Insomnia was something JongHyun was becoming acquainted with. He still remained confined to the bed most of the time, unable to extricate himself from the blankets because of his sheer unwillingness to exist. Ever since he’d answeredMinHo’s question, the one where he’d inquired about his desire to locate his carrier he had shut himself off. It wasn’t that he took pleasure in being antisocial, but fear was eating him like he was a well seasoned chicken leg.
In the beginning, when he’d been a fresh-out-of-college, twenty year old jumping for the first job he could obtain because of certain debts he held, he’d been fearless. JongHyun still had the image of himself, innocent and anxious to get out and explore the bad and good in the world. Everything had been so bright then. He’d been so empty of harsh burdens, but prepared to embark onto adventures that could sweep him in their direction. Wings had spread from his back. Life had looked good to him.
Fear hadn’t been in his vocabulary.
Until Dr. Park showed up and offered him the apprenticeship and it had seemed like the perfect opportunity. It gave him experience in a clinic environment that he envisioned himself in since he was young. Providing the miracle of life for people who couldn’t do it themselves was the best job in the world…
But of course, life had a cruel sense of humour.
Lying in the large bed he knew that his courage had long since left him, leaving him with wisps of what he used to have.
MinHowas still in the corner, too. Even with his momentary lapse in prudence JongHyun knew that all was not changed. The vulnerability they’d flashed had given them the little shake to remind them that even together they were alone. Affection had no place in the institution.
Nonetheless, even with the silent war they waged against each other they still battled over who was more suited to hold the sole blanket in the room. Surely the brute couldn’t be so hard headed that he rejects the only source of heat he could secure, JongHyun had thought. ButMinHowas dumb enough to curl up on the floor every time he grew bored of pacing. From experience, JongHyun knew that the ceramic was not a comfortable place to be. Although he took care in staying pressed to the wall and gave up his pillow even to create a separation between the two sides of the bed,MinHostayed faithful to his corner.
Meal times became a welcome intrusion to the tension slathered thickly in the room. Shower times were even better, though they never seemed to come as often anymore. What really made things difficult for JongHyun, though, was when the floor manager walked in, bright blue and pink octagon badge posted on the spot above the area his heart would be, stating his superior position. His presence only meant one thing: someone would be dropping their pants.
There had yet to be a time where two cups were in the doctor’s hands and both boys were forced to bare their genitals. The army of employees that trailed after him reinforced the intimidation the manager wielded. They had to oblige no matter what…
Having been put through so much crap already JongHyun had no shame in stretching the elastic to his pants so that they piled at his knees. He was so engorged that you could barely tell what it was anymore, anyways. Unless you really studied it closely you couldn’t tell that it had once been a healthy penis. ForMinHo, though, it seemed to be a completely different story.
Every time his eyes locked onto the badge and the persons beyond he tensed up and shrunk back into his corner. With his one lone pillow and the occasional blanket (depending on who had been the last one to pass it off) he looked ridiculously childish. Every time it was the same thing and this time was no different.
JongHyun could hear the cart before he could see it. Right outside the door, the rickety wheels pushing along the cement floor carried the sound of glass vials and syringes clinking against each other. Nothing he hadn’t heard already butMinHowas retreating to his corner. He only had his pillow this time and he took all the measures possible to hide behind it. His knees tucked up, head shoved in the crook of his armpit. Like a small puppy searching for the warmth of its mother…
The doorknob jiggled and then the hoards came in, one by one. First came the buffoons in their perfect, unmarked scrubs and then the floor manager with a clear cup in his right hand. To come back so soon… After having just collected…
He stared at him, assessing the way his eyes scanned the room, jeering slightly atMinHobefore settling his focus on JongHyun.
So it was going to be him.
Even with their goals focused on him, though, the workers spread out and took over the space in the room. Two took charge of conqueringMinHo’s corner, forcing him further into his shell, while two came to contour him and the rest guarded the door. As per usual, the floor manager remained the center of attention never feigning under all the stares. The king and his goblet.
“Drop your pants,” he ordered, advancing with steady steps.
The cup was definitely meant for JongHyun. There was no other reason to explain the approach of the floor manager. As there was no way to escape his fate he let himself be picked up and forced onto his feet. All further assistance he denied, managing to yank down his clothing to free his member by himself. The red tissue on his member chuckled upon its release, laughing at JongHyun since it knew it was going to be causing him agony soon.
“You know the drill,” the man said. His finger flicked JongHyun’s shaft, commencing the agitation.
