Bismillah.
Chapter Thirty – Five: While She Was Away; Singularity
Isaac's POV
We reached the country of Maldives at 10pm. Both of us were already exhausted of the six – hour long flight. When the designated driver brought us to the hotel, we were too sleepy to eat. So Fatima and I took our separate showers. I let her shower first while I waited, sitting at the edge of our bed.
I was nervous. This would be the first night we will be sleeping next to each other in the same bed, as husband and wife. I stood up and folded the long sleeves of the blue shirt I was in. Maybe as I wait, I should try to confirm the villa reservation at the private island. I dialed the management and a female staff confirmed that all is ready for our week – long vacation.
The door to the bathroom opened and Fatima came out. I instantly ended the call and my eyes went to her long dark hair, her white rosy cheeks. She was wearing a white silky night gown. It was sleeveless and only reached centimeters above her knee. God, she's so beautiful. Her slender figure and the shape of her body had my entire being filled with want and need. I stood up and walked towards her in long strides. When I stood so close in front of her, my hand touched her wet hair, then my lips planted a kiss on her forehead. I could smell the scent of a flowery aroma that only aroused my desire for her.
"You're so beautiful," I uttered on her ear.
Then I stared at her face, she looked at me so innocently. And that innocence, I seek to claim tonight. The feeling of weariness and tiredness suddenly left out of my system. I placed my hand around her waist to pull her close to me. Fatima stared at my lips which made me more confident. My head dipped down to kiss her and I closed my eyes.
The kiss was slow. I wanted to start slow. I wanted to savor it. I wanted her to remember this kiss as our first kiss, her most unforgettable. One she would think of when she misses me.
"Isaac," she moaned when I stop.
She breathed in and out. Without wasting any more second, I carried her bridal style and lay her down on our bed.
"I will make love to you Fatima, is that okay with you baby?" I gently asked her, brushing some strands of her hair from her face.
"Ye.. yes," she answered, stuttering.
"We are going to invoke a supplication before we make love, it's a sunnah. I want you to repeat what I say," I told her.
She smiled so beautifully that the sight of her smiling face had me captivated, causing me to want her even more. After saying the supplication, Fatima and I made passionate love. Finally by the will of Allah, we consummate our marriage and she is totally mine now, each and every inch of her body, mind, heart and soul, fisabilillah. Alhamdulillah.
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Fatima's POV
My legs hurt so so much. I could even barely stand. My husband said that we are to drive towards this private island. I wanted to refuse. I wanted to tell him that we both just stay in bed the whole day. But he was too excited and I did not want to spoil it. He woke me up to pray fajr with him 30 minutes ago. After that, we both went back to bed.
Now here I was, being held by him as his head rested at the back of my neck. I could hear his rhythmic breathing and smell his manly scent. His arms were around my waist. I feel so contented and happy. Being close to Isaac like this was breathtakingly alluring. I close my eyes and loved the feeling of being loved so so much.
As I try to sleep, my mind recalls again of last night's events. I bit my lips and blushed. I slightly moved and felt the pain in my legs again. He got it. The man I am in love with got my virginity. And as vulgar as it sounds in my mind, it isn't the case in my heart. I am more than grateful to Allah that I have saved it for my husband. Alhamdulillah. I doze off to sleep, feeling the happiest I have ever been.
"Baby, wake up," Isaac's sweet gently voice uttered.
I opened my eyes and there he was, handsomely well – dressed. Wait, why is he so dressed up already? I sat down and saw the tray of food laid on the table next to the bed.
"You took a shower already without me?" I exclaimed in surprise.
Surprising me even more was when Isaac started laughing out loud.
"Baby, you just had one night of me, and you already know how to be naughty?" he said, trying to stop himself from laughing.
Finally the words that I just said dawned on me and understanding hit me. I blushed and knock myself back on my bed and hide my entire self under the sheets. My God. I am naked. I gasped and then removed the cover from my head, then held the sheets to my body.
"You are so cute that I really wanna ... oh why do I hesitate," Isaac said.
