Trigger warning - second half of Aaron point of view after he leaves the barbershop (Self Harm)
Aaron Turner
"So let me get this straight, you and Moses were fighting because he wasn't being honest with you and now that Hassan, a nigga that should probably be dead wants to meet up with you, you decided to not be honest?" Saint questioned as he floated next to me in the pool.
I blew smoke from the blunt I was smoking out of the corner of my mouth while I side eyed him.
"Yeah" I responded passing the blunt to Gucci who sat on the edge of the pool scrolling through his phone.
"You and these secrets nigga, you never learn" Saint with a sigh while I wiped water from my face.
"I told Ajani and she said we'd handle it, together. I don't know where Moses' head is and I figured Amaru would want to know about this first anyway, if I don't tell him he'll continue to act like a lil bitch" I complained.
"Why you keep fighting dude over and over? The second time I would've put him in the dirt" Gucci struggled out through the smoke in his mouth.
"Because I know him and I know he has issues that he's trying to work through. It's hard healing from being on drugs, I know his anger right now isn't really him" I explained.
My sister in law came out onto her back porch and watched us. Her stomach was huge and she was due anyway now.
Saint's mood seemed to shift as he swam towards the edge of the pool and smiled at her.
"You know I'm willing to forgive you pushing out babies that aren't mine if you do the right thing and come home to daddy" Saint explained to her while I rolled my eyes.
I laughed out loud before she caught a whiff of the weed and stopped my nephew Kieran from running outside to greet us.
Gucci hid the blunt behind his back practically choking on the smoke in his mouth and slowly released it through his nose.
"We'll get rid of it" I promised watching her dark eyes stay narrowed on me, she'd never been mad at me and I was always fearful of what she'd do after watching her take her anger out on other people.
"Good. Anari is down for a nap and Kaine should be here soon, I'm taking Kieran with me to pick up Knox from a friends house" Ajani said and I gave a nod.
She looked at Gucci for the first time since she came outside before she turned and walked back into the house pulling on her son.
"I want to fuck" Gucci proclaimed. Saint turned his head and mugged him on the low while I looked back and forth between the both of them.
"Good luck with that. My brother is crazy about her, nigga is a psychopath" I said eventually swimming towards the edge of the pool and pulling myself out of the water.
"Yeah and if anybody had a chance it'd have to be me. I been having wet dreams about her since I was like fifteen" Saint admitted out loud.
Gucci choked on his smoke as he laughed at Saints antics. I grabbed a towel from the lounger and began to dry off while pulling down my swim trunks.
Saint shook his head and swam away with his back to me while Gucci did a double take and fell into the pool.
"Nigga, warn me before you just get naked. That's not normal" he complained but I shrugged it off, it was just a dick.
After drying off I wrapped the towel around my waist and picked up my swim trunk and squeezed the water out while Gucci climbed out of the pool and stripped out of the white T shirt he was wearing.
"Never thought I'd be cool with you on this level if we're keeping it real. I thought you were mad annoying" I laughed sitting down.
"Who was annoying? I've never been annoying in my life, I just be cooling" He responded as he looked down at me. Gucci's expression wasn't genuine though judging by the way he shook his head and looked away.
"I told my cousin Angelo I had a gun connect, I could put you on. He met you that one time when you was with me and he thinks you're cool. You'd really be making money then" I insist after changing the subject.
"You don't need to be doing that, I'm content with where I'm at in life. I don't need a target on my back and I can't get my hands on that many guns at once to distribute like that anyway, I did you a favor by giving you what I gave you" He said growing serious.
I nodded and extended my hand for him to take to help me stand up. I could tell there was something on his mind though but knew it wasn't my business.
Gucci hesitated but took my hand anyway and yanked me up causing my towel to fall to the ground. He laughed out loud while I quickly grabbed it and covered myself.
"I see why you're so irritating, I would be to if my dick was small" He taunted and I looked over at Saint for assistance but he had his back to us and rested on the pool edge on his phone.
"It's shrinkage" I said attempting to laugh off this awkward encounter. Someone cleared there throat and I looked over my shoulder at Moses who was watching us.
My boyfriend remained silent and I shook my head already knowing he was going to get the wrong idea.
"So you just giving shows and shit out here?" He questioned bumping passed Gucci who chuckled to himself.
"Nah my towel dropped, I was about to go shower in the guest house" I admit and Moses looked me over as if he didn't believe me.
"I'm not into men, simmer down bruh" Gucci said attempting to diffuse the situation before it could turn into anything deep.
Moses kept his head turned away from Gucci as if to say he wasn't talking to him.
