Chapter 18
Goodbye Landon
I waited in my rented car for about fifteen minutes before mustering the courage to get out and walk up to the front door of Landon's mom's house.
I had no reason to feel this nervous about going to see Landon—aside from the shit show that my family had kindly made me a part of. I shouldn't be this unhinged.
When I finally knocked on the door, it took a solid minute for it to open, a good sixty seconds of doors banging and loud shuffling. Sometimes we underestimate the length of a minute, its true value. A fuck that last one minute is a gorram disgrace but a hug with someone you don't like that lasts a minute is true torture.
You underestimate how many strange scenarios your head can come up with in the minute it takes someone to open the door, from a random naked chick opening it to a desperate looking Landon that begs me to pick him.
I took one minute to overthink, and in that stupid minute, even knowing that I was at Landon's mother's house I didn't think about his mother opening the door.
That probably went on the list of reasons why Victor shouldn't marry me.
His mother just looked at me, her face juggling between being annoyed and confused.
When I finally got control of my body again I introduced myself. "Hello, I'm Danika, I'm Landon's friend, I came by a few weeks ago. I just needed to talk to him."
"Danika?" She frowned. "Dani?"
I'd never had anyone judge my name like that. I felt seriously inferior and she'd just said two words. And why was she appraising me yet again? She'd already seen me before. "Yes."
"Hmm, I thought you were a boy," she remarked, off-handily. Wow, that was certainly the first time I heard that. Also, what the fuck Landon? What was he telling his mom about me? "He's in his room, still sleeping."
"It's two in the afternoon," I pointed out. If he didn't have a girl in his bed he had no reason to sleep in that late.
She snorted. "You tell him that," she said as she lead the way towards what I assumed could only be Landon's room. She opened the door and I was greeted by a set of stairs going down.
"I certainly will," I answered and went down. And adult male living in the basement of his mother—what a cliché. The basement was basically an open space with a couch and a huge TV. There were two doors, one that after opening led me to a bathroom and the other to Landon's room. It was pretty dark in the room, because we were well, below ground level so I started turning on lights.
Landon made the sound of a dying whale, burying in face in his pillow.
I grinned and went to lie in bed next to him and in my best Jack Nicholson impression I said "Heeeeeere's Johnny" into Landon's ear.
He hid under his covers. "Oh god, go away."
"No, why would I do that when you're shirtless. Are you completely naked under there?" I peeked under the covers but unfortunately he was wearing sweat pants.
He swatted at me but because he wasn't looking he was just flapping his hand uselessly around. "Go aaaawaaaaay."
I rested by back against his headboard, sitting comfortably in his bed, ignoring him. "Why does your mom think I'm a boy? It's very strange."
"I just called you Dani, I guess she assume you were a boy," he answered, still hiding.
"Do you often have sex with guys while singing Spongebob songs?"
"No, I usually only have sex with guys while singing Dora the Explorer's songs," he replied and I could totally imagine the face he was making under there, deadpan serious.
I pushed where I assumed his ass would have been with my feet, trying to rile him up a bit. "Did you know that a boy's best friend is his mother?"
Landon popped from under the covers and grabbed my leg. "Yeah, I heard, Norman Bates. What are you doing here?"
"You told me to tell you when I had my shit figured out," I answered
He rolled his eyes. "Yes, like giving me a call, not breaking and entering."
"Your mom let me in. We're both worried that you're sleeping in too much," I said, my leg still in his arms. He was actually cradling it against his chest. I wasn't moving it from there. It was weirdly comfortable.
"What can I say, I don't really have a reason to get out of bed at this particular moment," he replied with a smirk.
I chuckled, but then I asked, "You miss you old job?"
"I miss my old life. But there's nothing I can do to change it. Even if I could go back in time I can't fix a heart defect," he said, his thumb stroking my leg absentmindedly. It was mildly turning me on.
"You could have tried to become a lawyer instead."
Landon snorted. "Do you see me as a lawyer?"
