"You going to be okay here alone?" Anthony asked me. I was setting my camera up in the kitchen to do a Q&A for my channel that I decided to do today instead of going into work. A tweet was already sent out to the fans so they can ask me questions while Anthony helped me set the camera on the tripod and directing it towards where I would be sitting.
"I'll be fine, Ant," I replied. "I'm a big girl; I can take care of myself."
"Ron, you can barely go to the store by yourself," Anthony stated. I gave him the middle finger while walking over to the chair I was going to sit at. I sat down and chuckled at his dumb remark. "Looks good."
"Thanks, I try," I joked; doing a fake hair flip since my hair was up in a bun and I couldn't do a real one for him.
Anthony looked up at me and shook his head with his smile. I smiled back and giggled. "It's set up. I didn't turn it on, but it's set up and ready for you Q&A," Anthony said. I got up and walked to him.
"Thank you, baby!" I said while putting my hands on his chest and tiptoeing up to him to give him a small kiss. He kissed me back and smiled at me once I pulled away. "Now get to work. They need you more than they need me."
"They might not need you, but I do," he said as he put his hands on my waist and pulled me towards him. I wasn't even rolling my eyes at this because he wasn't wrong; this week was going to be hard for all of us. It's only Monday and his party is going to be this upcoming Friday which excited yet saddened me. It was becoming too much of a reality for me and I'm getting more scared of letting go.
"I know you do," I said as I placed my hand on his cheek. "You're gonna get through it this week. I know it's not technically your last week, but I'm proud of how you're handling this, babe. You're still making videos with them with a smile on your face and getting through the harder videos with you departure. I'm proud of you, Anthony."
He smiled and hugged me while I wrapped my arms around his neck. "You're going to do great there, Ron. They love and look up to your bright personality, and I just know you're gonna get your spotlight there. Just like you will this year on Summer Games." He kissed my forehead and I smiled widely. "I love you so much, Veronica."
I looked up at him and softly smiled. "I love you too, Anthony," I said. I let go of him and playfully punched his chest. "Now get out of here. We both have shit to do."
"Yes, ma'am," he said as he started backing out of the kitchen. "I'll see you later." I waved bye to him and watched him walk out. I put my hand on the side of my neck and scratched the back of it with my index and middle finger. My hickey was slowly going away and not as noticeable as it was before which was good for me so I didn't have to keep my hair down. My hair was up in its normal messy bun and I was just wearing a boy white tank top and black joggers with my bright pink socks.
It's a lazy day for me and I don't have them often.
I walked over to the camera and clicked it on, then walked over to my chair and sat down. I cleared my throat and looked at the camera with a smile on my face. "What's up, guys? I know it's been so long since I've posted a video, but hey, being one of the main producers and directors of Smosh can get pretty busy. Plus, I've been dealing with a lot of personal shit and I know that negativity would've been shown on camera and you guys don't deserve that.
"And out of respect for myself, I'm not going to explain what personal shit I've dealt with, but all that matters is that I'm better now and happy again!" I pulled my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it while putting it on the table in front of me. "Now a lot has happened the last time I posted so I asked you guys via Twitter to ask me some questions for this video because what's a Q&A without any questions?"
God I was such a dork.
"And my phone has been blowing up since I tweeted so I hope you guys have asked me some good questions," I said to the camera. I picked my phone up and unlocked it instantly with my thumbprint. "Honestly, guys, I'm doing this because I had no idea what else I wanted to do and I don't have enough makeup to do a tutorial today." I chuckled and scrolled through the replies. "Alright, let's see," I started to say, but stopped to chuckle. "This one is cute; Destiny, @pyschopath_0405, asked me if I am friends with Damien?"
I sat my phone down, and started actually giggling and smiling.
