**AUTHORS NOTE: Guys, I Really just want to say Thank You! I've been going through such tough times right now, and every time I think of doing something stupid - I'll come on here to distract myself. Then I see all your lovely comments and how many people vote/ add this to their reading lists. It's not a big deal for a lot of people, but for me it means quite a lot. It means people like the stuff I work hard on. Thank you all so much for the feedback, feel free to inbox me any time. :')**
A single tear fell down his face and I took a sharp breath. Shit. Great job, Lou. I slowly walked over to him and thought about what I should do. Well what could I do?! The boy I loved was standing in front of me, crying at something I'd written about us. I snapped my head to Zayn after he'd finished his first verse and took the sheet.
"It's nowhere near finished.." I muttered, shoving it deep into my bag.
"Well it sounds good so far." Liam nodded and I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself.
"I'm sorry.." I whispered to Harry as he stood there emotionless. I picked up my stuff and left the studio, a tear falling from my eyes. I jumped in my car and whimpered through my tears. There was a small tapping at the window and as I looked up, Harry was standing in the rain outside my car. I tried to look away but soon rolled down the window. His dripping wet curls flicked water onto my cheeks, blending in with the tears.
"We can't keep doing this." he said, leaning his head in the window.
"I know.. But if we try again we're just holding on to nothing." I shook my head, turning on the car. I reversed the car, forcing Harry to move before he could speak.
"Louis!" he yelled as I drove away. I didn't look back, I couldn't. If I did... I don't even know what I would have done. I drove back to the apartment and locked my bedroom door behind me. My phone buzzed in my hands and the screen lit up.
"One New Message from: Harry." I hesitated, clicking open.
"I'm sorry, okay? I love you." it said. I threw the phone at the floor in frustration, running a hand down my face. I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it, the tears making the fabric damp. I loved him so much but this wouldn't work. He was going to hurt me over and over again. I flopped down on the bed, feeling stressed again. My phone buzzed again from the floor and I turned my head to look. I could see the word "Harry" and closed my eyes, not wanting to read it and imagine his voice.. It buzzed again. Then again. Then again. I groaned and got up before realising it was a call.
"Yes, Harry?" my voice broke as I answered.
"Open your door." he said before hanging up. I slowly clicked the lock on my door and it slightly opened. Harry pushed the door open and walked inside the room. He was breathing heavily and was soaked from the rain.
"I can tell you love me back. Please just let me prove that I can do this." he pleaded.
"You were the one who didn't want to be with me in the first place. Don't make it harder than it already is, Haz." I said as he edged closer to me.
"Louis, I've fallen in love with you. I can't just stop now." he stated, making my heart flutter at his words.
"I love you too, but--" he cut me off.
"Then what the hell are we doing?"
"Saving ourselves the trouble of a broken heart. One of us, if not both, is going to get hurt." I replied, leaving the room. His lips were looking so soft and I just wanted to... But I couldn't. Not this time. As I walked into the kitchen, Harry's arms wrapped around me, spinning me round. He held my face in his hands and pulled me into a kiss. I tried to resist for a few seconds before giving in. I hadn't changed my mind, but he was just so.. Perfect. He tugged my hair as he pushed his body into mine, leaning against me. He pulled away and looked at me, his eyes full of desire.
"How can I prove it?" he muttered.
"What?"
"How much I fucking love you." he smirked, crashing his lips into mine even harder than before. My back hit the wall and he wrapped my legs around his waist, lifting me off the ground. I felt the stress melt away as his hands rolled over my body. He pushed me against the door, sliding his hand behind me to open it. He threw me down onto my bed as he kicked the door closed before jumping on top of me, all of his weight resting on my chest. He kissed down my neck and chest, removing my red jeans as he did so. As I tried to sit up he raised his hand and pushed me back firmly. The sudden realisation of what was happening fell over me and I sat bolt up right, pushing him away.
"I'm sorry, Harry.. I really am." I muttered as his breath tickled my face, our bodies inches apart. All this time I'd wanted him to like me. Now I just wanted him to like me less.. So this wouldn't be so damn difficult.
