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Lucy Rose - Be Alright
"Because I knew
That you would be alright
And in my heart you would stay a while with me."
FRAMED PICTURES WERE LYING ON ELENA'S DRESSER. The girl was trying to get rid of stuff, which reminded her of Holden. She was not ready to delete him out of her life but the pain of knowing that she would never see him again hurt her.
Elena stopped in front of the pictures before seeing one picture with her and Caroline, where they were sticking their tongues out. Another picture was of her and Holden as the two took a selfie in the Salvatore Boarding House. She remembered that day, where they just were chilling around, just the two of them.
The Gilbert girl sighed before moving her eyes to a picture of Tyler and her. She smiled slightly before approaching her bed, where a bag laid with a bunch off framed pictures inside. Elena grabbed a blue shirt from the bed, folded it and placed it in a box with a sad look on her face.
She noticed a picture on the ground which she accidentally dropped while cleaning. Elena bent down before picking up. She saw Holden on it as he smiled at the camera. Elena wasn't in the shot because she was the one to take it. Elena put the picture in the box as well before taking the pictures from the dresser with her and Holden.
The girl slid her drawer open while holding both things before she found one of Holden's flannel shirts. Elena slowly put the pictures down before taking the flannel out and holding it tightly to her chest with a pained look on her face. Elena saw a piece of paper lying in the dresser too as she took it.
It was Holden's letter for her when he died. Elena refused to read it ever again because it hurt her the most. She had practically memorized the whole letter just by reading it one time and she felt embarrassed that she didn't follow his wishes. "What could you have expected, Holden? Leaving me alone like that?" Elena whispered under her breath before taking the letter.
Elena put all of the stuff which reminded her of Holden into two separate boxes before closing them. "I let him go..." Elena whispered as she remembered her talk with Jeremy.
"You're gonna erase Bonnie and Damon from your head too?" Jeremy questioned as the two spoke on the phone.
Elena was in her room as she had just began packing stuff. "Missing Damon makes me sad for Izzie and I need to be there for her. Missing Bonnie makes me sad, Jer. And missing him... it makes me dangerous. Alaric will compel away my memories and then make me forget that I had him do it. I need you to keep the truth from me too. Tyler, Matt and Stefan are on board."
"What about Caroline?"
Elena paused. "Somehow I doubt she'll take much convincing even if Holden was her best friend..."
ALARIC BEGAN CLOSING THE SHADES OF ELENA'S DORM ROOM AS ELENA SAT ON A CHAIR ACROSS FROM AN EMPTY ONE. "Did you tell Izzie what you're doing?" Alaric asked her curiously as Elena glanced back at him.
"I didn't have to. I know you told her."
The original vampire mused before nodding. "I mean... You can't just keep her out of this."
Elena nodded her head. "She probably hates me now. I hate myself too," Elena whispered as Alaric looked at her softly before sitting down on the empty chair in front of her.
"I asked Izzie whether she'd like to do the same thing but she declined. But that doesn't mean she's a stronger person than you," Ric commented as Elena looked down. "Hey, she doesn't hate you. She understands you. Izzie just chooses not to do it."
Elena looked back at Alaric before nodding once again. "Talk me through it again?"
"I raided the psychology department's research library, and a nutshell would be using a combination of hypnotherapy and memory reprocessing techniques," Alaric explained as he placed his hand in her knee before looking into her eyes, compelling her. "The more we talk, the more you'll relax and open your mind to me."
Alaric then stopped compelling her as he settled back. "We're going to be researching through memories that are deeply embedded, and each significant memory that we hit which is connected to Holden I will help you modify. And this should eventually lead us to the signature memory which one erased will create a positive domino effect through all your other memories."
Elena furrowed her eyebrows as she listened. "Can't you just compel me to forget everything at once? Or we can go get a beer?"
Both of them laughed softly as Ric spoke again. "I am supernaturally rewiring three years of your memories. If it were that easy, it wouldn't be so terrifying."
Elena nodded her head though she looked sad. Ric placed his hand on her knee once again before compelling her. "I have some questions. Answer them honestly."
