Faith POV:
The car ride from Horace's is painful quiet, while my mind seems to race a mile a minute. I look out the window while Tim drives. Occasionally, I look toward him to see if his hands are still shaking. I feel like that visit was a rollercoaster of emotions.
The fact that Horace is defending us against my own father is surprising to say the least. At the same time, the information about Cindy is a complete shock. Tim never said anything to me about what happened to her, so I figured she either stayed in Mississippi with Horace or hightailed it out of there and disappeared from their radar. I lean my head back against the seat, feeling my head pound from all the stress.
"I'm sorry." Tim says, making me turn toward him. He glances my way, before looking at the road again. "I know I should've told you about Cindy... it's just... It's still a raw wound." He says quietly. I nod, telling myself to be understanding. He and I cope very differently. I normally lean on him, while he never wants to bother me with the information. He'll let it stack up until it becomes too much, while he normally convinces me into letting out all my worries to him. "Faith, why did we come down here?" He asks, honestly leaving me a little stumped. I shrug, as he pulls back into the hotel parking lot.
We walk up to the room without exchanging a single word or glance. I think about his question nonstop, the silence only adding fuel to my train of thought. He opens the door, and walks over to his bed, plugging his phone into the charger, before lying down. He places his hands on his stomach and takes a couple deep breaths while looking at the ceiling. Why did we come down here? Did I think this was somehow going to remind us of where we started? I set my purse down, and look at our separate beds, feeling heartbroken at the sight. It doesn't seem real... There was a point in time where we couldn't keep our hands off of each other, and now we can't even sleep in the same bed.
"I'm going to hop in the shower." I say, feeling like I'm about to cry. He nods, before grabbing his book off the nightstand. I sulk away to the bathroom, shutting the door and feeling my shoulders start to shake. I start the water, before getting in the shower. The feeling of the water falling down on my skin makes it even harder to hold in my tears. I cover my mouth, before placing a hand on the shower wall. I feel like my world is crashing down around me. My arms are shaking, as I try not to scream. I hear myself whimpering, before placing my forearm over my mouth to muffle it. I shut my eyes, hoping it'll calm me down.
"Babe?" I hear his voice release softly. I see a younger version of him standing in front of me, while I look around me. I'm in a trailer, somewhere where the music is making the entire structure shake. I look down to see my high-waisted jeans and a black blouse on me, before looking at his black t-shirt, jeans, and boots. He grabs onto my hand, before looking out the window of the trailer. "I know things are changing, and it's scary... but you know me... You know everything about me, and that's not going to change." He says, although I just don't feel like it's true.
The trailer fades away into that night our relationship fell apart. I watch Tim lying on top of me, while in Audrey's nursery. He's so drunk... I can tell by the way he's breathing... it's like he's just ran a mile. He unzips his jeans while I squirm desperately.
"Tim, stop..." I plead from under him. I watch him slip down my underwear, which I don't quite recall ever happening. I feel my stomach sink, as I hear myself scream. He covers my mouth, having his way with me while I'm left completely helpless. My hands press up against his chest, but he's too strong and heavy to push away.
"I can't lose you, baby..." He breathes into my ear, thrusting toward me. I watch tears fall from my eyes, before hearing myself sob. He pulls back a bit, before looking down at me. Tears coat my cheeks, while a large, swollen red mark rests where he punched me. I look up at him in terror, before he wraps his hand tightly around my throat while looking me dead in the eye. "I can't breathe without you." He says, bending down and pressing our foreheads together while I fight for air. My hands try to pry his away from my throat, while releasing the worst wheezing noises. I convulse, punching him as hard as I can while he continues to strangle me. "I can't let you go..." He whispers, as I run out of air. I shut my eyes, before he slaps me. "Look at me!" He screams, shaking me like a rag doll. He releases my throat for a moment, standing up and zipping his jeans once more. I gasp, releasing the most awful noises as I threaten to lose consciousness. My throat is almost swollen shut. He walks across the room, before looking back at me. He marches my way, making me try to crawl away.
"No!" I screech, before he grabs onto my throat, and lifts me off the ground like I'm the size of a child. He throws me down onto the ground, winding me even further. I squirm, feeling absolutely helpless. He grabs me again, and slams me back against the wall.
"Look at me..." He growls, while I cry so hard I can't open my eyes. He smacks me, before shaking me. "Look at me!" He screams so loud, the wall behind me trembles. I force my eyes open, looking at the rage in his eyes. "Go into our room, and unpack that fucking bag." He demands, while I howl. "Do you understand me?" He shouts in my face while I nod quickly. He tosses me toward the door, watching me scramble toward our room. He stands in the room on his own, all expression leaving him, as he leans his back against the wall.
