Even if I say It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
It's not too late
It's never too late
Three Days Grace: Never Too Late
Chapter Twenty Eight – Liam
I think Addie did great today and Nathan said today would be the worst. I wrapped an arm around her and we walked from the courthouse and I held her tight as people asked questions and she said nothing and let Nathan handle it as we walked out of the doors.
I wish her family wasn't who they were then maybe this could have been handled quietly instead, it would have saved her a lot of stress.
When we got back to the house she only said that she wanted to lay down, she hadn't said anything else and it was like her confidence wore off and I don't blame her, her parents questions were brutal as they tried to show her as a whore.
"You did such a good job baby." I kissed her forehead and my heart hurt heading her cry as her shoulder shook so I held her tighter hoping that maybe it would help
"I hate having to see him. When I see him it's like it's happening all over again." she sobbed and I knew she was strong but she was struggling and anyone can see he still has a hold on her.
"You are stronger than that."
"Over four years of him controlling me, over four years and it's not all going to go away in a few months."
"I know it takes time but look how far you've come in the past nine months." I tilted her head up and she turned away
"I look terrible." She complained
"No you look beautiful, you're always beautiful." I pushed her onto her back and hovered over her so she almost had to look at me
"Stop." She complained
"Look at me baby." I brushed the tears away from her face
"No." she said stubbornly
"Yes." I kissed her cheek
"Pushy." She mumbled and I smiled as she finally gave in and looked at me
"I love you." I told her and she burst into tears again and I kind of panicked "What did I do?" I asked alarmed and she shook her head and hugged me to her
"I'm sorry." She cried harder I rolled to my back and held her against me and let her cry into my chest
"Why are you sorry?" I was very confused by all of this
"I should have told you the truth, I shouldn't have left, I'm a terrible girlfriend and I was so afraid to tell you what happened." I had to focus to understand what she was actually saying
"You're a great girlfriend and I'm sorry It took me so long to move past last summer. Why were you afraid to for me to know?" I asked
"Because I'm stupid and a slut and I"
"Don't you dare." I warned and made her look at me "Just don't, I love you all the same Addison."
"But you're so adamant on waiting until you're married and I can't do that." She didn't get that it didn't bother me; well it did, but again just because she had to go through it.
"You can wait with me Addison, just because they took that from you doesn't mean that you can't. All I care about is that we don't unless we get married." I stressed that to her but she seemed so stuck on it.
"I slept with Alex, I didn't stop it." she whispered
"You made the right choice." if she didn't do that god knows what he would have done to her.
"You honestly think that?" she asked surprised
"Yes I do. You're stronger than you think and when you're not feeling strong I'm here to be strong for you." I tucked her against me again and she gripped tight to me as she slid down to put her head on my stomach and she laid between my legs and it was surprisingly comfortable.
"How did I get so lucky?" she asked me
"I was an ass to you all winter."
"I deserved it."
"No you didn't. I made stupid mistakes and Asher was right to call me out. You're going to get through this trial and no matter the outcome you're going to be better off after it but you'll need therapy, are you ready for that?" I asked her and she sighed
"Not really but I'm not ready for this either."
"I know you need me to sleep but eventually you're going to have to learn to sleep on your own, I think therapy will help."
"I know; it's going to be a lot to get used to. Everyone at school knows and I have to go back there."
"I think that you should turn your phone on and talk to your friends." I ran my hands through her hair and this was simple and peaceful; I loved the moments like this.
"What if they hate me or look at me different."
"Honestly they're going to look at you differently because of it, it's a lot to go through and not everyone is going to know what to say, they'll be awkward and uncomfortable but either it will get better or you'll part ways." Some people won't be able to handle it and she should be prepared for that.
"I can't do this." she started tearing up again
"Yes you can. I believe in you, we all believe in you." I rocked her as she sobbed some more and I started singing to her to try to calm her down and eventually she started calming down and her sobs just turned to light hiccups as she calmed down.
"I just want to eat and curl up with you." she nuzzled my neck and I smiled down at her.
