Not once have I ever been late handing in an assignment. Not even in high school. Now, because of work and my mother, that streak has ended.
I could not fail this course. It wasn’t just because it would help me get the career I wanted. It was also my ticket out of this hell that I called my home.
While I was studying I could use it as my excuse to stick around, and I didn’t have to deal with the real reasons why I haven’t left home yet. However once I graduated, and had a more permanent and stable job, my only excuse for staying would be my mother’s incompetence. There’s no way that Jaxon, or anyone else I know, would let me get away with using that excuse.
My mum hasn’t spoken to me since last night. Which is partly on my shoulders. I’ve stayed confined to my bedroom trying to finish the last bit of the essay.
When Jace left, my fear dissipated enough for me to finally be angry with my mother. Angry with her for embarrassing me in front of the first boy I’ve brought home to meet her that isn’t my gay best friend, but my boyfriend. And angry with her for leaving her mess behind when she stormed ff.
So, instead of working on my essay last night, I was cleaning up her beer bottles, and emptying ashtrays.
It resulted in me having to wake up at six in the morning to finish it. My hand furiously went across the pages leaving a blur of words in its wake. My hand seemed to know what to write, but my mind couldn’t seem to process the words enough to make sense of them.
I was pressing down so hard as I wrote, that the words were imprinted onto the next two pages.
I knew it was out of anger. I had never felt that level of pressure before. The essay would have been completed and sent in days before the due date if I wasn’t stuck doing everything around the house.
I needed a break before my essay turned into a long rant about my mum. I’m sure my teacher wouldn’t appreciate that, though. I knew that what I needed was a very large coffee. Whether I was lucky enough to find some milk in the fridge for me to actually have one was a different story.
My mum was out in the living room watching television. Which was loud enough for the neighbors to hear. My need for coffee was greater than my need to avoid my mother right now. So I sucked it up and went out there.
She didn’t say a word or even look at me as I walked past and broke through her usual cloud of smoke. The kitchen was a mess despite being cleaned last night right before I went to bed. My mind could not fathom that one person made so much mess in a matter of hours, but cleaning it would have to wait.
“Make me a cup of coffee before you disappear into that room of yours again,” she shouted through to me. “And clean the kitchen. It’s a bloody mess, Ashlyn.” She went into a raging fit of coughing. It literally sounded like she was coughing up her lungs. Realistically, she probably wasn’t far from it.
For a horrifying second, I found myself whispering in my own mind, “I hope you choke.” Having one parent that has already died, I would never wish the same fate on the only parent I have left. It showed me just how mad at her I actually was.
I quickly shook the thought from my mind and focused on counting how long it took for the water to boil. It was an effective and calming distraction. Until it was done, that is.
Some time throughout my counting, I seemed to have already gotten the coffees ready. All they needed was the water and milk.
But of course when I looked in the fridge there was only enough milk left to make one cup. I was very tempted to just use it for my own cup, but I didn’t want to doom myself to my mother’s wrath. I would just have to wait, like always.
I took the delicious smelling cup of coffee out to her. Thankfully she had put out her cigarette so I didn’t have to decide whether I wanted to hold my breath for ages, or choke to death on the smoke. That’s the definition of a good day for me.
Before I could be yelled at – or wish death on her again – I made my way back to my room, and logged onto my facebook account. I was in dire need of a rant. Not a big extravagant one, just a small, subtle one that gets my point across, and lets out some of my annoyance, but without telling everyone my business. Facebook isn’t meant to be everyone’s personal diary, so I don’t treat it like one.
My friends list isn’t all that large anyway, so it’s not like I have a heap of people to complain to me about my status’. A few months ago my friend list consisted of two people, Jaxon and his mum. Now, after hanging out with Jace, it’s up to a whopping fifteen people!
‘Mum is driving me crazy. In desperate need of coffee!’ I posted the status without a single hesitation. If I had enough people on my facebook, I would probably end up procrastinating and reading their pointless posts.
Thankfully my popularity level is in the minuses. Mum didn’t interrupt me for about forty-five minutes. Which is a record. I managed to get most of the essay done when my phone bussed along my desk.
