadows wrapping the still shape of the Chief, covered with blanket on the bed. His head was bandaged, his face was battered and his eyes were closed. And sitting slump-shouldered by the bed, his hand on the Chief's limp one was Hiccup. He looked pale with deep shadows under his eyes, his expression unfocussed as he remained faithfully at his father's side. Curled at the other side of the fire was Toothless, an eye opening a slit to check who had arrived-and then closing in approval. On a stool the other side of Stoick was Gobber, leaning back against the wall and fast asleep, the sawing sound of his snores loud in the warm silence.
Quietly, she walked forward, unconsciously shifting her daughter in her arms, wrapped in the blanket the twins had given her-which was embroidered with every possible kind of dragon-and one chicken. Hiccup gave no sign he had seen her, his emerald gaze still focussed on the Chief's slack face but she walked evenly to his side and stood at his side, her hand brushing against his arm.
Immediately, he rose to wrap his arms around her and their daughter, burying his head in her shoulder. She could feel his hitching breaths as she hugged him as well, feeling his arms tighten and his head move against her shoulder.
"M'sorry..." he mumbled as she kissed his cheek. He looked up into her eyes and then kissed her urgently, his lips tasting of salt. She quietly lifted a hand to rest against his cheek, feeling the rough stubble under her fingers as he rested into the gentle touch.
"No-I'm sorry," she said honestly as he pulled back and tenderly kissed the palm of her hand. "You were right about everything. But you are our leader-no matter what, I am yours to command." He took a shuddering breath.
"I love you, Astrid Hofferson..." he began but she pressed a finger to his lips to silence him.
"Astrid Haddock," she said quietly. "I'm yours, Hiccup. I think my family wanted rid of me."
"And mine outcast me," he reminded her with a wan smile. "But even so-I had to come here. He's my Dad, Astrid and I..." She pressed her finger to his lips again.
"Shh...I know," she assured him. "He's as strong as they come, Hiccup. And if anyone can pull through, it's your Dad. And at least you left a note so I knew where to find you. You know I was always going to come after you. I know how much this news means to you. And that you have to be here. No matter what those idiots out there say...even if they argue you aren't allowed on Berk...I will fight every one of them to make sure that the Chief's son and his grand-daughter are here with him."
He glanced down at the peaceful face of his daughter and nodded, accepting her into his arms and sitting back down. Astrid dragged up a stool and perched at his side, wrapping her arm around his waist and leaning against him.
"I love you," she said without shame and he smiled.
"I love you too," he sighed.
"And I love the pair o' yer but could yer manage tae keep it down!" Gobber grumped. "I've bin here since we brought him back but the Council are agitating to do something...and now yer back, I canna see Spitelout waiting. Now he's got the Heir home..." They all cast concerned looks over at Stoick.
"Well, sorry, Gobber-but that was the choice they made," Hiccup pointed out. "I said I would only stay if I married the woman I loved-and no one would acknowledge my arguments. My father knew what he was doing was wrong but he was determined to keep to the contract so my only option was to leave-and that meant...you get Snotlout." Gobber stared at him in shock.
"You do realise that he'll get us all killed?" he asked and Hiccup nodded.
"Maybe," he murmured. "But maybe he could surprise you."
"We are talking about Snotlout, aren't we?" Gobber asked him incredulously. "Laddie-can't ye...?" Hand tightening around Astrid's, Hiccup shook his head.
"I was disowned and outcast, remember?" he told the older Viking shortly. "I should be grateful that a mob with axes and torches aren't waiting outside to haul me off to jail!"
"Well, Mildew has moved permanently to Outcast Island so yer probably safe," the blacksmith mused. "Look, laddie-yer keep vigil and try tae get some rest...and I'll send Frida Ingerman to watch over him when the Council convenes because I need you there-both of ye!" Hiccup cuddled his daughter closer and sighed, leaning against Astrid.
"Not sure that will help..." he commented.
"He would expect ye tae step up, disowned or not, Hiccup," Gobber told him sternly. "Yer his son and the best rider! Snotlout is barely the best rider in his family! If yer wish tae make yer peace, the first thing yer have tae do is stop those muttonheaded Jorgensons from destroying Berk!"