"Once more," the knight commands for the recruit to start attacking me with the stick in his hand. I'm already totally out of breath and my hair and the ripped clothes stick to my sweaty body. Hell couldn't be any worst.
At some days in that dark cell I wished they would just give me some light and bring me outside, and when they started to do so, I wished they would have left me in the darkness. It's true that I stole, but is this what I earn? Why do they feed me and keep me alive, only to do that to me?
I take a turn to get away just in time for a hit on my feet but stumble. The stick hits my face and I spit out some more blood. I try to crawl away on all fours.
I need to concentrate or I'll die here and I got told that there is nothing good waiting for me in the afterlife. I haven't spoken to anybody for months, but I can see that some of these men enjoy my screams and crying.
The only self-defense I have is to learn to avoid screaming and crying. There is no way I'll give them satisfaction anymore. All my anxiousness got replaced with anger a while ago. It's still mingled with the feeling of being powerless of my own fate. Someday I'm strong enough to get out of here. Another hit on my back.
I'll never stop fighting.
The man in front of me is barely older than me, but he is training and I'm just their overall punching bag. It feels like a lifetime when I finally get unconsciousness. God shows some mercy on me, but I'm sure I'll wake up in darkness and the game will start again.
Opening my eyes there is darkness, as I thought. To my surprise, there is also the knight who arrested me so long ago. Since then he tried to kill me slowly by feeding his recruits with my blood in the course of their training.
"Welcome back, street rat," he says and the shackles around my feet clank against each other when I try to roll myself into a more defensive position. At least I learned how to protect my most sensitive body parts. Even though, a moan escapes my mouth when I move my aching, and at the same time stiff, body.
"I have good news for you. I decided that the fact you are still stubborn and try to fight back should be honored.
Isn't that generous?" he chuckles.
Last time he had good news for me, I found myself bound to a pole in the middle of a spacious plaza. He told me that the sun will be good for me and my pale skin, but it actually just got sunburnt and dried out. I was there for three full days. He will never be able to steal my pride.
"We are a bit short of soldiers in the front rows. I wonder what you can do if we would give you a weapon," he scratches his beard on the chin and I sit up. A weapon, that's my chance.
***
After I locked my obviously confessed offender in a guest room I started looking out to find Tristan. To my surprise, I found him in one of the salons. He is politely talking and laughing with a group of vampires that started to surround him.
Mister Holmwood will go nowhere so I take a silent stand next to the entrance and wait for him to finish his talks. Lightning myself a cigarette I can't help myself but watch
Tristan. He is the radiant middle of the room. People are searching for his presence and company; he is the total opposite of me. I try to distract my mind with something different.
The appearance of Charles Holmwood, for example, gives me some riddles. The overall bearing makes me think he is a coward. That he rather likes running than fighting, but the scar on his face and the fact that he came here and that he killed his own fosterling doesn't really fit for that.
Watching Tristan being happy to fulfill his duties gives me a bit of peace. At some point, his look crosses mine and I
can hear him sigh dramatically, before telling the vampires around him that work is calling him. Without another word to me, he leaves the salon and I follow. We walk in silence until we reach Tristan's rooms.
I take my stance for reporting and he seems to be amused. "You have some news for me, Ethan?" slightly mocking me before leaning against his writing desk. His face hardens. This is definitely the ruler and Lord I swore to follow.
"Indeed, my Lord. The murderer of Warlow came to me tonight," I start and he looks surprised.
"What?" I repeat what I just said but then realize he didn't really want an answer to that. "It seems that we have our murderer, but it is not as satisfying as we thought," I start before straighten out and tell him what Mister Holmwood just told me in the men's nightclub.
"I promised him a fair trial and that you will hear him, in order to get that story out of him. He is locked up in an empty guest room. I was afraid that there would have been some more rumor with these spirits around him," I close my report and Tristan who silently listened to me all the time nods once more.
"It sounds reasonable." He then starts to look at me and crosses his arms in front of him. "The only question is: Do you believe him?"
I run my healthy hand through my hair, before sighing. "I actually do not know what to believe. It all fits, I did not find a lie in his story, but then again..." I wrinkle my forehead. My gut feeling is nothing I can prove, but Tristan nods once more. I think he knows what I don't say.
"There is this one thing that worries me. This Charlotte is
not alone, Tristan. The thought that there are more vampires out there who want to take your seat brings back some old memories. Those I never want to become reality again. I would like to do some... precautionary measures," his soft smile already tells me that he knows what I mean and he doesn't agree.
"I don't want to move around in the headquarters like a prisoner, Ethan," then he smirks. "Especially it most probably wouldn't be you anymore who will stand next to me, hm?"
I sigh. That's what I figured. "Alright, either way; I respect the courage that he came to find me, but I never heard about him before. He didn't come to you or anybody to make sure people know that he is new here. I would like to find someone who knows him." Tristan nods once more.
"That could be hard if he really only came here to stop his fosterling."