Indeed he did… His hand found the stick, wrapping it with his palm and securing its place with his fingers. Every part of his skin cried, a sore opened at the base of his testicles. Blood spilled out in a thin line down his thigh, curving suddenly at the sharp jut of his knee cap before dripping onto the floor. Red specks of the rainbow colouring the dull grey that was his life…
Up. Down. Faster. Harder. The only way he’d be able to end the mess would be if eh went up. Down. Faster. Harder. Who cared that the skin around the sore had stretched at least half an inch on each side? The blood was just a tribute to the lives lost. Up. Down. Faster. Harder. The crayon colouring in the picture.
Solid thumps tried to impale the mirage of bliss JongHyun was building for himself. If he crumbled now, though, he wouldn’t’ be able to finish the job. Then he’d be in serious trouble which was something he was working hard to avoid.
Up. Down. Faster. Harder.
“Knock it off, will you?!” someone yelled. The muffled thuds died off, but not before a snicker howled in the air accompanied by a sarcastic smooching sound. But he couldn’t open his eyes… Couldn’t open his mouth… Lest he be wishing to sacrifice everything – up and down – he was working for. Faster. Harder.
It happened so fast. JongHyun wasn’t even sure if the floor manager had managed to catch his seed. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes to take in the scene around him. Nothing had changed. The same workers were around him with the same bed and its absent pillow and the same haughty expression on the floor manager’s face that told JongHyun more than he’d ever desired to know. AndMinHo. Curled up completely with his scruffy hair ruffled up like a gust of wind had blown into the room. One of his cheeks was a shade darker than the other which meant that something had played out whilst he’d been concentrating…
“We can’t use this!” the manager suddenly shouted.
A man byMinHo, a lanky fellow with hair tied back at his nape and a hideous tattoo on his forearm dared to inquire as to why. Wariness was lurking beneath the bravado of his tone, but he managed to spit the words out.
“The bitch got blood in it! Look!”
For a brief second, one fraction of a second really, JongHyun felt pride inflate him. To have ruined the plans of the ones superior to him gave a nice boost t his ego. He barely had time to enjoy it, however, before the hand came slapping down on his cheek, probably leaving a discoloured mark like the one on MinHo’s face. The suddenness of the hit sent him stumbling into the unprepared arms of the worker nearby whom – by reflex presumably – gave him a rough shove back onto the bed. Under any other circumstances he would have embraced the thin mattress, but the manner in which he’d landed had hurt him. One of his knees slammed the hard edge of the bed and twisted at an odd angle beneath him.
“Clean him up!” yelled the manager, turning away. With a simple wave of his hand he had two of his employees rolling JongHyun onto his side. Baggage carelessly tossed aside so they could treat the lesion now exuding blood all over the white sheets. No pretty pink in between to soothe his blister… Just a murky yellow stinging the slab of that had managed to hang on…
When JongHyun awoke, the troops were gone, but the damage they inflicted lingered. He moved his head around, trying to gather his bearings. The sheets had been changed – no more blood stains – butMinHohad yet to move. Or had he? The corner was… Empty? Sliding onto his elbows he looked around attempting to locate his roommate. Anxiety over his whereabouts pestered him until the shifting beside him answered all his worries.
At first it was shocking to see him there, teetering on the far side of the bed with his pillow locked tightly between his cheek and hand. A wrinkle had formed in the middle of his forehead, something that usually meant he’d been aggrieving over something. But the fact that he looked so bothered, even in his sleep, was not what was so astounding to JongHyun. He was on the bed. The bed. MinHo, who’d done everything to avoid being in close proximity with him, was now on the bed.
It was serene… To findMinHoso close and peaceful looking even with his trademark frown marking his face…
Pain from his naked bottom couldn’t even drag him out of the tranquility his body was absorbing. Temporary, though, because the moment he started jerking the blanket over MinHo’s body his eye popped open and fed him that warning look. Being broken in to the less than friendly faces, however, JongHyun ignored him and cocooned him with the blanket anyways.
Two seconds hadn’t even passed whenMinHostood, grabbing his pillow and recoiling into the typical position in that same corner.
Bliss is short lived, someone had once told JongHyun once with the prime example right before him.
“You’re awake,” he said. Simple as that in a flat tone with no hint of what had provoked him into sharing the bed. It didn’t seem like he was prepared to reveal any information, though, and JongHyun wasn’t going to be the one to pry, so it was left at that.
JongHyun watched from the bed, intrigued as his roommate did circles in his corner before finally dropping his pillow and settling down.
Dead air crowded the room, nearly choking the short boy with its thickness. He shouldn’t have been impinged by it, considering the cold shoulder was all he ever received at the institution, but he was having troubles handling the abrupt change. Change wasn’t a regular occurrence and if there was an alteration in the regular flow of things it wasn’t usually positive.
