Choice.
Life is full of decisions. Most often than not those decisions are hard to make. Not because we are afraid of missing out on the other offers, but because most of the time, none of those decisions are favourable.
Choices. Decisions. You choose the one that you like the most. Sounds easy enough.
But what if you want something that isn't one of the choices? You can't have all, but if you don't choose one of the offers, you miss out on everything.
And that's when you realize; you have no choice but to make a choice.
That was also what Changkyun figured out.
Changkyun looked up to one of the yellow masks, trying to ignore the tension forcing onto him from all directions. "Where exactly are they?" He hoped the words sounded calm and composed, thinking that listening to himself sounding calm would actually make him calm.
The drawn on black eyes stared straight forward unmoved when he answered, "Underground." Simple answer. No more than necessary. Changkyun frowned at that, asking another useless question just to stall time. He didn't want to face the decision yet. He wanted more time, though he didn't know what time would do now, other than increasing the chances of putting his friends into even more danger.
Changkyun knew the answer, and hearing it again would make it more realistic, more striking, more depressing. But he asked anyways. "Can we go see them?"
"No" was the answer, given quickly by one of the other workers. The answer was devoid of emotions, but it was clear that they were trying to push away any chances of conversation. It was no doubt so the game could start as soon as possible. There was no escape.
"Should we just choose one?" Hyungwon asked, turning all eyes on him. His voice was quiet, timid, as if talking too loud will reveal emotions that should be kept hidden.
No one answered his question, throat clogged with the same dread that everyone else was feeling when they understood the true meaning of that question. The decision, the action, to make the choice, meant that they had given up on fighting. That they had accepted, with silence, saving only one and leaving the other in danger was fair. But it wasn't. It wasn't fair. It wasn't just. It wasn't okay. It would never be.
No one had better ideas, so silence was the best answer. Silence meant no objections. No objections meant agreement. But Changkyun wasn't going to agree yet. At least not fully. He had to change this somehow, even though the chance that anything would happen was slim.
"I say we should." Now all attention was on him, clearly not expecting anyone to actually answer verbally. Changkyun tried to keep eye contact with the black orbs filled with fear and dismay. They were scared, scared that the time to make the decision had come. Changkyun was scared too, but he couldn't let it show. He had to make the change, or at least make them believe a change was possible while he thinks of a way to make this work.
"We will think of a way to save the other afterwards. One at a time is the best way to do it." Changkyun explained, not caring if the five workers standing less than a few feet away, or Smiley who had audio receivers installed in every corner of the room, could hear his plan loud and clear. He wanted to sound like he was taking part in a normal discussion, just like everyone else was. He wanted to make everyone else, including him, feel like the chains on their hands, the strangers guarding them, the grey room they were in, were all inexistent. None of those were true, but deluding themselves was the only way to make this work, before everything broke out into chaos.
And Changkyun was afraid he was already too late.
There was something weird and out of place that told him there was a chance to actually win this game. There was a code to crack, a problem to solve, an answer to find. An answer that would tell him how to make the decision. He had to find the answer before the decision was made, but the discussion has started and he was still stuck with half the equation.
He could only hope the answer would come out during the decision making process. Half of the equation was all he could cling onto and rely on, and until he found a way to solve it he could only wish for the best.
Kihyun nodded with his heavy head, the first one to agree. He wasn't ready to suggest what choice to make, but at least he was prepared for others to make the choice for him.
Just like everyone else was.
Once someone started, others followed. Shownu responded, taking the lead as always. "I know someone has to make the first suggestion. So I say we choose Jooheon. To justify, he's younger. Not by a lot, but still younger." He pointed to his phone screen, making his chain rattle. A few people flinched at the sound.
Most of the contestants showed no response, but a small smile appeared on Minhyuk's lips. "I agree." Changkyun remembered his friend's fingers reaching for the blue button before the game started, and recognized the relief beneath those words.
Changkyun waited for someone to disagree. It was inevitable, and everyone who glanced around nervously seemed to think the same.