"Please..Please, Louis.." his voice shook as his lips ran over my cheek. I closed my eyes and bit my cheek, confused. If I carried on, things would happen and I could get hurt. If I didn't, I could lose him forever. I slowly nodded my head as he trailed his fingers down my chest, gently kissing my neck. I felt passion run through me as his gentle lips touched me. I cupped his cheek with my hand, bringing his face to mine. I kissed him, pushing him back onto the pillow. I felt him smile against me as I layed on his chest, our lips moving in sync. I pulled away, looking deep into his green eyes. I pulled one of his curls away from his eyes, twirling it in my fingers. I felt my heart aching already from all the confusion. He smiled up at me and I melted a little, biting my lip. He pulled my face down to his lips for a second before moving his hands down to my back, rolling on top of me again and slipping out of his grey tracksuit bottoms. Soon, we were completely naked. My eyes explored his toned body as he did the same. He pushed his bare body up against mine and I felt closer to him than ever. Literally.
I woke up with his muscular arms wrapped around my shoulders whilst my hands were holding his waist. I smiled, kissing his cheek gently trying not to wake him. I felt like I knew what to do now. Try. If he was this desperate to try, then why should I ignore it? His chest moved up and down as he breathed, his heartbeat almost like a lullaby. His eyelids fluttered open and his eyes darted around the room before focusing on me. The corners of his mouth moved into a smile and he leaned his head down to kiss me once more.
"Harry, you have to tell me what else is going on. Why are you so hard on yourself... All the time." I blurted out, sitting up. He sat up with me and sighed, running a hand through his messy bed hair.
"Okay.." he nodded. "A few months before X Factor I was with a girl. Kimberly. She was a lovely girl, really nice and kind. But after a while I didn't feel that our relationship was working. She was so nice I couldn't find a way to end it with her..so I went behind her back with someone else. When she found out she was so distraught she..." he trailed off, his eyes on the ground. "I hurt her. I was the one to blame. I will never forgive myself." he shook his head.
"Harry, it's all in the past. You're a good person." I put my hand on his knee.
"A good person wouldn't have done what I did.." he almost chuckled. "A good person wouldn't be getting so much hate, either."
"Every celebrity gets hate." I tried to comfort him.
"I guess I just don't handle it very well." he gestured to the light marks covering his lower arm.
"Well, you're not alone. You have me." I smiled as his face lit up.
"I do?" he asked with a happy expression, his dimples coming through.
"You do."
That day I finished the song I was writing, throwing in all the confusion and hurt I was feeling previously before putting it through Liam's letter box. I spent the rest of the day just talking to Harry in the living room in front of the TV, seeing as we had the day off.
"What did she do?" I asked as he sat next to me, his hand on my knee. "Your ex-girlfriend."
"Don't worry." he muttered, turning up the TV. Oh yay, more secrecy. I rolled my eyes a little before snuggling into his chest, watching the show. He continued to scratch as his wrists, tracing over the cuts on his arms with his fingertips. I took his arm from his fingers and kissed his wrist lightly, rubbing circles on this other side with my thumb.
"Stop.." I smiled and he smiled back down at me. Suddenly he was pushing me off of him and I was falling onto the floor. I hit the carpet with a thud and Harry's body crashed down on top of me, his smile bigger than ever. His hands traveled to my waist and tickled me, causing me to roll around in his grasp. I pushed him back but he overpowered me once more, pushing back. As his weight fell down on top of me, he froze and stared into my eyes, his lips brushing across my own. I puckered my lips, forcing a kiss and his head dropped down. His curls tickled my cheek and I giggled against his lips as his tongue traced mine. I felt his hips push down hard on me, giving me nervous goosebumps. He smirked at my expression, knowing he was driving me crazy. I soon realised I had been laying on the floor with Harry, staring into his eyes for the past 10 minutes. I dragged my eyes away from his and sat up next to him.
"I love you.." he muttered.
"Sorry? Didn't quite hear that." I narrowed my eyes teasingly.
"You heard me, dickhead." he joked.
"Great, we're back to the name calling!" I joked back as I stood up, wiping the carpet fluff from my trousers. I felt Harry's arms tighten around my legs and his own legs wrapped themselves around my calves. He pulled himself closer so his entire body was hanging off my leg. "What on earth are you doing?" I looked down to hm as he clung to my legs.
"Hanging out, you?" he replied, nuzzling his face into my leg.
"Well, I'm going to get a drink. Join me if you like.. Not that I have a choice by the looks of things." I smirked down at the curly haired boy with a sweet smile, crushed into my legs.
"Fine by me. Start walking." he sighed, squeezing me even tighter. Oh god, here we go. I pushed my left leg forward as normal then strained my right leg, pulling Harry along with it.
"Jesus, Harry you're heavier than you look." I Grunted, pulling my feet across the carpet.
