Nobody tells you the truth.. nobody tells you how to prepare for your earth to be gone.
It was inevitable and the way the world was supposed to work. Your mother was supposed to be gone before you but damn it shouldn't hurt so much.. pure agony, the type of pain that was constant, consistently there as a reminder of what you lost.
There was no way to to forget it.. weed didn't help. A whole bottle of tequila didn't do shit but burn. She missed her always but on days like this.. days like her mother's birthday it was the hardest.
She could literally feel her heart break in her chest this morning before she even opened her eyes. She couldn't move, she was barely breathing. The action of just existing in misery tired her out before she'd made a move.
That's how being by her lonely in this world felt to her.. because while everyone in her generation wanted to be cold and heartless. Gaia was too much feeling.
She felt everything always, every emotion known to man and some even herself couldn't describe. Her mother used to say it was her superpower but the moment she found out her mother had terminal cancer, the second her mother had a bad reaction to chemo, the split moment when the meds that were supposed to keep alive stopped her heart? It was the time when her blessing had became a curse.
She hadn't shown her face in the hospital since she been abducted only to end up face to face with her father. She knew what her mother would say if she didn't have a tube down her throat, she would tell her to forgive and let go.
She'd tell her that Gianni would always be her father no matter how bad she wanted to change it.
She tell her to respect his wishes, actually hear him out instead of just being angry.
Her mother would tell her to love him pass the hurt because anger got you nowhere but hell whether it was on earth or the fire pit itself.
Optimism and kindness were the building blocks of her upbringing despite of what happened between her parents. She never spoke one ill intended word about her ex- husband. She cried over him, she mourned the loss of him but never would let a harmful word spill from her lips about him.
She always told Gaia that he loved her.
The problem with that was Gianna Andres Carter was supposed to tell her that his self..
Her mother wouldn't approve none of the things she was doing, the club especially. She'd tell her to stop degrading herself to work there. She'd think Gaia's act of desperation was what brought women to their knees and the break of insanity.
Part of Gaia agreed, she saw every night how what some of those girls did for a dollar. She watched them sell their souls for a benji and in some cases for quick hit. They in came with fresh faces but left out with a nasal mucosa fill of pure white.
She peeped it all but every night she prayed it all stayed away from her. She was good with a good spilf and her mind would be calm, clear with her body relaxed. Coke was for the lost souls who needed to forget but what was lost in a haze of euphoria you got back in a monkey that would ride your back until death.
Gaia wanted no parts of that.
With arm bouquet full of her mother's favorite flowers: orchids and balloons Gaia stepped off the elevator of the hospital. She didn't bother stopping at the nurses station because she really didn't have the energy to talk to anyone. She just wanted to let her mother know she loved her and although she hadn't been by she hadn't forgotten about her.
She could tell something was off the moment she turned the corner down the hall. If the last few weeks of her life told her anything it was that her gut was to be trusted. Her steps quickened but so did the pace of her heart.
She prayed silently, her mother wasn't gone. She been making payments, every dime she made in tips went towards her hospital bills. Whatever she had left, she used to eat and pay the rent.
She was behind, yes. But she'd talked to the billing supervisor herself. He swore her mother was safe until as long as she continued to make payments in lump sums.
The room was empty, gutted, completely cleaned out. No heart monitor, no ventilator, not even the mattress was there.
Ever heard of a heart falling out of chest.. Gaia's dropped instantly. Her vision became blurry and she dropped to her knees.
No, no, no..
She screamed, loudly. It was completely subconscious. She had no clue what was happening to her.
She heard footsteps behind her, flooding the room. But she couldn't bring herself to look. She knew it was security, they'd escort her out. She'd be told her mother's body was in the morgue awaiting to transported where Gaia wished or she'd be given to the medical school for her once living and thriving mother's body could be treated like a science project.
She couldn't take it, God gave his strongest battles to his strongest soldiers but she wasn't strong enough for this.
They didn't even let me say goodbye..
Chills came over her body, tears flooded her line of sight.
They might as well take her with her.