"I want to choose Wonho." Hyungwon said, no anger or annoyance in his voice. The monotone suggests a simple stating of fact, just another choice that could be taken into consideration. He knew there were other people that hadn't made their choices, but he was trying hard to keep it neutral to prevent any misunderstanding. Everyone looked relaxed about Hyungwon's controlled argument; relieved to know this could be discussed calmly. But Changkyun knew it wasn't true. As soon as everyone made their decisions, the mood would take a 180 degree turn. He could imagine it already.
"Can you explain why?" Minhyuk asked.
Hyungwon was silent for a moment, but if he didn't have a reasonable answer for the question, he didn't show it. "I'm just closer to him. Plus, I think acrophobia should be something that should be taken more seriously."
Changkyun nodded instinctively but didn't say anything, still too occupied with the possibilities and methods constantly being denied and crossed out in his mind. He almost forgot to blink, staring holes into the blue and red buttons, thinking of a way to press both of the same time without backfiring everything.
"What about you? You didn't explain your choice just now." Hyungwon asked, more confident than before. He sat up straighter, rattling the chains once again. This time no one flinched or showed discomfort. They looked like they were slowly easing into the conversation. Like they were fine. But of course they weren't
They were just paralyzed by pretty much everything.
A short silence indicated Minhyuk's reluctance to answer. However he seemed prepared, and his lips curled up into something in between a smile and a smirk. He was prepared for the question all along.
"I have the same reasons as Shownu does, and I'm also closer with him than with Wonho. I don't deny what you said about acrophobia, but if someone in their twenties are still afraid of the dark, that person must be traumatized in some way. It's equally serious."
Hyungwon seemed slightly taken aback by the well-polished answer, but as a lawyer who had met stronger opponents, he showed nothing but a nod of respect, showing he understood the reasoning behind Minhyuk's justification. More importantly, it was a sign that he didn't want any fights.
Shownu nodded and, seeing Changkyun staring at his phone, deep in thought, he decided to ask Kihyun first. "Kihyun, what do you think? We should make a decision as soon as possible."
Kihyun looked surprised to be chosen, glancing around a bit frantically before weighing the choices out. He realized he should be relieved he wasn't the tiebreaker, and decided it was best and easiest to balance everything.
"I choose Wonho too." Kihyun replied, reading expressions carefully, afraid he already said the wrong word. When no one reacted, he felt safe enough to continue. But not safe enough to say the truth. "Because I also think acrophobia is scarier, and is the more significant of the two. Since we're going to try and safe both of them, saving the one that I think is in more danger would be sensible."
No one had any feedback or comments on Kihyun's explanation. It was reasonable, and he made a tie, so there was nothing to complain about. Yet.
Repeating Smiley's word of advice over and over again, dread filled Changkyun when he realized he was still struggling to understand the true objective and meaning behind it. He snapped back to the current situation when Minhyuk snatched his phone away harshly and rushed him to give his opinion.
Changkyun resisted the urge to curse when he realized two things. One, he was the last one to make a choice, which meant the discussing was about to end and the time to find the answer was running out. Two, he was the tiebreaker, which meant he had to be very careful while answering. Even though he knew different opinions would lead to quarrel one way or the other.
He thought again about the descriptions Smiley gave them, trying to form images in his head, despite the strong desire to think of something else. Once he imagined Wonho standing on a tall tower, crying and shivering from fear, he made his decision.
Before saying anything, he placed his hand on Minhyuk's and patted lightly as an unspoken apology. He hoped Minhyuk accepted it.
"After thinking through it, I have to choose Wonho." He felt Minhyuk's hand tense underneath his warm touch, and felt guilty for not being able to apologize properly. "I imagined him standing on a tower, and even though it isn't true, he thinks it is true. That's what matters most. Once I have that image in my head, I think of my other friend, a friend that also had acrophobia. He was a more serious case than Wonho, but I recognize the same fear and anxiety in Wonho. I understand how severe acrophobia is. I saw it happen to my friend. I don't want to see it again."