Then suddenly, my husband was all over me again. Ya Rabb, who knew being married to Isaac Husband, would be this wonderful? This was the question I asked as I tasted his sweet addictive lips. I have a feeling, a certain definite feeling that this week is going to be the best week of my life. In shaa Allah.
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Rapmon's POV
It comes and it goes. And when it comes, I just write them down. The sadness, the jealousy, the melancholy, the resentments, the regrets, the memories. I have written far too many already.
In the week – long of Fatima and Isaac's honeymoon, the boys and I mainly just do our office work and collecting donations by being interviewed at TV shows. We also have guested again at Jungkook's show. This day, they are to arrive. Finally, the seven – day wait is over.
Yes, we have been waiting. And yes we have missed them. It was hard having to come in terms with accepting that she isn't really ours to love romantically but by the will and strength Allah Azza Wajal has bestowed upon us, we are slowly coming to terms with it.
"Hey Rapmon, Jin is asking if how many cakes should he baked? Eight or nine?" Suga asked.
"Just eight, since the couple will share one cake," I said as I tied the balloon.
"I did tell Jin eight, and he told me it should be nine," Suga remarked and went back to the kitchen.
We prepared a welcome home party celebration for them so that the couple will no longer feel akward around us and vice versa. It was also for us all to start a clean slate. We have agreed last night to ignore or end whatever feelings we have for Fatima.
Flashback
"I'm lost in the maze of my heart," I wrote.
A knock was heard on my door and the six sat down on the couch. I looked at them and they all just turn on the music player. Guiltily, we have been playing music every night. Not just any music, but the music we have created. There would be even times J – Hope would do a dance choreography. And for the fun of it, we followed his dance steps.
"Hey it's Lost," Jin said the title of the song we sang. Jin then stood up and started singing and dancing.
"Come on guys, join me," he urged.
Jimin stood followed by J – Hope then Jungkook and Suga. Tae was on his phone, so intent looking at something.
"Guys, they're coming home tomorrow at 2pm, Fatima messaged me," Tae said.
Everybody stopped and a momentary silence took place. I saved the new poem I wrote on my laptop and leaned back on my chair.
"Then let's welcome them home," I announced.
Suga sat back on the couch and so did the rest. Jimin kept the volume of the song down.
"This means we begin moving on phase tomorrow," Jin said.
"Easy for you to say," Jimin contradicted.
Tae rested his head on the couch's edge and started singing along with the line.
"Let us just do what we have to for her happiness," Suga said.
"How can happiness be given by oneself that's isn't feeling happy at all?" J – Hope asked as he played with his watch.
"Yeah, it will be fake love," I agreed.
"So what do we do?" Jungkook asked everyone of us.
"We pretend to be happy for them until we are truly happy for them," I said.
Everyone nodded. Tae raised his hand getting all our attention.
"How long will we stay in this house?" he asked.
"Yeah, I don't think Big Hit will offer and threaten us anymore. It's been more than a week now," Jin said.
"They will try again," Suga said.
"They're just taking their time," J – Hope seconded.
"Time for what?" I asked J – Hope.
"Can I asked something that I know you all would get mad at?" J – Hope asked, ignoring my question.
"Why Hobi, what is it?" Jungkook asked.
J – Hope sat up straight, and joined his hands in front of him as his elbows rested on his knees.
"We had fun for this week didn't we? Composing, singing, dancing. Even Jin is good in guitar and Suga's great with the piano. Why don't we just accept Big Hit Entertainment's offer? Technically, they haven't hurt any of our loved ones. And there is still that ongoing debate among the scholars as to whether music is indeed haram or not," J – Hope explained.
If this was few months ago, we all would already be strangling Hobi asking such questions. But this is the present. A time when it was music that placed all our sadness and negativity, love and adoration in a single threshold that kept us in one piece.
"Well, let's decided on that after the IGCAP project," Suga said.
The rest did not speak much. But I suddenly felt the need to compose again.
"I wrote a new poem entitled Let Go. I feel like putting some tune into it, anybody up for that?" I asked, standing up.
"I'm driving!" Jin and Jimin said in chorus.
We all just shook our heads as the bantered with one another. The seven of us left our office and drove to the secret music lab of Jungkook on his radio station.