"Hey, if Elle Woods could do it, so can you," I said with a grin and gave him two thumbs up.
"Elle Woods had LSAT score of 179," he pointed out, deadpan.
I frowned. "You really need to get yourself a life."
"Legally Blonde is a masterpiece," he whined. "Reese Witherspoon is timeless."
I narrowed my eyes a bit. "That's your type?"
He slapped my leg. "Please stop trying to make useless small talk. Why are you here?"
I shrugged. "I just felt like dropping by."
"You look like shit."
I hit his stomach with my foot. "Thanks bitch."
He chuckled. "I mean you look like someone told you your dog died."
I pressed his chest with my whole leg. "Well I do know of a bitch that might die if she doesn't stop insulting me."
He huffed a little, his fingers digging in the skin of my thigh. "Settle down you crazy woman."
I chuckled and took my leg off of him. Breaking the physical contact made me feel kind of cold suddenly. "It wasn't in my plan. To see you again," I told him softly. "I kind of wanted to avoid you for the rest of my life."
"Anything but dealing with your feelings, right?"
I sighed staring at the ceiling. "Why do you even like me?"
Landon sat up, his back against the headboard too and stared at his lap. "I like you because despite everything you've got this presence everywhere you go, like you know where you're going even though you really don't. It's like you could fool anyone, you even fool him," he smiled a little at that, like it was funny. "He thinks you've got it all figured out, but you don't and that's the beauty of it. You don't show weakness, and you don't let anyone step on your toes and you don't make excuses for useless shit. You're confident and funny as shit. Crazy too but you wouldn't be Danika without that, and fifty percent of everything you say is utterly inappropriate but it doesn't faze you and what people think doesn't faze you."
Oh yeah, confession time, while lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon. That was totally what I needed. Truth be told, I had no idea what I needed. I had no idea what I was expecting would happen by coming to see Landon. All that I had known was that I was feeling like shit after seeing my parents and Landon was the first and only person I could think about that would change that predicament.
It was ridiculous. I had known the guy for less than six months. When had he become so important?
And he just kept talking. "Except it does. It hurts you. You hope to be all those things, to not show weakness and to not be fazed by other people but deep down you're just like the rest of us. You care. You care about what other people think. You care about what your parents think. You care about what Neil thinks. You're vulnerable. But you'll be damned if anyone ever sees it. You'll never let Victor see it."
I snorted. "So, you like me because I'm weak?"
"I like you because you're real. Because being vulnerable isn't going to stop you. And because you're grounded and if you actually truly wanted something at some point you'd get it. But you're scared that getting what you want will not be good enough so you never take what you really want because it's just easier that way."
"And do I want you Landon?" I asked softly.
"Most of the time you think you don't, but sometimes you know you do."
"That makes no sense," I answered. But it did.
Landon just smiled a little beside me. "I know."
It was so ridiculous. Why was I asking him to rant like this about all the reasons why he liked me? I'd done this the last time we were together too. I was always pushing him towards making a grand confession while I was just sitting there taking all the admiration and compliments. It was like I needed the ego boost.
I was asking for long confessions but I wasn't giving any. The closest thing I'd given any of the boys was the slightly more wordy equivalence of what you see is what you get. I wasn't telling them all the reasons why they were the right guy for me.
The truth was, I liked Victor because of sex and because he put up with my shit and I liked Landon because of sex and Spongebob, which were basically the same things with me.
I could never admit this out loud though. I could never make the same kind of confession that Landon has just done. I had no idea why I liked the guy. I wasn't even sure if I did.
We were both silent for a few seconds, until Landon started to speak again. "When I was a kid, my sister always picked which movies we would watch because she was the oldest. I watched all the Disney classics. I used to wish I would meet one of those princesses that go on adventures and that need saving and then I see you in that blue dress."
Would that boy shut up? I seriously didn't need mushy stuff like that right now. "I'm not a Disney princess, I'm the furthest thing from that," I told him.
"So you're telling me you don't want to go on adventures and that you don't need even just a little bit of saving?"
