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My face shined with a coat of perspiration. The air hung so heavy with the humidity that the sweat refused to evaporate. The only thing that gave me relief was the rare cool breeze. But those only served to make me bitter.
"We have enough," Liz said, carrying a handful of sticks. She had a leaf stuck in her hair, and I picked it out and threw it to the ground. "Let's go back."
"When do we eat?" I asked.
"Twelve. That means we have about—" She looked at her wrist, but her watch—which was linked to her phone—wasn't approved, so they took it on the bus. She scowled at the pale tan line it left behind. "Well, we have time."
When we got back to the camp clearing, we found a crowd lingering. I could only pick out a handful of people that were in our group. Liz dropped her sticks and went closer. "Shouldn't you guys be in your own camps?"
One of the twins was still there. She looked at me with sharp green eyes. "We're done our chores and we're getting ready to eat lunch."
"But we haven't gathered lunch," I said.
She wrinkled her nose. "I said, we're going. With our friends."
"We're supposed to be working together. You're going to ruin our grades like this." I walked closer to them. "I'm going to tell—" I bumped into someone in the crowd and stepped back, the words flat in my mouth. I looked up and found Jonah staring down at me, face hard and sweaty. I recoiled.
I thought we were on pleasant terms. Weren't we?
"There's nothing to tell," he said. "It's just lunch between friends."
If that was true, then why did he have to look at me like that? Liz's hand wrapped around my wrist, and she pulled me backward. "We don't need whatever their families packed with them. We'll find something else," Liz said. She led me away, and I could feel shame biting at the back of my heels.
That night, after eating one-half of a fish that I managed to catch in a stream and some watercress, I returned to the camp to find my toiletries. Upon seeing my toothpaste, I turned around. Someone was tampering with my things.
"Did someone go through my bag?" I called out, looking at the hunched forms of the other people in the camp, gathered around a fire. I approached them. "Did someone take my toothpaste?"
One girl, Thea, blinked her wide eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"Who took my toothpaste," I said. I held out the blue tube. Mine was green. A very vibrant shade of green. And I'd packed it myself. "This isn't mine."
"But it's a brand new full tube. Why would anyone take a pack of toothpaste and replace it with another one?"
"God, I don't know, what's why I'm asking." I glanced at every person sitting around the fire. They responded with frowns, scowls, and confusion. "Are you saying none of you know what happened?"
Thea's twin sister Ramona giggled. "You just forgot which one you packed. Be honest, Imani, who here would steal toothpaste."
I lowered my hand, and heat ran into my face. I know what I saw. I know what I saw. But it had been early morning, and I had been in a rush. Memories could be falsified. We could've run out of our normal brand. Or we could have switched just that week. I looked around the circle again. They thought I was an idiot.
"Sorry," I said. "My mistake."
I turned around and trudged off. I swallowed my anger and brushed my teeth in the woods, spitting into the bush and rinsing with a cup of water. I couldn't name a single thing that had gone right about the day. Worse, tomorrow I would wake up with six more days ahead of me. My chest tightened to bursting, and tears brimmed behind my eyes. None of that. I wiped my eyes until they were dry. None of that.
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I was different when I woke up. Or, I felt different—there was a slight pain in my head. My stomach was squeezing too, but if I wanted something to eat, I would have to catch it myself. Beside me, Liz still slept. I couldn't wait for her; I need something now. I slid out of my sleeping back into the chilly morning. My feet brushed the dewy grass. I shoved a sweatshirt over my head and my legs into a pair of sweatpants before venturing into the woods. There were leaves, branches, bark, and berries, but I didn't know what was good to eat and what wasn't. So I headed toward the water, which frothed with speed, and pulled off my sneakers. One by one, I dipped my toes into the water until I stood completely still. And I stayed, scanning the ripples for the movement of a fish.
I set my fingers in the water, hoping something would swim between them. My toes cooled until they ached, and then they had no feeling at all. My fingers were the same way. I held myself against the shivers until I saw the water splash and the delicate gray scales dance in the early morning light. I grabbed at the water and wrapped my hand around a fish's smooth body. I threw it out of the water and onto the rocks, before scrambling out of the water to see what I'd found. It flopped back and forth, struggling, eyes blurring until finally, it only twitched. I picked it back up. It wasn't a bad catch, maybe 2 pounds.
I carried my fish back to camp. By this point, my head was pounding. I struck a fire with my lighter-one of the few modern conventions the teachers let us have—and speared the fish with a whittled-down stick. I needed more water from the stream, which I would have to get myself, though that was supposed to be someone else's job. But there was no one left in the camp. The sleep bags were strewn around, and the tarp over our heads was pitched, but I couldn't see anyone at the edge of the site or in the trees; I couldn't even hear the sound of their feet. My head pulsed again. Let me just get up.
I went to the stream, slower than I had the first time, and filled a bottle full of water. I poured it into tin cans and hung it above the fire. Once it cooled, I'd have water to drink too. Then I sat back down in my sleep bag and felt all my muscles harden as I stared into the flames. Maybe I was watching a cold from standing in the cold water. In the back of my mind, I knew better—that wasn't how it worked.
When the first smell of fat dripping from the fish hit my nose, Liz decided to make an appearance, with a tin can full of berries. We split the fish in two and let the flesh slide off the bones. It tasted fresh like the stream and burned my tongue as I tried to swallow. Then we washed it down with fistfuls of berries that were tart and unripe.