"Thanks.." he smiled a big toothy grin at me from the floor. I suddenly jerked my leg, sending him flying a small distance across the floor, then running to the kitchen. I heard a small grunt followed by a giggle and footsteps. His baby face soon appeared in the doorway and he rested up against the door. Damn. How does he do it? All he's done today is get up, pull on some sweatpants and a tshirt then brushed his teeth. He didn't even style his hair or check how he looked. Not that he needed to. He looked bloody perfect. His lips curved into a mischievous smile as his eyes glistened at me through the bright kitchen.
"What are you up to, Styles?" I narrowed my eyebrows at him as he slowly brought one foot in front of the other, making his way across the room.
"You'll find out.." he smirked.
He stopped in front of me and pouted his lips, inviting me for a kiss. As I leaned in, he suddenly disappeared and I felt his arms tightening around my legs again.
"This again? Really?" I smiled down at him, trying to shake him off. He happily shrugged at me and I rolled my eyes, heaving him back into the living room.
"Thought you were getting a drink?" he asked as he stood up.
"Oh yeah..." I glanced back to the kitchen then back at him. "Forget it."
My eyes fell upon the laptop as Harry sat down with it, lifting the lid. A YouTube page opened and he let out a small laugh, typing into the search bar "X Factor Video Diaries". We watched through the videos and laughed at all the stupid things we were doing. Well.. The things I was doing. I guess making everything funny was my way of trying to let people know I was a nice person, including Harry. He smirked at himself in the video.
"Look.." he paused the video before pointing to his face. "I'm trying desperately not to laugh." he started giggling at the screen as he played the video. He turned to me as I smiled at the screen and softly kissed my lips.
"What's that for?" I turned to him.
"Do I need a reason?" he laughed. I shook my head as he kissed me again. I felt happier than I had in ages as he pushed the laptop off of his lap, pushing himself closer.
We had a TV interview the next day and we all met up in the main lobby of the building.
"Morning." Liam smiled, bright eyed.
"How on earth are you so happy in the mornings? It's 7 in the bloody morning." I shook my head as he laughed.
"I guess I'm just lucky like that." he replied, patting my back. Harry walked over to me and slid his fingers between mine, holding my hand tightly.
"Haz.." I yelped in a whisper, scared the boys would see us.
"They're our best friends, Lou. They'll understand." he traced circles on my hand with his thumb. I hesitated but squeezed his hand a little as Niall bounced over to us, stopping as he saw our hands.
"What the fuck?" he raised his eyebrows. Oh Niall. He was always swearing, we had to stop him talking in interviews because of it. "What are you doing?"
Harry shrugged and I edged a little closer to him.
"Woah woah wait. You're...?" Niall pointed at us. Harry nodded his head and Niall ran a hand through his bleach blonde locks. "Well. I didn't see that coming." he shook his head.
"Neither did I." Harry joked as I stood next to him in silence.
"Any of the others know?" Niall gestured to our other friends who were joking and laughing a few yards away.
"Nope.." I shook my head.
"Are you going to tell them?" his shocked expression was slowly fading.
"Well I guess we have to." Harry shrugged, releasing my hand and holding my waist. I felt nerves gather in my stomach. What if they don't take it well? What if they judge us? Oh god.
Before I could say anything, Harry was half way across the room, tapping the lads' shoulders. As I opened my mouth to call him back, Niall placed his hand on my shoulder. He smiled sympathetically and I soon heard a "What?" coming from Zayn.
"But you hate each other." Zayn said, confused.
"We really don't..." Harry chuckled as I began to walk over to him. He turned around and we bumped into each other. He smiled and kissed my cheek.
"Oh get a room.." Liam chuckled. "I'm happy for you.. But seriously." he rolled his eyes as Harry took my hand again. I felt the weird tingling sensation appearing in my stomach whenever he touched me.
"Morning boys!" I heard Paul greet us from behind. We all turned to Paul with a smile and headed towards him as he patted us all on the back. Harry didn't let go of my hand and Paul didn't seem to notice, smiling and greeting us with his usual friendly face and not even batting an eyelid. We exited through the doors behind him and headed into the car park, walking towards the black van we usually travelled in. Liam grabbed the handle and slid the door open, ushering me and Harry to get in. I stepped up and bent down to avoid bumping my head. As I did so, Harry cheekily pinched my bum, making me jerk my head up and smack it on the roof of the car. I heard a small gasp followed by a giggle from Harry.