"I would like to believe it. I would really like to know what is going on. He was surprised that I know the name of the girl he was describing," I look away for a moment.
"What else is making you feel uneasy?" he interprets my face.
"How did he find me, if he really only came here for that? Do you think I'm that predictable?" I want to know and I can clearly see a smug smile for a split second.
"I think you have caused some gossip lately. You remember that you got promoted, right? And that little song with your maid? Not to forget, that impressive lesson you just gave out in the training room after losing half of your hand in a deadly fight." I feel caught.
***
"Beat him, beat him, beat him!" The men around me shout to feed my brutal approach. My opponent isn't any more caring about me and just lands a hit with his fist against my right side. The training started to make sense. If I tense up at the right time and be able to control the different muscles in my body I'm not such an easy target anymore. My answer is an uppercut that makes him step back.
"Enough!" the knight behind us is yelling at all of us and I turn around to take a look at what he wants. My training partner pats my shoulder hard.
"You are getting too good for my taste, next time I'll defeat you faster," he tells me while rubbing his chin and I grin. That's what he is dreaming about. He is grimly looking at our drill instructor. At least I'm not the only one who dislikes that knight. The others don't say it openly but I can see their antagonism when he is present.
"I see you are doing well, street rat," he nods to me and I tense up and get into a defensive position. I still don't trust this man. I'm allowed and able to fight back now but his sword is sharp.
"I promised you something, remember? I figured it's about time," he starts and builds up in front of me, before pointing to the little cart that another servant is pulling behind him. "Choose your weapon," he grins and I move over to take a look.
Damn it. I've never used any of those. I guess a sword would work. Taking it out I realize the moment I can feel the weight that I will have troubles with that one and something underneath it catches my eye. The only tool in this whole
cart I ever had in my hands before.
As I walk slowly back to the knight I can see his dirty grin. "What a fitting weapon for a dirty peasant. Do you think you'll survive long enough with that ax to even use it?" he keeps on teasing.
I grab the handle tightly. That's my chance. Without a word, I start to attack the knight and he moves away easily. How did he do that? He laughs at my attempt to hurt him but I don't stop and keep attacking him with my new found weapon.
The others also start to laugh at me. "The street rat thinks he can beat Sir Ronald!" Some try to get attention from people further away to make them also watch the scene. Thinking about it, I maybe should have waited for my killing attempt until I saw him fight once.
There is one good thing about my uncoordinated attempt. I'm unpredictable – at least that's what I thought. It's the moment he draws he sword when I realize that this time I might die. My grip tightens around the handle once more.
"I'll show you respect and after that, you'll fight as one of us! You will obey my will!" His calm voice sounds like the silence before a storm breaks through the clouds. I don't get disappointed with that guess.
When he seriously starts to attack me I'm clearly inferior to his skills. After a while and some not too serious cuts a familiar swords handle meets my face with such a force that I can even feel getting numb before I hit the floor unconscious.
***
"Oh, you already heard about that?" I smirk as Tristan mentions the lesson I gave my recruits.
"Eve was pretty upset. It took her not too long to give me a very detailed report. It also seems that Doctor Johnson was not too worried. Is it possible that there is a side of our doctor that doesn't really care about pain as long as it's not humans that feel it?" he scolds me with his looks. I know what he means but I would never ask Erwin to be gentler with any of my recruits, and for sure not to me.
I nod hesitantly. "We heal better. He is right when he treats them differently." Tristan sighs before getting up again.
"Us, Ethan, it's not them, but us. Back to the topic: So, yes I'm pretty sure the gossip about you was of some interest and made finding you easier." I click my tongue and show some self-disgust.
I really hate to be in the public spotlight and I can't imagine how Tristan is able to be there all the time. For the first time in this civilized life, I don't know where the priorities of my duties should be. Finding the murder and that Charlotte maybe, but first and foremost I want to
see Tristan being protected by someone who would die to give him a chance to live.
"Tristan, I won't leave my place as your personal guard. Please don't make me leave it. I can handle both positions, but if something happens to you while I'm just doing nothing I don't know how to deal with it," I murmur before I straighten out once more.
"I didn't grant this guy anything about his punishment. He knows that he will get a trial for murder," I add with a lot more confidence.
Tristan's face softens for a moment. "If I wouldn't feel like you could cope with the tasks I wouldn't have suggested you for the council position. Even if you are wounded..." he comes closer to take my right hand and a look at the glove, before stripping it off.
"I can defend myself as well if needed," he says what I already knew, before stroking along the bandage. "We will set up a trial as usual, but before I make that happen I need evidence that his story is true. If he really is who he says he is, there will be records on any ship passenger lists."
I forgot about the most obvious. The passenger lists. "You are right. I will send someone to the docks for the lists," thinking about Celeste.
"Do you want me to let that guy tremble in his improvised cell or shall I bring him to the real dungeon? I'm still not sure if we should officially have him here. As of yet, the servants that saw me coming in with him for sure thought I bring a new toy in. I covered him in some fresh blood," I smile apologetically.