"You don't remember this, do you?" He asks, sounding much calmer, but out of breath. I remain silent, unsure who he's talking to. He glances up at me, making my heart sink. I shake my head, watching him nod. "You repressed it... Your mind processed this the same way you processed the event with Horace." He says, walking over to Audrey's changing table. He leans against it, keeping his back to me. "I raped you, I beat you, and I terrorized you, and you don't remember a damn part of it." He remarks, before he undoes his belt once more. He pulls it out of his belt loops, and wraps it around his fist. He starts toward the door, before stopping himself in the doorway. "This is important for you to watch..." He releases, before walking out of the room. I follow behind him, as he walks into the master. I sit on the bed, howling with my head in my hands. He looks at my still-packed bag, and cracks his knuckles.
"Tim, I need you to go." I say, watching him stand stone-faced. He cocks his head toward me, sighing while my legs shake visibly. He looks down at them, before the moment seems to freeze.
"That's when I knew I had the power... when I saw your legs trembling... I knew that you couldn't make me leave, and that you were too terrified of me to even attempt making a run for it." He releases, glancing my way, before looking back at the version of me on the bed. The moment restarts, as he walks toward me. I look up at him, before looking at the belt in his hand. He places his hand on my cheek, running his finger under my eye while wiping away a tear. He kneels down in front of me, before placing his hands on the outside of my thighs. He slowly glides them up, making me squirm a bit. "Shh...." He lets out under his breath. His hands slide over my thighs, before traveling to the inside, making me shrivel up a bit. I bite my lip, as tears fall even harder, burning my eyes. He touches me, before grabbing onto me in a way that makes me yelp in discomfort. "You don't tell me what to do." He say firmly, like he's scolding me. He releases me for a moment, before grabbing even harder. "You're not exactly the one in control here, are you?" He taunts, while my whole body begins to shake. He lets go, narrowing his eyes at me for a moment.
"Please, stop..." I beg, as he sways slightly, the alcohol taking a hard toll on him. He shakes his head, before standing up. I watch the door closely, wondering when I should try and make a break for it. He walks over to his nightstand, grabbing something out of the drawer, and slamming it shut so hard it make me jump. He kneels back down in front of me, pulling out a pocket knife. He opens it, before running his finger across the blade.
"My step-father gave this to me when I was ten. He used to grab it whenever I challenged his authority, and he'd run it across my skin..." He says, slurring his words. He presses the blade against my knee, before gliding it up the inside of my thigh. I sit painfully still, not wanting him to accidentally cut me. "... just like that..." He says, looking up at me in a daze. "He told me that testing him was like playing with knives... Eventually you're going to get cut." He lets out, laughing a bit at himself. "And then he'd place the blade against my jaw, like this..." He releases, as he presses it into my skin. I tilt my head away from it, feeling the dull blade resting on my jaw. "And he'd push just hard enough to draw blood." He says, before jerking it downward in a sudden movement. I whimper, before bringing my fingers toward where the knife was resting. I pull my fingers away to see blood on my fingertips. "I don't want to be the bad guy... but then you start packing bags, and grabbing kids, and baby, I just don't have a choice." He stands up once more, and walks over to the dresser. He dumps out a baggy from his pocket, before snorting a line of coke. I shut my eyes, praying it'll stop. I didn't know he was high that night... I mean, it wouldn't be outlandish, but it just didn't cross my mind.
"I'm sorry..." I start to cry out, falling victim to him mind-games.
"Faith, it's too late for that." He asserts, turning around toward me. He digs in his pocket for another baggy, setting it on the dresser as he prepares to snort another line. "I work my ass off to make you happy. I'm moving fucking mountains so you can slack off, and this is what I get?" He starts, before turning toward the dresser. I decide at this moment to run. The entire picture freezes, except for Tim. He stands straight up, wiping the leftover coke from his nose, and staring my way. "You shouldn't have run..." He releases, squeezing the belt on his fist.
"Why are you doing this?" I ask, watching him look down at his feet.
