Their hands interlocked with one another, their eyes glancing at each other for minutes at a time, and there I was, standing at my locker - watching.
I tried to look away, but I couldn't seem to find the right "escape route". I was left to stare at the romance flying through the air around them. I felt my throat swell, as the tears began building up into my eyes.
"You okay?" Gwen asked as she stood in front of me. Thankfully she was blocking my view from Jake and Tiffany. That way I wasn't subjecting myself to pure torture. I seemed to not look her in the eyes even though she was standing there, and that must have irritated her a bit because before I knew it, her soft hands grabbed at my chin to shift my face toward her direction. "Are. You. Okay?" she questioned once more, this time expecting an answer - demanding an answer.
I met Gwen this year in Art class. I could tell that she didn't seem to like me at first, in fact she even admitted it to me that she thought I was those stuck up girls.
I may look like one, I told her, but I am not judgmental in most cases.
We opened up to each other, and I seemed to be drawn to her interesting style. The way the baggy t-shirts complimented her flowered skinny jeans, or the darkness of her look. It all seemed intriguing by far. Her artistic style is one of the few. Gwen's black pen seems to always make the perfect strokes across her paper. A tattoo artist is what she claimed she wanted to be after high school.
"I'm -" what am I?
My brain declairs my stupidity is there a hundred percent, but my heart is squeezing itself apart.
"I'm fine." I lied, which she knew it before the words even slithered out of my mouth.
"I know I don't look that stupid. Want to talk about it Renee'?" I closed my locker and saw Jake and Tiffany once more before I walked the other way. Their lips had just parted, great. Just great. The pain began escalating. I had to look away. Or die trying.
"Look, my first time being with a guy wasn't the best experience. He went from me to the next girl week after week. Anytime after we had sex, he would just leave afterwards or become distant. I understand what you may be feeling now. Talking can help a lot." her long nails pointed in the air as she spoke. She had a point. I just didn't know where to start off at.
She knew we were talking, and then it vanished into thin air.
We ended up being late to our next period class from talking for a few minutes, not about much but what had happened between Jake and I. Even all the juicy details that had me smiling about the memories that I was describing, even if I did run out on him every time we got close to doing anything too drastic. And even if he is no longer mine to admire as I please.
Now I feel as if I am falling far from his reach.
"Comedy Variety Show is coming up! Come on guys, this is going to be a great experience for each of you as a young actors. We will be getting together to think about ideas for skits. Get together with your group and talk it over."
I googled up information about entertaining skits. Even though I was in a somber mood, laughter erupted out of my vocal box. I knew I had to do this skit. It is based on a little girl, around seven years of age, who has ADD. Her name is Dott, and her father brings a doctor to the house for her to prescribe her with drugs. The little girl is hilarious, she gets her toothbrush stuck into her hair, then a pair of scissors. The father get on edge, irritated at the littlest things, and just waits for her to be prescribed with drugs. The doctor ends up prescribing the father for medicine for him to be more calm. To not get worked up.
All in all, it was a pretty interesting skit.
"Renee', you are in Musicians Guild, correct?" Mr. Bradley asked me to make sure. I nodded yes. "Okay, well we are signing you all up to sing a song for the Comedy Variety Show. That way there will be some entertainment while the actors get ready." major butterflies began building up in my stomach. I am not sure if I could sing in front of the whole student body. Even if I tried.
The day of the show, I skipped school to allow myself enough time to rehearse my songs and my skits. Also, I needed a break, it seemed to be fair enough.
Hey hunny, how are you doing? I haven't talked to you in a while. Rebecca, Lee's sister, my best friend that I hadn't spoken to in over a few months texted me.
I miss you like crazy! I'm actually a lot better. Hm, long story, but I am feeling better about the subject. How's your brother? Maybe I shouldn't have asked. It's been about three weeks since I've talked to Jake, and everything seems to be falling in place. I don't seem to feel so constricted with my feelings. He is happy with her, then that's all that matters. I'll find mine, one day.
I curled my hair into falling spirals before I made up a face. I was pleased with my appearance, and decided that I was finished getting ready. Even though it was only three in the afternoon, and the show didn't start till seven, I was completely ready aside from my props. Alright, alright, I'm not completely ready.