"I'll go see what I can do." I kissed her forehead and headed to the kitchen
"How is she holding up?" Kalila asked and I sighed
"I don't know. She's hard to read and she hates having to see him." She was finishing up making dinner so I waited patiently.
"Do you think she's going to be alright?" Auntie asked
"I hope so but she needs to see someone after the trial I just don't know if she'll be ready for it or not and we can't force her but she needs to." I remember last time we tried to make her eat and I didn't want it to be like that. Lalan dished up some food and handed me two plates without even needing to ask.
"Make sure you bring the dishes out." She yelled as I headed back to the room we were staying in and I pushed the door open and then dropped the plates and I barley heard them shatter as I rushed over to her and she looked up at me and shook her head
"I'm not strong, I'm not brave I can't do this." she looked down where she had a blade held to her wrists, the sharp metal digging into her skin and there was a little bit of blood going down her arm now
I got down on my hands and knees and crawled over to her, she had positioned herself in the corner and she rocked as she pushed it deeper and if she didn't stop it now I don't know what we would do
"Baby look at me, look at me. I love you and I need you. Please give me the blade, please." I begged her
"It doesn't even hurt anymore." She said
"It's hurting me." I could hear them behind us but they were giving me space to try to get it from her.
"I can't, It's like they all raped me all over and over again, it just it's in my mind, they're doing it again and again that's how it feels every damn time I have to tell them what happened! I'm never going to be free, I'm never going to forget. The scars are always going to be there, my virginity is never coming back, they're there every time I close my eyes I just want it to stop." She screamed as she pressed it harder and I couldn't do this anymore
I yanked her arm and pushed her back onto the ground and I knew I was hurting her and I could feel her blood under my palm
"Let me go!" she screamed
"I am not going to let you fucking hurt yourself." I was pissed right now, I understand that she's hurting but I'm pissed at her because she would do this. Asher grabbed the knife from her and I let her go
"I hate you, I hate all of you!" she screamed and when she went to run I grabbed her around her waist and she kicked and hit but I held her against me until she just started sobbing again.
I know this happened to her but we all feel it, we all love her and seeing her in pain like this is killing us too.
"Well we all love you." Kalila said and she looked over at her and cried harder
"I can't do this." she said over and over again
"I need to clean you up." I said and I brought her to the bathroom while Lalan began cleaning up the plates and I washed the blood of her arms and I looked at it, it was bleeding a good deal but it wasn't deep enough to need stitches.
I used the butterfly bandages and pulled the skin together and put another one over that.
"I can stitch it if it needs to be stitched, just go back to my old home and everything you could ever need will be there, complete with psycho ex-fiancé." She said bitterly
"It doesn't need stitches." I washed her blood from me and she looked away. When we got back to the room the mess was cleaned up and I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it in the laundry and I gently pulled her shirt over her head and her white tank top had blood on it too so I pulled that one off too and wiped the little bit of blood from her skin.
"Thank you." she whispered. I slid my hand up her back and unclipped that since she couldn't move her hand without pain to do it herself but I made sure to keep my eyes glued to hers and I pulled her sleeping bra thing over her head and then a shirt.
"You're welcome."
"Always the gentleman." She gave me a small smile
"I respect you." I told her and she sat on the bed and I pulled her shorts off too and then she stepped into her sleep ones.
"You should go talk to them." I told her and she nodded and gave me a kiss before walking to wherever they were and I changed into some shorts and sat on the bed with my head in my hands.
We had tomorrow off so I had to work and I would worry about her all day. This was all so messed up and I just didn't know what to do.
Addie always looked to me and I tried my hardest but sometimes I just didn't have the answers, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. She just tried to slit her wrists in front of all of us and that isn't normal or healthy or right.
She needs therapy bad and I don't know how she's going to move on at this point. I hope this trial does more good but right now it just feels like it's doing more harm and I pray to god that she wins this case because she deserves to, they belong in jail! But I also hope it goes the right way because I don't want her to feel like this was all for nothing.
I was so deep in this and I knew that, I chose this but it was just hard and for once, for just a day I wished it would just be easy.