Warning! Slight violence and sexual scenes.
.
"Come on sweety, let's play a little!" I heard the voice of my uncle yelling behind the warehouse door. I locked myself in when I heard him coming home. He was clearly drunk. He was stumbling against furniture and walls. He was hooting my name in a seductive way. I heard him walking the stairs to downstairs where he had kept me as his sex slave for years already.
.
I heard him opening the door. I was hiding behind the washing machine. When he was close enough I crashed a glass bottle he had left here last time, into his head. He fell to the ground and I had enough time to run outside into the warehouse.
.
The running might've not been the best solution though. The bottom part of my body was still hurting from the previous night. He took advance of me at least three times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Depending how I've been behaving, or how drunk he was.
.
When my dads died, I tried moving on. But with a man like him, it was impossible. I couldn't even go to school. When fathers died, I was somewhat 5... I was supposed to go to school in a couple of years from there. But, uncle didn't let me. He kept me in his basement as a prisoner.
.
At first, I wasn't sure what he was doing. I thought that maybe he would be a good uncle, being with me, playing with me like good uncles should do. But he seemed to like different kind of playing. In the beginning, he taught me stuffs. It felt like I was in school. I actually learned something, but then he became the ass beating motherfucker he is now.
.
He wasn't little in any ways. he was ten times bigger than me, and maybe even more. And when he, a bearded big guy, for the first time kissed me, licked me from every part of my body, I have never felt more disgusted. Always from that moment on, when he touched me, I just wanted to puke. I did, a couple of times, which was a wrong move apparently. Before he was just being touchy and abusing me sexually, but from that moment on, he started beating me. And not just with his hands, but with his big, brown belt that had the metallic thing in the end of it.
.
I was truly scared of him. I didn't want him to touch me ever again. I didn't want him in me, ever again. I didn't want his sloppy hands, his lips or his tongue sliding on my body. Groping, licking, feeling, tasting.
.
"Kittinan! I know you are in there! Come out now, come out to uncle!"
.
I was in the warehouse sitting on the floor, hugging my knees. I had my hands cut open from the glass bottle.
.
He banged the door violently. The door, and the whole warehouse is very fragile. It's very old and decomposing. I just prayed that it wouldn't brake down.
.
The tears mixed with the blood, creating a warm blanket around me. I would take this much more likely than him.
.
Then I saw the door cutting in half. There was a hatch there and through the gap that the hatch made, I saw my uncle's angry and drunk stare.
.
"Kittinan!! You come out now or I will use force on you again!"
.
He, saying that while holding that kind of a sharp object scared the crap out of me. I closed my eyes and took something from the ground to defend myself with. The one that my hand took contact, was something cold and hard. I didn't bother to look what it was, I just threw it to his direction.
.
I heard that it hit something and then uncle groaned. I opened my eyes slowly and saw him laying on the ground with his eyes closed. He had already stepped into the warehouse and was just couple meters away.
.
I saw this as an opportunity and ran.
.
I just ran.
.
I don't care where I will go, nothing can be worse than being with him.
.
I ran the best I could. I had no idea how long he would be unconscious. He could be right after me. If he was, I didn't wanna know. So, I didn't look behind me.
.
Truth is, that I was tired and hurt. Every part of my body started to ache. The pain from my bottom half creeped to the rest of my body. I felt like I was becoming limp.
.
I had no idea how long I had run. It felt like hours. I had taken my turn at some point and was running in the woods. The forest where I was in wasn't clean cut. It was really lush and hard to keep going.
.
I felt when I fell. It was dark, it was the middle of the night and I couldn't see where I was going. So, when I fell, it made the air to come out of my lungs. My breath cut off for a moment and the pain in my body heightened.
.
I lost my consciousness for a while until I felt something licking my face.
.
I jumped up in the fast of a lightning. I thought it was my uncle, that he had found me and when I was unconscious like this, he could take me easily.
.
But as I opened my eyes, I saw that it was bright already. And because I could see now, I saw the thing that licked my face. A deer.
.
I fell back to the ground and sighed deeply. Thank Buddha...
.
I wasn't afraid of the deer. It was friendly to me. When it saw that I didn't move from my spot, it lowered its head so that I could've take hold of its neck, so it could lift me up.
.
I did as it wanted and let it lift me up.
.
My legs were weak. I could barely stand. And I was hungry. I really was. My uncle gave me food once a day, and it wasn't anything big. Some days it was just a sandwich and that's it. Today... I mean yesterday, he didn't feed me at all. He left to the bar quite early and forget to bring me anything. That's why I wonder, how was I able to run that much that I did.
.
I saw that the deer started to walk. It went to the hole in the wall of that pit I fell yesterday. I hadn't noticed that before, so I decided to follow the deer. I mean... It wouldn't go in there if it wasn't safe, right?
.
The place became darker and chillier by every step. There were multiple rooms in the place. I didn't even know what the place was. I hadn't ever heard of anything like this. My uncle didn't teach me that much.
.
I kept my hand on the deer's back. I didn't want to let go of it because it was the only living being that I've seen here. It somehow brought a feeling of safety.
.