"Forget it. I actually came to speak with Saint anyway" Moses said brushing the situation off.
Saint glanced over his shoulder and looked at Moses in confusion before he climbed out of the pool.
"What you need me for?" Saint questioned as he walked over. I could sense he was just as confused as I was which let me know Moses was still on his scheming mess.
"You know Amaru got shot yesterday?" Moses questioned Saint and I and I shook my head.
He alive?" Saint questioned and Moses nodded while looking at the time on his watch.
"He blamed me of course. Said some detective was looking for me and since he didn't rat me out he became a target" Moses said with a slight chuckle.
"I mean you did bring your drama here. Everybody was just cooling until you showed up" Saint responded.
Moses remained silent and placed his arms behind his back taking in Saint's demeanor.
"So that's why you went back and told Angelo that dealing with me wasn't a good look for his business?" Moses questioned giving Saint a shove.
I stepped in between them while Saint smirked and looked down briefly.
"Did I lie? All you've brought to the table is drama and he's tired of it. You won't tell anyone what you're planning, you just make moves and everyone is suppose to remain silent and not call you out on it and that's the crazy part" Saint said not backing down.
"Facts" I mumbled causing Moses to do a double take as he eyed me like I'd betrayed him.
"Moriah told Amaru and I to take care of Camry and I went back and told you that because I would never do anything like that without consulting you first. But instead of listening to Moriah we have Camry tied up in one of Angelo's stash houses while you continue to go about life without handling the problem, this is going to backfire" I explained.
"I can't just kill Camry, I-" Moses began before he stopped himself and tightened his jaw.
"You still love her. It hurts, but I get it" I answered for him and Moses stared me down.
"Personal feelings shouldn't get in the way of business. More people die that way, what if Aaron dies as a result of this because you tried to play peacemaker? Where is your loyalty?" Saint taunted.
Moses folded his arms and looked at me. I thought for a moment he'd be angry but he wasn't, he was just emotionless.
Saint stood next to me while Gucci stood off to the side watching the three of us. He nodded his head towards where his bag was signaling he had a gun but I quickly shook my head.
"My loyalty is here, it always has been. Camry is fucked up but why should she have to die to send a message to her father? I had her tied up and put away so that she stays out of it until James is taken care of. He's the cause of her actions, she's not a bad person" Moses tried to explain while all of us stared at him.
"You don't think she's going to come back at you for killing her father?" I questioned and Moses hesitated before answering.
"She won't" He responded looking into my eyes. I glanced back at Saint who waited for my verdict.
"She is your responsibility nigga, she talks or does anything that's on you!" I said sternly.
Moses seemed taken aback by my tone judging by the way he raised an eyebrow while Gucci chuckled to himself.
"Why are you talking to me like that?" Moses questioned in a low menacing tone as he stepped to me. I remained in my same spot watching his every move incase he tried to swing on me.
"It's tough love. I want to live my life, I'm sick of this" I replied. I could smell alcohol on Moses' breath strong enough to make me turn my head.
"I don't love her the way I love you. This is real, but she's the mother of my child and I may hate her and talk shit but I don't want her to die over some stupid shit. I believe she can change, you know what it's like to be manipulated and made to feel like you weren't shit. You should both know that better than anybody" Moses said as he took a step back and looked from me to Saint.
"Everybody is getting tired of waiting around for you to start making moves. It's only a matter of time before people start to question your motives, as your man I'm just warning you. It's starting to look a certain way" I warn.
"No as my man you're suppose to have faith in what I'm doing and not question me. I don't want to fight, but you're really irritating me" Moses said turning his head away from me.
"Every time I stand up to you and question your motives you say I'm irritating. I'm sorry, but I refuse to be a pushover. I gave you time to figure out what you wanted to do with Camry because I knew you'd feel some type of way about me giving Amaru the okay to kill her without talking to you first. But I'm starting to feel like I should've just said fuck it and looked the other way" I replied and Moses clenched his jaw and nodded to himself
"I'll be home later, there's some stuff I need to do" Moses muttered as he turned and walked away without giving me a second look.
Maybe I was too hard on him, but I knew he'd take it better coming from me than from Angelo who was clearly almost fed up with him and the attention he had brought to his organization.
Moses said he wanted us to always keep it real with each other but when I was real with him he took it as an attack and put his guard up.
Sometimes I wasn't sure if he really wanted the truth or me to lie to him and stroke his ego when he was wrong about something and if that's how he felt than I wasn't going to be that person.
"Wow that was crazy" Gucci said sarcastically as he scratched the back of his head and looked in the direction Moses had walked in.
