AU: Nope.
Ok
Era: 250 years after DoD
Fair fair
Name: Shadowstalker
Okay, so mayyybbeee you're unaware of it, given you're only on the second book, but usually, NightWings have names that, well, mean something. Sometimes it just has to do with their powers, but I don't see how stalking the shadows has to do with NightWing powers.
So, what I'm saying is, maybe change his name to something that has to do with his appearance or his occupation?
Age: 76
Ooh, oldie. I like.
Gender: Male
Okay.
Sexuality: He used to be straight, but now since he's an old fella, completely Aro-Ace.
I don't think that's how it works? Like, I guess you could lose interest after a while, but I don't think you could completely change your sexuality. So, um, maybe you could just put "but now since he's an old fella, he has lost interest to the point where many believe him to be Aro-Ace" or something.
Tribe: Nightwing
Okay.
Queen they support: Queen Misdemeanor
Wow, that's an interesting (but cool) name.
Ablilities: Shadowstalker has the typical Nightwing abilities; fire-breathing, the ability to read minds and see into the future.
With years of experience, he has also become a master at claw-to-claw combat, and with his Nightwing abilities, he's extremely difficult to take down.
Excusable.
Rank: Commanding Officer of the Queen's guard. He is the brute that will escort Queen Misdemeanor to meetings with those of another tribe, or oversee meetings held at the Night Kingdom. Lay a claw on his queen, you'll lose the whole arm.
Ooh, that is super cool. I've seen the rank before, but usually it just says "Queen's bodyguard" and nothing else. So cool!
Appearance: Shadowstalker is a brute, as said in his occupation. He is far above the average size of typical Nightwing's. One might even say he's bigger than Morrowseer of legend. His tail is longer than average, thick and well-muscled. His legs are formed incorrectly; his front legs are slightly longer than his back legs, so he has an odd way of walking (built like a giraffe and all). A great majority of his scales are jet black, while he has coloring similar to a Siamese cat- his snout, legs, tail and wing tips fade into a charcoal gray, yet are subtle unless you look close enough. His eyes were once dark blue, but have become clouded partially due to a genetic disease
You mean defect? I don't think diseases are genetic; I may be wrong but I've never heard of them, sooo...
that causes permanent blindness. Eventually. His body is riddled with multiple small scars, the most noticeable being: a jagged serration stretching from his right nostril to under his right eye and an old wound near his tail tip from when he fought a Skywing, who took a spear and stabbed it through that sensitive spot. This would, although old and healed, still aches and is still sensitive to the touch. He only wear a silver chain around his neck.
Cool! I love it.
Personality: Shadowstalker is a harsh dragon with a big ego. When commanding his unit of guards, he will let them know if they did anything wrong and make them feel horrible about it. Needless to say, he's incredibly blunt and unlikeable. He really only gets his unit to obey him without question is because he has a nasty mind, and he's so massive. Now, to explain his big ego. He boasts about the fact that he comes from a family bloodline made up of pure Nightwings. So he will most likely hate hybrids, although this IS hypocritical when we get into his backstory, so be warned.
Okay, so I like that you went into depth (sort of) with it, but really the rest of the personality past "Shadowstalker is a harsh dragon with a big ego" is a bit... unnecessary. He needs more traits. Is he ambitious? Cruel, perhaps? Reckless?
Backstory: Shadowstalker was born in a cluster of three eggs. Ironically, he was the runt of the trio, constantly being picked on my his two sisters, Duskwatcher
That's a good name, I think, although does her name have to do with her appearance or occupation? If it doesn't, I don't recommend changing her name; just make it so her name DOES have something to do with her appearance/occupation.
If you want to make it have something to do with her occupation, perhaps Duskwatcher is a guard with a night shift and she takes her shift at dusk?
and Midnight. His mother, Truama,
Do you mean Trauma? If that's what you meant, I sorta like it. If Truama is what you actually did mean, then uh, could you tell me what it means?
usually kept him close and away from those two, though he usually protested out of the embarrassment it brought to him. His father, Moongaze,
OK the names are sort of getting ridiculous now. Moongaze? His gaze is the moon? The name sounds like a weird background character in a ripoff My Little Pony show.