"I prefer to be the saviour, not the savee," I replied.
"You can be the saviour, but it's alright if the person you save is yourself," the gorram fortune cookie told me. Why was I fucking boys that felt the need to give heartfelt confessions?
"Why are we even talking about saving? Do I look like I'm trapped in some dungeons with a dragon guarding me?"
"Is that some kinky sex talk of yours?" Landon teased me.
I rolled my eyes. "No, that's my last D&D quest. Moron."
"Tell me, did you go see your parents or did you see Neil?" he asked.
I sighed. "What are you talking about?"
"With how miserable you look it's one or the other."
I had thought I wanted to talk about this. I had thought I wanted him to tell me all the things he had told me but the truth was all I really wanted, what I really needed was some bodily fluid swapping comfort. So I straddled the Fancy-Stripper "Your pants. Remove them at once!"
I didn't give him any time to answer and just grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him. He kissed me right back, as quick and passionately as I was. I guess any questions I had about whether or not he still wanted a ride in Danika's-Love-Tunnel was answered.
Landon's arms wrapped around me and he turned us around, so that now he was the one hovering over me.
Unfortunately, when I grabbed the top of his sweatpants to pull them off, Landon broke our kiss. "What's the Victor situation?" he asked. Seriously?
That's what he was thinking about in the middle of our hot hot make out session? "What do you mean?" I all but groaned.
"Are you marrying him?"
I pushed a strain of hair off my forehead. "I haven't said yes."
"But you haven't said no either, have you?" he pressed.
I took a deep breath. "Does it matter?"
"It does to me."
"Well, I guess I haven't said no," I trailed.
Landon automatically pushed himself off of me. "Get out."
I blinked twice slowly. "What?"
"Get out," he said, pointing to his door.
I laughed without humour. "Are you seriously kicking the horny girl out of your room?"
"When she's using sex as a distraction to not deal with her problems? Yes, a hundred percent yes."
I got out of his bed, but I was fuming. I glared at him. "Why should I listen to anything you say? It's not like you're even trying to do anything about your messed up life."
Landon glared right back, getting on his feet too. "Oh, I never said I was perfect, or that I knew what I was doing. I'm just saying that you're not going to use having sex with me as an excuse to not deal with your problems. You still haven't figured anything out. You haven't even answered him. If you say yes, congratulations, I hope you have a happy life. If you say no, and you figure stuff out for yourself you know where I'll be."
"Yeah, sleeping in your mom's basement till two in the afternoon," I shot back. Rejection was seriously turning me into a mean bitch. I wanted to hurt him. There was no denying it. I didn't even do it unconsciously. I was very conscious of what I was doing.
"At least I know who I like."
Oh that was grand. "You're telling me that if your ex came back right now, begging for forgiveness just wearing a trench coat you would know what to do?"
"Yes," he answered staring right back at me, almost challengingly.
"You'd fuck her in her trench coat!" I yelled.
"I'd kindly ask her to leave me alone," he answered, his voice calm and dead serious.
Of course, I wasn't accepting that. I wasn't okay with him knowing what he wanted when I had no idea what I wanted. "You're lying."
"She broke my heart. She broke my trust. She's not what I need anymore. She's not who I want anymore."
I could slap him. I could kiss him too, but I would definitely slap him first. "You're kidding right?
"Not at all. And that's a scary thought, isn't it?"
We both stared down at each other, no one saying anything, just glaring. But there wasn't just anger in there, there was longing too. I could admit it. I could admit that I wanted the bastard. But I wasn't going to let him win this. I wasn't going to admit to anything. So I took a deep breath and said, "Goodbye Landon," and then headed straight out the door while Landon breathed a soft, "Goodbye Danika."
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A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to write a quick message to let you know that for the month of June I'll be focusing on this story, to finish it. I have about seven chapters left before the end. So keep your eyes open, you should be getting more uploads soon. :)
Thanks for your patience. I LOVE YOU GUYS! <3