"I will answer everything honestly."
"Do you have doubts about this?" Alaric questioned her as Elena nodded.
"Yes. But I know I have to do this."
"Are you afraid?"
Elena shook her head. "More sad than afraid."
"Why sad?"
"Because I don't want to stop loving him," she answered in a monotone voice as Ric sighed slightly.
"Do you trust me, to be digging around in your mind?" he asked her consent so Elena nodded.
"I trust you completely."
Alaric was scared to begin because he didn't want Elena deleting his best friend out of her life like that. But also she was hurting and maybe moving on without Holden was for the better. "Okay. Well then let's-let's get started... Who is Holden Salvatore?"
"He was my boyfriend, whom I loved so much. But then he died," Elena answered sadly as Ric continued questioning her.
"And when did you first meet him?"
"I was in high school."
Elena was standing on a bridge, waiting for her parents to pick her up. She noticed someone standing behind her before she turned there to see Holden standing in front of her.
He looked angry so Elena felt a bit intimidated. "Hi," she spoke before looking behind him.
"I thought you were dead," he sneered lowly as Elena smiled at him.
"He thought I was Katherine. Even if he looked angry, I still thought he looked hot. And manly..."
"Holden."
"Holden," Elena repeated as she smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Holden."
"The way he looked at me... It made me feel something," Elena mused remembering that day.
"Feel what?"
"Like I could do everything with him. Like anything was possible."
Alaric knew he was going to delete their first ever meeting and even he wasn't ready. "You had a nice moment in the road with a stranger. But that's all he was, a stranger."
Elena blinked. "Stranger, two people passing in the night," she mused as a single tear rolled down her eye.
"Are you okay?"
Elena wiped the tear before smiling slightly. "Hmm, yeah let's just keep going."
"TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS," Alaric asked Elena as the two continued rewiring her memories of the love of her life. "Tell me about this moment."
"We will survive this. We always do. Trust me," Elena spoke to Holden after Stefan betrayed them by not letting them kill Klaus. "And I know we are not getting Stefan back ever. And we let him go then, okay? We will let him go."
Holden then spun around before kissing her on the lips passionately.
"He kissed me just after I told him I'd let go of Stefan. As if he waited for me to be free," Elena remembered as she touched her lips. "He kissed me. And I shouldn't have let him. I shouldn't have kissed him back. I mean, I knew he loved me and even though Stefan and I were on the outs, I shouldn't have kissed him back."
Alaric leaned forward while staring into her brown eyes, compelling her. "He kissed you, you thought it was inappropriate. You told him so."
"I told him it was wrong."
"Who is Holden Salvatore?" Alaric tried again with her as Elena looked back at Alaric.
"He was my boyfriend..." Alaric looked down in disappointment. "Whom I loved... I loved so much. But then he died."
Alaric sighed deeply before standing up. He looked at her. "You know, why don't we-why don't we take a little break, okay? To be honest, I could use a drink."
The professor then left her room as Elena stood up before approaching the two boxes she had packed. Elena sat down on the ground before opening the box. She thought she wouldn't open it again but she needed to know the exact moment she fell for Holden, the moment she knew she couldn't live without him.
Elena opened the letter he wrote her before reading it. Tears formed in her eyes as she shook her head and closed it before quickly leaving her dorm room.
"I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU BECAUSE HOLDEN AND YOU WERE PRETTY GOOD FRIENDS," Elena told Caroline through the phone as she sat outside on a bench. "I thought you'd tell me how stupid I am."
She could hear that Caroline was driving a car and had no idea what the blonde was up to. "I mean, thank you for telling me. But I don't think you should do it. We are literally chasing a lead. W-what if we find something out? Yeah, you know what if Holden returns home and everything returns back to normal? And you're just sitting there all confused and weird?"
Elena stood up as she began to wander through the campus slowly. "Then Alaric will bring back my memories.
"But..."
"But what? Go ahead, Caroline. Say what you need to say," Elena sighed sadly. She felt as if she was disappointing so many people. "I don't want to... pressure you into agreeing."