"Now he's gonna do weird shit like watch me while I'm sleep and wait for me to apologize" I mumbled as I tightened my towel.
Saint shrugged and jumped back into the pool while Gucci sat back down. I took a deep breath composing myself before heading into the guest house.
The door was cracked and I heard low talking between Kaine and what sounded like Johan.
"Ajani said you weren't here" I called out and they both looked over at me.
"I came in through the back" Kaine said keeping his eyes on Johan like he was trying to control his next move.
Johan continued to look at me before he looked over at Kaine and then back to me again.
"If you need anything bwoy, call me. Your family is more fucked up than mine" Johan said with a sigh as he left out.
Kaine rubbed at his jaw and stared down at papers that sat on the table before he begin gathering everything up.
"What was that all about? Is everything okay with you and Ajani? The kids?" I questioned Kaine who looked up at me in confusion.
"My kids are healthy, I still dick my wife down on the regular and the baby is due any day now I'm good" Kaine said in his usual dull tone.
"Is it Malik? He been acting weird" I said and Kaine looked back down at the papers in his hands before frowning.
"We need to talk. Sit down" Kaine replied his brown eyes seemed to grow warmer as he gestured towards the couch.
"I'm not wearing any underwear under my towel. Can I please go shower first?" I questioned awkwardly but my brother didn't seemed phased.
"Sit down" He repeated and I frowned and did as told. Once he took a deep breath I knew it was time to put up my guard, either someone had died or he was telling me something he knew would hurt.
"Just say it, whatever it is I can take it" I replied in a low tone.
"Those DNA test results you got a few months back were fake. Malik and I lied to protect you and I realize now that I can't keep the lie up. If this was me I'd want to know" Kaine said not breaking eye contact with me.
I kept thinking he would bust out laughing at any moment and say he was just fucking around but he didn't.
-
I drove to Malik's barbershop in a daze and once I shoved the door open everyone looked up at me confused.
"What's wrong with you?" One of the women who braided hair questioned me and I remained silent and stared across the room at Malik who was focused on his client.
"Can we talk?" I questioned walking towards him and bypassing some of the greetings I got.
Malik didn't look up at me, he continued to focus on the client as if he hadn't heard me until I knocked over a few spray cans.
"Bruh can we talk? Don't ignore me" I said struggling to keep my composure.
"You see me cutting hair, whatever you gotta say to me you can wait or say that shit right here" he said and my nostrils flares.
"That's not what you want. I just want to know if it's true? You lied about the DNA test? Kaine told me what was up already but I want to know why. You know how I feel about that shit and I coulda been found my father. I fucking knew it" I complained placing my hands on my hips to calm down.
Everyone in the shop pretended to be busy but it was obvious they were eavesdropping on the conversation and trying to watch the drama unfold.
"I did what I felt was right and Kaine's a bitch for going behind my back like he wasn't cool with the shit when we agreed on it" Malik said cutting the clippers off.
"Forget Kaine nigga, why did you think that was okay? Kaine has been wanting to tell me the truth for months because he knew deep down I was hurting. How fucking dare you talk shit about me keeping secrets when you've been doing the same shit!" I snapped.
Malik slapped the back of my neck and nearly snatched me into the back room before he shut the door behind us.
He messed with his nose ring while he spaced out, something he did when he had a lot of shit weighing on him.
"I was trying to protect you. You have emotional issues and you know that, if I felt like you could handle it than I would've told you when I found out the truth" he said in a hoarse voice.
My chest continued to rise and fall quickly and my hands shook. I couldn't help that I was emotionally unstable at times but I didn't deserve to be lied to about that.
"D-do you know who my father is?" I questioned placing my hands on top of my curls.
Malik's nostril flared and he nodded his head as he averted his gaze to the ground.
For a second I could've sworn his eyes had tears in them but they were gone before I even realized.
"I'm right here" he said gesturing to himself. I scrunched my face up and looked him over.
"This shit is a joke to you huh?" I questioned growing upset and Malik's nostrils continued to flare.
"Does it look like I'm lying?" Malik questioned as he looked at me.
The side of my face began to twitch as my heart dropped. I kept watching him waiting for him to tell me the shit was a joke but he didn't.
"What?" I questioned lowly as I backed up into the door and he continued to watch me.
"I didn't want to become a father, I'm happy you're here and I care for you a lot but I don't want that type of relationship with you. We're brothers and that doesn't have to change, I don't want it to change" Malik rushed out.
"I exist because she raped you?" I questioned and Malik sighed.