A soft hand landed on her shoulders and she heard Ms. Lynn's voice in her ears but she refused to listen.
"Gaia"
She's gone.
"Gaia"
She's gone.
"Gaia"
"Alena" she'd know that voice anywhere after all he did used to rock her to sleep at night. Crazy how he'd been gone over a decade but he popped up more times in last month than he ever did in when she needed him. "Wipe your tears, you're a fucking Carter. Your mother isn't gone, she's just been moved."
----
He moved her. He made decisions he didn't have the right to make anymore.
She was the one holding her hands when the chemo made her sick to her stomach. She was the one forcing her to eat so she'd have the strength to make it to the bathroom only to empty the same contents.
He wasn't there. He didn't deserve to sweep in like a knight in shining armor when he left us in the trenches to begin with.
He changed her room, upped the floor. He paid for her to have a nurse personally assigned to her and only her. He had her doctors trying experimental therapies giving her a better chance to wake up.
Still Gaia wasn't pleased, she didn't need his pity or his handouts now. He was a little too late.
She'd never turn any of this down out rightly, she wanted her mother breathing on her own. She needed her mother alive so she could hug her and not feel a certain chill, she missed her mothers warmth.
"I thought I told you to stop crying sweetheart." Her father said to her as they sat inside of the room alone. Mother, Daughter and Father. Her family was finally back together right but it only took for her mother to be in a coma to do it. "Your mother is getting the finest of care that money can buy, I put that on my life."
He'd even gone as far as to place his hand over his heart.
Gais scoffed because she knew he didn't really care. he was putting on a show or living out some sick fantasy like he was the good guy. He'd never been the good guy, good guys didn't hail their selves as murderous kings.
"I stopped listening to you a long time ago." Gaia replied dryly refusing to wipe her face because he ordered her to. "You should have run this by me."
"I'm her husband"
"Ex husband, you're no relation to her anymore."
"Nah baby girl. Your mother never told you?" He kissed the gold band on his left hand, his eyes traveling to her mother. "We never got a divorce."
Gaia's chest heaved up and down on instinct allowing his words to sink in. He left her and her mother for dead but her mother never asked for a divorce? They were still legally bonded?
She couldn't believe it.
"There are a lot of things you don't understand. You were young, we hid a lot from you... I shielded you and your mother as much as I could." His phone went off in his pocket, momentarily taking his attention. "But i never stopped loving you or her. She'd tell you that."
"She can't do much talking right now, can she?" she maintained to choke out, her emotion getting the best of her. She turned away from him and looked around the room. All kind of orchids lay around the room, must have been hundreds of dollars worth. Balloons floated in the corner attached to their weights so they wouldn't float in the way.
He'd outdone his self. What a great husband?
"Alena, baby girl I'm trying" He pleaded with her. He pinched the skin between the meeting of his eyes. His frustration was evident. Very few people told him no. Most folks were in this city were so afraid of him that they wouldn't even raise their voice. "Lynn tells me you haven't been by much lately. You were meant to know, I'd never hide her from you and in your heart you know that. I don't exactly have your phone number. I'm respecting your privacy, I could have stopped by the 45th and let you know. But I left you alone. "
"You here ain't you?"
"It's her birthday, love. I couldn't miss it."
"Well you missed quite a few daddy, whats another day of you missing in action?"
He said a whistling noise before answering. "My life, Gee. She deserves it as such"
Gaia remained silent pondering over his words. She deserves his life and more. Her mother deserved the world and heavens above. But she couldn't give it to her.
Her father could though, Gaia just hoped she didn't regret allowing him to.
"Your stubbornness, you get that from me."
"And my heart? I get that from her." and somehow Gaia still couldn't bring herself to forgive him. She just couldn't. She had so much anger stored up inside of her, brewing only getting stronger by the day. Gaia was angry about a lot of things but she rolled in all up and threw it towards him because he was a target she could physically see.
Her mother wouldn't be angry with him. She'd welcomed her husbands presence in her life and her daughter's. Her forgiveness was uncanny, her big heart was full of love and compassion. Truthfully, Gaia knew her mother had forgiven her father a long time ago. They'd had a conversation or two about it.