Caroline paused. "Did Izzie agree? What does she say?"
"She agreed, though I have no idea what she is thinking," Elena mused as Caroline let out a soft laugh.
"Well, I don't know what to say. I was actually trying to think of what Bonnie would say," Caroline mused quietly.
Elena sighed as she stopped in front of a tree before kicking it softly with her shoe. "And?"
"And... she'd say that you should do what's best for you," Caroline commented but it didn't sound sincere so Elena smiled.
"Look, I think it's great that you still have hope, I really do but-" Elena paused as pain in her chest kept rising. "For my own survival I need to let him go for good now."
"Well, then go on with your what-would-bonnie-bennett-do plan," Caroline laughed as Elena giggled. "I'll make bumper stickers."
"I love you," Elena told her best friend, who repeated those words before the two best friends hung up the phone.
She then remembered one moment.
"I can't believe you forgot to add fuel to your car," Holden told Elena as the two walked along the road slowly, admiring a hot summer night.
Elena chuckled as she intertwined their hands, walking close to each other. "I got distracted by you trying to sing karaoke," Elena teased as Holden glared at her playfully. "I mean, I'm not complaining. This is nice."
"It does feel nice," Holden nodded his head at her as the two stared at each other while walking. Elena blushed before looking up at the sky.
"It's so starry tonight," she commented calmly as Holden gazed away from her and up at the sky too.
"It's gonna rain soon, baby. Maybe we should just rush home quickly," Holden said as the two stopped. Elena pouted like a child as she shook her head.
"Well, when it starts raining, I'll be sure to get under your jacket," she said with a smirk as Holden raised both of his eyebrows up. Elena giggled before Holden looked up at the sky once again as Elena snuggled to him.
Holden placed Elena in front of him before he wrapped his arms around her small frame. "When I was little... Father always used to take me to this field. He showed me the stars and taught me quite a few things about them. Before he became a monster to my brothers."
Elena frowned as she raised her head up to him. "Hey... You three turned out to be just fine, Holden. Parents don't always take part in who you are. You're not your father," Elena comforted him as Holden stared up at the sky.
It held so many stars that Holden wanted to count when he was little. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she questioned him calmly as Holden nodded his head. "It almost makes you feel sad."
"Sad?" Holden asked while looking down at a small girl in front of him. "Well, if they make you sad, cry."
Elena laughed while rolling her eyes. "I'm serious. Whenever you feel like crying just look up at the stars. And you'll know that the sadness will pass someday. A new day will come and the sky will be bright," Holden told her gently as Elena stared up at the sky.
Suddenly, a few rain drops hit her cheek causing her to snap out of her trance. "Told you it will rain," Holden let go of her waist as water started pouring down on the ground, creating dust on the road. "Let's go."
"No!" Elena laughed before she began to spin in the rain. "Holden, join me!"
Holden stood in the middle of the rain staring at Elena spinning around. The two were soaking but no one of them budged. A huge grin appeared on Holden's face as Elena smiled back at him.
Elena was inside her room again when she finished remembering one of hundreds of best moments spent with Holden. She stood by the window, looking at the sunset as Ric sat on a chair. "What are you thinking about?" Alaric questioned as Elena turned to look at him.
"It was the day I found out I look like Katherine," Elena said as she sat back down on the chair. "Holden saved me from one vampire and took me to Atlanta. To meet Izzie, to make me forget the hurt I felt. It was one of the best days I spent in my life then. He saved me for one day from facing Stefan, who lied. But what got stuck in my head was the journey back."
"What about it?" Alaric asked as Elena smiled slightly.
"He got almost killed that night but I managed to save him. He was angry at Damon, I could see it on his face but..." Elena paused as her eyes met Alaric's once again. "But he decided to not show it because he didn't want to upset me. We then began singing karaoke from one radio channel and I felt so alive."
Alaric nodded his head as he began to compel her again. "You never bonded with Holden during your trip to Atlanta. You constantly bickered around and got home doing nothing."
