It was the fourth of July when I woke up with independence. It was nine and I walked downstairs. My mom and Brice was having breakfast. I sat down at the table and my mom passed me some pancakes.
"Am I the only American Citizen in this household?" I asked and they both nodded.
"Happy 4th of July." said Brice and I giggled.
"So me and you mom have a special thing for today so do you mind being alone?" asked Brice. It was there anniversary.
"No, no. I actually made BBQ plans with my American friends." I said and they nodded.
"Is Nash gonna be there?" asked my mom. I nodded.
"Don't get carried away with teenage stuff." my mom said and I chuckled in embarrassment.
After breakfast my mom took me to her nail salon and we had our nails done. Afterwards we both got a whole body body wax followed by getting our eyebrows done. I went home after when she left with Brice. It was eleven and the BBQ was gonna start at Nash's place at twelve. I took a shower first and than picked out the most cliche thing every girl was gonna wear, american flag shorts. On top I wore a white tank top and braided my hair fishtail. I got into my car and went to a firework store before before arriving at there house exactly on twelve.
I knocked only to find a very excited Shawn.
He hugged me and lifted me off the ground and carried me inside.
"You are too excited considering you are Canadian." I said and he laughed.
"Its my first fourth of July." He said and we walked outside. All the boys were here again. Cameron was on the grill, grilling steaks and everyone else was chilling.
I hugged everyone and sat next to Nash.
"How are you?" he said as I scooted near him.
"Good. I brought some fireworks." I said and he took them from me.
"We have fireworks." he shouted as he put it somewhere on the lawn. The backyard looked over to Los Angeles and it was fascinatingly beautiful.
"How have you been doing?" asked Matt sitting next to me.
"Im fine. All your tweets made everything so easier. Thank you so much guys." I said and they all smiled at me.
I got bored after awhile so I went to help Cam. I took a photo of him and posted it on Instagram. With the caption 'Grillin'.
"Do you want to hear a joke?" I asked and he nodded.
"Why don't you see a hippopotamus hiding on a tree?" I said.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because they are really good at it." I said and giggled.
"I saw that on WeeklyChris." yelled Hayes and I just shook my head.
"He stole it from me." I yelled back.
After I chatted with Cam I got bored so I took out my book, 'Will Grayson, Will Grayson' by John Green and I started to read it on the grass. After about twenty pages Nash came over to me and sat next to me.
"May I?" he asked and I handed the book over to him.
"Do you want to know my favorite quote?" I ask and he nodes.
"I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it's all the small pieces of paper and someone's turned on the fan. But, talking to you makes me feel like the fan's been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much." I say without stopping from memory.
"You must really like the book." he says and I nod.
After that I found my head on Nash's chest, me reading the book out loud to him.
We took a break when Nash mumbled "I like the character Tiny the most."
"Why." I ask.
"Because he isn't afraid to be himself even if its lame and he just makes the most of life. When I die I want to say in front of god and be able to say that I did everything he offered me. Not say at home all day." he said as we drank some water.
"The steaks are ready." Yelled Cameron so everyone took one plate and got seated on the table outside.
"This is delicious." I said as I ate.
"My mom made these." said Nash as he opened some mashed potatoes.
"They are delicious too." I said eating a spoonful. When we finished eating it was about eight and the sun was going down.
Me and Nash picked up all the dishes and took them over to the sink. We started to put them into the dishwasher.
"So I saw your butt on Cameron's book club YouNow." I said and he giggled.
"Did you watch that?" he asked.
"I did." I said and he looked confused rather than amused.
When we finished the dishes we went outside to watch the fireworks. It was slowly getting dark and only one seat was left. Nash sat down and patted his lap. I sat down on one of his leg, nervous but comfortable, leaning on his chest.
He smelled so comforting.
The first firework started to blow so everyone grabbed one of the tubes I bought. It had four firework inside of it.
"3." we all yelled.
"2."
"1." we screamed and lit all of our fireworks at the same time. Nine fireworks blew on a horizontal next to each other into the sky.
Than another row, than another row, than another row.
"HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!" everyone yelled and hugged each other.
"That was awesome, thanks for the fireworks." said Taylor as we all went back to our seats and me to Nash's lap.
We watched the fireworks quietly for almost an hour. I was getting sleepy on his chest.
"I am cold." I said and he yelled to Carter for a blanket. He threw one to us and he covered me with it and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel him getting sleepy.
His breathe was slowimg down and I could feel his heart beats relaxing. He cuffed my back with his hand resting his elbow on the arm reast. My hands were tangled together on my chest and my side was leaning against his chest perfectly alined so my head is on his shoulder.
"I would love it." I whispered to his ear and his eyes cracked open a bit more.
"What?" he asked in a faint voice. He was about to fall asleep.
"I would love to be your girlfriend." I said and a smile grew across his face.
He took the side of my face and kissed my forehead as he put my head back on his shoulder and pushed his cheek against mine.
His cheek was soft and cold. I could feel him slowly falling asleep. Matt and Cameron were joking around and laughing but I could only hear his breathes. They were warm, touching the tip of my nose.
Me and Nash weren't perfect individually, we weren't perfect together either. But there was sparks under my skin every time he spoke, like new cells came to life leaving old cells in the past. Transforming me into a better me. You are what you eat said most people. Technically yes. But, no.