Under the dim lights, Hyungwon's eyes sparkled and glistened. He looked like he was about to cry, maybe slightly intimidated by Changkyun's words. He didn't know what happened to Changkyun's friend, but he didn't want to know. All he knew was that he didn't want it to happen to Wonho. It was tears of gratitude.
Changkyun was afraid to look at Minhyuk, but it didn't matter since he felt the suspicious gaze coming from his side anyways. He begged silently for his friend to stay quiet, because he wasn't prepared to answer any questions that Minhyuk might have. He heaved a sigh of relief when Minhyuk said nothing, removing his hand from Minhyuk's and pretending to stretch to show that his sigh was merely from the tension. It was amazing how he could still think properly with so much things happening in his head.
"If we follow the rules of a fair vote, we should all press Wonho's button right now." Shownu said, thinking through everything rationally rather than emotionally. It was a smart move that not everyone could pull off.
It was also a smart move that would be useless if not everyone made that move.
"Yes, but who said this was a voting event?" Everyone turned to look at Minhyuk, except for Changkyun, who glanced at Shownu nervously and hoped he wasn't provoked, so that everyone could stay calm long enough for Changkyun to figure out the answer before someone got ahead of themselves and press a button.
"We'll save Jooheon later." Shownu replied simply. It sounded soothing on the surface, but because of the assertive tone behind the words, it sounded more commanding than comforting.
Minhyuk narrowed his eyes, which was an action that must've scared some of the contestants because someone jerked slightly and made the chains go crazy with the chair handle. Changkyun sensed the danger of the upcoming conversation, but he couldn't stop it if he wanted to. Stopping a conversation midway meant avoiding the topic for Minhyuk, which would no doubt annoy him further.
"We can also save Jooheon first and save Wonho later." Minhyuk said. It was clear that he didn't trust the slim chance of saving both, and would prefer saving Jooheon.
"Three people wanted voted for Wonho. It's only fair, Minhyuk." Shownu replied, the conversation going faster and more straightforward. There were no more beating around the bush.
Minhyuk huffed and leaned hard onto the back of his chair. Everyone else tensed up at Minhyuk's unpredictable behaviour, but Shownu seemed unfazed, ready for Minhyuk to protest and argue further.
"Which side are you on? You chose Jooheon too." Minhyuk paused, and Shownu waited, expecting something more. "Why did you choose him if you don't care who we decide to choose at the end?"
Changkyun looked at his friend nervously, then at Shownu, trying to warn him only to find out Shownu was even more composed than he was. He looked confident about what to do. Changkyun only hoped Shownu felt the same as how he looked.
"It's not that I don't care who is chosen at the end, it's that I care about saving both of them no matter the order. I know you're saying this because you're scared. You don't have to worry. We will save them both." Kihyun smiled next to him, recognizing the tone in Shownu's voice as the same kind of manner he used when trying to calm a criminal during an interrogation, or to a traumatized victim in the crime scene. His profession was a big help, but still, it isn't guaranteed to work.
"If you're so sure we'll save them both," Changkyun could sense a "which we don't" following that, but Minhyuk chose not to say anything that would terrify him even further than he was now. "Then it's fine to save Jooheon first."
Shownu was starting to get frustrated, running out of ideas to make Minhyuk understand. Hyungwon understood the same argument couldn't be used twice and added in his own point.
Trying to make it sound like he cared about Minhyuk's feelings too, Hyungwon said, "Jooheon is a nice person. I'm sure everyone who talked to him would understand what I mean, and you should know that best. He is also mentally strong, and I've seen enough people in my life to know that I'm right. He's smart enough to figure out things aren't that easy. He'll understand why we didn't choose him first when we get to him later. He'll get through this fine." Using his occupation as a lawyer to his advantage, Hyungwon really hoped Minhyuk would understand he was just trying to comfort the other and not fighting for his desired outcome.
For a moment Minhyuk went silent, appearing to be slightly swayed by Hyungwon's speech.