She just couldn't do it. But she'd let him rock, she'd grant him this opportunity. Her mother needed as much prayer and help as possible.
"You pray?" Gaia stood to her feet and asked him. She didn't know anymore. Together, they'd attend sunday service as a family. Her mother didn't play around about Jesus. No matter what time of night, he'd come home. No matter what sin he'd been committing Saturday night, at eleven o'clock sharp Gianni Carter was front and center in the house of the Lord.
Her father eyes rolled over to her and he smiled. His head shook slightly before he started laughing. He had the type of laugh that was contagious. She had many memories as kid where she'd walk up on her father laughing and she'd just start laughing too. He didn't laugh often but when he did it was genuine.
"What you think I am the devil?" he joked, raising his eyebrows her at Gaia who laughed herself. Liberation was what that laugh felt like. She didn't laugh often anymore. She was either sad or angry and there was no between.
Unless he was somewhere around..
Big Gee stood up to his feet and grabbed his daughter's hand. He bowed his head and awaited for Gaia to speak.
"Our father which art in heaven.."
---
She should have quit. She should've never returned back to this god forsaken place.
Yet she stayed.
Hair down to her hipbones, jaw dropping body out for show in the thin fabric that was called a uniform.
She had every nigga in sight eyes on her.
Black girl magic..
She was oblivious to the type of attention she attracted. She shied away from it, it made her uncomfortable but she ignored it. She went to work in five inches death traps for a couple of dollars to fill her belly.
He had a rack of benji's tucked in the comfort of his socks that would solve all of her problems. Her pride was a monster though, he could see it from his post. She'd never accept his money.
She barely accepted his attention but that was the catch when it came down to his and her connection: neither of them could fight it.
Magnetic is only thing that came to mind what he felt for her. She captivated him without trying, placing him and any man within a hundred feet under spell. If he believed in magic he'd say she was a witch with an enchanting aura.
She was bad for business, not because she hindering anything but because shit she hindered him.
Slim watched her all night long as she worked, niggas 'brushed' against her a little to close to his liking but he contained his self. He drew the line when he saw Dutch walking her outside, hand on the small of her back like she was his.
She was uncomfortable with his touch, she'd accidentally walked ahead of him far too many times. When they reached the parking lot, he made his move.
Dutch was an out of towner from Miami. The nigga was on the run actually from this Sanchez cat that flooded South Beach with coke so pure if he ever made a move upcoast, the Murder Mafia would be threatened. Like a bitch he ran to Emerald City because nobody dropped a body without permission unless it was the team. Them Miami nigga reached out but on the strength of his uncle being cool with Big Gee for years he was still breathing.
His uncle ran Swisha Sweets for years, back when it was hole in the wall that washed all of Big Gee's money. Time changes things, no longer was the place with watered down drinks and shitty music. It was a money making machine, Dutch made that happen even under the distress of his head being hunted.
Still he was a bitch for running from any man and the way his head was hunted; he'd done something that violated the street code. Regardless of his ties to anyone, Slim didn't trust him as far as he could throw him.
He stepped out of the shadows, directly under the dim and only street light that lit up the parking lot. He scoped out the scene carefully making sure no one was around and then he waited.
He waited until she found him.
It happened in seconds, her wide brown eyes even the darkness lit up when they landed on him. He bit into the fullness of his bottom lip, his front row of teeth revealing their selves to her. He could feel her heartbeat sped up from across the lot.
"Hey my baby" He spoke coolly, removing his self from his stance. It seemed as he floated towards her and the nigga that had yet to remove his hands from her body. "You ready to leave?"
He asked her as if he was being a good boyfriend, attending to her safety and needs. In a way he was doing exactly that but he couldn't see it that way. He was blind when it came down to what normalcy was especially when it came down to relationships.
"Ummm" Gaia started, she was looking for words to say but she came up speechless.