Only moment when I let go of it was because I saw a door that had the word nourriture carved onto it. The thing was that my uncle was half French, so he wanted me to learn couple of words. And that word I knew. Food.
.
I didn't even think. I was so hungry that I just opened the creaking door and stepped in. It looked like it was empty, but as I observed it a little further, I saw that the selves and trunks that were in there were full of different kinds of cans and bags.
.
I don't know if they were bad, but I did not care less. I found a piece of metal and opened a can with it. The stuff in it was something gray, something not so liquid. It had lumps and smelled really bad.
.
So of course, I ate it.
.
For reasons unknown, I didn't feel nauseous after eating that. It was actually quite good. I could live with that.
.
I observed and investigated the whole thing with that deer. I started making counting of how long the food would last if I would live here. Yes, I decided to stay here. It had food and some kind of a shelter. And when the food would run out, I would be okay with dying.
.
Why didn't I just kill myself?
.
Because I am still young. Because I feel like I had some things to finish. I wasn't complete yet.
.
.
I kept count on how long I had been there. I found a room that had some books, some kind of journals and novels. They were very old looking and felt like when I touched the pages that they cracked under my fingers. There was couple of empty pages, so I used them and marked with a piece of coal the days I spent here.
.
But, as time passed by and days turned to months, months turned to years, I started to see differences in myself. I was skinnier. I was always sick, it felt like I had a flu, all the time. The bruises and cuts I had received from the night I left my uncle's house, were starting to itch. They didn't heal. They just became more and more red and stung. I had almost forgotten how to speak because I had no one to talk to. I could've spoken to the deer, but it would be no use since it can't answer me. It had still somehow stayed beside me. It didn't leave. It stayed.
.
I knew that I could not live like this anymore. I could not live with can food. Not even when it was eatable.
.
I needed real food. Meat.
.
I went to the woods. Or I tried. I had not went out at all. Now than I went, it hurt. The sun hurt me. Not just my eyes, but my whole body. It felt like it burned under the heat.
.
I couldn't go there.
.
But I needed to eat.
.
No, I will not eat the deer. The deer that I had named Yo. Yo had stayed beside me this whole time. I could not even consider killing him.
.
I would more likely die of hunger.
.
.
It came to the point, that I was actually at the point of starving. And I just couldn't bear it anymore. Not when I had the food right with me the whole time.
.
I'm so sorry Yo. I'm so sorry that I have to do this...
.
I didn't even apologize to it directly since I'm not sure I can even speak anymore.
.
I lifted a big rock and turned away. I hit Yo with the big rock, over and over again. Its blood splashed on me. Now I felt sick again.
.
I killed, my best friend.
.
I actually killed him.
.
But I cannot feel bad or anything since by caring I can't survive in here. I took every meat that I could from him...it and roasted it in a fire I had somehow managed to make. I carried his bones to one of the room in the back of this place.
.
But now that he was gone, I desperately needed someone's company. I felt so lonely. You would think that being so long under my uncle's touch I would repel all proximity, but not. I was disgusted by his touch, not so much others'. Not that I have been touched by anyone after my uncle.
.
I did not keep count of my days here anymore. It felt useless.
.
The clothes I was wearing suffocated me. I took them off and when I was wandering around the place in my birth-suit, the dirt and dust got caught on me.
.
I felt dirty, and over. I felt like I was over, like I was done.
.
.
It has been so many years I have stayed in here. Summers and Winters. Springs and Falls. Cold weather and hot weather.
.
What's the point anymore...?
.
"Are you okay?" I heard someone speaking to me. Did someone actually find me? Someone other than my uncle? Someone other than a animal of the woods?
.
No, it can't be. I am imagining things.
.
"I am Ming. Ming Deitchapanya. Do you know your name?"
.
That I could not have imagined. That was real. Someone was here.
.
"Do you know where you are? Can you understand me?"
.
It just came to my mind that I don't know him. He could be just the same as my uncle. I wouldn't know. I tried growling to him in a threatening way, but to me it sounded just like a whine. But he backed away a little. Maybe it sounded him like I was threatening.
.
"I mean no harm to you."
.
He sounds sincere.
.
"Can you stand up?"
.
I don't know. I have not stood up in a long time. I have sat in this spot for days.
.
I felt how he came close. He touched my shoulder. His touch felt like it did something to me. Something so unfamiliar. I fell under it, kinda scared of him. he touched my forehead, probably looking if I have some kind of a illness. Which I definitely have.
.
I knew I needed help. And that is why, when he lifted me up, I wasn't resisting. He helped me. He was kind. he didn't use force, he went absolutely like I saw the best.
.
I needed his touch. I was alone so long. He was here. I needed to cling on to him. I wanted to be sure that he would not leave me. That he would be a better man than my uncle. That I could have that safe feeling I got from him.
.
At one point, I tried to bite him to see if he was really there, since I cannot be so sure anymore about anything. I have had so many hallucinations lately that I'm just kinda lost.
.
But now, I felt saved. Someone found me and I would probably be okay.
.
I guess.
.
Things could go bad, but...
.
But...
.
But.
.
.
.
TBC