"Thanks." I almost laughed, sitting down.
"You are very welcome." he said in his normal slow deep voice. Niall bounced into the van and almost sat on my lap as he fell when the van started moving.
"Ah fuck." he muttered, rolling onto the seat next to him. "Sorry." he laughed, rooting through his bag before pulling out a bag of Oreos. Harry once again traced his fingers over mine, soon entwining them.
"Who's this interview even with, Paully?" Zayn asked, sarcastically ruffling Paul's hair from the seat behind.
"The Sugarscape website. Get off!" he replied, batting Zayn's hand off of his head.
"Looks like its Paul's time of the month again." Zayn joked, making us all laugh. Paul narrowed his eyebrows at him before stopping the car.
"Come on, princesses. We're here." he said before jumping out and opening our door.
"Why do you insist on opening our door? We're not babies." Harry whined.
"When you act like adults, I'll treat you like it." he replied, shutting the door as Niall shoved his last Oreo into his mouth.
"I think we all know that will never happen." I nodded my head once before we all walked into the building. We met the fans who were outside the venue, taking pictures and signing autographs before heading inside and meeting the Sugarscape interviewers.
"Harry can we ask you a few questions first?" One of the ladies asked him and he finally released my hand, heading over to the sofa with her. I sat across the room and listened to him intently.
She asked him about his first snog and first celebrity crush, to which he answered with a smiley face as usual.
"Who was your first real crush?" she asked, checking off something on her notes.
"Urm, my first real crush was... Louis Tomlinson." he smiled cheekily at me.
"Who?" she chuckled.
"Louis Tomlinson." he spoke louder over the booming music.
"Louis Tomlinson? How does he feel about you?" she played along, obviously thinking he was joking.
"Um.. mutual, we've discussed it." he smiled into the camera.
"Well that's beautiful, Harry. Thank you." she smiled as she finished the recording. He bounced back over to me and sat down on my lap as Niall sat down with the interviewer.
"What was that?" I gestured to the sofa.
"Just telling the truth." he smiled before making himself very comfortable on my lap. I had to disturb him though at the end when it was my turn to be interviewed.
"That's all we needed for today, thanks so much guys." the ladies said as we stood up.
"Thank you, see you next time." Liam smiled as we left.
"Louis? Harry? Can I have a word?" Paul took us away from the others for a few moments. "This seems like an awkward question because I know you two don't exactly get along... But you two seemed very.. Close in there. Are you..?" he asked slowly.
"Yep." Harry shrugged before we left to join the others, leaving Paul baffled. I understand why everyone was so shocked though. Just a few weeks ago we were willing to kill each other. After we met more fans, Paul tapped my shoulder.
"You know I have to tell Simon about this, right?" he raised his eyebrow and looked at Harry who was happily smiling for a photo.
"Yeah.." I sighed, also locking my gaze onto Harry. Great. Simon would go bloody mental. Shit. Suddenly, Zayn leaped onto my back.
"What the hell are you doing?" I laughed, waddling in circles trying to keep my balance with him on my back.
"I'm too tired to walk, take me to the van?" he whined, resting his forehead on my shoulder. "Come on Lou, you have the biggest muscles after all."
"Well since you put it like that..." I laughed, throwing him into the van.
"Thanks mate." he gave me a thumbs up, laying down on the back seats. I often think of Zayn as a sloth. He just sleeps so much, it's unreal. We soon all hopped in the back and Paul gave us our schedules for the next week before sending us to bed.
"I'm going to bed because I WANT to. Not because you told me to." Zayn folded his arms as we walked into the building.
"Whatever, just be up in time for the meeting tomorrow. Louis, I'm gonna have to tell Simon tomorrow. If he brings it up in the meeting then... Yeah." he trailed off, unable to find his words.
"ugh.. Ok." I grimaced at the thought of Simon knowing.
I slipped into my soft bed and soon felt Harry's cool hands wrap around my waist and fall over my stomach, pulling me close to him. It was nice sleeping next to him. It was warm and cozy. It made me feel loved. When my alarm went off, we both jumped, startled by the noise. I hit the button on the alarm before rushing to get ready. We could definitely not be late for this. This meeting was discussing with management about a tour and maybe even going to the USA. When I was ready I rushed into the kitchen, throwing bread from the cupboard and pushing it into the toaster. As Harry rushed through, I threw a piece of toast his way, which he caught and held with his teeth.
"Let's go." he muttered through the toast. Here goes nothing.