Hello, Westley.
This is a jumper. That’s common sense.
I don’t know if you still remember giving another jumper to me on that night but I felt all the butterflies in my stomach flutter when you reached out and told me to wear it on the way home.
I don’t even know if you still remember that.
But I still remember it. I still remember details about you which you gave away to me that night. I still remember details of that night.
That is how much you mean to me.
It was the night of my birthday. It was one of the reasons I remember it very clearly. It was the best birthday ever.
This is why.
__
As you have always known, I’m the boring girl who’s at home by 7 pm. I’ve memorized the majority of the internet, and I prefer staying in my corner at home than to actually venture out of the four corners of my place.
I’m not dressed for the party that night. I wasn’t even dressed for the night. I was in my usual thin and long cotton shirt, a denim overall and converse sneakers.
Carlo and Seth, two of your best buds, apparently, asked me if I could help him out in his assignment for Mathematics. I know a good deal about that week’s topic so I took his favor. I told him to wait for me at his house since I had after-class duties for the teachers.
Let’s skip to this stuff.
I was at Carlo’s house at around 5:30, just about two hours since we splitted ways in school. I taught Carlo and Seth, alright. We finished at around 7 pm, just in time when I had to go already.
“Stay here, Ashley. We’re having a party” Carlo said.
“I have to go.” Because my mom would worry.
“Come on, Ashley.” He pleaded. “Just stay for.. maybe an hour?”
“But—“
“Come on, Westley’s going to be here.” Seth added.
That caught me.
I’ve liked you since the day you walked into English class, Westley. I was so happy when I found out we’re having History together. Then, my feelings were confirmed when you auditioned for the lead role in the latest school play. You sang and acted so well and you appreciated literature and theatre the way I love it-- your athletic skills and wit were a bonus. That’s why I started to like you. You caught my eyes, my heart, my feelings… You had me falling, Westley.
The feelings sparked.
But those feelings, I admit, made being laboratory partners last year really hard.
I think your friends knew this but you didn’t. I think this is why they asked me to tutor them the same night.
But anyway, people started coming in a few moments after that conversation. The night was starting to get deeper, but the party was just about to get to its peak. I was sitting on the couch by the living room while people were being tossed around after getting drunk, or smoking—I don’t know. It’s actually surprising how those people were already wasted while it was still too early to get that wasted.
That night, I also found you hanging out with a few of your other friends in the other side of the room. Your eyes a luminous stormy blue standing out, and your hair ruffled and wavy. You were wearing this jumper, holding a glass of iced tea—it’s too dark to be something alcoholic. I took glances at you, looking if you noticed I was there too because for all I know, you had no idea I was there tonight.
Then I got a text message.
From: Mom
Ashley, Where are you? You told me you weren’t going to stay out for too long?
I looked up and only saw that the party was starting already. I checked my phone for the time, only to find out that the reason my mom was getting extra worried was because it was already 8:30 in the evening. Just like what I said, the latest I’ve stayed out was 7pm.
It was chaotic, I was confused with the whole setting and I hardly made out anything of the scene. The noise was loud, the people were screaming, and the strobe lights—god knows where they were able to afford that—were blinding enough for me.
Send Message to: Mom
Sorry, things started to get fun. I lost track of the time. I’ll head home now.
“Hey,” I looked up and saw you. You sat beside me on the couch.
Just when I was supposed to leave. If you listened closely, I groaned when you sat there beside me. “Hi.”
“Ashley, right?”
How can you not be sure of the name of your Lab partner last year—oh well, I don’t remember the other lab partners I had too.
“Yes.”
“Enjoying yourself?”
I shook my head. I don’t like parties, that is something I gave away. What with all the awkwardness and fright in my face when we found each other in the sidelines of the dance floor.
“Oh, then. Would you like a drink, maybe?”
“I would want but I can’t have alcohol. Drinks during parties are usually spiked, right?”
“Yep, but not if I make it for you.”
“How can I be sure you won’t put alcohol in it?”
“Well, I’ve known you enough to know that you can determine certain liquids just by smelling… thanks to Chemistry activities.”
Fact Number One: You paid good attention to my sensitive sense of smell.
“I do.” I said. “You don’t remember my name but you can remember I can determine liquids by smelling?”
You paused for a while.
“I was kidding.” I giggled softly. “Yeah sure. It’s fine. But only one glass. My mom’s asking me to go home.”
“Alright, Stay here for a while, alright.” You said and stood up. My gaze followed you as you went to the mini bar which was manually setup by Carlo and Seth.
Beep.
From: Mom
Ashley, seriously. Where are you?
I rose from my seat just as you came back. I looked at your hand and was a bit disappointed to not find a drink. However, I was also relieved to not find a drink. It would’ve been a shame to reject it from you.
