To say I'm unfocused for the rest of the week is a bit of an understatement. I can't concentrate on much aside from what I might be, despite the fact that everyone seems to think it's impossible.
I try to rationalize that Chase is wrong, but in the pit of my stomach I know he has a really good argument.
My mom has ignored every phone call and email I've sent. And there have been tons. I filled up her voicemail asking... begging her to call me back but she never does.
I've been avoiding Chase, which is terribly difficult considering how small the university is and how many classes we share. I don't want whatever snapped inside me to snap again. The surest way to avoid going apocalyptic on Chase again is to stay away all together.
Which leads me to the conundrum I'm now facing. I need to see my mom, physically see her so that I can compel her in to telling me whatever the hell I need to know. But I don't have a car.
I can't exactly ask Jess to take me because she'll want to know why, understandably of course, but I'm not ready to tell her. I'm not ready to tell anyone until I know for sure and even then it's a toss up.
So I really only have one option. Chase.
He's sure to have some not so kind words to say to me. He's tried to corner me more than once the last few days. But I swallow my fear and dial his number; assuring myself I won't go berserk if we aren't even fighting.
Not an hour later I'm getting in his car and giving him directions to my childhood home. It's not until we've been driving on the highway for a few minutes and he pins me with a stare that could kill that I start to rethink how great an idea this was. My mom lives about three hours away.
"You've been avoiding me."
"I have." There's no point in denying it. "Watch the road please." I say when he doesn't look away from me.
"You're scared?" He phrases it like a question but I'm sure he already knows the truth considering he can sense emotions.
"Not of you."
He hums but doesn't respond for a couple minutes. I'm sure he understands what I'm scared of and since he can't assure me it's nothing to fear he wisely keeps his mouth shut.
Eventually he breaks the lengthy silence between us. "Your predator only takes control like that when you need something. Say I was to deprive myself of blood for a time, my predator would take over and I wouldn't be in control until my need was met. I would probably regain control after a few pints of blood as long as I hadn't been deprived too long. You felt you were in real danger," he gives me a pointed look,"You weren't by the way, but you perceived your life to be threatened and your predator took over until you felt safe and then you regained control." He pauses a moment, giving me time to interject before continuing. "You would not have killed me because you were able to immobilize me and your predator then knew I was a non-threat and took a step back."
"I wanted to kill you," I admit to him. I want him to understand why I'm scared to fight again and to do that, he needs to know what I was feeling. "Actually, really kill you. I wanted to bash your skull in. My body was begging me to."
"But you didn't."
"I wanted to," I shout out wanting him to understand. It wasn't just whatever took control, it was me. I wanted to kill him.
"Of course you did! I spent every training session beating you half to death and then I scared the shit out of you by threatening to drain every last drop of blood flowing through your veins. I would have fucking murdered anyone who beat me the way I have you. So of course you wanted to hurt me and your predator urged you on, but you didn't. You made that choice. You took control. I won't scare you like that again." He lets out a laugh, "believe me, I learned my fucking lesson."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Well, damn, what else do you want me to say?"
"I don't care, just stop avoiding me for shit reasons."
"Oh trust me, your personality is reason enough."
"Meh," he shrugs. "You like my company." His smile is cocky.
"I just told you that I literally wanted you dead and somehow you took that to mean I enjoy spending time with you?" I think he might be a few fries short of a happy meal.
"Tomato-tomahto," he says with a smile, further cementing my theory. "I'll admit it first if it'll make you feel better, love. You. Are not nearly as big a bitch as I thought you were."
"Sweeter words have never been spoken." I sigh as if content to die happy after his backhanded compliment. Then deadpan, "you are every bit the jackass I knew you were from the first moment I saw you." His face is priceless. I think he might truly be offended at my words. "But I guess you've grown on me... a teeny tiny, I'm talking microscopic amount." I tack on and enjoy the smile I receive in return.
"Was that so hard to admit?"
"You have no idea," I mutter under my breath, ignore the chuckle my words evoke.
We spend the next few hours talking about much lighter subjects. He tells me some stories from his childhood, which is so normal I'm a bit surprised. How does one go from being a regular kid to terrifying vampire? I half expected him to say his crib had been a coffin. I tell a few stories from my own, but knowing how he feels about humans I don't say too much.
We talk movies and books and are both equally surprised that we have similar tastes. He's pleasantly surprised that I have such good tastes in entertainment while I'm a bit disappointed by the revelation. Honestly what does it say about my character that I have so much in common with such a jerk?
We discuss the stupid ski trip. Of course Chase was going. He loved to ski. Apparently skiing is the national sport of choice for American Supernaturals. He wants to make sure I'm going so we can train between hitting the slopes. I don't mention that I won't be hitting any slopes, I'm too sick of the dirty looks I get when these people find out I can't ski.
Oh, and we argue. First it's about where we should stop for lunch. I'm ready to get to our destination and get this conversation with my mom over with so demand a drive through but Chase is a sit-down restaurant kind of guy.
Chase wins that argument on account of he's driving.
Then it's about directions, you'd think he would just trust that I know how to get to my own freaking house, but nope. He insisted he knew a faster way. He was wrong and took us a half hour in the wrong direction.
And now... "Slow down, speed racer!" I yell, not sure how fast we're going but sure it's well above the posted speed. "You're going to kill someone!"
"Weren't you just complaining about the time we lost on our detour?"