‘Come outside’, the text message read. It was from Jace. I rolled my desk chair over to my window and pulled the curtains aside to actually make sure he was there. The shiny black impala was parked in my driveway and I couldn’t help but grin.
I practically ran past the doorway leading into the living room where the Dragon Lady was. If she saw me, I had no doubt that she would ask me to do something. “Hey,” I grinned once the door was open.
Jace was standing at the bottom of the steps with a large cup of coffee from my favourite coffee shop, and a plastic bag with a bottle of milk in it. “Something told me that you might need these,” he smirked.
“Did it happen to be my facebook that gave you this information?” I plucked the cup from his hand and gave him an appreciative kiss.
“Nope,” he said once we pulled apart. “I’m an extremely talented long distance mind reader. Did you not know that?”
I took a long sip of the delicious coffee before answering. “You must have forgotten to mention that on our first date.”
He chuckled and fixed up his glasses. “All those comic books and superhero worship items in my bedroom should have given you plenty of clues that I have super powers.” He placed the bag with the milk on the ground beside my feet.
“Do you want to come inside? My Mum’s occupied at the moment, so I promise there wont be any fire breathing this time.” Yes I was still embarrassed, but the initial first meeting was already done, so there’s probably not much more that will shock him about her. Plus it would make me feel normal to have my boyfriend in my own home.
He shook his head. “I’d love to, but I can’t. I’m on my lunch break, so I have to get back to work.”
“You used your lunch break to bring me milk and coffee?” I wanted to chastise him for wasting his lunch break on bringing me coffee, but I was too busy being appreciative of how sweet he was.
“Of course,” he said simply. “I’ll eat in the office when I get back to the store. Enjoy your coffee.” He kissed me once more and walked back towards his brother’s car.
“I think I love you,” I blurted out. I’d never told anyone that I loved them before. My Mum, my Dad, and Jax were the exceptions of course. But I was surprised at myself for just blurting it out like that. Normal people just don’t do that kind of thing. The least I could do was wait for a nice romantic moment.
That kind of thing is what makes people run away from relationships and never look back. Jace did look back, though. He looked back with a smile on his face. “I think I love you too.” With that said, he got in the car and pulled out of the driveway, the car rumbling down the street.
When I could no longer hear the roar of the car’s engine, I walked back inside in a complete daze. I knew how I should react, and I knew how I wanted to react, but my brain wasn’t working fast enough to catch up to my emotions. I had one of the sweetest boyfriends in the world, who just said he loves me, and no one could even know.
Despite the fact that I felt disappointed that I couldn’t run to a girlfriend and ramble on about it, I was in a state of giddiness and euphoria, which outweighed the disappointment by a mile.
My mood made it much easier for me to focus on the essay once I got back to my room and finally finish it. Putting the final full stop, and dropping the pen gave me a huge rush of relief. I emptied my lungs with a satisfying sigh. Realising that I still had coffee left made my mood even better.
In the last hour and a half, I had gotten a trifecta. My boyfriend was sweet enough to bring me coffee on his lunch break, he told me that he loved me, and I finally finished my essay. I was fairly certain that nothing could ruin my mood in that moment. Then again…
“Ashlyn! Get out here!” Hearing her voice was like hearing someone scratch their nails on a chalkboard, or like grinding your teeth together. It was horrible, and shivers went through me.
“I’ll be there in a second, Mum,” I shouted back. I put my phone and wallet into my bag and slipped my essay into a large yellow envelope. I’ll be glad when I don’t have to look at it anymore.
When my mother shouted in annoyance for me to get there now, I rolled my eyes and slung my bag over one shoulder. Coffee in hand I went out to the living room and stood in front of her.
“I’ve got people coming over tonight, so you better get in there and clean that bloody kitchen.” She was annoyed that I hadn’t come as soon as she called me. Her use of the word ‘bloody’ was the indication of that. The more annoyed she was, the more vulgar her language became.
I nodded. It’s not like I had a choice in the matter anyway. I still would have ended up doing it even if I told her no. “I just have to go take my assessment to the post office. I’ll do it as soon as I get back.”
“No, you’ll do it now, Ashlyn.” She looked away from me and started messing around with her phone as if it was the end of our conversation.