"This is why I didn't want you to know and now that Journey is pregnant this has been weighing on my heart a lot" Malik ranted while referring to his on again off again girlfriend.
"You have a kid on the way?" I questioned and Malik looked away while nodding.
"I didn't want kids but I'm trying to change and therapy is helping a lot" he said.
"Being around me is probably painful huh?" I questioned holding back tears as it all settled in.
"No, it isn't. I'm coping, it's not your fault what happened. We were both victims and I'm sorry I can't be what you need. I want you to be around when my kid is born but I understand if that hurts. I don't know how I'm suppose to go about this" Malik said but I didn't bother looking up at him.
"Do you know the gender yet?" I questioned looking up again.
"It's a boy, ironically" he said slowly and I nodded my head.
"Congratulations, being uncle Ron is fun" I said continuing to nod and he stared at me for awhile.
"Aaron-" he began until someone knocked on the door and I stepped to the side and smiled.
"Everything is fine, at least I know the truth now. I've always seen you as just my brother and it'll be okay" I said with a shrug as I reached over and opened the door.
"Don't leave yet, let's grab dinner and talk" Malik said pulling himself together. I watched him leave out to return to his client and he shut the door behind himself.
My hand shook as I locked the door and my vision became blurry. I was use to rejection but this one hurt worse than what I thought it would.
I was still in shock at the news but deep down I'd always been closer to Malik and he was like a father figure to me but he didn't see it that way and even though he biologically was, he'd never see me in that way.
I knew he'd be a good father to his son and he and his girlfriend would protect the kid from the world so he wouldn't grow up like we did and I couldn't be selfish and expect anything from him.
I was an adult now and the child of rape, it was already too late for me.
After taking a few deep breath I let my tears fall and accepted I was hurt, my heart hurt really bad and as much as I tried to put a wall up and hold it in I couldn't.
"What's the point? Fuck this job, I wasn't going to be a barber anyway. Fuck a family" I said hoarsely as I ripped the matching chain I shared with my brothers off my neck and tossed that shit in the trash where it belonged.
Instead of waiting for Malik to finish what he was doing I left out the back exit. What the fuck was we suppose to talk about? He didn't need to continue explaining himself, I understood clearly.
I didn't even bother cutting my phone off as I walked through the alley, I just blocked the numbers I didn't want calling me or hitting me up and that was half of my contacts list.
Before I could block his number Moses called me. I answered once I reached my car door and placed the phone to my ear.
"What you said earlier, I needed to hear it. I'm glad it came from you" Moses said.
I hit the alarm on my car and remained silent while waiting for him to continue.
"I just can't kill Camry, but I'm a take her off Angelos's hands, she's my problem and I'm a handle it. We good?" Moses questioned.
"Everything is fine, let me call you back" I responded before hanging the phone up and sighing.
I climbed into my car and crunk it up and rested my head back against the seat. I didn't bother blocking Moses' number seeing as I'd have to see him anyway to get my stuff.
I grabbed my backpack from the floor of the car and prepared to move it into the backseat when I remembered what I had in the pocket.
To make sure I'd have privacy I drove further up the street and pulled into an alley near a few business that were closed.
There weren't any bums around and I didn't feel like taking the chance of someone coming out of the barbershop trying to fucking fuck with me at the moment.
It took a few minutes of me digging around in my bag for a lighter for me to give up and settle on the box cutter I'd found inside in a ziplock bag.
Before I knew it I was pulling my shirt off and I'd reclined my seat back.
After removing the box cutter from the ziplock bag I stared up at the top of the car and took a few deep breaths.
" I said I wouldn't do this shit again" I said with disappointment filling my voice as I clutched the box cutter in my hand.
Without thinking further about it, I slashed across the skin on my wrist, again and again as blood began to get all over everything.
Tears of pain and anger poured out of my eyes as I hyperventilated and I could feel my arm and hand shaking.
I wrapped my shirt around where the bleeding was and tightened it while my fingers started to tingle.
My hand continued to clutch the box cutter that dripped blood as I breathed in and out but it felt like I still wasn't taking in enough oxygen.
I lifted my up feeling my fingers grow numb while my blood soaked through my shirt and dripped down my arm.
This wasn't the first time this had happened and for awhile I stopped cutting and went to burning my skin just anything to hurt myself before I stopped.
It'd been a few years since I'd ever really have the urge to hurt myself. As I watched my hand twitch I knew there was no going back to my apartment with the type of injury I had, I could see I'd gotten carried away.
I began banging my head against the steering wheel before stabbing the box cutter into my thigh but I was to in distress to feel it at the time.