A part of me is screaming this is all wrong. But there are wrongs that are too tasty, too good to not try at all.
We arrived at the music lab and started composing. After four hours, we were done. Suga played some tunes along with Jin. J – Hope added some steps and we got into recording. We even had a mirror dance video for it. I am beginning to love this routine. This could be just what I needed to move on from the greatest love of my life.
"Can we sing one more time before we all leave?" Tae requested.
Suga nodded and we all sat at the stool chairs with microphone in our hands. Suga played the piano and we sang.
When we reached the chorus part, I did my best not to make my fallen tears crack my voice.
"In order to release your hand right now, I gotta let you know that I need to let you go.
Hard to say goodbye but I can't run. I'm ready to let go."
When Suga's rap came, he did not rap. Instead, he wiped his tears.
"Gosh, this hurts, damn it!" he said.
"And why does it seem that performing secretly like this is never enough?" Jimin said out loud.
"I know why," J – Hope said whose eyes were staring at the floor.
"Why Hobi?" Tae asked him.
We all stared at Hobi. My heart was beating nervously too, as part of me already knew of the answer.
"She needs to hear every piece of song we made. She also needs to see us perform live for her," J – Hope answered.
"Maybe we can do that after we leave?" Jungkook suggested.
"In shaa Allah," I simply said.
We didn't finish the performance and just got ready to leave. Jin drove us back to the mansion and we were still singing Let Go on the way home.
END OF FLASHBACK
"Rapmon, is this banner okay?" Tae asked, snapping me out of my reverie.
I stared at Tae, Jungkook and Jimin who was holding a printed tarp. The tarp had our picture during the wedding before we left the reception. We were all smiling. Though it was a bittersweet smile for us seven. I could even see my hand in a fist, just willing myself not to shed tears on that moment.
The words, Welcome Home Mr. and Mrs. Isaac Khalid were printed at the upper part. She's now his. And the pain in my chest is felt by me again.
"Yeah, you may display it on the living room now," I instructed them.
"Spray paint, it needs some spray paint," Jimin suggested.
"I think we still have some at the storage," Tae said.
The three left leaving me with the balloons. I was at the dining table while Suga and Jin were cooking at the kitchen. I wonder where J – Hope went to. I gathered all the balloons and carried them at the living room.
J – Hope was there just lying on the couch.
"Hey, help me tie these balloons on the curtains, and corners," I told him.
His eyes were closed and he was humming some lines.
"Hobi," I called him again.
He sat up and then looked at me. Then he smiled.
"Wow, purple balloons! I like them!" he exclaimed and went to me.
"Yeah, Tae wanted purple," I explained.
"Why? What does a purple – heart mean?" Hobi asked.
Before I could answer, the three returned with the banner while Suga and Jinn carried the food tray, setting them on the large table at the center of the living room.
Tae began explaining as he climbed on a plastic chair to tie the banner. Jimin was on the opposite end on top of a chair too. Jungkook was holding the yarn and scissors.
"The last color of the rainbow is purple. It means I will always love you and I will always trust you," Tae said.
"And that's how I will feel for Fatima," Tae said cheerfully.
We all smiled to that and finished our tasks. My phone rang and I saw it was Fatima.
"It's her," I told the boys.
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Fatima's POV
The moment we arrived at the airport, I instantly got my phone to dial RM. Isaac only shook his head and smiled as he got the key from one of his employees who brought his car today.
After putting our luggage and bags inside, Isaac opened the door for me and I got in. Isaac started driving and RM finally answered his phone.
"Assalamu alaykum Mrs. Khalid," RM said.
I blushed before answering. Hearing him call me Mrs. Khalid sounded so nice to my ears.
"Wa alaykumusalam RM. We just arrived at the airport. We're actually on the way back to the house. Are you and the guys there? I cannot wait to see you!" I exclaimed excitedly.
"Of course love. I mean.. of course Fatima, we are here waiting excitedly too. Take care okay?" he said.
I pouted which got my husband's attention.
"Why are you speaking as if you want this phone call to end already? You didn't miss me did you? Put Tae on the phone then," I commanded.
RM chuckled and the sound of it made me chuckle too.
