I did not tell them about Damien's brief appearance last night.
Austin looked at me hesitantly, like he wanted to say something, but decided not to. My guess is that the alarm he mentioned had been set off when I left my room. I'm not sure if he'll tell me where he'd installed it. Or if I even want to know.
I went on and finished my assignments like any other day. Compared to the dull throbs in my head, the tasks were pretty mundane. And painfully so. Nothing could distract me from repeatedly thinking about my condition and my abilities. Dad and Austin were giving me space and time to adjust. Still, it was really hard trying not to go out there and demand a solution to my problems. Because, if Dad or Austin had a cure to my issues, then they wouldn't need to hide it from me for so long.
I sighed loudly again and ran my fingers through my hair. Then I stopped midway and looked at my hand. Then I stared at the penholder before me and focused on it. Like, really focused on it.
Other than the breeze through the window make the papers on my desk flutter, nothing else moved. I imagined the penholder moving to the right and waited. Nothing happened.
Feeling like an idiot, I grabbed my pen and resumed my writing, but another dumb idea struck. With my free hand, I grabbed the picture frame which contained our family photo that was taken before mum's.....murder. Then I closed my eyes and thought about it.
Show me the past.
My lids twitched impatiently but nothing happened again.
Okay, fine. The only thing that really worked was.....
"Damien," I said aloud.
...... No heartbeat quickening. No tight feeling in my chest.
"What?"
I jolted up of my seat and scrambled backwards. But it was only Austin peering from the door to my bedroom. He walked in uninvited. "What were you doing?"
"Nothing," I replied.
"Don't give me that shit, I ain't buying it," Austin said with a wary tone.
"Fine, I was trying to see if my abilities work as well as my craziness," I admitted. "Turns out I'm only disabled, not superpowered."
"For fuck's sake...." Austin said angrily. "Stop calling yourself disabled." I heard the restraint in his voice. His anger was rising. Was it because of what I attempted? Or was it because I'm nothing more than a troublemaker who needed someone to clean up the mess I made?
"I'm only speaking the truth, something I obviously can't handle too well given my condition."
My mouth goes blabbering away on it's own. It sounded partly like self-hatred and self-pity, and partly an anger I couldn't control over the downward spiral that my life has become. It was childish and immature. And it was so unlike myself.
"I caused all this trouble for you and Dad, all these mental bullshit, I'm really grateful you guys haven't decided to chuck me out."
At this point in time, I have lost all my logic and reasoning and I was simply spilling out what I was really feeling inside. It seemed that yesterday's conversation had finally settled in my head, and waking up in the middle of the night on the balcony confirmed that I indeed, am suffering from a disorder and lapses in my memory.
And there was this feeling of repulsion I couldn't shake off. It wasn't only something I felt towards myself. The question of whether Dad and Austin would also look at me with contempt also chewed me up all night.
And mum's murder...oh god, I don't want to step towards that landmine.
And speaking of landmines, I seemed to have set one off, because Austin stormed towards me and slammed a fist on my desk. "I want you to stop talking like that," he snarled.
"You're angry too," I said "because of your disgusting brother who runs amok, causing trouble everywhere, and forcing you to compromise on the choices you make."
I won't lie. I really had very little control over the things I'm saying and feeling right now. It was an explosive well of emotions bubbling up to the surface like a magma to a volcano. Something warm trickled down my cheek and I sniffed. Accompanying this feeling of shame and humiliation was....that deafening heartbeat.
"You....nobody compromised anything you little idiot." Austin said.
"Look at me..." I said gripping his shirt. "I can't even start a fight without losing myself..."
Austin took one long hard look at my eyes and sighed, the anger deflating out of him in an instant. "You switching again?"
I shook my head. He gives me a look that says really?
"Listen up well," he said as he stepped over my stuff and flomps down on my bed.
"Yes, you were a handful. But none of the decisions we made were compromised. It's our choice." Then he puts up a hand to his forehead and did a mock impression of grievance. "But the one thing that really pissed me off was how easily that punk could just start imitating my cool judo moves with that ability. It took me eight fucking years to learn it."