"Of course I'm friends with that dork and even if I hadn't known him before he was shooting videos with us, I would've wanted Shayne to bring him around more. Damien is just this sweet guy who is naturally funny and has this upbeat personality that he wants to hide because he isn't much of a social butterfly, but when you're around me, you're going to be one." I laughed to myself and started scrolling through again, but I looked up at the camera again and continued to say,
"He is really the biggest sweetheart though, and being on set with him is a lot of fun until him and Shayne do their inside jokes that nobody understands. Other than that, he is such a fun person to be around and just so easy to talk to. Like I know I have Tristan to talk to, but since Tristan knows me better than anybody, you would think it's easy talking to him; it's not." I chuckled and shrugged. "It should never be easy to talk to your best friend about personal stuff because they know you that well and if you're doing something wrong, they should lecture you.
"But with Damien, he is more understanding and relates in a way that you don't expect. He just has good advice and listens very carefully to what you have to say and absolutely does not judge you for any mistakes you have made. Damien is a very sweet boy and I'm so glad he has been apart of my life for this past month. After all that I've been dealing with, he's made it so much easier and I only hope our friendship grows stronger." I smiled and looked down at my phone. "Let's see."
I knew some of these questions were going to be really deep and I was expecting that since it has been a while since I've posted, but I didn't want to cry on camera either. If I read a question that gets too personal, I'll just edit it out once I get to work tomorrow. I just don't want Anthony to see a question on here and start questioning my answer too it which is why I keep passing questions that even ask about Anthony and I.
"Jesslyn, @psychicbrendon- oh, girl; I love your Twitter handle," I said, then looking up at the camera. "I'm assuming your handle is Brendon Urie and if not, sorry I brought it up but if it is, you're cool in my book." I chuckled and looked at the question. "Jesslyn's question is what was my favorite Smosh video to film. I honestly love being behind the camera and filming all of the Smosh videos, but to say which one is my favorite, I have to go with The Show With No Name. A lot of you see what we edit, but when you're there, it's something completely different and it's just so fun to be around.
"Like once you're recording, it is just natural to them and that's why I also enjoy filming Smosh is Bored because it's all natural too and you just know they enjoy doing it. They don't fake the way they act; their friendship is pure and they do enjoy making not only fans laugh, but all of us in the back. But if I had to pick a specific video, it would have to be the first ever Show With No Name episode with Shayne, Keith, and Noah, which I believe was called Worst Celebrity Baby Names." I pointed at myself and smiled. "Your girl named that."
I giggled and continued on. "But what I loved about that was how brand new it was to all of us. It's basically a show that still has no name and probably won't ever have a name, and we just reach out to the amazing Smosh fandom and it's just really fun to be behind camera for that one. But this particular episode was the best to me because I was in tears laughing so hard when they were telling fans what they would name their kids, but before Keith could get his out, Shayne and Noah were teasing him since he wants his kids to names to start with a k.
"So Noah and Shayne are back and forth saying Klondike, Krippled, Kristean, Kock, and so on and I ended up on the floor in tears laughing so hard because they wouldn't stop and then you got Olivia not to far from me yelling out Knot and Knife so that hurt my chest more and didn't help my breath loss." I smiled and shook my head. "It's always a blast filming and working with the Smosh family because we make sure we have fun and of course we can be serious sometimes when we film the skits, but other than that, we are a bunch of losers hanging out and always joining around and having a good time."
I smiled and looked down at my phone again. I put my hand on my heart and awed at one of the questions I saw. "Okay, this one caught my eye because she said she's afraid this question will upset me and it melt my heart." I picked my phone up and looked at my phone. "Kaye, @silverbabykaye_ asked me what it was like to be adopted. It actually doesn't upset me because I'm very open about my adoption since I have white parents which I do have a story to tell.
"So Tristan already knew I was adopted since his parents told him, but one person that didn't know about me being adopted was Anthony." I started to laugh and I put my phone down. "I'm actually embarrassed to tell it because Anthony handled it so well, but it just made me feel so bad. When Anthony and I started dating, I guess I didn't think much of it because I don't see myself as an adopted kid; I look at my parents as my real parents since they were the ones who raised me and took me into their home when no one else did.