“Quit staring,”MinHogrumbled. “You creepy me out when you do that.”
Despite the warning he didn’t falter with his gaze. Staring and staring, trying hard to find the way the puzzle pieces fit together.
“Didn’t I say to quit staring?”
There was no other choice. Nothing could be concluded by staring alone…
The next time JongHyun saw the blue and pink badge and the gang of Neanderthals he knew they weren’t there for him. It was way too soon after the last time – ruined shot or not. There was a possibility that he could be hauled off to the examination room, but he doubted that would be the case simply because of a small cut…
The further they came into the room the more apparent it became that they were staking outMinHo. He was prepared, all tucked into himself. Big eyes were slit in the direction of the suited up employees. Only two of them had familiar faces though all the expressions were identical.
“On your feet!” the floor manager yowled, patience looking like it was running thin before they even started.
Something about the wayMinho’s eyes sparked in defiance as he struggled to his knees unnerved JongHyun. He didn’t shuffle back towards the wall, a weakling was something he was not, yet he still found himself with his fingers gripping the bed sheets. He was anticipating the worst like the institution had unintentionally taught him.MinHowasn’t like him… From observing him he knew he was quick tempered, stubborn and partial to making ill-advised decisions. JongHyun had seen him get beat a few times for running his mouth. All he could hope for was that he kept his mouth shut…
“Move faster!” That yell – so loud… But that growl…
MinHo’s face darkened as it rose to catch the eye of the floor manager. His pale skin did little to soften the anger contained in his expression. Those dark brows of his wrinkled together until they met at the center, giving the illusion that they were united. “I’ll go as fast as I want,” he breathed.
JongHyun saw it before he heard it. Every single second of it was recorded into the backs of his eyelids; the hand sweeping down, making contact with the side of his head. The thud came soon after. It sounded hollow, like there was nothing fillingMinHo’s skull. Wrinkled lines are what became of his eyes as he was bulldozed onto his side. Another hollow thud ensued his collision with the floor, sounding painful even to JongHyun’s ears.
The floor manager hovered over top ofMinHo, upper lip curled as he spat. “Don’t get that mouth of yours running again; you know what happens when you do. Now get up!” The annoyance of the manager was clear in the spittle spraying onMinHo’s face and the speed in which his patience snapped, but somehow the fight didn’t feel like it was over.
There was a brief period where it looked likeMinHowould rebel again. Thankfully he lifted his knee, then the other until he was upright. He had a good two inches over the floor manager, reigning at least above the six foot mark though the man didn’t seem much intimidated by his size.
They face off, noses practically touching, but not nearing enough to deepen the hostility. When it seemed like the war would carry on forever the manger gave a flick of his hand and every worker jumped at the chance. Only two made it toMinHo, however. Their greasy fingers tearing at his pants, giving pinches here and there, not being very careful about the way they handled him at all. The physical painMinHowas feeling was evident in every flinch which sent stabbing feelings of guilt into JongHyun’s chest.
“Get working…” hissed the floor manager.
A look of disdain distortedMinHo’s face but he grabbed his shaft like an obedient puppy. JongHyun wasn’t able to pay witness to the scene any longer. He turned his head out of respect to his roommate, fixating a look on the tarnished spot of the wall instead. It was inopportune for him that he couldn’t close his ears to the noise. Unlike him,MinHodid not limit himself to a silent demeanour; he let all his noises out whether it is a growl or a moan at the pleasure conflicting him. Even his gasps were unusually loud; so different than his muted breaths.
Up. Down. Faster. Harder.
Skin on and skin and a solid slapping noise…
The floor manager’s voice being the only interruption as he grumbled atMinHoto work faster. And faster still… And even harder… Until that trademark groan signalled the end of this errand.
JongHyun braved the scene; moving his eyes back to the boy that was his roommate. He was already shrinking back like a balloon deflating. Getting smaller and smaller until he was shrivelled up in his corner with a pillow pulled tight against his bruised chest. The ripples in the water seemed to be smoothing out finally. They had the clean semen, they’d put their mark onMinHoand they’d successfully instilled a stronger yearning for escape in both boys. All they had left to do was exit the room and all would be swell. It was a shame that the institution thrived off belittling its patients, though. A worker on the heel of the floor manager snuck out of line to take a handful ofMinHo’s hair. He used force to pull back his head and JongHyun watched as their faces were brought close.