I think I remembered screaming and sobbing during the mental breakdown but I wasn't sure because I blacked out after awhile.
Moses McKinley
The car. I saw the car first and the blood and it still didn't resonate with me what had happened. Part of me thought that it was the wrong person, I knew Aaron had his issues but I'd never experienced it like this and didn't know how bad it could get.
I'd seen him earlier and he was normal, we exchanged words and I'd agreed to do better. We'd even spoke before the situation happened and he said everything was fine and he'd call me later.
He didn't come home on time, didn't return my calls or text messages and after all that I knew something was wrong.
If it wasn't for a man that saw him sitting by his car covered in blood who knows what the fuck would've happened. Aaron gave him my number and he called me and explained what he saw and took pictures so I'd believe him.
After getting to the E.R I went through hell and back trying to find him. But when I did he was off in a room instead of behind a curtain and three nurses were tending to him.
One was just speaking to him and holding his hand, another was cleaning the blood off of him and the last was stitching up his thigh.
"Who are you?" One of the nurses questioned. Aaron didn't even bother looking up at me, almost like he was in a zone.
"His boyfriend" I replied and after looking me over they allowed me to come into the room.
"He's being put in a 72 hour hold, you know that right? He's not going home" The nurse stitching him up said and I shut my eyes.
"I didn't try to kill myself" Aaron said in a low tone. I waited for them to finish up and once they did they gave us privacy while making arrangements.
"Why did you do this?" I questioned looking at his arm that was bandaged up and he licked his dry lips.
"I wanted to feel anything other than what I was feeling. I know the truth about Malik, Kaine told me and he admitted it, he's starting a family too. It's like I keep getting my hopes up for something and I get rejected, every time. Feels like I'm still looking for acceptance, I have the money, people find me attractive and I shouldn't feel alone, but I do" He said sadly.
A tear slid down his face but since he was slaying down it dripped into his ear causing him to rub it.
"I knew. Malik told me about him being your father, I just couldn't tell you even though I wanted to tell you. You shouldn't of got that news alone" I said lowly.
"He's not my father, he was raped and I was conceived but that means nothing. I shouldn't even be alive, my existence is fucked up. Once I realized that was when I really went in with the box cutter. I wanted to go home but I'm where I need to be" He answered still in a daze.
"Malik wouldn't want you to feel like that, if he knew about this he would've been the first one here. I know it's hard-" I began but he cut me off.
"You don't know. I keep putting myself out there and I keep being the joke. I have to schedule an appointment to talk to Kaine and it usually takes him a week to get back to me but it's not his fault it's the responsibilities he has. You're hot and cold and sometimes you just leave when shit gets hard because you feel trapped and you've done it more than once. I don't hate Malik, I don't hate anybody but I'm not going to keep putting myself out there anymore. My heart can't take the constant rejection or technicalities" Aaron explained.
I noticed his hand twitching and he kept wiggling his fingers like he was trying to see if they still worked.
"I have to see another doctor, they think I have nerve damage in my hand now. The numbness went away but my fingers still tingle" Aaron said answering for me.
"I can make you happy and I know I was a coward before and left you alone for awhile, but I changed. I'm not going anywhere, this is where I want to be" I tried to explain.
Aaron kept his head rested back as he took in everything. I listened to him swallow and waited for him to try and make eye contact with me, but he didn't.
"Tonight was a low point for me, I didn't recognize myself and hadn't spazzed like that in awhile. I have a lot of demons I need to fight and issues to work through, I need to learn to love myself and make myself happy. Maybe-" Ron began but I shook my head.
"No. We can get through this shit together, no more running from our problems. I know you have your issues, I have mine too, but if I can't help you work through this shit than how are we suppose to get married one day and be strong enough to last. I'm here because I want to be here. I don't have parents either but I was content because I had you and all I needed was you" I confessed growing emotional.
"I'm sorry for putting you through this, I'm going to get better. But I don't want Malik in my life right now" Aaron said while staring straight ahead.
Another single tear drop slid down the side of his face as I reached out and touched him.
"I understand both sides. You have to take care of yourself and work through it. If that's going to be too hard than I understand walking away from him, maybe not for forever but until you feel at peace with it" I said wiping his face with the back of my hand.
We sat in silence after that and I stayed with him until I had to leave, but I made sure he knew I was coming back and that I would find someway to fix it even though I knew I couldn't.
His car had been towed so I had to get it back and on top of that Rowan was suppose to be bringing Sienna to see me so I could spend time with my daughter before I left for Miami.
