(Past)
Troy
*Got a little writer's blocked so I resorted to Nano Dare's Today*
Nano Dare: Have the character talk to their conscience.
I sat in the back of the restaurant and watched the rain. I had just moved under the shade after I had seen the lightening. I considered staying out there. Getting electrocuted. I kept telling myself I didn't want to water down my beer but the truth was that even I knew better than to mess with mother nature.
The rain was welcome. Soothing, and I could just be alone with my thoughts. Best of all I could be away from her, and what ever the hell those feelings were that happened when I was around her. I ran my fingers through my wet hair taking the last swig of my beer bottle. She was expecting me to bring something for lunch. I was planning on going to the diner. I was, I just needed some time away to think clearly, truthfully I was having a full blown fight with my conscience.
I hadn't even been to sleep. Just the thought of her in that little dressed that hugged her womanly frame begging me to take her was enough to make me crazy. I felt like some kind of jerk for even thinking that way. She was drunk, she had never done anything like that with anyone, but it was like my dick could have cared less and my mind trailed off wondering if she was still awake thinking about the feel me wrapped around her. I was a sick bastard and I knew it. There was no excuse. On one hand I was a man, and a beautiful woman in my bed begging me to take her should have excited me, if she wasn't drunk, and she knew what she was saying...no...I couldn't.
I cracked open another beer a took a long swig to get the images out of my head. Then this morning seeing her tears and wanting to reach out a wipe them away, and wanting to rip apart who or what ever caused them. Those tears were my weakness. I couldn't watch her cry, ever. It was a hard stab in my chest. I didn't completely now the situation at home, and it was none of my business. I didn't want to add to it. I didn't want to add her problems to mine. Her focus should have been school in the fall.
I looked out at the skyline again licking the the rain that had collected on my lip. Wishing my mind hadn't wondered what her lips would have felt tasted like with fresh rain water on them, what my fingers would have felt like tangled in her wet curls laying in the cool wet sand. I shook out the images. She was my friend, and I needed to leave it at that. I needed to ignore the beating of my heart. I needed to keep her at arms length until the end of the summer. I took another swig of beer hoping the fluid would slow my stomach's somersaults.
My ear zoomed in on the light music playing from my radio. I was going to turn the station, but the song lyrics dug into my soul and the haunting melody stole me away. I didn't know who was singing it, I didn't keep up with who the kids were listening to these days, but I recognized the song. It was one that heard my mother sing. Maybe it was why I was internalizing the words so much.
"The first time I ever saw your face..."
The song trailed off about a deep love and remembering firsts. I didn't know why my mind trailed to Scar thinking about our first and the first that my heart wanted to have with her that we couldn't. I still remembered when she had walked into my restaurant, when I had touched her and her big glistening eyes. I wondered if she knew how beautiful she was. My body relaxed as I leaned into my chair and closed my eyes, picturing Scar. Sweet, beautiful, smart, funny, amazing Scar, that I could never have. Love was a bitch.
"Figured you'd be here."
I opened my eyes noticing Nick pulling out a bottle and taking a seat next to me.
I chuckled. "I give everybody the day off..." I took a swig of beer.
"That was my first clue." He laughed deeply. Nick knew me too well. "So what's up?"
"You mean what's more fucked up than usual?" My head fell.
"Man, we've been through a lot of shit, Troy. A lot. I've never seen you sit around and feel this sorry for yourself." He drunk his beer, "You're the most resilient person I know."
"I've guess I've just lost my fight, Nick." I sighed, "I'm getting too old for this shit."
He let out a hacking chuckle. "I wish you would have told me. I would have gotten some Viagra when I passed the drugstore."
I had to laugh too but it didn't cover the hollowness I felt inside.
He looked around. "I'm surprised, Scar's not around."
"Why would Scar be around?" I said trying to sound as cold as possible.
"I thought she was your new best friend."
I smirked. "Don't tell me you're getting jealous."
He shrugged. "I guess it served me right. I blew you off a lot when I met Lisa."