He is doing good. I'm glad you're doing okay! Do you want to come over soon? We just moved to Converse.
That's awesome! That's only about twenty minutes from us. I'll try to come as soon as possible! (:
Sounds great sweetie, love youuuuu!
Love you too! I told her as I picked up my phone. I had to rehearse my song a few more times, or I wouldn't be able to breathe up there. I chose the song Drown In My Own Tears by Ray Charles. I chose that song for many reasons. One, I happen to be in love with him as an artist. Second of all, it has meaning to me.
The time went by fast and before I knew it, we were all ready to leave.
"You got everything you need?" my mom asked.
"Yes ma'am I do. Let's go." my sisters and I loaded up into the backseat with my parents in the front seat. I listened to the beats of my song, just to make sure that I had the counts right.
I dreaded the feeling of messing up, I couldn't bare it. Not in front of so many people. I have to show him what he is missing out on.
Wait, no. I need to move on. It's over.
"Are you nervous?" My sisters asked, I wish I could say no to be brave for them both, but honestly I was terrified.
Backstage things are always pretty crazy. People rushed passed me, in a hurry to go to the dressing room. I spotted Jake and Tiffany in the rehearsing room, I just made myself look away.
No need to open that can of worms. Not now, not ever.
I rushed into the dressing room to see the order of when we are going out there to make the audience laugh. I was the first one and the sixteenth. What? I signed up to go fourth, that way I can get it over with and then still have time to breathe and get used to the stage. Of course not though. Why would they put me first instead of Tiffany?
"Tonight we have so much going on, I just want you all to do your best. That's all we ask. Oh, and to have fun!" Our theater teacher walked infront of the stage while he introduced the first act. Me.
I can't do this.
As I walked out, I heard my track and tennis friends cheering for me, yelling my name as if I were in a football game about to score a touchdown.
I felt my heart racing harder than I have ever felt before for such a silly thing. My throat became dry, and I could not swallow. It was one of those times where I can't even find the strength to speak a single word let alone sing a song. I felt sweat building up on my body, and thanking God that I wore a black dress. It hugged my body and showed off my curves. The strapless design showed off my collar bones.
I get up to the microphone, and sadly I was already regretting my choice of shoes. With the nervous wobbling knees, it was a bit hard to stand with the heels. They weren't even two inches, yet I almost fell countless times. I noticed that I began shifting my weight from one leg to the other just to withstand my wrecking nerves. The music hadn't played yet, and I stood there waiting.
After a few moments, I spoke.
"Well, this is awkward." seemed to do it. The crowd laughed at my unusual comment. That seemed to lessen the restrictions on my throat.
Finally the music came on. I was surprised by how good it felt to be there as I sang this song that I have loved so much for so many years. The beat to the blues drove me wild, and I put my heart and soul into that song. The crowd appreciated my song, and I felt my heart warm up to that. I felt good, even though my makeup ran down with the nervousness that caused my perspiration.
The night passed in a blur and I couldn't even remember half of it during the rapid rushes of everyone. As well as me helping girls zip up their dresses, fix their hair, and find their shoes. I felt as if I were behind the scenes for a runway show, or so it seemed with these girls.
The ADD skit was beyond memorable. I slipped on a pair of pajamas and threw my hair into pig tails that looked a bit messy as my friend put tattoos all over my face and neck. My buddy Kalen looked as if he were about to throw up before I was able to calm him down. Overall, I was pleased with the results of the show, we raised enough money for our costumes for One Act tonight.
After I got home, I put my phone on the charger so that I'll have an extra alarm to help get me up in the morning for the next day at school. Sure enough, I had two text messages. The first thought that came to my mind was that it was from Rebecca or Brooke. To my surprise, it wasn't from either.
You did really good tonight. Jake.
Is Jake really messaging me right now?
I know I shouldn't message him back. He has been all over Tiffany, and now he is going to try to contact me after all this time with no explanation. Then again, as soon as I saw that, I automatically felt a wave of unexplainable sensations. I missed him.
Thank you.
I shouldn't be too excited to talk to him again, just a simple thanks would suffice.
I really miss talking to you kiddo, do you think we can start over?
Ingeminate means to repeat. It signifies "Jake's" repetitiveness. No matter what, he is a cheater. A player. Whatever the kids call it these days.