"You mean the thirty mile detour to nowhere? I just don't want you to do it again, that doesn't mean drive—" I lean over the center console so that I can see his speedometer—"over a hundred miles per hour!" My scream comes out high pitched and squeaky as I slap his arm.
"Are you trying to get us killed?" he yells back.
"I'm trying to prevent that, jackass!"
And so on... I think you get the picture. In between unpredictably nice conversation and laughing there is a lot of yelling. A lot of yelling. Finally, almost five hours later, thanks to a long lunch and getting lost, Chase pulls in front of a little brick house and puts the car in park.
I was so anxious to get here but now I just want to turn around and go home. I don't even really care what I am. I could probably be really careful and never have to worry about letting out whatever is lurking inside me again. I could just go home and forget about this.
"Would you look at that, I've gone and changed my mind," I tell him letting out a nervous laugh.
"Not a chance," Chase tells me. "Come on, let's go." He leans forward to get out of the car but stops when he notices the look I'm giving him. "What?"
"You look like a vampire." I tell him unsure of any nicer way to say that he will scare the pants off of any human who sees him. He looks a little upset, probably because I said the word vampire like it was an insult. Whoops. "Chase, you'll give her a heart attack." He doesn't budge, "Come on. You know you're scary. You like being scary. I just think you should let me handle this."
"If I so much as think—"
I interrupt him before he can finish, "It's sweet that you want to protect me, but I really don't think I'm in any danger. She's scared, but somewhere inside she has to know I'm still the girl she loves, she'd never hurt me." I stare him down until he agrees to stay in the car. He lets out a loud disatified grunt making it clear that he doesn't want to. It's laughable that he's worried about her causing me pain considering our relationship, but it's nice that he cares.
I take a deep breath and get out. Maybe I should put on a Glamour to look like a regular person, but I don't. By the time I get to the porch my hands are shaking and my heart is racing. I can't remember being so anxious. I turn back to the car and give Chase two thumbs up before knocking on the door.
A moment later the door swings open to a smiling man. He looks to be in his 40's and is fairly attractive but I have no idea who he is.
"Can I help you?" He asks obviously not recognizing me either. But shouldn't he recognize me? Did mom take down every picture of me?
"Yeah, I hope so." I say trying not to let my nerves show through.
"I'm looking for Lauren Mitchel?"
"You've come to the right place, only she goes by Rogers now." He winks at me pointing to the gold band on his left hand.
"She married?" I ask wanting to throw up. My mother got married and didn't tell me. Hell, she didn't tell her new husband that I exist. He must see the hurt in my eyes before he speaks again.
"Small wedding last month. Hope you aren't offended, it just immediate family invited." I'm fighting back tears as my heart breaks all over again when I hear her voice.
"Chris, honey, who's at the door? I've got din—" her voice cuts off suddenly and her eyes meet mine.
"Mom?" I say no longer able to stop the tears from overflowing. She's just staring at me like she's seen a ghost. I pull in a shaky breath and wipe my eyes. "You got married," I say through the frog in my throat, still stuck on that. How could she not tell me? How could she just cut me out of her life after nearly 17 years and pretend I don't exist.
The man standing at the door, Chris, my mom's new husband is looking back forth between the two of us.
"Lauren, what's this about?"
"Honey maybe you could give us a few minutes?" She asks looking at him eyes full of love. He nods and gives her a brief kiss on the forehead before walking away. Then she turns to me, "Aurora." She says her own eyes brimming with tears. "What are you doing here?"
"I called," I say. "I called a hundred times!" I say again, through gritted teeth, trying not to let a sob out through my words. "You didn't even tell me you got married. Why?" I'm not sure my words are all that coherent. "You just stopped caring? You just stopped loving me? Just like that? You just forgot about me!"
"Aurora. You can't be here. I've moved on. I have a new life now and I just can't have you here."
"That's not fair." I cry trying to wipe the snot and tears running down my face. "Do you know how hard this has been for me? My whole world turned upside down and the one person. The one fucking person who is supposed to love me unconditionally abandoned me."
"I'm sorry this has been so hard for you, but you need to leave now and move on." I can hear the emotion in her voice and know she's having trouble with this as well but she's sticking to her words. It's obvious we can't have a real conversation and I know what I need to do, but I need to calm down and concentrate first.
Pushing aside all my emotion I lock in on my moms eyes and hold her gaze, trying not to cry because I have to do this. Her face slackens so I begin my questioning hating the eerie tone my voice takes on.
"Are you a supernatural?"
"No." She answers in a flat voice.
"Are you my real mother?" I hate that I have to ask, but I was prepared for this question.
"No."
"Who is?"
"I don't know. You were left on my doorstep with a note."
"What did it say?"
"Please take care of my baby girl. Love her because I couldn't."
Fighting back tears I ask one more question I need to know the answer to, "Did you ever love me at all?"
"Of course, baby."
"Do you still love me?" It's out of my mouth before I can stop it.
"I've moved on," she says. The words hit me in the chest harder than any fight. She just got over me, like I'm some loser ex boyfriend instead of her daughter.
"You will not remember this conversation or my visit today." Anger and hurt boils inside of me and I want to wipe her whole memory clean, but I don't. "Call your husband over." I command her and she does. Ever the dutiful husband he is quickly by her side. Before he can tell there is something off with her I meet his gaze.
"You will not remember anything about my visit today." I pause before adding, "you will always be faithful and love Lauren until you take your last breath. Enjoy your evening." I tell them and watch the door in front of me close.
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Hope you enjoyed this chapter! :] It's unedited, so feel free to point out mistakes.