Again, it is important to make the name either:
— Related to the NightWing's occupation or appearance (for example, a name like, uh, Discretion, for a NightWing spy or a scout; or a name like Jewel-eyes for a dragon who has weird or peculiar looking eyes)
OR
— Related to their abilities (for example, a name like... ooh! Fatereader!)
OR
— NightWing-ish-y (a name like Mightyclaws)
would usually take his sisters to the heart of the Night Kingdom, claiming that poor Shadowstalker was "too weak" to come along. His mother would always fight him for saying this, and the once happy couple divorced. She took Shadowstalker, while the sisters stayed with their father.
Growing up in this new place, on the other side of the Night Palace (I will pause right now to say that I have only been able to read up to the second book, and I don't know if the Nightwings had a palace to begin with. Don't hate me please)
I would say something, but um, I don't want to spoil absolutely anything. Also, I would never hate you child.
Shadowstalker found himself surrounded further by politics and royalty. When Truama was off at work as a bartender, he would make visits to the library and read scrolls about the other tribes, and strangely enough, found an interest in the Icewings. He couldn't imagine how they could like the cold so much, since he had only know the heat and humidity of the rainforest (Yes, I know that in the fourth book, the volcano that the Nightwings lived around blew up and they moved in the Rainwings Forest. Yay for spoilers)
Grrr... I want to spoil MORE but I CAN'T... tbh I would hate someone for spoiling something for me, but GAH it practically HURTS to not be able to review the OC correctly because of not being able to spoil.
He couldn't imagine how they could like the cold so much, since he had only known the heat and humidity of the rainforest. Their fascination with the snow and ice made little Shadowstalker fascinated with them. When he matured into an adult, he made it his own personal goal to meet an Icewing, maybe even go to the Ice Kingdom, but this goal would be postponed until he was twenty due to a large scale civil war between the Rainwings and Nightwings. The Rainwing Queen, Harmony, felt that two tribes in one forest was too much and blamed a famine in the Rainwing Kingdom on the fact that the Nightwings were in the same forest.
It's upsetting how much this differs with the canon AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
It was then that Shadowstalker began fighting, and he was rather good at his. He had grown into a strong young dragon anyway. This war took 13 years to resolve, and personally, far too many deaths. When the war ended and a peace treaty was to be signed, a young Queen Misdemeanor hand-picked Shadowstalker to be her escort to the meeting, due to his fierce loyalty and his combat records. After a treaty was signed, agreeing that the Rainwings expand their territory to the islands to the south of the continent, and the Nightwings establish borders further away from the Rainwing Forest. It was then that they expanded into the desert, and Shadowstalker was finally free to accomplish the goal he set when he was a dragonet.
With an official leave from the Nightwing army for a year, Shadowstalker made the long journey to the Kingdom of Ice.
On orders by Queen Borealis of the Icewings, Shadowstalker had a guide-Shiver. He found her absolutely beautiful, and while she taught him about the Icewing culture, history, and architecture, he often just gazed at her with dopey love-heart eyes. When the time come that he had to leave, they had a strong bond, once might even say a strong love. Shadowstalker returned to his tribe with a heavy heart, but he made it a goal to see his sweetheart once more.
He turned twenty-seven when that goal was fulfilled. Queen Misdemeanor had brought him and her General, Sharptalon, to the Ice Kingdom to discuss a trade agreement between the two tribes. Shadowstalker never really paid attention to these meetings for he only longed for his Shiver. When night fell upon the kingdom, he would visit her at her house within the Fifth Circle (again, I don't know these very well. I just figured that, from what I know, this is about middle-class for the Icewings),
(You're pretty good, I think, so yes)
eventually going to a bar one night. Drunk, Shadowstalker and Shiver well. Did the do.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
When Shadowstalker sobered up, he hoped that Shiver was not pregnant with the monstrosity of a hybrid, that she was perhaps infertile, that he couldn't get her pregnant, that he had a disorder. This was not the case.
On his next visit, one in which was not planned nor announced (he was punished when he returned home,) he visited Shiver just to confirm if his late night fears were true. The Icewing had indeed produced two eggs, and instead of accepting his children, Shadowstalker turned for the worst and completely disowned the two before they even hatched. He returned home, without a second thought of Shiver or his children again.
Awh, well, crap... I only hope that the dragonets don't turn into Mary Sues...