"You're married and you can still act like a brat. I've missed you Fatima... we all did. You are a wife now. Talking much with me on the phone while you are seated next to your husband is you know..." he explained.
This made me embarrassed a little. Of course, now that I am Isaac's wife, there would be lines, thicker lines drawn and bigger walls to build. Less interaction with non – mahram men. That includes the seven.
"I understand. Okay I'll see you guys in a bit!" I said to him with a cheerful tone.
"So what did RM say?" Isaac asked.
"They're at the house, waiting. I am so hungry. I've missed Jin's cooking. I am so excited," I said.
Isaac just smiled at me. I wonder if my level of excitement doesn't bug him. After all Isaac is a very jealous man. At the private island, there were three couples who lived in the two other villas. When I was making small talks with them, Isaac didn't like it one bit. And for some reason, he has this power to make me listen and obey to everything he says.
"You've missed them too right?" I asked him.
"Yeah I did," he said then smiled to himself.
"Good," I simply said.
In shaa Allah, this is the fresh start for us all. I hope the guys' almost obsession over me had stopped and we can all concentrate on the big project we are on.
The maids helped me with the luggage while Isaac held my hands as we got inside the mansion. Upon opening the large door, two party poppers explode on the left and right. Suga and Jin were holding them.
"Welcome Home!" the seven exclaimed. They were even wearing party hats. Jimin came to us and placed party hats on our heads.
I was giggling and was so touched by the preparation.
Isaac started hugging the seven and it was such a touching sight to see. As I gazed at the boys' faces, you could see how much they admire and look up to Isaac. Whatever it was that used to hinder the genuineness of that seemed to be out of the way.
"Fatima," a voice said behind me. I turned to see that it was Hobi.
"You look dashing and blooming and truly happy. This nikah suits you," he observed.
"Why thank you Hobi," I told him.
He nod and smiled at me.
"Noona!" Jungkook said coming to me too.
"Did you have gifts for us? Souvenirs?" he said.
"Of course. I will give them to all of you after we all eat. I am so starving," I said.
Jin clapped his hands and we all turned to look at him. He was standing by the table of delicious foods. The smell made me hungrier.
"Let us all eat gentlemen and missus," he said.
We all cheerfully got our plates and got food from the open table. I sat at the couch and beside me was Isaac. They all started to ask us so many questions and the conversation was light and happy. Alhamdulillah.
"Jungkook is starting to get obsessed with photography and he intends to visit beautiful places to capture some," Tae explained.
"Ohh I actually did capture some beautiful spots there Kookie, here, you can look at it from my gallery," I said then handed him my phone.
But before the phone reached his hand, Isaac held my arm.
"Maybe you can give that to him later or just share the chosen pictures. You may have pictures of yourself there without veil," he explained.
"Ohh," I said then remembered that I did get twofies of Isaac and I when we were playing around in the bed or on the living room.
"It's okay Noona, perhaps later," Jungkook said, smiling.
I simply nod and RM was quick enough to start another topic.
"We already hit 2 million pesos for the donation," he proudly said.
I continued my food while Jin got some shrimp to put on my plate. I mouthed him a thank you and he just gave me a thumbs up.
The atmosphere was wonderful. The guys were boasting about the development of the project while Isaac approved of their plans. None of the guys even gave me an intense or long gaze the way they used to. Alhamdulillah. Looking at all of us gathered here made me feel that getting married earlier than planned was all for the better.
After eating, I each gave them their souvenirs.
"Wow a beanie!" Taehyung exclaimed.
"Wow the color green looks good on you Tae," I told him as he wore it on his head.
"Hey Princess, the shirt is perfect," Jimin remarked as he wore the black shirt with the word NOW on it.
"And the long white sleeve underneath it goes well to that shirt," I commented.
Then Jimin made some dance moves.
"Woah!" I exclaimed.
The guys just chuckled. Isaac was upstairs to make some office calls. Though I got a feeling it must be because he doesn't want to witness the guys' reaction to our gifts for them. Although I did all the selection.
"This notebook is made from authentic dried clover leaves?" Suga asked.
"Yes and they only had one more so I thought you mostly deserve it," I told him.
