Nick shouldn't let the bastard bother him. If Miles found out he was seeing Sara, he would probably report it to David Yates, which would create a mess. Sara was right about keeping their relationship private. He also feared that the bastard would go after Sara, because she was with Nick.
He stressed about his meeting with the bastard all afternoon and convinced himself Miles would ruin things with Sara. He was still preoccupied when Sara appeared in his office. He kissed her as if his life depended on it. Something had changed in him since the accident. He had seen it before when he thought Sara was dating her doctor friend. He was extremely jealous. Intellectually he knew Sara did nothing to make him jealous, and he created it in his mind. Maybe Sara's suggestion to get another job wasn't a bad idea. A new job and apartment would take her away from Miles Tardiff, except he loved working with her.
His children helped to calm him down. They grounded him to what was most important in life. When he called Sara, he started with an apology.
"I thought I did something to make you angry. You acted that way before and I thought you didn't like me."
"Believe me, it wasn't you. It was someone else who upset me."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No! Can we just forget it? Please."
He didn't want her to know he couldn't keep his wife happy. He felt better as they spoke. When they tired, he would roll over and fall asleep thinking of her.
Their phone calls were wonderful, but still lacking. He enjoyed talking to her when he could look at her. He liked the kissing too and wanted more. Although he had a few fantasies involving her short black skirt, he had no intention of taking her in the office. They needed time and privacy. They had neither. Her lack of experience concerned him. Although his hands were itching to explore, he would be happy with more kissing.
He had outgrown sex just to get off, but Sara had awoken his needs. The companionship that Sara gave him was just as important. He had missed that.
Even though he had felt his marriage unraveling, they weren't the cold shoulder, not speaking type. Heated arguments were their style. The only thing more heated was when they made up.
When Mel was in New Jersey, they had talked on the phone like he was with Sara. At home together, they would lie in bed and talk.
It was one of those nights she had told him they had offered her a promotion, but it required her to work in New Jersey. Nick had just convinced her they needed a second child. They discussed their options calmly in the dark, but Nick felt anything but calm inside. He didn't want to live in New Jersey. He was a Mainer through and through.
They waited to see if she was already pregnant. If she wasn't, she would commute to New Jersey each week and they would stop trying. Nick would have stayed in Maine, but would have lost his chance of a second child. Mel would have been away all week, but she would have had her career.
Nick would be the real loser, because she was happiest working. He also suspected that he would have to give in to move before their marriage disintegrated. The plus sign on the plastic stick changed everything. Mel turned down the promotion, but left the door open. She accepted her pregnancy, but never glowed. He annoyed her, if he doted on her. He felt like he was walking in a minefield and it wasn't only the hormones.
She gave up her ambitions for his son, but also he was convinced if they hadn't had Jack, she would be alive. She would have given up traveling back every weekend to him and Bridget and they'd be divorced. Otherwise he would be living in New Jersey with her, but what ifs wouldn't bring her back.
He had plenty of what ifs about the night she died. What if he had gone with her? His Volvo could have handled the crash better than the bastard's sports car. What if Miles had been driving his SUV? Sports cars weren't good in December. What if she had stayed home? What if the bastard had been taking her to his apartment and not driving her home? What if they really were just friends?
In the aftermath of her death, he learned they had offered her another promotion. She would have started in New Jersey the first of the year. He had no doubt she intended to give him an ultimatum. He liked to think he would have gone with her, but other times he wondered if she loved him enough. Would he have walked away from his job and family, for a woman who wasn't in love with him? He knew the answer depended on whether she wanted their kids, because he would have never given them up.
He let out a long regretful sigh. Sara was as different from Mel as possible. She was more nurturing to Lily, than Mel was with her own children.