“Are you leaving?” you asked.
“Yeah, sorry.” I replied.
“I was supposed to tell you that I have to leave too because that guy over there needs to be driven back at home tonight.” You pointed to Ennan, who was currently throwing up by the window sill. I flinched at the sight of him.
“Yeah, I guess you need to drive that guy home.” I sighed.
“Are you for North Street too?” you asked. “I can give you a ride after I take Ennan home.”
That was extra frustrating. I wanted you to take me home. It’s every girl’s dream—to be taken home by their crush voluntarily. I was almost there, apparently—but Ennan had to become a cockblock to my dreams coming true.
“I’m going to take the train home.” I said kind of frustrated. I don’t know if you heard it in my voice, but there should’ve been a hint of it.
“If you want, we can just head over there once I take Ennan home.” You said. “I don’t want you walking alone in the dark.
Second Fact you gave away: You are very thoughtful. And I like that. And that just kept my heart beating even faster.
“My mom’s going to get angry already.” I said. “I have to be home now. Walking won’t hurt anyway.”
You nodded as I smiled, “I’ll see you in school then.” I waved goodbye.
I was already by the door when I heard you call my name. “Ash, wait.”
“Yes?” I looked back in complete surprise I knew I was carrying my backpack, and so I was surprised that you were holding the cashmere jumper you were wearing awhile ago. Your pale skin and bluish veins now stood out in the black shirt you were then wearing.
“You don’t have a jacket, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Take this. I’m going to drive anyway.” You handed me that cashmere jacket. I stared at it and looked up at you.
“Aren’t you going to get cold?”
“The train is cold, Ashley.”
“So is your car.”
“I’ll be fine.”
I sighed and relucatantly took it. The cold, afterall, was starting to get into my spine. It was chilly already, what with the fall season almost over and the winter fast approaching. I seemed twitchy at that time because I didn’t want to look as if I was excited. But deep inside, I was really feeling giddy, and special. You—Westley, the guy who has caught every girl’s attention, is worried about me.
Third Fact: Your thoughtfulness is what really made me fall for you.
I feel like a rom-com heroine.
“Thank you.” I said.
You just smiled warmly.
“No problem. Text me once you’re home, okay.”
I nodded and wore your jumper.
I still have your number because I used to text you whenever we have take home projects for Chemistry. I don’t know if you erased mine already, but I didn’t erase yours.
You would be surprised on how many drafts I had made just so I can start a friendly conversation with you.
I walked to the train station. Once I was in it, I pulled down the sleeves. Your jumper was big and warm, and it smelled like you. I cupped my face and sniffed the cuffs of your jumper which covered my hand.
I headed home in complete and utter happiness. To you, it may have been a normal, everyday gesture to look after an awkward girl and to offer her your jumper since she will be taking the train home alone. It may have been just an act of kindness to you. But to me, it was special. Many girls think that their love interest’s act of kindness is already an act of thought.
I did jump on conclusions like that, but I wave them away because that’s impossible. I’m just an awkward little girl—and you’re like the stars; unreachable, but forever sparkling and shining bright. Your light has always been enough to make me wondering and thinking and admiring.
I walked home from the train station to my house, giddy and happy that somehow, maybe I’ve touched the star that is you… but I haven’t reached you yet.
When I opened the door to my house, the lights were all off. I frowned and turned the switch on. I found my family there. My parents, my sister, my older brother, and my other cousins.
There was also another person I didn’t recognize.
“Happy Birthday, hun.” Dad greeted.
“Happy Birthday.” Lisa—the name of the lady was Lisa. She had curly red orange hair—the kind Haley Williams used to sport. Her huge rayban glasses ruined the the view from her green eyes. She carried her clothes like how a model would. A pink cotton dress whose pleats hung loose just above her knees.
Mom injected herself then; “Ashley, this is Lisa. She just moved in next door with her brother.”
“My brother’s coming any minute now.” She said.
“I invited them to come over because Lisa has been away a lot ever since she and her brother moved next door. I didn’t have a chance to welcome them around her so I thought tonight’s a perfect time.” Mom said. “You guys acquaint yourselves while I take out the spaghetti and chicken.” Mom then pranced to the kitchen, leaving me and Lisa to talk. The whole family had their own businesses already after surprising me. They were there, after all, for my mom’s delicious food.
I smiled at Lisa, “Nice meeting you.” And shook hands with her.
“So, you’re entirely new in the whole place?” I asked Lisa.
“Not so much,” she said. “My brother attends a nearby high school. He suggested that we move to somewhere much nearer since it’d be a huge help for my adjustment with my new company.”
“Oh, which one?” I asked.
A ring by the door had to pull me away from the already comfortable conversation I was having with Lisa.
“That must be my brother.”
I shrugged.