"Slim this you?" Dutch asked referring to Gaia. He hated when nigga referred to him like they knew him. His name shouldn't be flowing from their mouths unless they wanted a toe tag and a black dress delivered to their mama's front step.
"Remove your hands my nigga or you'll find out" He grimaced emotionless knowing his point got across. His name carried weight so heavy in these streets, motherfuckas shitted their pants when they saw him coming. His gunplay was serious, the best shooter the city had seen since the King his self. But his hands were his best asset. He could knock a nigga head off clean with his left. Niggas knew better to let the slim stature fool them.
Dutch dropped his hands to his side instantly.
Bitch ass nigga.
"Come on my love." He grabbed a somewhat shaken Gaia by her hand, pulling her close. He could feel goosebumps appear on her skin. Some part of him got pleasure out of it. Lil baby was reacted to him the same way he reacted to her. "You cold?"
He took the jacket off his back and draped it over her shoulder. Gaia grabbed the top of it, pulling it closer. When she did, her eyes travel up his face and onto his eyes like she was committing every detail to memory.
"Let's get you home." Slim draped his left arm over her right shoulder, pulling her close as the whole left side of his body lit up like a Christmas lights on Christmas eve. Every patch of skin tingling.
Once he made it to the door of his truck after helping Gaia get inside securely he called out to Dutch who had just then decided to go back inside his place of business.
"Ayee my nigga, tread lightly. Niggas get buried everyday, closed caskets."
Without another word, Slim climbed into the driver seat and drove off.
He pulled up on her block in no time. No words were exchanged between them the entire ride.
Gaia reached for the door handle but he stopped her. She turned around eyes piercing into his soul. He shook his head because he knew she saw right through him.
"Your name's Slim, how fitting." she said plainly but she held a playful smile on her face. With a head nod she gestured towards his body and he couldn't help but smile along with her.
She had that type of control over him unknowingly.
"What's a good girl like you doing in a place like? Ain't there a school somewhere waiting on you to bless them with your presence?" Just like any other time he spoke to her, he already knew the answers. He just wanted to talk to her, pick her brain. He wanted to find the girl behind the mask.
"School takes money and that I don't have obviously." She referred to her place of employment. "What did you say to Dutch before we got inside of the truck?"
Slim settled his fingers on his chin tapping while licking his lips at her. She batted her lashes at him, shying away from the emotion that spread over her body looking at him but he could see it in the flashes on her eyes.
"Nothing to concern ya pretty head over, love. Some shit between men, he needed to feel my presence." He rattled off, taking his eyes off of her for a second and surveyed the block. It was dead in the mid of the night but one could never be to sure. "you ain't some regular chick, no more."
"Then what am I?" she asked questioning, voice full of opposition. Still she never raised her voice in the slightest. Baby girl she was always calm, too calm in the presence of a killer.
Mine.
The thought raced to the forefront of his mental like a bullet with no name on it. He didn't have to think it because his subconscious felt it for him. The body had a way of delivering messages even if you wanted them to stay hidden far away and unreachable.
"Sweetheart he knows what you are now, that was my only play tonight." He spoke lowly, his conviction dripping of shades of incantation. He reached over and placed a finger on the tip of her chin, slightly raising her head. "maybe in the future I'll show you exactly who are."
She blinded him, bedazzled, enthralled.. shorty straight up melted a layer of his emptiness with the act of a smile.
With his head in the fog, Gaia took it upon herself to run before things went down the road of no return.
Before she could close the door behind her, Slim bid her farewell. "Goodnight love, pray for you and I."
Her eyes met his once again, her lips tucked between her teeth. Gaia nodded, closed the door and headed inside of her crib.
Slim watched her until he knew she'd winded down into the sheets of her bed.
He pulled off down the block with his phone in hand, making a call he knew he shouldn't have been making. He was too involved already. He was making her a bigger problem than he realized.
"Say Looney, find out who own the big brick house on the 45th.. pay it up, no matter the price for the rest of the year."
And there you have it. I feel like i've found my groove with these two man. You know it can only get hotter from here.
Let me know what you think.