Residence: He lives in the Night Kingdom, on the edge of the rainforest and desert. He simply sleeps in a room, similar to an apartment, in the palace, not far from where Queen Misdemeanor sleeps, in case the worse happens and an unlucky assassin "wanders" in her sleeping chambers.
Huh. Alright.
Family:
Moongaze- Father, Nightwing- A tall, slightly chubby dragon with dark purple scales and black eyes. Keeping these simple. Whereabouts are now unknown, most likely dead.
You're the creator, you would know. Just say something like "dead, unknown to Shadowstalker".
Truama- Mother, Nightwing- Black with silver underscales and wingtips, dark purple eyes. Moved into a quiet place far from the Night Kingdom after Shadowstalker left home and died from a disease similar to lung cancer (if dragons can get that).
(I think they can? Unsure, but I think so)
My only bone to pick with this is the name Truama — don't think that's a word? If it is, do tell me.
Oh, wait, no, I lied. My other bone to pick is the purple eyes — pretty sure NightWing can't get purple eyes. There are only two eye colors NightWings have been noted to have: (Dark) green eyes and black. Never purple.
Duskwatcher- Sister, Nightwing. Short and fat with black scales, dark blue underwing and dark blue eyes. Whereabouts are unknown.
Again, the eyes. I guess they're excusable (maybe...) but I'm preetty sure it's impossible.
And again, YOU are the CREATOR. YOU know if she's alive, dead, her whereabouts, because you made her.
Midnight- Sister, Nightwing- A skinny dragon with dark gray scales due to a genetic error, purple eyes. Whereabouts unknown, though it is recorded that she died of heart failure.
AGAIN, the eyes. Also, there seem to be quite a few genetic errors in the family... huh.
Shiver- Former mate, Icewing- A slender but muscular frame, with silvery blue scales that fade into white on her wingtips and face. Deep blue eyes. Whereabouts unknown.
You know where she is. No excuse to put "unknown" because... urgh.
Snowseeker- Son, Night/Icewing- Small, and unable to breathe fire, his scales are cobalt blue, with darker blue underscales, talons, and underwings. Nightwing body, Icewing horns, back spines and tail. Dark green eyes due to a mutation. Whereabouts unknown. Mostly unknown to Shadowstalker.
So... he seeks the snow? I'm seriously questioning the names, here.
Also — dark green is a NightWing eye color. There is no need to make it a mutation, although I suppose it would make sense, I guess.
And if Shiver was left with the dragonets... wouldn't she NOT name it a NightWing name? Both because she's an IceWing and it would be a horrible constant reminder of what Shadowstalker did, abandoning her?
Everest- Son, Night/Icewing- A tall, lanky dragon with skinny long legs. Most of his scales are dark blue, while his underscales and underwings are pure white. Built more like an Icewing-head, legs, body, and tail, while his horns are straight and large and he is missing the horn bush on his neck (I don't know what to call it)
I know what you're talking about! NEVER FEAR, WAFFLEZ IS HERE! Until I disappear for, like, a decade again.
and his tail is still whip-like. Whereabouts unknown, mostly unknown to Shadowstalker.
The name Everest is cool, but AGAIN WITH THE UNKNOWN WHEREABOUTS —
Friends: His only friend is the queen, Misdemeanor. Which is sad.
R.I.P.
Other: He speaks with a constant mild hiss, which only adds to his intimidating stature. He will soon retire, due to his worsening blindness, and die of old age. He WILL meet his sons before then.
Huh. I wonder how.
My Rating:
7.7/10
Originality: 24/25 (1 point knocked off for the name)
Realism: 13/25 (1 point knocked off for the name, 2 points knocked off for the personality, 2.5 points knocked off for the name in general, 1.5 points knocked off for the eye colors, 5 points knocked off for lack of canon)
Interest: 20/25 (5 points knocked off for lack of canon)
Uniqueness: 20/25 (This character is very unique)
Comments:
Overall, a pretty good OC, I think. there were quite a few problems with the names, some problems with the personality, but mostly, lack of canon.
I know, I know, it probably seems super unfair of me to knock off points because you haven't read on something yet, but there are two specific parts of the canon that you're missing that is SUPER IMPORTANT to the point where I must take off points; I'm really sorry. You'll understand once you read the third and fourth book, I promise.