Three weeks after the alien attack on New York, Stark Tower, now known as Avengers Tower.
Pepper awoke late in the night, sometime maybe around three or three thirty-ish. She blinked and slowly sat up, her soft blue eyes drifted around the room before landing on the figure that lay next to her in the bed. That figure was Tony who called out inaudible words and twitched violently in his sleep. Pepper paused for a long minute or two, contemplating waking him up or not, he had asked before not to wake him up... but how could she just sit there and let him be hurting like this? She stared him with a sad look for just another second then reached over and flicked the right lamp on, adjusting to the light quickly and again turning her attention to her partner.
"Tony?..." She murmured cautiously as she moved her hand and lightly set it on his shoulder, shaking him ever so softly.
Tony had been having these nightmares since all of what happened three weeks ago, that is, when he actually slept... Most nights he stayed up in his lab, sipping on coffee and whatever booze he had on hand as of the moment (which was always something strong). Pepper knew Tony better than anyone else (except Rhodey obviously) and could tell he was doing what he always did when he was upset, frustrated, confused, or worried. He would work, try to keep himself as busy as possible so that he wouldn't have to think about whatever it was that made him feel that way. Stark would build and tinker with his suits, tech, and other miscellaneous items on and on, sunset to sunrise, and even though he didn't really ever think about it too much, it just didn't leave plenty of time for Pepper or any kind of relationship.
Tony sat up straight with a sharp inhale of breath, causing Pepper to jump back in shock, his brown eyes wide and his chest covered in sweat, panting as if almost unable to breathe. There was a glassy look in his eyes, staring off as if he was still deep in the nightmare, as if he couldn't get away...
'He looks so afraid...' Pepper thought to herself, then bravely she asked again, "Tony?..." It came out as a soothing, caring whisper. He snapped his head towards her for a moment before looking down, Pepper furrowed her brows a little and Tony slowly calmed down, relaxing just a little.
"Yea?" Tony questioned in his normal and calm yet almost snarky tone, clearing his throat and trying to brush Pepper's worried look off, as always he wore a stony look on his face. He then wiped his face off with a hand and like Pepper had when she woke up he looked around the room.
"You were just... having another nightmare..." Pepper answered in an almost silent voice, chewing her lip, she didn't know how to talk to him about these things. Every single time he had a nightmare or some kind of PTSD trip she would try so hard to get him to open up, but she always had to be careful, if she pushed too hard then they would just end up not talking for a few days. She sighed and gave in to the idea of trying again, taking in a breath and looking to him as she said
"Tony when are we going to talk about this?" Pepper's soft misty blue eyes met Tony's as he looked back to her, he then rolled out of bed, her hand slipping from his shoulder. She proceeded to let her head hang low with a soft sigh, she felt somewhat frustrated but mostly just saddened by the fact that they were together but... they weren't at times. It was his stubbornness to not rely on anyone else for anything, which given his past with his dad- rather how he lost his parents it was understandable.
"Pepper, honey, you know I love you but- just." His voice was gruff and tired, worn out and almost... shaky? Stark walked over to his dresser and set his hands on top, leaning against it and looking down. He knew she just wanted best for him but he just... wasn't ready. Tony then shook his head and opened one of the drawers, pulling out a clean shirt and sliding it on wearily.
'Great...' Pepper thought to herself, like any other night they should be talking he would instead leave her sleeping alone in their bed and go get drunk in his stupid lab. She felt like they were tearing apart at the seems, simply unraveling and falling away from one another, like they already kinda had been for a while now...
Pepper only left her thoughts as Tony leaned against the dresser again, this time breathing in a sort of rapid fashion. Pepper was up and at his side moments, though... Tony, being the man he was, he put a shaky hand out, as if wanting to handle this on his own.
"I'm fine-..." He said, shutting his eyes tightly, Pepper, as anyone else would have, didn't believe him for a second. She felt the urge to comfort and hold him, make him feel better, but she also knew he needed his space when he had anxiety attacks, especially ones like this.
After a minute or two Tony stood himself up as straight as he could and turned to her wearily, "I'm fine." He seemed to promise as he stared into the worry-filled eyes of his partner, she studied him with her arms crossed in a tired and saddened manner.
That was a blatant lie... he was anything but fine, as of recent Stark had panic attacks somewhere around at least two or three times a day, hell, being alone probably made it worse but he continued to shut everyone out, continued to bottle his feelings up inside. He could sometimes control them but kept them mostly hidden, just let them all shift and move inside until it'd all become a huge ball of knots that Pepper, nor therapy probably, could even begin to unravel.
Pepper, basically giving up, she moved her hand up and set it against his cheek gently, then sighed. "If you-" Tony began,
"If I need you-you'll be in the lab and I shouldn't hesitate to come to get you if somethings wrong, I know..." Pepper cut him off, knowing exactly what he was going to say, she had heard it about a thousand times now. The problem was she emotionally needed him now but he wasn't available, for a while he'd probably be the opposite. He'd be a recluse, as always, causing her little amounts of pain that she'd never tell him about.
Tony smiled just a little bit, a real, heartfelt smile that made Pepper smile just a little too. He never could understand how she was always so patient with him, how she just waited and gave him space so often.