"Why who else did you want to give a similar gift too?" Suga asked me.
Well, myself, RM and Isaac but I chose not to tell Suga that.
"No one of course," I told him.
"These headphones are expensive Noona. Google Technology have limited edition of this," Jungkook said.
"Well I just got lucky," I told Kookie, remembering how Isaac bought it thrice the price from the kid who got the last of it.
"I cannot believe you brought me rare spices and ingredients of Maldives," Jin yelled when he opened the ice chest.
"I wanted to see how you would cook with those," I told him.
"Well Clover you can expect yourself to get so satisfied," he said.
"You got me a pen. An astronaut's pen. Only NASA has this. How did you get a hold of this?" J – Hope said as he held the black pen, admiring it.
"We met a couple who work in NASA. They were selling some," I told him.
"Wow, thanks Fatima!" Hobi said.
The guys gathered around me and then Hobi said, "Group Hug!"
I halted them raising both of my hands.
"Wait, where's RM?"
"I'm here. Where's for me?" RM asked who was wearing the white jacket I got for him.
I ran to him.
"Yey! It looks so good on you RM," I told him.
"Of course," he said and made a handsome pose with his fingers under his chin.
"Group hug now!" Hobi said.
And the guys surround me and they hug as I stood in the middle though none touched me. We all laughed out loud though there was nothing funny at all. A good hearty laughter. Oh truly, I've missed them so much! Alhamdulillah.
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Taehyung's POV
I was playing the keyboard and writing additional lyrics. RM's composition of Singularity hit me like a plague that I cannot get rid of. So I asked him if I could make it mine. I intend to have it performed and sang on my own. Right now, I'm at one of the vacant rooms on the ground floor of the mansion. It was 2 am in the morning and everybody is asleep. But I couldn't sleep. So here I was with the keyboard I secretly stalled in three days ago, trying to mend my still broken heart with music that might heal me.
Suddenly, a knock was heard on the door. I went to open it thinking it could be one of the guys. But to my surprise, it was her
"Tae? I thought I heard music," she said.
Fatima was wearing a long silky night gown, with a black robe around her. She was also wearing a red scarf to cover her hair and her neck.
She tried to peep behind me but I block her.
"You must be mistaken. Why don't you go back to your bed Fatima, it's late," I urged her.
Fatima stared at my face, as if she was verifying the truth. I looked away and used the only card I have to make her go away.
"It's not decent for a married woman to be talking to a non – mahram man at this time of the dawn Fatima," I seriously said,
I looked at her and she looked offended. Guilt washed over me but it was the only way. Or else she might see the keyboard and will raise a lot of questions. I am very much sure the answers to those questions will only displease and sadden her.
"You're right. I'm sorry," she said then skipped out of the doorway with hurried footsteps.
I'm sorry Fatima. I mentally told myself. But still I did not lock the door. Why do I feel that instead of letting her leave, I should have let her listened to my music. Hobi was right, it will never be enough until she hears the beating and the wounds of our hearts.
I chased after Fatima who was climbing the stairs. I double my steps until I reached her. She gasped a bit out of shock when she saw me.
"Actually, there is something I want you to define for me," I told her.
"Ha? Define for you?" she asked.
"Singularity," I uttered.
"Come with me," I told her.
I climbed down the stairs but she just stood at the step. I stopped and turned to look at her.
"Wouldn't you want to know what I was doing at 2 am in the morning?" I told her.
She was battling what to do next. Then a wave of sadness crushed down on me.
"Of course, Isaac comes first. Go back to sleep then," I told her.
I returned to the room and felt the silence. I started playing the keyboard, closed my eyes and sang my heart out.
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Third Person's POV
Taehyung Manuel did not hear it when Fatima stepped inside the room. Fatima found a nearby stool and sat on it. She couldn't believe that Tae had a keyboard instrument. She remembered very well that her house rule was no one would play nor sing nor watch music. Yet here she was, about to listen to the Singularity that Tae spoke of on the stairs.
Tae pretended that Fatima was in front of her. But little did he know that Fatima was actually behind her.
"The title of this song is Singularity, composed by Raphael Monstefar and yours truly. This is for you my lady Fatima," Tae said.
