"can i talk to you outside?" the doctor asked you as my eyes started drooping to a close.
we were at the hospital for just a simple check up and after the doctor did all the regular tests he asked to talk to you outside.
meaning away from me...
so i couldn't hear.
it must be bad right? if it wasn't bad then he would just say it, wouldn't he?
my eyes filled with tears as you left the room, the door being shut behind you. the tears slipped down my cheeks and onto the bed.
i was too tired to wipe them away and i knew that had to be bad.
moving made me even more tired and i was just physically and mentally tired all the time.
i haven't been able to write to you because of how tired ive been and im so afraid that i'll never get to do it again.
the door opened again and taehyung walked in, smiling at me.
"hey kook, just came to check in. how've you been?" he asked, helping me sit up. "tired." i whispered and wiped my eyes.
"can you do something for me tae?" i asked and taehyung nodded. "in my room, in my desk i have a diary... can you get it for me and bring it here? i need to write something in it." i said and taehyung nodded again, biting his lip.
"sure kookie. i'll be right back then. the guys are coming up to see you soon." taehyung said and i nodded slowly.
he left and i started crying again.
the guys never come up... i must be dying. they can't save me but at least i tried.
i tried so hard and that's all that matters.
not much time passed before all the guys were piling in my room with huge smiles on their faces.
"hey kookie, how ya feeling?" jin hyung asked and i didn't even bother wiping my tears. "im so tired." i whispered and jin wiped the tears off my cheeks.
"we know. you're so strong kook." he said and i hummed.
the door opened again and both jimin and taehyung entered. taehyung handed me my diary and i thanked him.
jimin leaned down, pressing a kiss to my forehead as i opened my diary.
"you can't look jimin." i whispered and he nodded, backing away.
i grabbed onto the pen and sighed, finding it hard to hold it firmly in my hand like im used to doing.
"you can tell me guys." i looked at them and they all looked down except jimin. "i don't want to hear it from the doctor jimin." i said and he bit his lip as tears filled in his eyes.
"you're not gonna make it baby. you tried and we love you for that because you truly tried for us and yourself. we're gonna miss you so much." jimin said and i let the tears fall down my face.
-
dear diary,
thank you.
i love you jimin.
maybe i can't spend this forever with you but maybe in some other life we'll meet again and i won't have something that's trying to kill me slowly.
i'll just have you.
you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
i don't know what else to say...
please don't cry.
just miss me and continue to love me even when im no longer there beside you.
i never would've talked to you if i knew this would've happened and im so sorry i put you through this.
love me forever jimin.
please.
i need to know you'll love me until the day you die too because i still love you and here i am... dying.
we made it so far, well as far as we could.
if you ever move on just remember to treat him like you treated me, okay?
love him with every last piece of you and never let him go.
you deserve the world jimin and im sorry i couldn't give you that. i hope i was enough for you.
this is the last thing you'll ever read from me... sad, isn't it? it doesn't have to be.
keep this okay?
read it over and over if you have to.
write in the blank pages after this if you want. write to me jimin. even if i can't read it tell me how your day is going.
tell me how it felt to graduate.
tell me about your first job interview and how nervous you were.
tell me about the cute boy who moved in next door, will you?
tell me how much you like him.
tell me his favorite color and his favorite flower.
tell me if he's a vegan or tell me whether the cookies he gave you are homemade or not.
tell me how much you love him.
tell me you'll never let him go.
tell me everything until you fill up every last page in this book, okay?
i'll miss you so fucking much jimin.
i'll miss kissing you and hugging you and telling you how much i love you.
give me one last kiss and hug and tell me you love me one last time.
i don't have much time left so i can't write in this all day so i'll have to go for the last time...
i love you jimin, forever and always.
this is so hard...
god i love you.
you're so beautiful.
i love everything about you, every last piece of you.
smile, jimin.
just smile.
i'll always love you not matter what.
you're the love of my life.
goodbye ;).
still like the winky face?
- jungkook
-
"done." i whispered, closing the diary and setting it beside me.
everyone was crying now, no one could hold it in anymore and i understand them completely.
i smiled through my tears and looked at you.
"read this as soon as im gone please, i need you to read it." i said and you nodded, wiping your tears.
"we love you jungkook." namjoon said and i nodded. "i know... i love you guys too, truly i do. there's also a letter in my room under my pillow for everyone. i wrote it last week when i started feeling like this. i don't want you guys to cry, i just want to see you smile one last time."
you smiled and held onto my hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it.
they all gave me the best smile they could and i smiled.
"thank you." i whispered and laid down.
"jimin." i whispered and you stepped closer to me.
"kiss me." i whispered and you pressed your lips to mine. i kissed you the best i could before pulling away. "hug me." i whispered and you wrapped your arms around me.
"tell me you love me once more." i said and you started to cry.
"i love you jungkook, forever and always." you said and i smiled. "i love you too jimin, forever and always."
then i closed my eyes and waited to fall asleep.
i smiled as i listened to everyone tell me they loved me and that i was the best friend they could ever have.
"i love you so much jungkook, i'll never forget you."
that was the last thing i heard.
thank you jimin.
i love you and i'll never forget you either.
-taestan
idk about you but when i wrote this a couple weeks back i couldn't stop crying 🙁
there is one more chapter though and it has a much happier ending ❤