"Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory"
-Josh Groban
*
Sebastian and Toby were so shocked that they looked at each other directly for the first time in hours.
"What do you mean, Lily doesn't remember us?" the first breathed, his hazel eyes behind the square glasses that Lily loved so much.
Felicity sighed. "I know it sounds crazy" she said, massaging her temples. "But believe me, I showed her all of your pictures and talked about you... Nothing!"
"Her brain deleted our whole existence..." Sebastian looked more broken than ever. He leaned his elbows on the table and slightly bent his shoulders and neck. The picture of defeat. "Is it permanent or...?"
Felicity shook her head. "Doctor Sial said she will remember everything in time. We just need to help her doing so."
Toby, who had remained silent until that moment, took a deep breath. "But, is she okay?" he asked.
Felicity turned towards him and studied his face. His amber eyes were completely switched off, as if every joy, hope and happiness had been sucked out of him. For the first time since the accident, Felicity was glad that Lily didn't remember who he was because seeing him in that state would have hurt her.
"Besides this and an annoying headache, yes, Toby, she is okay" she replied and put her hand on his. Her words seemed to have given him some comfort.
"I need to see her" Sebastian said. "Maybe she will--"
"No" Felicity interrupted him. "Not yet. Lily needs to rest. She's already confused enough without us stressing her out. I will drive her to London tomorrow morning. You two should go back home too, I will keep you constantly posted."
After a long silence, Toby whispered "You are right."
"Yeah." Sebastian got up. "I'll go pack my stuff. See you later."
Felicity's eyes followed him, walking like a lost soul, his head down, hands in his pocket.
"He must be struggling not to pour out his feelings and run to Lily" she thought.
Toby didn't move a muscle, his eyes staring off. Felicity was sure that Lily's accident wasn't the only thing haunting him, but didn't dare to ask. She wasn't his friend like Lily was, after all.
"Toby, if you don't want to travel to London with Sebastian, you can borrow my car" she offered. "I could rent one."
For a few seconds, he seemed not to have heard her, then replied "I will leave by train this evening. Don't worry, I'm okay." He got up and took his mobile phone out of his back pocket. "But thanks."
Felicity decided to say the one thing she knew Lily would have said to him, if she was there and in her right mind. "It wasn't your fault, Toby. Whatever was the reason why Sebastian got pissed, Lily knows that nothing you do or say could ever hurt her. She wouldn't want you to feel guilty."
Toby glanced at her, swallowed and kept tapping on his phone. "I should go now" he said, putting the phone back in his pocket. "Please tell Lily that..."
"What?"
He took a deep breath, then closed his eyes for a moment and raised a hand. "Forget it. Talk soon." And off he went.
***
We arrived home in the late afternoon and Felicity put on a pot of tea, while I was cuddling Sherlock on the sofa. I had slept for most of the trip and so we hadn't talked much. I knew that she was very worried about me; after all, I almost died before her eyes and now my brain wasn't working well... I would have been worried like crazy too, in her place.
"How's your headache?" Felicity asked, pouring the tea in my mug.
"Better, thank you." I blew on the hot tea and watched her doing the same as she sat near me on the sofa. "I always feel so tired."
"I will make an appointment with the neurologist tomorrow" she said. "Ben suggested me a good one who works in his same hospital."
I nodded. Felicity's brother, Ben - short for Benedict - was a physiotherapist. He had introduced me to my ex-boyfriend, Joel, who had broken his knee playing soccer and one year later had broken my heart too.
"Tell me about my boyfriend... what was his name?" I asked, drinking the tea. The idea that I had a new boyfriend still seemed so strange to me.
"Sebastian" she smiled. "Do you want me to show you his Facebook? It would be easier for me to explain."
I shrugged, my lips still on the edge of the mug. I was curious, but, to be honest, didn't feel totally comfortable with this situation yet. I agreed just to appease Felicity, to wash away her concern.
She put her mug on the table and took her iPad. She tapped on it and showed me the screen "Look at his relationship status, your name is there."
I noticed that the date of that status was recent. "We were together just for a short time" I commented. "How did we meet?"
"Well, he is still your boyfriend, Lily" she mumbled, moving a lock of her hair behind one ear. "It would hurt him if you talk about your relationship in past tense."
I looked at her. "As for now, I don't even remember his name, Felicity. Give me some time."
"Of course" she said, rubbing my back. "I'm sorry... Okay... erm... Yours is a very long story. I think you fell in love with him at first sight, during a Christmas party at your office three years ago."
The tea almost went down my throat. "Three years?"
Felicity chuckled at my horrified expression. "Yes, I know... too long! But, I can assure you, it paid off" and she winked at me.
As Felicity explained everything she knew about my love story, I studied the pictures of this Sebastian guy. He was handsome, yes, right the kind of guy I fancied. And I quite understood why I had been in love with him for so long without doing any move, he looked so... out of reach. But if he eventually became my boyfriend, maybe he wasn't out of reach at all.
"And so... he is in love with me, right?" I asked, when she finished her report.
Felicity smiled and sat closer to me, putting an arm around me. "Yes, he is" she replied. "Very much. And you love him too."
I believed her, but I still didn't feel.
"It's too soon" I thought.
We scrolled through more pictures, until we came across the ones snapped during my birthday party, before the accident. Yes, Sebastian looked like he was completely in love with me and so did I.
"I looked so happy" I said.
"You were" Felicity smiled, her eyes seeing in those pictures more than I could have ever seen. "Actually, I think I had never seen you that happy before." She scrolled through one more picture and swallowed. "He's Toby" she said, handing me the iPad.
It was a picture of myself and a cute guy with a short beard and a yellow paper hat on his head. In the next pictures I was smearing the chocolate cake on his face and we were laughing out loud. I didn't remember the person or the occasion, yes, but I felt a spark of joy and smiled.
"He seems a funny guy" I commented.
"He is!"
"Tell me about him."
"He's Sebastian's best friend" she explained. "They have been friends since high school. They are... were very close."
I frowned. "Were? What happened?"
Felicity sighed and grabbed the iPad from my hands. "I don't know" she said, putting it on the table. "Sometimes things go wrong, you know." She got up and watched the clock. "I should walk Sherlock now. The last time Ben came here to check on him was this morning, I bet he can't wait to take the Pee of the Year" she bent her knees and petted Sherlock behind the ears. "Our poor puppy!"
I yawned. "I think I'll take a nap before dinner."
"You want me to order pizza?" she asked, leashing Sherlock.
"Mushrooms" I said, walking to my bedroom.
I fell asleep as soon as I touched the bed.
***
Felicity took out her phone while walking the dog and sent a text to both Sebastian and Toby.
Lily's fine. Don't contact her until I say so. Talk soon. -F