"Sorry."
"And stop apologising," he said, dragging out the last syllable. "Neither Dad nor myself think it is your fault. No, it isn't your fault at all."
Austin walked towards me again. "Yesterday wasn't the end of the conversation. There is something else that needs to be discussed. But we have to wait for Colin to be here."
"C-Colin?" My uncle? So he knows about it too.
"Before you start asking questions, your fingers are about to leave a mark on your desk." I hadn't realized that I was gripping the edge of the table to the point that my knuckles turned white.
"...I can hold him in."
Austin looks at me pointedly. "I told you I can make him sleep right?" My eyes literally gleamed at him. He stifled a laughter. "But if I piss off the dude within you, he might take away my ability too." All my hopes were dashed in an instant. He was right. If he even took Mum's ability...he could take Dad's and Austin's.
"So you need to overcome it yourself."
I tried not to cringe. He literally just asked the impossible.
"And...you need to be stronger to handle what's coming next."
I get my belongings and shuffled out the front door. Austin hardly drives me to school, and when he does, he'll pull a lecherous grin at the girls on the campus. I got many curious enquiries from the giggling girls who were amused by his acts of flirtations. Rather than enquiries, it was more like a demand for his contact details. My shoulders slumped at the thought. The last thing I needed now was more distraction and attention. To be honest, I was reluctant to step outside. What if Damien suddenly decided to show up? What happened this morning with the floating glass was also out of my control. Austin made it out to be a cool ability, but imagine the horror if it were to happen outside. I would be chucked into prison before I can seek any medical help for my condition. I locked the door behind me and clasped the metal handle of the door, hesitation gripping me like a winding vine.
"Hey."
Austin turns to me with an annoyed what look. "I think I'll call in sick for today." He ran a hand up his hair and sneered. "What are you saying? Someone came for you already." He jerked his head behind. I leaned to the side to look behind him and saw Melanie standing at the front of our gate. Without a word, I turned the keys in the knob and attempted to get inside the house quickly. Austin pulled the hood of my top, stopping me before my feet could get me safely into cover. "Are you going to run away forever?" he asked, eyes narrowing at me. There seemed to be a deeper meaning to what he'd just said. Obviously, if there was a way to avoid conflict or showing the world that a manic with questionable abilities was walking amongst them, I would head for it and return to my life of normalcy. But this was no fantasy, and the girl who'd seen my shameful self was right in front of me. Do I just walk up to her and say, so what do you think of my newest abilities and mental disabilities? I struggled to free myself from his hold. "I'm a walking bomb!" I hissed at him. "There's no telling when and where I would go crazy again. And I'm not ready to face her!"
On one hand Austin and Dad wouldn't be around all the time to make sure I don't pass out or turn evil. On the other hand, having a girl who caught my breath away know that I am a nutcase is enough to dry up any confidence I have left. Just the thought of it depressed me. Maybe it's better if I just find a place to lock myself up. "She knows that you're weird," Austin said, sighing deeply and looking ready to lecture me. It's amazing how he takes after Dad in that sense, except that he was utterly blunt and tactless. "But she's still here for you anyway."
"Yeah," a voice behind us called.
Melanie walked up to us soundlessly in the middle of our bickering. She doesn't run nor made a comment even though I'm pretty sure she witnessed me turning into a different person just the other day. I avoided her gaze.
"Ethan..." she said softly. Please don't call me crazy, I prayed. I don't think my heart can take it.
"I'm so sorry...and thank you"
Austin and I turned to her with equally stunned faces. That's when I noticed her eyes which were red and puffy.
Melanie and I sat at the back of Austin's car. I felt her prickling stares while I flipped through the photos, staring at it with a mix of astonishment and disbelief. "So you're saying," Austin said while keeping his eyes straight "that Damien took this ability from you?" I fidgeted involuntarily. Austin was sure being casual about sharing my mental condition with Melanie.