“You best put a muzzle on that mouth,” he whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. “Unless you want to feel that punishment again.” His parting words left a mark onMinHo. From his spot on the bed JongHyun could seeMinHo’s mouth wrap around the corner of his pillow, his jaw muscles visibly clenching. Whatever this punishment was, it was nothing he wanted to find out personally…
There was a point whereMinHocouldn’t sustain himself any longer and he let himself crumple up like the face of his pillow. By the time his breathing evened JongHyun had contemplated over all that he could do and everything he’d felt durin the minor kafuffle during the ejaculation session.
He had felt fists beat on him before… But the memories of such times seemed so distant that he had troubles sympathizing with them. His mind was set, however, and much likeMinHohad done to him in his sleep, he dragged the blanket over along with his pillow and rested two feet away from him. After making sure the blanket was fit snugly over topMinHo’s half naked body he lay down on his stomach, experiencing first hand the discomfort that came with living on the floor, and shut his eyes. He knew why he had come onto the bed… It hadn’t been for JongHyun, although it may have contributed in easing his pent up humiliation, it had been for himself… Now that he as here he could feel how amazing it was to be so close to another sane (albeit he was using a very loose term here) person after being surrounded by neurotic fruit cakes that took pleasure in hurting others. He felt as if he was back in the caring hold of his family…
With all the new feelings he was still only able to fall in a light sleep, but it was rejuvenating nonetheless. Part of his shaky nap was thanks to his paranoia; endless possibilities amounting to different conclusions in his head. His fascination withMinHowas only aggrandizing with each new step he took… Risky and thrilling, JongHyun might have actually smiled if he hadn’t been so uptight about howMinHowould react when he awoke.
It seemed like all he would think about until the other stirred was this, so when he actually did start shifting out of sleep JongHyun was very on edge. He didn’t want to appear suspicious by having every muscle in him tense so he did his best to relax by breathing in through his nose at that slowed pace of a sleeping person. His head turned away from him in case any twitching part of his face gave him away. JongHyun was good at faking – it was his chameleon charm that helped him survive. All his efforts seemed to be paying off since not a peep was heard fromMinHo. Besides the sounds of ruffling material (he had probably decided to pull up his pants) it was calm.
UntilMinHostarted speaking.
JongHyun nearly jumped when he heard the voice, thinking he’d been found out, but it didn’t appear that he was being spoken to… The words were slurred; mumbles really, and despite their cramped sleeping arrangements, JongHyun could hardly make out a word.
When the mumbling grew eerie JongHyun rolled over onto his other side ready to announce his awakening only to findMinHowith his eyes closed and teeth gnawing at the pillow again. In that moment he looked so much like a puppy that warmth actually heated his chest. He didn’t even want to wake him up, but then the mumbling started up again and he pulled at the pillow to try and get him to stop.
At first he shoved him gently on the shoulder, jostling him slightly to at least pry him off the pillow so he didn’t rip out a tooth. All his efforts proved fruitless whenMinHoremained glued to the pillow. The jiggling turned to full out shoving and as soon as that failed JongHyun turned to the extreme. There was a moment of mental preparation and thenMinHowas careening into the wall with his head unfortunately taking most of the impact. The effect was instantaneous, but things might have gone better ifMinHohad reacted differently.
The wind almost whistle from the speed in which he spun around. Oxygen was quickly disappearing as his slim fingers locked around his neck, untrimmed nails digging into his skin. Panic swelled his chest and JongHyun was overcome with the impulse to hyperventilate to get his lungs working again. Even clawing atMinHo’s hands he couldn’t pry his grip loose. It was getting hard to function… His movements were getting sluggish the tighterMinHo’s fingers wound. Air… Air…
The fingers loosened abruptly and it was like JongHyun sported the pink and blue badge of the floor manager. Curled up again in his corner.MinHoshrunk to a miniscule size in comparison to what his height entailed.
There was nothing either could say so they stared at each other with their chests heaving and mouths agape. Blood was smeared across each ofMinHo’s hands, probably from the furious clawing JongHyun had done to try and free himself. His neck probably didn’t look any better. He could already picture in his head the dark purple-red finger marks discolouring his neck. The workers would definitely have a comment on two about their wounds during the next visit…
A balloon inflated between each boy. JongHyun sat audience toMinHo, watching him pick at his scummy toenails with hands that trembled worse than a leaf caught in a storm. Larger and larger the balloon inflated itself until the latex popped and normality was restored to the pair.
“One day,”MinHomurmured, not bothering with an apology. “I’m going to find a way to steal a card key from those damn workers and I’m going to find out who my carrier is and get the hell out of this place.” He grabbed his pillow, wiping off the saliva he had left behind and placed it on top of JongHyun’s rolling onto his other side to match the wall. The blanket he kept for himself, but the reasons behind it were crystal clear to JongHyun.
Silence was powerful and he would prove it.