"We got home doing nothing," Elena repeated as Ric sighed, wanting it to be it, but for some reason he thought it wouldn't work.
"Who is Holden Salvatore?"
"He was my boyfriend, whom I loved so much. But then he died," Elena repeated before groaning in frustration. She put her hands on her head. "Ric, I hate this. I mean... How much longer is it going to take?"
"Until we find that signature moment," Alaric told her seriously. "The moment you knew you loved him."
Elena let out an annoyed huff. "Well, that's easy. It was after I found out about the sire bond. Everyone kept telling me that my feelings for Holden were fake because Damon thought I should be with him. But I knew my feelings for Holden were real."
Alaric stared into her eyes once again, compelling her. "Okay, your feelings were because of the sire bond, because Damon told you to love him. Who is Holden Salvatore?"
"He was my boyfriend—"
"That's not it," Alaric snapped as Elena looked away angrily. "You gotta dig deeper, earlier."
"I-I-I don't know, okay I... Maybe it was when he got bitten by a werewolf and he was on his death bed," Elena mused as she remembered him almost dying on her and how crushed she felt. "I thought I was gonna die with him. I couldn't let him go."
"You didn't spend his last minutes with him," Ric then compelled as Elena blinked. "Who is Holden Salvatore?"
"He was my b-"
"That's not it, next."
"I don't know, Ric!" Elena shouted loudly as Alaric stood up angrily.
"Well think about it, Elena! Think about that moment where you knew this person was somebody you had feelings for. That you loved, that you could see those feelings going on forever," Alaric explained in annoyance as she stood up. "Trust me, you never forget."
"Maybe we should just forget this entire thing, Ric. Maybe it was a stupid idea, because I can't erase Holden from my life," Elena then began heading towards the door. "I'm done. I'm sorry."
Alaric then watched Elena leave her dorm room as he sighed before sitting back down.
AFTER TAKING A MUCH NEEDED WALK ELENA WALKED BACK INTO HER DORM. She felt upset and angry but most importantly there was a huge void. She tried to keep away from asking Luke drugs once again because she already let go of Holden.
She knew she wouldn't let go of him again. But to erase him from her memories was another thing. It seemed impossible because even if they fought sometimes she loved him a lot.
Suddenly, Elena's phone rang so she saw that Izzie was calling. Elena answered the call. "Yeah?"
"So... Are you okay now?" there was some bitterness in Izzie's voice as Elena sat down on the bed before looking down.
"No. I just can't find a right moment, Izzie. It's like I loved him my whole life," Elena whispered painfully as Izzie paused from the other end. "Am I a bad person for doing this?"
Izzie didn't answer for a while. "No. You're actually doing something while I sit inside my room all day, crying by the thought of never seeing Damon and Holden again. It's been four months and the pain is still the same."
Elena nodded her head to herself. "I just don't know the moment I really loved him. The moment I was in love with him, Iz," Elena commented.
"Well, I don't know it too. Holden never told me much about his feelings, but they were genuine, Elena. Are you sure you want to forget him?" Izzie questioned as Elena shook her head as tears began to pour down her face.
Suddenly, Elena remembered her and Izzie's conversation in her house.
"Take care of him, okay? That's all I'm asking. I know it sounds dumb, cause he's a vampire, but he's not indestructible... He wants to put himself in danger because of you. And if you let that happen, at least make sure he stays alive, because without Holden, I have no one," Izzie whispered to Elena so the still human girl nodded her head.
"Good," Izzie smiled as she left. Elena came back to her room before thinking everything of what Izzie said. And when it came to a conclusion...
"Izzie, I have to go," Elena hung up and stood up only to see Ric standing by the door. "Ric..."
"So far it didn't work because you weren't being honest," Alaric told her calmly as Elena furrowed her eyebrows.
"I wasn't- Are you crazy?"
Alaric shut the door before stopping in front of her. "I was being completely honest. Do you think I want to talk to you about my romantic life?" Elena snapped angrily.
Alaric tilted his head to a side before shaking it. "You weren't being honest with yourself."