Melanie looked at me worryingly and said yes. The first photo showed a young Melanie, around six to seven years old, wearing a pink dress and her brown hair tied into two pigtails. The second one was taken roughly the same age, in her bedroom where she was lying on her bed while looking into the camera sleepily. The difference was that in the second photo, she had black hair and blue eyes, and they were startling pale. The kind that makes you think twice about how cold that icy stare can get. There was no way I could have failed to recognize this intense color.
"My parents behaved oddly after they heard about the earthquake," she said. "Actually, they get a little tensed up whenever the topic of abilities comes up, so I was suspicious."
"When Damien appeared, I remembered about what happened before, so I went and did a little digging." I flinched mentally at the sound of that name leaving her lips. I never thought that she could say it so casually, like it was no big deal. It was unnerving how she took things so easily, and not look at me with contempt or pity. "Then I found these."
"But what is there to be thankful for?" I asked, remembering my own iris which sported the same unnatural shade yesterday. I should be the one thankful that she could tolerate this proximity between us. As if on cue, she shifted until she was seated right beside me. I jolted and resisted the urge to scoot away. "I don't know if it's right to say this but...." Her eyes darted around while trying to find the right words.
"What you did allowed me and my parents to live normally."
Her eyes glistened as she said it. "My parents are non ability users, so they had to move around to hide my condition. They told me...they thought they were going to have to send me away if anyone found out and they were so scared." Melanie leaned over and she put her arms around me. I stiffened up immediately at the contact and panicked at the slowly accelerating heartbeat. "They were prepared to move if it happened again. It must be so hard for them, constantly living in fear..they said they almost gave up on me. I never seen them look so small and afraid before. My mum...she almost fainted when I showed her these photos. Dad couldn't stop apologising."
"You saved me..and them too," she said, hiding her sniffling face at my chest. I pat her back awkwardly, not quite sure what to say. In a way, I might have indirectly helped her by taking that ability of changing physical appearance, but that was giving me too much credit because I clearly don't remember taking her abilities when we were younger. Also, there remained the fact that my actions was inclined towards stealing and not just taking. It was pure luck that what my other self did helped her to live better, and I was certain it wasn't out of goodwill. I doubted the twelve other users whose names were listed in Austin's file would be grateful for what I've done.
'And you're sorry because...?"
The front of my top got a little damp. I imagined that it must be difficult to bring up the painful past if it got to her so badly. Melanie was a strong and tough girl, and the chances of making her break down into tears were close to none. In fact, I think that's the reason my brother and I were drawn to her. That never say die attitude and that unwavering belief, that's her charm that defined her. "My parents said they saw us...they saw you undergoing the same physical transformation as I did, and they thought the ability was like a curse that I passed to you. They kept it a secret from me and made me stay away from you, because they thought it would stay with you and no longer affect me anymore. It was an incredibly selfish thought, I am so sorry..."
It came as a shock that her parents already knew that I had some unnatural abilities. No wonder they never seemed to interact with us much despite being neighbors for a good number of years. "Technically they weren't wrong," I stated.
I touched her hair soothingly. I think I kind of understood what she went through. Her parents must have felt as distraught as Dad and Austin when they found out that their brethren was handling something beyond their control. It was getting difficult to suppress the sadness and the fluttery feeling of embarrassment as she continued to bury her face into my shirt, sobbing quietly. "Yes," I heard myself saying. "It must have been exceedingly hard on them." Melanie looked up when I said that and she regarded me with teary eyes. It would be rude to look away, yet it was impossible to ignore the galloping beat of my heart. As the school drew closer, I took the chance to gently unhook her arms around me and patted her shoulders. "Come on now, you need to freshen up before you start your day," I said to her softly. She looked down and softly muttered her thanks to Austin for giving her a ride, then stepped out of the car.
Once she walked away, I put a hand to my chest and felt the thundering dance of my heart against my rib cage. I turned my face to look out of the car window. "Taking that fourteenth ability...gave someone happiness, and also gave my broken heart another form," I said absentmindedly. Austin had a look of urgency in his eyes when he turned to face me, and I didn't need telling to know that one of my iris had probably turned a shade of blue which mirrored that of Melanie's eyes in the photo.