Thea and Ramona emerged from beyond the camp, and looked over us, crouching beside a small fire with our-grease covered hands.
"Is there any left?" Thea asked.
"I only caught the one."
Ramona shrugged. "We'll eat what the boys hunt anyway."
"Hunt?" I sat up higher. "They have guns."
"Something like that," she said. She walked away and down the path toward group B. Liz reached for a tin of water and swallowed it down in two big gulps. I took the other and polished off the luke-warm water. It tasted faintly of silt.
"How do you think Yasmine is doing?" I asked
"For her sake, better than us." Liz laid back against her sleeping bag. The sun had finally gained strength and the light shone down on us, though it didn't drive away the cold; no, that was here to stay.
"I want to go back to sleep," I said. "My head hurts so bad. I thought I was hungry and thirsty, but maybe I'm just tired."
"I can't sleep," she said, stretching her limbs. "I need to find more berries."
"But you just found some."
"That small tin took me four hours of fucking foraging. And I have to go farther out each time."
"Could you get more water on your way back?" I asked.
She nodded, stood up, and took her tin can. Soon, she disappeared behind the tree line and I tipped back under my sleeping bag.
I don't know if I really slept. I was awake with Liz, trapped in sweaty darkness, before I was awake again. Sweat beads formed on my lip and on my forehead. I kicked out of my sleeping bag. Something smelled...sweet. So sweet. I dragged myself to my feet and found my shoes. The campsite was empty, but I took one step in front of the other, through the darkening woods—because the sun was setting—and toward the sweetness. My left leg buckled with one step. I wish I were asleep. My eyes were heavy and teary with tiredness. My head ached and ached. My feet were sore. But the air was sweet and so I went and I kept on.
When I emerged from the woods, I saw a group gathered around a large fire. The smell of meat hit me almost as strongly as the sweetness, which had grown stronger. The source had to be nearby. As I approached them, the people parted side to side. I reached for one of the twins, who I recognized by the hair.
"Can you call somebody?" I asked. "I don't feel good." I winced at the flicker of the firelight. "I feel really sick."
Her eyes were wide, brilliant, and sickly green. My stomach turned and turned. She gaped at me.
The other twin pulled her sister away from me and I stumbled forward. "Go get Juevenis," the girl shouted. "He needs to see this."
"I need help." Each step forward made me more nauseous. The sweet smell helped keep me together though. Where was it coming from? Though I followed it here, it was too overwhelming to discern anymore: it seemed to be all around me. I stood still and watched as my world continued to spin. "Please. Someone help me."
It was surreal: the way the people moved for...Jonah. He had a blanket in his hands that he squeezed as he came near. I looked at him and didn't look away.
"I need help." My own voice was miles away. I blinked, trying to steady myself (and failed). "I need to go to the doctor.
"Why?" he asked
"I ate something bad."
"Did you?" He unfurled the blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders. But I'm sweating bullets. It was too hot, far too hot, but still, he held me tight in that blanket. "It's cold. YOu have no jacket on. He stared at me again. "That smell..."
"Your cologne," I murmured.
"What?"
"It's nice. It's real nice." I slumped forward and he caught me. His cologne washed over me and clouded my thoughts—that smell...that incredibly lovely smell. Jonah held his head beside his neck. I could feel the soft puffs of his words against my skin.
"You have a lot of things to explain to me, Imani."
"What?" He held me by the waist and propped me up as he began to walk. I stumbled to follow.
"I guess you're tired. Your head hurts. Your stomach hurts. Your legs, your feet. Your vision is weak?"
I paused for a long time to figure out what he was saying.
"Yes," I said at last. "Jonah, I don't understand. Please, help me. I don't feel good."
"I know you don't feel good. I'm going to help you now. Someone is coming and they're going to take you to a doctor."
"My parents are coming?"
"No." Silence grew between us. "They can meet us later. You have to see a doctor that's seen this before. A doctor for people like us."
I looked at him, eyes narrowed. He was handsome. But that's not the point. Yet, he was handsome, and that's all I saw. And I knew then that something was wrong.
"Get off of me," I said, pushing away. "I need to go."
"Let me come with you."
"I'm not going with you." I turned around and walked as quickly as I could in the other direction (though I doubted it was very fast). Plus, all the people who had parted for Jonah now stood in my way. I pushed between them, before I found myself stuck in the gridlock, and right back beside Jonah.
"You have to see a doctor," Jonah said. "Come with us, we'll get you to a doctor."
"I don't want to. Where's Liz." I turned my head left and right. I could see her shock of red hair, coming out of the treeline and speeding toward us. I reached for her, only to be pulled back. I looked over my shoulder to stare at Jonah.
"Why are you doing this?"
"I'm trying to help you." His hands twisted around me like twine. "Let me help you." My body warmed against his, but I still pulled away. "You don't understand."
By then, Liz had reached us. She snatched me by my arm. "What do you think you were doing?" she shouted. "Look at how she looks, what is wrong with you."
"Calm it, we just called a doctor."
"Your doctor? Did you think to call a teacher? Her fucking parents maybe?" I hummed into Liz's shoulder. The shouting was making me want to peel my head open and pluck the pain out. She squeezed my arm. "Okay, sweetie, let's go," she whispered.
"Wait a minute—" Someone pulled Jonah back, leaving Liz and me to walk away for as far as I could walk before my knees gave out below me.