"As long as we are not sure about his story, I think he can stay in the more comfortable room. But you maybe should send guards there to keep it in sight, just to be sure. I think I probably should talk to him soon," he smiles and I know he isn't mad about the way I brought him in.
I nod. "I'll do as you command. Do you want me to come along when you talk to him?" Tristan shakes his head as an answer.
"That's not necessary. I want to get my own impression." Softly pulling back my hand I fiddle around in my pocket to get a cigarette out but Tristan takes the little package to lay it down on the table behind him. I raise an eyebrow.
He smiles at me. "I think we still have a little timeframe that we can use for us and enjoy the moment, hm?" he says coming closer and slipping his hand into my neck. "Do you feel better?"
"Yes, all good," I say but have to look at my hand for a moment. I feel exposed and take the glove back on.
"Ethan...?" Tristan starts and his tone alarms me. I don't know how to interpret his face. "I know that you like that maid, but I'm not going to share," he says playfully, yet I'm confused.
He grabs my butt and comes close to my lips. "This little ass of yours is either mine or it is not. Is that clearer now or are you still confused?" he smirks and I push him away. What the hell is he thinking?
"Nobody owns me!" I growl out angrily and I can see his surprise about my overreaction.
"I didn't mean it that way. You should know," he says softly.
"Besides that, you already have what I can offer," I add.
"Ethan, I don't understand. Can you please stop saying that and come to the point where you finally tell me what's going on in your head?" he asks a little annoyed and I know that he is right.
It's time to wipe the slate clean.
***
It's a good day to take another attempt to beat Sir Ronald. It's my third one this week, but how should I ever find his weakness when nobody is fighting him?
"Once again, street rat? Doesn't the bruise hurt enough for you to stop trying?" he gives me a derogatory look when I start to walk over to him in the training court. He is right that my left shoulder still feels a bit numb, but I've already had more serious injuries since I got thrown in here. I don't care anymore.
I take my position and he just keeps on looking.
"No. I won't fight you anymore. Your style is tiring and uninspired. Your lack of technique annoys me."
He whistles to the soldiers to his left and commands them to take care of me. I growl out loud as they built up like a wall in front of me.
"Why didn't you just kill me?" I want to know and Sir Roland stands still. He already caught me over a year ago but this is the first time I speak.
"Oh, you aren't as mute as a maggot. I figured you are just too dumb to talk," he turns around again. "What's your name?" he asks but I don't answer.
"Well then..." he leaves me alone with the other recruits. There is my next goal. I need to grow strong enough to kill this man. Not that I would know what else to do with my life. Becoming a soldier definitely fits the demon inside me.
***
I release another angry growl before turning around taking Tristan's shoulders. "I'm a soulless demon!" I try to answer his question.
He looks at me totally surprised. I would like to shake him, but it wouldn't change anything, he just doesn't understand what I say.
"I'm of no use! The only tools I have to make love are on your shoulders!" I press out angrily but then flinch about my own words.
Fuck.
Looking into Tristan's face worriedly some realization seems to start kicking in on his end. With a soft smile on his face, he takes my neck into his hand. "You think that would matter to me?"
"Of course it does!" I say angrily and move away from him. That hurts. Shouldn't I be relieved? I'm for sure confused again.
"Ah..." he says grabbing my arm first but then taking both of my hands.
"You are a fool if you think that would change how I feel for you in any way," he gently whispers. "I don't care what you have, or have not, or what you can or cannot; as long as you are yourself. That's enough."
I feel foolish, indeed. "Only a man of your size can say something like that." I have to grin and fold my fingers into his. I'm still angry, but more about myself. Maybe he still doesn't understand, but as far as I can tell, it doesn't seem to be half of that big deal for him as it is for me.
It feels as if a heavy stone just fell off my chest. With all that joy that's coming up in me, I need to stay realistic. I'm still a danger to my direct environment.
"Did you never realize that I never had a woman while we've been on the roads together?" I finally ask.
"I did, but I never thought it was my business," he steps closer to lay his forehead against my temple. He starts to chuckle slightly. "I thought, you do not share my affection and try to figure out how to tell me the whole time."
I shake my head slightly. "Tristan, you are the first person, who I will not kill for knowing that," seriously now.
"I care for you a lot, too, Ethan," he grins. Leaning my head to the side I give him enough space to show him my whole throat. Taking in his scent calms me and I close my eyes as he starts to caress my back.
"Why didn't you just tell me your concerns? They are totally pointless. Your body is fine the way it is."
"I thought you already know that I can be an idiot sometimes?" Honestly, I didn't know how to get the message across. I sigh once more.
"There is a possibility that I was afraid of losing my face in front of my Lord..." I reconsider, "in front of my friend." With that, I lay down a hand on his chest.
"I would never let you lose your face to anyone, Ethan. Even if you would have rejected me for other reasons, I would have been able to deal with it. I am happy that you gave me your trust." He leans down to find my lips with his.
After all, it was a good night.