Elena looked at the chair before she sat down on it. Alaric took a seat in front of her. "Look, I want to hear all the Holden stuff- while you were still with Stefan."
Elena looked up at him, incredulously. "No, I was completely faithful to Stefan," Elena knew she was lying to herself. She was just confused because she already knew the moment she loved Holden and it indeed was at the same time as she was with Stefan.
Alaric nodded. "Of course you were—"
"I did everything-"
"I know," Alaric tried to comfort the panicking girl.
"I stuck with him, even when he lost his humanity—"
"I know you di-"
"After he left a trail of bodies from Florida to Virginia, I fought for him," Elena snapped loudly as Alaric continued nodding, trying not to anger her more.
"I know you did, Elena. You don't want to admit it because you feel like you're betraying Stefan but this won't work until you do."
Elena then stood up once again as she approached the boxes. "No, I loved Stefan. I wouldn't have hurt him," she commented as her back was turned to Alaric.
Alaric knew she knew the moment she loved Holden. He just wanted her to admit it. "Elena, you've been lucky enough to love two people this deeply, in your young life. There's nothing wrong with that. It's okay."
Elena smirked without amusement. "It's okay to love them both," she quoted before turning back to face Alaric. "That's what Katherine used to say."
Alaric noticed tears on Elena's eyes as she sat down on the bed while holding Holden's shirt in her hands after she took it out of the box. "How sad is it that my own evil doppelgänger was smarter than me?"
Alaric grabbed a chair and sat down in front of her as he watched her close her eyes and cry, tightly gripping onto Holden's shirt. "I know you already know the moment you really knew you loved him. Elena, you can tell me, it's okay," Alaric said softly.
Elena finally opened her eyes. "I wasn't even with him."
After Izzie left, Elena walked back into her room before sitting down on her bed, trying to wrap her mind around Izzie's words. "What Izzie told me really made me think. I remember just sitting on my bed all night, thinking about those words."
It was already 4 in the morning as Elena continued sitting in her bed, staring ahead of her. She then realized the very thing she felt scared of. She was in love with Holden.
"It hit me like a truck," Elena said sadly. She then remembered her birthday in which Holden gifted her a blue bracelet, which got burned in her house. She regretted it so much after turning her emotions back on, but never told Holden about it. "I was so scared because I loved Stefan. But a huge part of me wanted me to go and be with Holden, even if that would hurt so many people. I was so so scared..."
Elena began to cry as she looked down. "But in between fright and confusion, I felt relieved and happy too. I knew Holden didn't take any steps because he didn't want to hurt Stefan and that was the most selfless thing he could've done. And in that moment I knew I was in love with Holden," she whispered as she touched her wrist, where she used to wear Holden's bracelet. But it wasn't there anymore. "Do it."
Alaric furrowed his eyebrows as Elena desperately grabbed his hand. "I'm okay, I'm ready," Elena whispered painfully but Alaric just looked at her unconvinced. "I'm sure, just take it away, please."
Tears were falling like a waterfall as Alaric leaned forward, compelling her. "Izzie never came to your house, she never told you those words about Holden. You never fell in love with him. He was just Stefan's brother, who you after turning his emotions off started to hate."
Elena's memories of Holden began to fade as other things took place. "He tried to kill Jeremy, you never got his emotions back because you hated him."
"Jeremy. Katherine was in my body so I couldn't know. But after I came back I found out Holden tried to kill Jeremy," Elena said in realization as the memory of him kissing her got misplaced with the memory of Holden trying to choke Jeremy.
"Elena, who is Holden Salvatore?" Alaric questioned one last time.
The tears on her face faded as she looked quite angry. "He's Stefan's and Damon's brother, and I never liked him," Elena said in monotone voice as Alaric closed his eyes in regret. "And then he died."
The two continued to sit as Alaric knew he did a huge mistake. Elena didn't love Holden anymore and she thought of him as a bad person.
SOMEWHERE OTHERWORLDLY HOLDEN WAS WALKING ACROSS THE STREET. He was all alone with no people around him.
He's been alone for the past four months and was slowly losing his mind.
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