Pepper took her hand away and yawned a little, almost forgetting it was the middle of the night. The mechanic kissed her forehead and changed, getting ahold of himself, he threw on a white shirt and some black sweats then quietly headed out of the room as Pepper waddled over to the bed and curled back up, there was no "I love you." or even a simple "Goodnight." Nothing of the sorts from him or her which he felt somewhat upset about, knowing they were on weird terms and that their relationship was at stake. Lately though, those kinds of worries felt small to him...
Lately, everything was different, ever since he went up with that missile it seemed like he couldn't get away from those feelings. The ones that had made their home deep down in Starks' stomach, fear and pain.
They weren't new feelings to Tony but for some reason this time something was different and he couldn't put his finger on it, he knew if he hadn't done what he did people would have died... a lot of people. But if he hadn't been okay? If he hadn't lived? What would have happened to Pepper, or Rhodey? Natasha Or his newer companions for that matter.
The playboy couldn't say he didn't know them that well because well... He had now worked and fought with them, he almost died for them!
Stark had been willing to if it came to that...
There it was again- Tony stopped a few feet away from the elevator door and leaned against the wall. All he could think about was taking that nuke up and watching it hit its new target, it was almost beautiful watching that thing and the ship get blown to pieces, but then...
Then he closed his eyes... the suit had already died out... and honest to god. He was afraid, afraid he wouldn't make it back to the people that were waiting for him, afraid that this would be how he spent his last moments...
Tony Stark... was honestly afraid of dying alone...
~~~~
Tony woke up at his desk, his eyes opening quickly and glancing around, scanning the room for any type of bad guy to fight, human or not.
"Good morning Mr. Stark, the time is 9:46 and the skies are sunny," Jarvis announced, Tony only acknowledged Jarvis with a loud sigh. "Mr. Stark, director Fury called and left a message for you." Jarvis continued and the mechanic tensed up a bit, if this was another mission Tony prayed the others could handle it and he wouldn't be dragged into anything else for a while, he just wanted to be on his own for a bit.
"Roll it," Stark said, swirling his pointer finger upwards and around as he forced himself up from his desk and stretched, he then walked over to the coffee maker and looked at the full pot, pursing his lips.
'Should I just make a new pot?... Probably...' He shrugged and grabbed his empty cup, pouring the old coffee into it anyway.
"Stark, I'll make this quick and I won't sugar coat it." Tony tensed as he heard Fury's gruff voice say the last few words, he was unsure if he should be afraid of what Fury would say come next so instead he strolled back over and sat down at his desk, listening intently. "We've tried to hold off knowing you've been drinking and trying to forget just what the hell happened but that just isn't working now is it?"
Tony rolled his eyes, if they were worried about him they could just screw off, he didn't want anyone's pity, he was absolutely fine.
"All I'm saying is if the towers ready then you best be too because I'm sending them your way. Tomorrow, nine, have fun, Mr. Stark." Fury finished and Tony set the cup down, he then quietly tapped his head down against his desk repeatedly, tired and annoyed.
He had completely forgotten that the Avengers would have rooms in the tower, that they were going to be living there now. Tony always thought that was the worst idea ever to have all of the Avengers (more or less) in one place but Fury didn't see it like that.
The playboy jumped as there was a knock at the lab door, he glanced over to see Pepper who had already unlocked it and stepped in, "I knew they were going to be staying here sooner or later." She teased Tony slightly as she walked over and took the cold, half-empty cup of coffee out of his hand, trading it for the hot one she had. Tony shook his head,
"What's with this?" He asked as he looked at the cup then to her, she was dressed up nice as usual... but, for it to only be about 9:55 and her be in an oddly good mood?
'Maybe she's not as stressed as I thought?... or maybe she went off the deep end and is now stuck in a total shock happy mood?'
Pepper rolled her eyes, "You do understand that just because your moping around doesn't mean I don't have a company to run." She teased again and shifted a small bit.
Tony took a long sip from the cup, knowing Pepper wanted- or rather needed to talk about something. "So I have a business trip..." She started, Tony continued downing the cup inwardly wondering if she would try and stop him. But no, she carried on, trying to ignore his dorky little attempt at getting attention and switching subjects. "For a few days." She watched Tony's reaction carefully and inwardly sighed when it didn't change at all, he only set down the cup and nodded. Though knowing that his selfish-ish move of blocking everyone out was killing her he decided to talk about it.
"Pepper, listen- I really don't want to get into what happened a few weeks ago and we both know I don't like talking about how relationships go but I will say, that... I'm sorry?... About, being..." He shook his head as Pepper stared at him, surprised he had said anything about what was going on. "Just... hold out for me a little longer okay?" Tony stared up at her from his chair and those brown orbs melted her heart,
"Fine. But do anything that stupid again and I'll personally kill you Tony!" She warned him, he just nodded with a winning smirk and turned back to his work.
'Why do I put up with him? Why oh why?' She asked herself, then shook her head with the smallest smile ever and left the lab, leaving Stark to think about his work and his companions that he would soon again see.
~~~~
A/N
I love and hate those two's relationship- anyone else?
Like I said before!
This is my first fanfiction or story of any kind really so... sorry if it's sucky, but if you see anything you like great! If you don't that's also cool!
I know this is a crappy first chapter and all but I'm really just writing for fun so... I can promise I will try and make them better as I go! Thanks for reading!
Oaky Den Baiiiiii!