I smiled thinking about being pissed off for not going to party with me after games, to spend time with Lisa. He had a good girl, that actually listen to her parents. That was what I should have gotten. I had the head cheerleader. Looking back I was just trying to fit their mold. I should have been looking for that special girl that changed me for the better, instead of the one that every guy wanted, like it was a fucking competition.
She truly brought out the best of him, I didn't understand it then, but now...
A coldness fell over me. I had lost my mom and that was a pain that could never have been replaced and it was around that time, he had lost Lisa in a house fire. I couldn't even imagine.
His eyes trailed to the ocean he'd always do that. Lisa loved the water. That girl belong on an island or to be magically turned into a mermaid. He slowly smiled. "I miss her." He said.
"She was good for you." I pat him on the back.
"Yeah, to this day I know she was my soul mate." He said and I could hear the strain in his voice, "I never told you how we met." He looked at me with a smirk.
I thought he never did. All I knew is he started dating the most geeky girl in school Lisa wasn't ugly, but we used to call her 'nun' because she never showed skin, she always had her nose in a book, and her dad wasn't a pastor but he might as well have been. You knew that if you went to her house it would turn into a Bible study. So naturally I wondered what the h-e-double hockey stick my best friend was doing with the school nun.
"She was my tutor." He laughed.
"Like Bible tutor?"
He laughed harder. "Remember when the coach said he was cracking down about our grades? I was about to get kicked off the team." He shrugged, "I needed a tutor. I went to my guidance consoler and she put me together with Lisa."
I was just dealing with the shock that Nick was about to get put off the team, and not to mention the fact that my best friend hadn't told me something for this long.
"We hated each other when we first met." He raked his fingers through his blond hair, "I mean, we knew of each other, but..." He trailed off. "Something happen, and I knew. It's like there was this moment, I was looking at her and I swear I saw my future, and everything my life was missing. She taught me that life was more than football, more than being popular. It's about being happy and having someone to share it with."
Him talking about Lisa tugged my heart more. I was glad he had put things in perspective, but it hurt me for him.
"I used to get mad at God." He leaned forward, "I used to think that he took her from me, because I didn't deserve her...I mean you name it. What it comes down to for me is this. Lisa would never want me to walk around hating myself and hating God for what happened. The time I had with my wife are my most precious memories. They are a gift, and if I find love again, if I don't. I can live with the thought that I'll see her again, and content with that." A tear strayed from his face. He sniffed brushing his nose. "I knew that it would have never worked out with Leona."
"I wish you would have told me."
He smirked. "Would you have listened."
I wouldn't have. I smiled and shook my head.
"I'm not trying to meddle, but I see the way you look at her."
I swallowed. I saw where this was going. I took a swig of beer.
He just sat back. That was all he needed to say.
"You can't rationalize things like that, just...know that it's rare...and precious."
I shook my head. "I won't work."
"I thought that too." He smirked.
I looked at him not sure what to say. I didn't understand why he was comparing Scar and I to him Lisa. She was just the good girl in our school and he had his reputations with women. She was younger than me, she was my employee, she was leaving in the fall, we were in different places in our lives.
"Think of a million reasons you shouldn't but there is always one reason you should. Life's too short." He shrugged, "You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't. It might be crazy enough to work."
That's what I was afraid off. I was an anchor here. I was happy on Trenton Island, and she had the world to explore until she found her place.
Nick just pat me on the back and left. He had done what he came to do exactly what I was afraid to, and I couldn't do it. Nick had his happiness, and he might even find it again. I hoped she found all the things she was looking for, just not me. I wasted my chance to have love, and forever with Leona. Once I did love her, and once there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. I even left this island for her but that was a mistake that I knew I'd never make again. This island was the love of my life that I never wanted to abandon. What ever my heart thought it felt for Scar was wrong. I needed to stay away. The thought ripped me in half, but I didn't need it. I couldn't give into it. It was the best thing I could do for the both of us.