Usually it would have been the end of it. Not today, though. I was too annoyed with her, I didn’t have enough coffee in my system, and I was desperate to get this assignment sent. “No, Mum. I’m going to send this off and then I’ll do it. I’ll be back in an hour.”
Then, in a moment of brazen bravery, I continued. “I have things that I need to do as well. Things that are more important to me than making sure our kitchen is clean before another one of your drunken parties.”
I could feel the anger radiating off of her before she even lifted her eyes to stare me down. Even though she was sitting down, she intimidated me enough to make me feel like I was a turtle curling back into its shell to protect itself from danger.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” The outrage in her tone of voice was almost comical. I had been so afraid of her and felt intimidated every time I was around her, but in this moment, I realised just how fragile of a person she was.
She may yell, scream and threaten, but she felt threatened by me standing up for myself. She didn’t have control over me in that moment, which clearly terrified her.
“Who do I think I am?” I let my bag drop to the floor and stepped closer to her, looming over her. “I think I’m a twenty year old girl who should be living her own life instead of helping my mother survive hers. I think that I’m an educated woman who has plans to put it to good use unlike you. I think that I’m the one who looks after our family. If it can even be called a family.”
I was so close to her that I’m sure she could see every tiny freckle on my face. I hoped that she was feeling the intimidation and fear that she had subjected me to for all these years.
“I’m the one that works so that we can afford our rent, have food to eat, hot water to shower with, and so that you can gamble, smoke and drink! You’re the mother, not me. You should be the one carrying all of that on your shoulders. Maybe it’s about time you realized just how much you need me, mum.”
I didn’t bother staying around. I picked up my bag and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I definitely wasn’t going to be coming back here. Not tonight anyway.
I was supposed to be spending the night with Jax, so I just invited myself to stay the whole night at his place. There would be no objection from him or his mother, so it would be the easiest option.
Essay completely forgotten about, I went straight to his house. He wouldn’t be home until late. He had work and told me that he was meeting up with someone at the club for an hour or two, so when I got there, I wasn’t surprised when his mum told me that he wasn’t home.
I didn’t even need to say anything before his mum knew that something was wrong. She pulled me into a tight hug and I accepted it gratefully and desperately, wrapping my arms around her in return.
She was warm and smelled like she had been baking. It felt like I was returning home to my real mother after spending a horribly long, highly traumatizing time away. “Have any coffee?” a practically whimpered.
She laughed softly and stepped back. “Of course. I also have some cake,” she said with a wink.
We sat, ate, and spoke for a few hours. We finished off half a cake and two coffees each. It wasn’t until later when she had to go and drop Jax’s little sister off at a friend’s house for a sleepover that I was left in the house alone.
I trudged up the stairs to Jaxon’s room and turned on his TV. He has some action game in his x-box, and even though I had no idea how to play it, I picked up where he left off and started shooting random animated people. Surprisingly, it helped me let off some steam.
I was getting so into the game that I almost didn’t bother pausing to answer my phone when it rang. No number showed up on the screen, so I was relieved that it wasn’t my mother. “Hello?” I said once I answered.
I was surprised to hear Jaxon’s voice on the other end. “Ash, thank God. I thought you weren’t going to pick up.”
“Jax? Did you get a new phone? Where are you?” I didn’t hear any music thudding in the background, so I knew he wasn’t at any club. “Are you okay?”
He sounded stressed out, and a little afraid. “No, not really. I need… I need you to come and pick me up. Please Ash.”
“Um, okay. But your mum’s not here, I don’t have a car.” He was starting to scare me, and I stood up, game forgotten, and paced the floor of his bedroom.
“My car is at Jace’s brother’s club. You know where my spare keys are.” He was breathing heavily into the phone, and his speech was shaky.
“Okay, but where are you?”
He didn’t talk for a long time. It gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. “I got into a fight. Please hurry. I don’t want to go through it again. I can’t be here again. If you don’t get me out they’ll send me back. Please don’t let them send me back.”
It was the desperation in his voice that made me realize where he was. “I’m leaving now. I’ll be there soon, I promise. Just hang in there okay?”
We both hung up and I grabbed the spare car keys from his desk drawer. It was dark, but there’s no way in hell that I was just going to leave him there. I couldn’t call his mum, either. There was no way I would be able to tell her that her son had been arrested.