Instead of going home, I drove to a second location Angelo distributed drugs out of and after the guards saw who I was they let me in.
I headed towards the back where another guard stood blocking the door and he stepped to the side once he saw me and allowed me into the room where my wife was.
Camry's eyes widened when she saw me and she tried to spit at me but it ended up landing on the clean white shirt she wore that was two sizes to big.
"Fuck you for keeping me chained up like this. I want to see my daughter!" She screamed.
"No you don't" I responded as I sighed and took a seat in the chair across the room.
"So why did you come here? You're too pussy to kill me, I know you still have feelings, as much as you lie and say you don't I know you do" Camry taunted.
"Usually the first suspect when a spouse dies is the other spouse. To avoid all of that I just want you to sign over your rights to Sienna and then leave, I'll give you money to get away from your father. You'll be childless and have the opportunity to drink mimosas all day somewhere on an island and fuck who you want" I proposition.
"You trust that I'll stay away? How do you know that I won't go running back to my father?" Camry questioned raising an eyebrow.
"You'll pass up ten million to go home to your father who beats and controls you? The same man who beats your mother and sister and once Sienna is old enough he'll try and beat her too. Rowan is leaving, you don't have to stay there, I don't want you in the middle but if I have to kill you I'll do it" I admit.
Camry looked down sadly like she was close to tears like this was so hard for her.
"I do love my daughter, and I tried to be good to her - but I'm just not fit to be a mother. I'm not caring or affectionate and if it came down to me or her I'd choose myself" Camry said with shame in her voice.
"Than let me have her and give her a good life. Regardless on if she's biologically mine or not" I said and Camry frowned.
"She is yours. I was already pregnant when I started messing around with Michael. What I did was stupid but I wouldn't put a baby on you that wasn't yours. I'm too messy and would've liked to ruin Michael's life since he was married" Camry said as her evil ass smiled.
"You gonna do this shit or not?" I questioned ignoring what she'd said, the thought of fucking someone my brother had fucked made my dick hurt.
"I'll sign, as soon as the money is in my account and I'm a free woman" Camry muttered turning her gaze away from me like she was ashamed she'd agreed to give Sienna up.
"I'll send you pics every now and then if it'll make you feel less guilty" I said standing up.
Camry forced a weak smile as a tear drop slid down her cheek.
"It's for the best. I didn't want this, I just wanted you but you never really wanted me" Camry said quietly.
"I'll be back sometime tomorrow and I'll hold up my end of the bargain" I said before leaving out.
I wasn't stupid enough to believe that once Camry was let go she'd flee away from her father. She was given one chance and once chance only and if she went back on her word she'd be gunned down along with her father and that'd be the end of it.
My mind drifted back to Aaron and where he was at and I felt terrible for what I was going to do.
I fetched my phone out of my pocket and hesitated for a moment before calling Malik. It was two in the morning and I hoped he didn't answer to be honest.
"Why are you calling me at this time?" He questioned in a raspy voice as I headed out of the building.
"Ron snapped and mutilated himself, he's in the hospital and they put him on a 72 hour hold. I thought you weren't going to tell him" I said.
Malik took a deep breath and I heard him cut what sounded like a light on.
"I didn't tell him anything, that was Kaine. I was honest and I told him how I felt, I don't regret him being born but if I could take back what happened to me I would" Malik said.
"You have every right to feel that way but you can't get upset if he decided to go forward with not having a relationship with you. It is not fair to him to watch you be a father and move on living a lie while he grieves a real relationship with his father he will never have!" I snapped.
Malik hung the phone up without saying anything further and I lowered my phone down to my side.
I gritted my teeth as I opened my car door and got inside. The old me would've went in search of some pussy or something to relieve some stress but I was on some faithful shit nowadays because I was in love.
As I pulled off I cut the radio on and as soon as I heard Drake's voice I cut that shit off, nigga always made my problem worse.
It was bad enough I'd be without my nigga for three days, how was I suppose to sleep without worrying to death about him?
-
"I'm coming in so if you're naked please cover up" Rowan called from the other side of my bedroom door.
I opened my eyes and looked at the time seeing it was going on 2pm and I'd still barely got any sleep.
Rowan didn't wait for me to respond back when she opened the bedroom door and stepped inside with my daughter on her hip biting a teething ring.
"Say get up daddy" Rowan said putting on her annoying baby voice as she placed Sienna onto my bed.
"How did you get in my apartment?" I questioned when Saint appeared next to her and held up the spare key Ron had given him.
Rowan tried to low key look over at Saint and hide her blush while he stood oblivious and looked around the room.
