"Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe"
-Within Temptation
*
Felicity was waiting for me sitting on the stairs of the house entrance and Sebastian was with her. They both knew what had just happened, even if they couldn't hear, but they definitely saw. I closed the door behind me, wiping the tears from my face.
"Sebastian" I said, my voice broken, "I think we should go."
He nodded and both he and Felicity got up. She walked down the stairs and hugged me.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" she asked.
I shook my head and struggled to fight back my tears. "I need to go on by myself."
We separated and Sebastian got closer to me. "Daisy and Robert are in the kitchen" he said. "I told them we were leaving and they are putting some food leftovers in a box for us."
"Okay" I said, not surprised that he already knew what was going to happen between us. The three of us headed in silence to the kitchen.
Robert was sitting on the counter, eating a small carrot, while his mother was wrapping pieces of cake and putting them in a plastic box with more wrapped food inside.
"Hey, D" Sebastian said, "Lily and I are leaving."
Daisy looked up. "Oh" she whispered, pausing for a moment. She then put the last wrapped food in the box and closed it. "Robert, darling, get down from the counter. Uncle Sebastian and Lily are leaving."
The boy jumped on the floor and, to my surprise, ran to me, putting his little arms around my waist and hugged me.
"Merida!" he exclaimed.
One more thing he had inherited from his father: the power to torture me with love. But I couldn't prevent myself to smile and caress his light brown hair in silence until he took a step back, smiled at me in the sweetest way and turned his attention to Sebastian.
Daisy came to give me the box. "This is for your journey back to Boston" she said.
"Thanks. So kind of you."
She smiled at me and hugged me.
"I'm sorry, Daisy" I breathed to her ear, although I didn't know what I was apologizing for, exactly. For loving her ex-husband? For probably being the reason of her divorce? For being about to break her best friend's heart?
She looked at me with her blue eyes, took my hands in hers and gently squeezed them. "I forgave you a while ago, Lily" she said and smiled again. "I wish you all the happiness in the world."
Who could have ever imagined that, out of all people in my life, the ones warming my heart and giving me peace that day would have been Toby's son and ex-wife?
***
Sebastian and I went to the bed & breakfast to pack our things and check out, then headed to Boston exchanging just a few words. When we got out of the ferry and start driving on the highway, Sebastian spoke for the first time after hours of silence.
"Are you sure you want to go to the airport?" he asked. "There won't be flights until after dinnertime."
"I'm sure" I said, looking out of my window. "I need to go back home." I took a deep breath. "Thank you for driving me there."
Silence fell for a moment and I was considering to close my eyes and take a nap when Sebastian spoke again. "I want to kill him for what he has done to you, you know."
I opened my eyes and turned towards him. "Well, and I don't want you to be arrested for that. So, please calm down."
He chuckled. "He doesn't deserve you anyway" he went on in a calm tone, his eyes hid behind sunglasses. "That son of a bitch will live with this regret forever."
I took Sebastian's hand in mine, trying to do what I felt to do with Toby hours before, make him feel what I was feeling.
"I will always regret you."
Sebastian squeezed my hand. "I've loved every second that I spent with you, Lily" he whispered, his voice broken. "You have always loved him more, I know, but I managed to make you happy somehow. And you made me very happy, trust me. All we've had was true. There's nothing to regret."
He left my hand and reached out to the glove compartment, taking an object out of it and handing it to me. I found myself holding a small dark blue box and my brain was still trying to elaborate the shock of that sight, when Sebastian said "This was what I wanted for us. I was so nervous because I felt that, even if you said yes, it would never have been the same yes you'd say to Toby. But, still, I was hoping."
My heart couldn't stand any of this anymore, so I burst into tears. "Please, stop the car" I asked, in tears.
Sebastian pulled over on to the side of the road, unfastened his seatbelt, hugged me and let me cry into his arms, caressing my back and hair. I cried for me, I cried for him, I cried for what we could have been if only Toby didn't exist. If only Sebastian was my true love, as I had always dreamed.
I cried because, in spite of all my efforts, I had lost both Sebastian and Toby for good.