"Hey."
Looking up from my history book, I smiled, seeing Dean standing there. Since it was, thankfully, extremely slow in the computer lab, I was mostly using my shift as a study session for mid terms.
"Hey," I said. "Please tell me you don't need help."
Dean laughed. "No, I'm just the mediator."
"The what?" I wondered.
"Someone wants to talk to you." He nodded to his left.
When I turned to look, I frowned. Ben was standing in the doorway, looking repentant and holding a stuffed elephant.
That incident had been three days ago. I hadn't been answering his texts or meeting him for lunch. I made sure to sit far away from him in History and English, and just basically avoided him. I was still furious with him that first day. After that, I wanted to make him understand that he couldn't treat me like that.
And, okay, I wanted to make him work for it a little bit, after embarrassing me the way he did.
There had never been a time when I went this long without communicating with him in some way, and I was starting to miss him. But I couldn't just let him off the hook either.
"He said he's really sorry," Dean said.
Ben made his eyes pathetically big and stuck out his lower lip, making me have to try really hard not to smile. I must not have disguised it very well because he grinned.
Sighing, I glanced at the clock.
"I'm done in ten minutes," I said to Ben. "I'll meet you outside."
"Thanks, Becks," he said.
I granted him a smile and he left.
"So, what are you doing Saturday night?" Dean asked, getting my attention again.
"I have to work until six," I said. "After that, I'm not sure. I'll probably study or something."
"Is it very important that you study then?" he asked with a smile.
Understanding where he was going, I smiled back. "It's not terribly important."
"Would you want to go somewhere instead?" he asked.
I nodded happily.
"Maybe we can get dinner and do something fun?"
"Sounds good," I said, my smile fading as I saw Dan, frowning at me through the window.
Dean noticed and looked over his shoulder before turning back to me.
"I better let you get back to your demanding work now," he joked.
I tried not to smile since Dan was still watching me with that disapproving look, but I didn't do a great job.
"See you later." I nodded.
Dean left and Dan frowned at me for another minute before he walked away. When he was gone, I rolled my eyes. There was nothing to do and no one even in here, and I was only going to be on the clock for another five minutes.
When I got outside, Ben was waiting. I walked up to him and gave him a stern look.
"Forgive me?" he said, giving me that pitiful look again and holding up the elephant.
I couldn't help it, I smiled. It was almost impossible to stay mad at Ben for very long.
He grinned back and I took the elephant. It was really cute.
"You can't do that, Ben," I said, seriously. "I'm not a kid and you're not my protector."
"I know." He sighed. "I just can't stand the thought of some creep hurting you."
"I know," I said. "And I know it came from a good place, but still."
He nodded. "I'm sorry I embarrassed you."
"Yeah." I cringed. "That wasn't fun, but you were right. About Jackson. He wasn't interested in more than sleeping with me."
I could tell he was annoyed that I was cured of my delusions regarding Jackson, since there was exactly one way that would have happened, but he was also sad for me. He could tell it still hurt.
"Sorry, Becks," he said, pulling me in for a hug.
Slipping my arms around his waist, I leaned into him and felt like crying for reasons that had nothing, whatsoever, to do with Jackson.
It felt like things were changing between us. Ben was dating, and even though I hadn't technically gone on a date with Dean yet, I was too. I always held this irrational hope that, one day, Ben would wake up and realize that he wanted me, and now I felt that hope slipping away.
I liked Dean. Genuinely. Maybe it wasn't the way I felt about Ben, but I didn't doubt that eventually my feelings would shift. One day, Ben and I would drift apart. These last three days where we didn't speak, would seem like nothing later on, because we'd both have different lives and families one day. Our lives, which had been so tightly bound together since we were born, would be separated, and we would probably only see each other occasionally.
The thought was heartbreaking.
Ben pulled away after a few minutes and I wiped tears from my face with my hands.
"Okay?" he asked tentatively.
I nodded. "I'm fine."
He smiled sadly before attempting to distract me.
"So, what are you going to name this one?" He pointed to the elephant.
I held it up to look at it for a second, thinking. "I'm not sure...maybe Pachy."
Ben chuckled. "Fitting."
I smiled and we started walking toward the dorms.
"So, Dean, huh?" he said after a minute.
"Yeah." I glanced up at him, wondering how he would feel about that. Dean and Jackson were very different, and Ben had already liked Dean.
Ben just smiled. "I'm not sure I'll ever feel like anyone's good enough for you, but... He's a good guy."
"Yeah, he is." I smiled.
As we walked, I wondered why I didn't feel happier that Ben didn't mind. After a few minutes of thinking about it, I realized that part of me still wanted him to be jealous.
Of course, I liked Dean and I didn't want Ben to hate him, but him being fine with me dating someone else, only reinforced the fact that he didn't want me himself. Not that I didn't know that before, but having a fresh reminder made it harder to act like I was fine.
But at least Ben just thought I was still upset about Jackson.