It had been three days since he had awoken from his drunken slumber. Three days of broth forced down his mouth and officials visiting him and offering him their condolences. By now everyone knew the circumstances of their King's death but the fact remained Kahmunrah was dead. Yet he didn't feel as hollow as before.
Sometimes he could swear when the moonlight shone a certain way he could see his dear brother smiling back, that brilliant smile that Ahkmenrah loved so well. Sometimes when he was almost asleep and the moonlight touched his hair it was almost like they were children again, sleeping side by side hands entwined in each other's dark curls.
Most of the time he thought he had gone mad. But does madness feel so real?
When the last of the officials had stood and left he lay back down on the mattress and relaxed his muscles. Perhaps it was time he wept, soberly that was. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring the tears up. A part of him whispered why do you sit still?
He was my brother. He would say back.
Indeed. The part would whisper back. If you loved him so much get up and smile. Rule your country. Build his legacy. Honour him. He wouldn't have wanted to see you like this.
But it isn't that simple. He reminded himself.
No it is not. The other part of him agreed.
And that was the end of the discussion.
The door opened to a somber Sabra, who promptly closed it behind her.
"How are you feeling?" She asked sitting beside him.
"If I see another bowl of broth I am officially banishing bowls of broth from this kingdom."
"You'll be able to eat properly very soon." She promised with a smile.
He felt the corner of his mouth twist slightly at that. A silence fell between the two of them. He felt like he needed to clear the air a little
"Thank you," he said finally. "For everything, I couldn't have...I wouldn't be alive...I..."
"You're my friend." She assured him. "You're like family now, I would do anything to keep you safe."
"About what I said about me being naked around you and saying I would prefer it to be in a more romantic context...I didn't mean...I mean I did...but it..."
"That's alright." She said, a little too emotionless for his liking. "You were under the influence of the drink and you...we had just lost Kahmun. I paid it no heed."
"You know it's strange I feel him sometimes. Around me, here." He paused "Do you think he is here with me? Even now in death?"
"I think he will be with you till end of time." Answered Sabra. "My father always said the dead have their own way of looking after the living. Even if there wasn't any way for him to do so, he would forge his own path just to be near you."
"You never talk about your parents." He remarked, changing the topic.
"There is a reason for that." She whispered. "They are dead as well as my little brother."
Once again it still struck him how little he knew about her.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"It is not your fault." She told him. "Besides, it happened a long time ago."
"What was he like?" Asked Ahkmenrah. "Your brother that is."
"His name was Gavriel, he was small chubby. His front tooth was missing. He had curly hair and brown eyes. He was stubborn, he loved olives and he was half convinced he was a lion."
Ahkmenrah smiled at that.
"He seems like a fierce little one." He said. "You know I can't blame him, Kahmunrah and I spent half our childhoods thinking we could change into crocodiles and frogs. That was when father decided to show us what real frogs and crocodiles looked like. I must say the palace artists make them look ten times better, and perhaps more fearsome."
"They must be some artist if they can make frogs look fearsome."
"The paintings are still somewhere in the palace, I can show you. I..."
He stopped himself. How could he continue on like this his brother just died. He felt that guilt wash over him again. Why could he not weep?
"Ahk..."
"I'm fine I..."
"You're not fine." She told him. "And that's okay."
"No, it's not." He snapped back. "I'm King I should be out there looking after my people. I should...I should be able to weep for him."
"I think you wept enough."
"Drunkenly yes..."
"Drunk or sober. You wept. Kahmun wouldn't have cared if you had or not. As long as you kept loving him."
"Still there is a guilt."
"There is. I can't pretend I know everything you're feeling but allow me to say this."
"Talk away."
"He didn't sacrifice his life for you so that you could waste it by pining after him. He must have seen something within you. Don't let his sacrifice go to waste Ahk. He loved you more than anything."
"How is little Ramses?" He asked. He could feel his chest tighten painfully at her words because in a sense they were true and he had wasted three days of his life already.
"As strong and as healthy as ever." She answered. "He keeps your mother awake all night."
"Could I possibly see him?"
"He's your nephew Ahk, you don't need to ask me permission."
"He's an orphan now."