"Where's Ron? He was suppose to pick up something from me" Saint said and I sat up and wiped the sleep out of my eyes.
"Oh you don't know. He's in the hospital" I said and Saint's goofy demeanor shifted as he dropped his arm down to his side.
"Hospital? What the fuck happened, why didn't anyone call me?" Saint questioned.
"Because it wasn't about you at the moment. I was making sure he was good, I planned to tell you today at some point" I said with a shrug.
"Did my father get to him? He's not gonna die is he because I still want to fuck" Rowan said bluntly and I sighed and pushed the covers off of myself.
"He's not going to die. What happened to him was self inflicted " I admit making eye contact with Saint so he knew what I meant.
"Wait so he's crazy? Crazy niggas have good dick" Rowan said beginning to space out and I rubbed my forehead.
"I'm not in the mood to play with you, it's really not the time" I said letting my irritation show.
"I wasn't playing" Rowan mumbled as she grabbed Sienna from the bed. I kissed the back of my daughters hand before she was carried out of the room leaving Saint and I alone.
"Can I go see him? What did he do? He burn himself again?" Saint questioned back to back.
"Took a box cutter to his wrist but he claims he didn't try and kill himself. I think he needs time to himself right now, when he comes home I'll let you know first" I assure climbing out of bed.
"Why did he do it? He seemed fine yesterday" Saint asked like he was trying to insinuate I'd done something.
"Let him tell you, I don't even want to talk about the shit anymore" I mumbled going into the bathroom and shutting the door.
I took a long hot shower and took care of my morning hygiene before just standing around in the bathroom air drying and trying to pull myself together.
Early that morning I was on some depressed shit, just watching Aaron's insta story of him singing along to a song on the radio before it deleted forever.
After moisturizing my skin I eventually came out of the bathroom and got dressed. I went over to my safe and unlocked it pulling out the gun inside and tucked it behind me.
As I was shutting it back Rowan opened the door to my bedroom without knocking and when she saw me she shook her head.
"Oh no, I was suppose to be dropping her off and leaving to enjoy my weekend. You're not leaving me here, I could've left her with a nanny" Rowan complained.
"I'll be back in a few hours" I assure and Rowan frowned and continued holding Sienna on her hip.
"If it came down to it and you had to choose life or death between her or Aaron, you'd pick her right?" Rowan questioned.
"I would without even thinking about it. But it's never going to come to that because the moment you felt like your father was on some crazy shit you'd leave with my daughter" I said narrowing my eyes at Rowan and she nodded quickly.
"It's just, maybe Sienna shouldn't go back. If Camry signs the papers terminating her rights what's the point of keeping this a secret from my father?" Rowan asked.
"I only did this to help you out. If you go back without Sienna that's what you'll have to deal with, I want her to stay" I admit.
"I don't want to go back Moses" She said sadly. I took my daughter from her arms and Rowan licked her fingers before wiping the makeup off of her eye revealing the black eye she was trying to hide.
"Don't go back then" I responded. She followed me out of the bedroom and I was able to stop Saint before he could leave out my front door.
"Come ride with me, I'm going to see Amaru" I said and he sighed.
"I got stuff to do, I'm not really feeling this" Saint muttered before biting into an apple he'd stole from my kitchen.
"Don't be like that bruh. I wanna hear you out about what you said yesterday because I feel like I took it the wrong way" I admit.
Saint remained silent as he bit into the apple again and chewed before he gave a simple head nod.
I looked at Rowan who frowned and took Sienna from my arms and my daughter began to cry.
"Please don't lie and be gone all day, she wants you" Rowan complained.
"Give me three hours maybe four if traffic is bad" I said and she looked me over as if she didn't believe me.
I moved around her and left out of my apartment and followed Saint down the hallway as he ruffled his dreads.
"That's why I can't have no kids, I'm selfish and I get bored easily. I'd be one of those niggas that leave to go and get milk and come back when they like eighteen and can wipe they own ass and fend for themselves" Saint admitted.
"Nigga that's not some shit you should say out loud, that's fucked up" I said as we got on the elevator.
"Sometimes honesty is fucked up, but at least I know not to have kids right now" he said trying to low key talk shit.
"You think I'm a bad father, yeah?" I asked bluntly. Once the elevator doors opened he tried to walk out but I grabbed him and pulled him back in.
"A bad father? No, but you could be better" He said with a shrug.
I shook my head not believing him, I wasn't a typical father. If I was some bum they laid sleep on the couch all day and did nothing else than I could see where he was coming from.