Do you ever notice that you pick up your best friends traits after hanging out for a long time of period? Like you started to give the same pronunciation to certain words or you move your hands the same when you talk.
So I don't think you become fruits or burgers you eat, you are what you evolve to be. We are invested a body and yes the body changes according to what we eat. It uses it energy to survive but what matters is the soul. And the soul picks up everything around for a certain time. Certain traits and when you die what you picked up is you. Bits and pieces make you, you. Everyone is unique because they pick up different pieces. They have a choice.
So what I feel towards Nash is that I want to pick all of his bits and pieces to become like him. Not be him but have his feeling with me. Because I know at this moment what I need is him. Like John Green said, when he is around the fan is closed for a certain time and I know he is my cure. The cure to my thoughts, in my head.
This moment lying in his arms, all I think is how peaceful and grand this moment is. Not my problems or my anxiety or my worries. I don't think at all actually and it makes me sane. Something I have never been in quite a long time.
I look at his face, his lips slowly parted, his nose ever so lightly expanding and shrinking as he breathe, his eyelashes vibrating with the wind and his hair moving. His highlights almost covered by the wind blowing the other pieces.
I think about how he talks. His cute accent and how his lips touch with some letters and his tongue moving. How he smiles. His eyes get little and you can see all of his teeth. How he stares at me. His eyes focused on something, the sides of his lips slightly curled and him being still. Observing.
His blue eyes. Like I am watching the ocean. It such a blue that if you saw it at your dead bed it would make you think of the beauty, not the fact that your dying.
He opened his eyes.
"What?" he asked when he saw me smiling cheesily.
"Just looking at how handsome you are." I said and he smiled.
"I really like you Ella. Like a lot." he said as he tightened his grip around me.
"I really really like you too." I said but I knew I loved him.
I knew it the moment when I gave him my hand in the ice skating rink.
"I am feeling sore." he said rubbing his back.
"Its almost eleven. I should go home." I said and I got up.
"Can I drop you off?" he asked.
"I came with my own car." I said and walked towards Cam. I hugged him and said good bye. Than to Matt, to Hayes, to Jack G, to Taylor, to Aaron, to Jack J, to Shawn. Nash walked with me outside.
"Let me drive." he said as we walked to my car.
"How will you get back?" I asked and he looked at the ground.
"I want to spend more time with you." he finally said.
"Come home with me. My parents are away tonight. Will drive back in the morning here for breakfast." I said nervous. What was he gonna say. I didn't wanted to have sex with him right now. I just wanted to spend time with him.
"Okay." he said and he got in the drivers seat of my Jeep. On the road he held my hand as we drove.
We came home and walked inside. He was never in here.
"Your house is adorable." he said looking at the living room.
My house had a gate outside and when you enter that there was a front lawn for the dogs than a few stairs and an entrance. When you entered it you walked into the living room. The kitchen was a open kitchen connected to the living room.
When you entered to the left there was the kitchen and to the right the stairs.
The dogs flooded inside and ran up to me. I sat on the floor and gave kisses to them as Nash watched us.
"They really like you." he finally said.
"Are you jealous?" I said and he laughed. He pushed his tongue to the skin under his bottom lip and swiped it with his fingers. After that he sat next to me and started to kiss the dogs too.
"Are you jealous?" he said smirking.
"Very." I said and he laughed.
"My room is upstairs." I said.
"Cool." he said and got up. He held out his hand to help me. I pulled it and jumped onto my feet.
I walked to the stairs and we made our way up to my floor.
I opened my door and we walked inside. My room hadn't changed so much since I came. Except the table was flooded with books and my night stand and the library. I like to read, okay?
"You have a lot of books." he said as he sat down on my bed.
"Books provide me another place I can go and leave reality. I want to believe in happy endings." I said as I sent next to Nash.
"You don't believe in happy endings?" he asked.
"They are just unfinished stories." I said. I couldn't see his face though.
"But when you die? Isn't that happy? Going back to God?" he asked.
"I believe in reincarnation. I believe we are energies that keep evolving until they reach a certain mind profile. Thats the only time they can find peace and go to god." I said. He looked amused.
He cuffed my face.
"We always came back to the same hell, just different demons." I said he rubbed under my eye with his thumb.
"You are the type of girl people write books about." he said looking into my eyes.
"You are the type of boy that can save a girl even from her own thoughts." I said and held my hand with his other hand.
We were talking to each other for almost a month but we have never gone farther than forehead and cheek kisses. I wanted to kiss his lips so bad. The sexual tension between us was rising by the second. I wanted to let myself go to him. I wanted to drop everything and kiss him. Taste him.
"How did I found you in this madness?" he said sitting swiping his finger under my eye.
"Maybe our demons play along with each other." I said and he leaned in.
I leaned in. We were about to kiss when I backed away an inch. He stopped for a second and smiled. I smiled too. Our eyes were closed but I could feel his breathe on my cheeks.
We leaned in at the same and our lips met. My body was born again. Every breathe I took meant more and every move I took made me want him more. He kissed my bottom lip, than my top lip than my bottom lip again. It was like he was crossing the street of making out and he was checking no cars were coming, checking if it was safe.
I felt his tongue on my lips and parted them. It was quick affair at first. He tasted like BBQ sauce a little but it didn't matter. He tasted like home.