I excused myself so that I walked to the front door to open the door. I was caught off-guard as the last person I expect to see was in my front step.
“Good evening, Is this the—“
“Ashley?”
Yes, it was you. I think you know the rest, but you have to keep on reading. I want you to know what I feel.
No words will be able to explain every single feeling I was trying to bottle up in my heart. Westley, the boy I likened to stars, is at my doorstep.
“West!” and apparently, Lisa followed me. “You met Ashley now.”
“Westley?”
“You guys know each other?” Lisa pranced toward us.
We both nodded, looking at each other awkwardly.
“Um, come in!” I said and you stepped inside the house.
“Classmates.” We both said in the same time, meaning to explain to Lisa what was happening.
“That’s nice!” Lisa clapped her hands in delight. “At least now, I can have updates with what you actually do in school.”
“Food’s ready!” mom called from the living room. Lisa smiled back at us as she pranced, heading for the living room where all the food was readied.
We followed Lisa but both paused behind her. I don’t know if you felt that you had to pause as well, or if you just followed my lead.
“It’s great to see you unharmed.” You said.
“It’s great to know you’re my next door neighbor.” I shrugged.
We stood there for a few seconds in complete silence when I held the jumper. I then realized what I was wearing. “Oh shit, your jumper!” I started to fumble removing it when you stopped me.
“No, it looks good on you--” You said. But you bit your lip and then you said, “I didn’t mean to say that.”
“It’s fine.” I chuckled. “I think baggy clothing is my kind of thing.” I said awkwardly. I knew that, and although I hated it since I really want to be able to wear the kind of dresses I saw Lisa wears, I couldn’t because it doesn’t suit my body type the way it suits her.
“Don’t think like that.” You then said after a couple of seconds.
“Wha-Why?”
“You’re beautiful, you know that.”
My dreams, my dreams and wishes just came true at that moment, West. I found myself unable to move upon realizing that that star I’ve always looked at from above the sky, just told me I was beautiful.
“You don’t—“ say that girls are beautiful just to make them feel better. Say it because you mean it. That was what I wanted to say because I couldn’t believe you were telling me that and apparently, I just wouldn’t let myself believe that easily.
“Oh, I think you are.”
I blushed red. It felt so hot even if I was still shivering in your jumper. My cheeks were red, I’m aware of it, I felt my whole body suddenly tensed.
“You tell that to all the girls?”
I asked that because I think I know how there are boys, especially guys who are just as kindhearted, thoughtful, and golden as you. You’re the guy in my dreams, but you’re also the guy in other girls’ dreams.
“Nope, just you.” You said and smiled, “Because that’s what I see, and that’s what my brain tells me.”
Fact four: You speak of what your brain tells you, in your own words, your truth.
“Not because you learned it’s my birthday?”
You shook your head. “I told you already right? I don’t ask girls if they want a drink in parties, and I don’t make drinks for girls in parties.”
As the night got deeper, I discovered more facts about you. You know these facts, I just don’t know if you still remember which ones you told me. But I still remember those facts, Westley. You proved a lot of these untrue because you were so humble about yourself. You proved that a lot of those facts about yourself was your humble, very humble, opinion about how you really are. Just like what you said, it’s what you sense, and that’s what your brain tells you, and that is what you think is the truth.
That night marked the start of something that caught on fire.
The girl in Earth found a rocketship. The star, oh the star had his own fair share of reaching.
Bedroom window talks, facebook messages, locker notes, and a lot more. Those things rocketshipped us to where we are now—and that is you reading this letter, and me having the courage and perseverance to learn knitting.
The jumper got a lot comfier and familiar as the days past. I couldn’t push myself to put it in a box and knock next door to give this back to you fresh from the laundry. It sat there on my bedside table for days, neatly folded. Every night, I would look at it and I would know that I am finally making my move to reach out.
I looked at it every night after what you asked me last week. I looked at it every night, and thought about how those feelings I felt so lightly before were suddenly like fire in my heart, and now they were growling and howling more fiercely than ever.
I still look at it every night and remember these things, and the other things that happened after these. It was magic, you know. I have stayed away from you thinking it’s impossible in my boring girl dreams to be able to reach you, my dear star. Who would’ve thought that boring girl could catch the star boy’s attention?
So, I’m giving you this jumper. I simply cannot will myself to have it separated from me after being so attached to it for a long time. My jumpers are of a small lady’s size, and is of a shade of light pinks and teals and yellows with bows and laces portruding from it so I cannot give one to you. So I knitted this jumper. I knitted it, and I’m hoping it doesn’t suck once you’re wearing it. It’s hardwork, and full of love.
This is my reply to you. Here’s a jumper I made for you, because you’ll need it. Because I already have yours. So that you know that I’ll always be with you, and that my permanent hug will always be with you.
I like you too.
Ashley x.