"He has his grandmother, he has me, he has you."
"You were an orphan too were you not?" He asked, remembering her revelations. "Was it lonely?"
"A little." She admitted. "You try to look for parent figures in anyone who gave you an inkling of guidance, and sometimes that all comes crashing down."
"I don't want him to feel that."
"Then don't be merely his uncle."
"What do you mean?"
"Get up, be present in his life. Hold him when he cries. Nurse him when he falls. Play with him. You may not be the father Kahmun could have been, but you could still be his father. It is the least you could do for your brother."
"I wish he was here. Kahmun loved children. He told me a few times he was sorry he hadn't fathered any more bastards."
"Anymore? He has bastard children?"
"There was once a servant girl, Aneksi, it must have been years ago now. I think it was his second lover. The first was Sabaf if you were curious."
"Sabaf?"
"I'll explain later." He promised. "Anyway, she carried his child for six months before both she and the child died."
"That's awful."
"It was. Father was furious, I'm not sure but I think Kahmun was beaten for it. He wasn't the same after that, with women that is. He was more careful about his uh...seed. I don't think he wanted to hurt anyone."
"No one knew about it?"
"He was young then, I don't think anyone who did know wanted to tarnish his reputation."
"And the girl's family?"
"Were devastated, father paid them heavily in compensation though I remember he once told my mother that no matter how much he gave it would never be enough because the death of one's child was one of the most painful things." He paused. "How is mother faring with this news of Kahmun. I haven't seen her since I woke up."
"She grieves but turns her attention to Ramses. I think she sees a little of Kahmun in him."
"I want to see him...I want to be there for him."
"Then get up, get changed. And you must tell me about Kahmun and Sabaf."
He grinned remembering the first time he found them together, half dressed and oblivious to the rest of the world. Ahkmenrah had been too young then to understand what they had been doing but, grown up now he wished he hadn't known. For some reason he felt a burst of warmth within him at the memory, shouldn't it fill him with sadness?
He touched his heated neck, feeling the slight prickle of hair. He hadn't shaved in a while.
"Should I take it off?" he asked scratching his chin turning his face into the sunlight so Sabra could better the beginnings of his beard.
"I think it looks rather comely."
—————
Shepseheret heard the door creak from the nursery she turned to see her gaunt unkempt and tired son accompanied by Sabra.
"Ramses," he said simply. "Can I hold him?"
"If you can get past Kovu."
Kovu? That's right. He had forgotten about the pet lion that his cousin Ramses has kept.
As he approached the lion cub stirred, Kovu's golden eyes stared at him languidly before they closed again. Ahkmenrah took that as consent to hold his nephew. He reached out carefully and scooped up the little baby in his arms and held him close to his chest.
The child had been asleep but now he stirred slightly, his little mouth opened to give small yawn before his eyes opened a little. The child's features held the beauty of Ismara's, but his eyes were the fierce stormy darkness of Kahmunrah's.
As soon as Ramses saw his uncle, he fixed him with a stare. Ahkmenrah kissed his cheek. The baby's skin was soft, like lily petals.
"I just want you to know." Said Ahkmenrah. "That you are loved and one day you are a going to grow big and strong just like your father."
The child regarded him with a confused expression.
"I know I know," continued Ahkmenrah, thinking he had gone positively crazy talking to a baby like it could understand him. "You miss them. I miss them too. Sometimes it might be a little lonely, but I'll be here for you. I'll try to be here as long as I can, I'll guide you every step of the way. We'll make them proud and we'll do it together."
The child outstretched his tiny arm, and his little fingers (they even had little fingernails) clasped on to his nose, causing his nostrils to close together. Ahkmenrah couldn't help but smile. Ramses smiled back. That smile, the King noted, was also Kahmunrah's. Yet the child still kept Ahkmenrah's nose firmly in his grasp.
"He's got spirit this one." Said Ahkmenrah turning to the two women in the room, his voice coming out rather nasally.
Sabra was suppressing laughter while Shepseheret was almost in tears.
"That was his first smile." She whispered.
—————
ANOTHER ONE! How was it, my lads? Also, I am curious, what direction do you think this will head in?
- Sargun