But I was out here dodging bullets and being a provider. Nobody said being a drug dealer was glamorous but it was our reality and when I gave her the world she'd be thankful.
I didn't speak to Saint the entire car ride, partially because he'd offended me but mostly because I'd taken three phone calls back to back.
"Ron at this hospital?" Saint questioned and I shook my head as we went passed the front desk ignoring the receptionist that had said something to us.
"Peyton already gave me the room number. Hopefully this doesn't take long" I said and Saint chuckled at the mention of Peyton.
"Ron told me she liked you" Saint said and I scratched the side of my face as we entered another elevator.
"He also told you I didn't want her?" I asked and Saint nodded.
"Yeah, I don't feel no type of way about it. I always did kinda think she had a thing for you or Ron she was always too obsessed with what you both had going on" He said and I agreed.
"So you're telling me Aaron has never messed around with her or Erin?" I questioned.
"No. I dated Erin for awhile and he never saw Peyton like that. He did use to hook up with a lot of girls, I use to think his preference was tipping more that way until he started messing around with my cousin and than Amaru came along" Saint said.
The elevator doors opened and we stepped out and headed down the hallway on the right. I read the room numbers on the doors while dodging nurses.
It wasn't until Saint tapped me that I stopped. I peeked into the room and notice Amaru was sitting up watching TV while hooked up to a few machines.
"You jumped out a high window and lived, not many people can say that bruv " I said and he cut his eyes towards me.
"Because of you. My life has been nothing but miserable since you and Aaron came into it" he accused.
"The man who did this to you, you said he was a detective?" I questioned and he sighed.
"He wasn't the one in my apartment but I know he sent them because I refused to give you up. You have any idea how much pain I'm in? But since I'm a recovering addict they have to monitor what they give me" He whined.
"I just came to make amends. It's time to get everybody out of the way, let's kill everybody. Fuck it" I said with a shrug.
Almost like he hadn't heard me correctly he turned his head and pretended to clean his ears.
"Oh you finally want to do what we should've done in the beginning? Maybe now I don't want to help you, you deserve everything that comes your way and so does Aaron's bitch ass" Amaru muttered.
"Leave him out of this and get that hate up out your heart. I'm trying to help you out, you had to jump out of a window to keep from getting murdered. You not even good at shooting, if shit pops off you'd be the weakest link" I said with a shrug.
"I don't need nothing from you"Amaru said stubbornly and Saint chuckled and moved from beside me as he entered the hospital room all the way.
"Don't be stupid about this shit. We're average when it comes to guns and when those niggas come back it might be an entirely different story" Josh said from behind me.
I moved to the side allowing him to come in and he moved to Amaru's bedside and looked down at him.
"You trust him? For real?" Amaru questioned getting an attitude.
"Yes. Your feelings towards him are over some personal shit that's months old. We need to get the people that did this to you back and it can't be just me and you. Angelo's not fucking with you right now and Zeke isn't returning calls" Josh said.
"But he's dumb enough to keep Deejay and Carlos around and trust them. For all we know they could fake hate each other and be plotting on the low" Amaru tried to remind them.
"Who said anything about trust? You gotta play the game to win the war, leave both them niggas to me because it's personal. Worry about staying alive" I said growing irritated.
It's like everyone forgot I knew Carlos and Deejay better than they did. I knew the type of grimy niggas I was dealing with and I wasn't trying to show my hand just yet, it was a process but I wished niggas had faith.
"Alright. But if I get shot again, you paying my hospital bills cause this shit not cheap. You better pray we don't get caught up with the law either or I'm pointing all you hoes out in court" Amaru muttered.
Josh laughed and extended his hand for me to shake. I noticed Saint seemed uneasy about something but I decided to talk to him about it back in the car.
"Well we out then, got other places to be. Hope your childish ass is done playing Spider-Man and jumping out windows, you won't be useful if you're paralyzed or dead" I said.
Amaru grabbed Josh's hand and flicked me off as I tapped Saint signaling him we should go.
"What was that all about?" I questioned Saint once we got out in the hallway.
"I think you should talk to Gucci, he's good at this kinda shit and he knows what he's doing. He's not into Ron how you think he is, he's cool. I'm not involved with this and you'll need someone to watch your back since Angelo is out of it at the moment" Saint said.
I stopped walking and shook my head, I wasn't ask that nigga for nothing. He was cool with Aaron, that didn't mean he was trustworthy or somebody I would even be cool with like that.
Aaron usually befriended people who fucked him over because he wanted to see the good in everyone, it's not like he was in the right mindset at the moment anyway to have good judgment.
Authors Note -
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