"I was falling apart, Faith... Losing you would've been the end-game. I had nothing to lose if I lost you, so I figured all I had left to do was to force you into staying. I learned from a pro, too." He says, making me cringe. The image begins once more, as I run down the hall to the girls' room, pounding on the door. He runs out of the room right behind me, locking eyes with me as I stand by the girls' door. I start to sprint toward the stairs, before he grabs me by the neck again. I feel my heart stop as he pushes me down the stairs, causing me to tumble all the way down. I lie at the foot, writhing in pain. He rushes down, making me scream in fear. He pins me down, before dragging my underwear down again. "Stop it, Faith. You're making a damn fool of yourself." He snarls, while I kick my legs desperately. He begins smacking my head from every direction, making it almost impossible to defend myself. He slams my head back on the hardwood, before pulling down his jeans again. "I don't want to do this... Why do you keep making me do this?" He releases, sounding completely delusional. I turn onto my stomach in an attempt to crawl away, but he catches me, tackling me down onto the ground. I scream, as I feel him start forcing himself on me. I press my forehead against the floor, feeling my hands shake, despite the tight grip he has on my wrists. I cry hysterically, howling as he seems to have no regard for me.
"It hurts..." I whine, before feeling him driving even harder, trying to prove a point. He kisses my shoulder, before whispering into my ear.
"I'm doing this because I love you..." His breath runs down my neck, making me feel cold and hollow. He suddenly stops, and stands up. I start to move, before he kicks my side. "Don't you fucking move!" He screams, his voice booming so loud, it's shaking the floor. I hold still, watching him walk into the kitchen. He downs a glass of whiskey, before pouring himself another. He walks back toward me, before staring down at me. The moment freezes again, as he glances toward me. "I became completely diabolical at this point. You were so scared, I could make you do just about anything." He says, as I stare in disbelief. The picture plays, as he glances out the back door. He reaches down, grabbing onto my arm and dragging me outside. I walk with my underwear around my knees, shaking and covered in bruises. He tosses me against a tree in the backyard, before unwrapping the belt from his knuckles. "My dad would do this, where he'd make me hug a tree stump while giving me lashes, and if I let go, he'd restart his counting." He lets out, before grabbing my arms and forcing me to grab onto the tree. The bark scratches the skin on my arms, before my attention is pulled away by the loud crack of his belt slashing my back. My body jolts, as I feel a burning pain down my back. He does it once more, making me grip tighter to the tree. He prepares himself for a third, before stopping himself. "Are you sorry?" He asks, grabbing onto a handful of my hair. I nod quickly, sobbing like a child. "Pull your goddamn underwear up, and go inside." He orders. I do as he says, practically sprinting inside. I run upstairs, banging on the girls' door, before rushing down the hall to grab my bag. I rush into Audrey's room, picking her up and then frantically banging on the girls' door once more.
"Mom?" I hear from downstairs, making me race down the stairs. I stop dead in my tracks as Tim stands in the kitchen, looking right at me as I hold a bag and our child. He sets down his glass, looking down at the counter while I set down my bag. "Mom, what's going on?" Gracie asks quietly. I stare at him, before jumping as he smacks the counter.
"What the hell is it going to take?" He screams, as I completely fall apart. He walks over and grabs onto the back of my neck. He forces me toward the front door, before shoving me outside. "You can leave, but don't you dare touch my kids." He spews, slamming the door shut. I stare at the door in complete horror, before trying to force it open. It's locked...
I dig out my phone, and frantically call Kim. I sob to her, telling her how Tim's gone completely mad. She responds by telling me she's on her way. I walk around the house, trying to open every window. The one in the den is cracked open, so I force it up and walk inside. I tiptoe into the living area, before realizing he's nowhere in sight. I grab onto the girls, and usher them toward the door. We rush out into the front yard, where much like I remember, Kim and I strap the girls into the car. Tim walks out of the front door, and runs toward me, pinning me against the car door. Kim tells him to let go, before threatening him. He releases me, and watches as Kim pulls off with his world in the backseat.
"Your memory blocked this out... It was just too traumatic for you to handle, so you lied to yourself. Your head is trying to convince you that I'm not a monster, and that I'm not capable of a thing like this... but I am, Faith..." He says, as he watches the cloud of dust engulf the car. "Your worst enemy has always been in the same bed... Your worst enemy has always shared the same stage... You wonder if you can ever get things back to the way they were, but do you really want it that way? Do you want this, Faith?" He screams, tossing his arms up. He looks at me and bites his lip before sighing. "I don't think you realize the monster that lies on the other side of the room." He releases, before turning toward the house. He walks away, opening the front door. He swings it shut, the ranch suddenly disappear as it slams.
I gasp, as I feel the water running down my back. My hand is still on the wall, while my forearm is still over my mouth. I turn around a shut off the shower, feeling like my soul is circling the drain with the water.