Time stopped and Changkyun was lost in his own world. After listening to Hyungwon, something clicked in Changkyun's mind. It reminded him about the Jooheon who blamed no one but himself for getting into this mess at the first place. It finally occurred to Changkyun that Jooheon was referring exactly to Smiley's advice. Jooheon understood that his choices were the most important things that led to where he was now. Could that be what it is? Could it be that choosing one of the buttons would lead to a different outcome, a better outcome? He felt his heart getting lighter just at the slight progress, but he still had no idea which button was the correct one. It couldn't just be a game of chance.
Minhyuk wasn't swayed. In Shownu's perspective, Minhyuk must've remembered something. A new layer of guilt and regret washed over Minhyuk's disheartened face and he stood up, hands at his sides, still attached to the chair.
"No, you don't understand. He won't get through this fine." He said this to Shownu, but turned around to address Hyungwon next. "I don't care how much people you've met, you don't' know anything about Jooheon. I saw first-hand how scared he was. You don't understand."
Thinking process being interrupted, Changkyun looked up and immediately felt anxious when he saw Minhyuk standing up, breathing irregularly. But somehow he caught what his friend said and realized he must be referring to the accident last night, when Jooheon was found laying on the floor.
Quietly but with a firm voice, he told Minhyuk to sit down. Of course, Minhyuk didn't comply.
Minhyuk's head snapped towards Changkyun, the dark eyes making Changkyun feel small, but not intimidated. "And I haven't even started with you yet. You're my friend. Do you know how sad I was when you didn't side with me? You had the choice, but you didn't help me." The last words turned quiet, replacing angry with disappointed and bitterness.
Changkyun didn't know how to answer that without hurting any more feelings. He raised his hand and tugged at Minhyuk's shirt, telling him to sit down. Surprisingly, Minhyuk did what he was told without further outbursts, as if one was all he could manage.
No one was confident enough to confront Minhyuk anymore. "Looks like I'm truly on my own then." Minhyuk said quietly, looking down as if reflecting on his true status in this situation. No one heard it, not even Changkyun who was sitting next to him, deep in thought.
Replaying the whole conversation in his head, Changkyun tried to find anything, no matter a word or phrase, that was could be resolved to fix the problem. It was what he always did when he didn't know what to say. He wanted to think it was a reliable way to fix things, even though it only really worked when he was young and nothing was really serious.
"Fine, whatever." Minhyuk muttered. Changkyun heard the mumbles, but it was blurred unclear by his buzzing head. "No one's going to help me anyways. You just think I'm wasting time, don't you." A bitter chuckle sounded the room. The sound bounced off the grey concrete walls but quickly disappeared as if it was got lost in the long hallways ahead that led to nothing but darkness.
The despair in his voice made Changkyun turn to him. He recognized the tone. He had only heard it one time in his life, and that was when Minhyuk's grandmother passed away. He stayed at home crying instead of going to school, explaining that to Changkyun with two streaks of tears across his cheeks.
"Minhyuk?" Changkyun said carefully, wanting to touch his shoulder but thinking twice and stopping, his hand still mid-air.
Ignoring Changkyun, Minhyuk said, louder this time, "I don't care, just choose whatever you like. Here, take my phone too. You can help me choose." His hand clutched his phone tightly and held it out to Changkyun's hand, which was still levitating in the air.
Changkyun took the phone and saw the uncertain glances from the other three contestants through his peripheral vision. He couldn't hear anything, but he knew they were discussing whether to press Wonho or not. He just knew it. Which meant he had to act. Fast.
He wasn't sure, but his throbbing head from the intense thinking process did enough a job to make an educated guess. He knew he couldn't get it right the first time anyways, just like when he did self designed experiments at school. Back then it caused mini-explosions, but he always learnt his lesson and he would succeed after the first try.
This was also an experiment. Experimenting which button to press. Only, the consequences definitely wouldn't be harmless mini explosions. Only, he got only one chance to get this right. His hypothesis had to be correct.
Turning his attention away from Minhyuk's phone, he widened his eyes when he saw Shownu's finger hovering over the screen. Almost dropping the phone, he stood up and pounced towards Shownu.
Opening his mouth and reaching for Shownu's phone, Changkyun shouted.
"Don't press Wonho!"
The handcuffs were digging into his skin, but that wasn't important. One chance was all he got.