"But it was never a topic him and I had so when they came to visit me one day at my apartment at the time, Anthony was there and my parents greeted him as Mr. and Mrs. Cruz and luckily, Anthony didn't react in anyway that would offend my parents. When I got Anthony alone, I apologized for not explaining it to him but he understood because, you know, as someone who has been in multiple foster homes and almost adopted, we've looked up to anybody as our parents because all we want is someone to want and love us.
"And that's why he didn't get mad at me because he knows they are my parents no matter what. They claimed me and they are stuck with me forever," I stated. I giggled and scrolled through again. "Like being adopted is a serious thing and once I did get adopted, it was amazing because I would get to know what it feels like to be in a happy and loving family and that's exactly what I got. They made me the person I am today and I'm honestly grateful for that." I looked at a question that instantly caught my eye.
"This one is definitely gonna be hard," I said. "Andrea, @a_timmons98, asked who is my best friend from Smosh. Sorry Tiss; you're not my best friend for this video." I giggled and sat myself up in my chair. "So technically I have more than one and I can explain why. When I first joined, everyone including Anthony were so nice and warmed right up to me and then I think of the new people who joined and I warmed up to them because they were amazing people. So I guess I can say that my first best friend from Smosh is Anthony.
"Anthony has definitely changed my life because when I first met him, I was only doing photography and had a small little YouTube channel, but after becoming friends with him and developed a relationship with him, he got me a job at Smosh and it was great because not only was I working with these people, but I was working along side with my boyfriend. My best friend honestly because of how our personalities connected, and we never let our relationship get in the way of work. We were professional and joked around like best friends and that's why I'm grateful to work with him still to this day."
Not for long.
"Another best friend of mine from Smosh is Boze," I said with a smile. "It's so funny to know I met her over six months ago and didn't think that we would get so close, but we got along right away with our conversation of rock music and how we use to be emo kids." I started laughing and shaking my head. "My god, those days were rough to me. But our sense of humor is the same and we just trusted each other so well and I can say I would be lost without her if we ever stopped being best friends. I don't get along with females that well, but it was different with Boze. I love that bitch."
I laughed and shook my head.
"I also have one more best friend..." I slowly said. I looked at the camera and said, "Shayne." I nodded and felt my hands starting to get clammy. "Shayne has been there for me since day one, just like I was there for him. I'll never forget how nervous he was at first once he auditioned, but I told him to take his time and to be himself and he did. And ever since then, I've worked with one of the biggest dumbasses at Smosh! I can't say much because I know I'm probably a pain in the ass to him, but he deals with it and loves me anyway.
"Shayne is just very kindhearted and I know a lot of fans probably don't see that because we show you a side we want you to see so you don't see a lot of who we really are, but just like Damien, he is easy to talk too." Sometimes. "Shayne is just so smart and knows so much so when you talk to him about stuff that goes on with your life, he is just there and talks you through it because he cares enough too. And don't get me started on his stupid sense of fucking humor.
"That's one thing I do love about him because he really doesn't try to be funny. Him and Damien are honestly naturally at it and it's amazing. And whenever I was upset, Shayne would use his humor to his advantage and make me laugh which I hated for a quick second, but I got over it because it was what I needed. And he knew that's what I needed." I felt my heart hurting just talking about him, but I couldn't stop myself at this point.
"Shayne is just a great guy and I'm honestly grateful to have him in my life. He just knows how to make me feel better whenever I'm down and knows how to keep a smile on my face when I need it. He is my best friend whether he wants to believe it or not," I said with a small chuckle. "But he is and I know I said I would be lost without Boze, but I would definitely be lost without Shayne. I couldn't imagine a life without Shayne in it since he is that important to me and I only hope he feels the same way too."
My smile started to die a bit since this topic was starting to hurt me. I don't know how I'm going to do this whole break before breaking up with Anthony, but I know it's what Shayne and I have to do. I know how I feel about Shayne and I know that I really want something to happen between us, but I didn't want that showing anymore than it has. Too many people know and it's only making feelings harder for us both.
I really put myself in a shitty situation.