Fatima just covered her mouth. Maybe it is best Taehyung didn't know she was there. So quietly she listened.
"A sound of something breaking. I awake from sleep.
A sound full of unfamiliarity, try to cover my ears but can't go to sleep.
The pain in my throat gets worse, try to cover it.
I don't have a voice. Today I hear that sound again.
It's ringing again, that sound.
A crack again on this frozen lake.
I dumped myself into the lake.
I buried my voice for you.
Over the winter lake, I was thrown.
A thick ice has formed.
In the dream I shortly went into
My agonizing phantom pain is still the same
Have I lost myself?
Or have I gained you?
I suddenly run to the lake, there's my face in it.
Please don't say anything, reach my hand out to cover the mouth
But in the end, spring will come someday, the ice will melt and flow away.
Tell me if my voice isn't real.
If I shouldn't have thrown myself away
Tell me if even this pain isn't real
What was I supposed to do back then?"
And as if the pain was too much and unbearable, Taehyung started sobbing like a little child. Fatima's eyes were wet in tears. She stood up and slowly walked towards Taehyung. Once behind him, her hands raised to touch his head. In the past, Tae would uncontrollably do that to her when he find her so cute and irresistible. Fatima pat his head and Tae turned around.
Tae wiped his tears just to be sure that it really is the lady that made him fall in love so bad. Fatima came into clearer view and her gentle touch on his hair made him open his arms encircling it to her waist. His head was on her stomach as he continued crying.
"I now know what singularity means," she uttered.
Upon hearing that, Tae removed himself from her and stood up. Now they are standing face to face.
"It's this pain, isn't it? Having to bear it all alone, not having the voice to speak of it," Fatima uttered, as tears trickle down her face.
Tae wiped her tears and smiled sadly at her.
"Yes Fatima. But at least now you know," Tae said to her.
Fatima stepped backwards, aware now of the nearness.
"Remember the question that I asked you to answer that you didn't get to answer?" he asked.
She recalled that incident. They were at Jungkook's radio interview and she had asked him to set the mood into a happy one. In exchanged of the favor, she would answer his question. However, after the dramatic bullying and the display of their obsession towards her, the question had lay forgotten.
"I remember," Fatima answered.
Tae's arm raised and he reached out to her. But he didn't touch her. His hand almost touched her cheek.
"I had asked you back then that if you weren't engaged, would you look my way? Would you fall for me? Would you like me?" he asked.
"However that question is no used now. I should have met you sooner. I should have told you sooner. I should have acted sooner. I should have known I was already in love with you sooner."
Fatima felt his pain and she wanted to comfort him.
"The answer would be yes. If circumstances were different, I knew I would look your way. I would fall for you. I would like you Tae," she said to him and smiled.
"Then that answer would be enough solace for me my lady," Tae said.
They continued staring at each other until Fatima felt it was time to go back to bed.
"Goodnight Tae. Get some sleep," she said and made way for the door.
"You too," Tae said.
As soon as the door is closed, Tae sat back and inhaled. He felt happy. She heard him sing. It was the best feeling he has ever felt so far. Tae settled at the couch and closed his eyes with a line on his head, playing over and over again.
"I would fall for you."
Fatima returned to her bed and Isaac placed his arm around her.
"You got thirsty?" he asked.
"Yeah," she said. She was did thirsty which was why she came down for a drink.
"We'll have a ref in our room, starting tomorrow. So you won't need to go down," Isaac's sleepy voice said.
This made Fatima smile. She feels so loved by her husband that she is equally madly in love with. But the sadness still crept in. How can her happiness be the reason for a good person's singularity? A handsome beautiful good person like Taehyung Manuel.
She wondered now if the other six are also going through the same thing. Rapmon wrote that track too. What were they doing when she was away? She would have to ask RM about that tomorrow.
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"If what you desire does not happen, then desire that which has happened. The intelligent person is the one who readjusts himself in accordance with his situation, however it may be, seeing as he is not able to change it for the better."
- Enjoy Your Life (Islamic Book)
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The compositions used in this chapter are of BTS' originals.
Vote and comment. Jazakallahu khairan! ^___^