[Chapter Forty-Seven]
Sirius saw the way that Elspeth was doing her best to ignore him and avoid eye contact with any of them after the incident that involved Severus and Lily. For a moment, there had been a sign of hope, that maybe she wasn't angry anymore and the length of the summer had given her some time to cool off. He very well understood why she was angry with him, why she was angry with all of them, but to see her standing up for Lily's sake, he hoped that it would eventually lead to her speaking to them again. However, he was sorely mistaken as she went on her way, acting as if he didn't exist.
James had a thought process where he believed that she would eventually come around and perhaps sending multiple apologies over the summer would wear her down to where she would speak to them again. But obviously, James underestimated Elspeth's ability to hold a grudge and while Sirius didn't want to admit such things, he knew that they didn't really deserve her forgiveness. She had been right at the time, during the matter with Severus, Sirius wasn't even thinking about how she would react, none of them thought about it and how she was against the bullying.
It didn't even matter the circumstances around it, she didn't care if Severus had been following them in hopes of getting the four in trouble, it was how they had handled the matter that made her so upset. All year, she had been trying to help James made a good impression in the eyes of Lily, even if she didn't think Lily was the best for him at the time. She had sacrificed her own time to help him and yet, James had completely discarded everything she had said and done, just to get a nice hit in on Severus.
Not to mention, Sirius knew their situation didn't look good at all, because he had told Elspeth that he loved her right before the exams, only to go against what she had been telling them all along. But it did hurt when she told him that she knew that he didn't love her because that wasn't true at all. Sure, they were young, and the boys had given him a hard time about it when he brought it up, but Sirius didn't know what else to call what he was feeling at the time.
He had grown up hearing the saying that it was opposites attract but that's not what had drawn him into Elspeth in the first place. It was the similarities that they shared that left him attracted to her in the first place, he liked the way she carried herself, he enjoyed her confidence more than anything because he liked the fact that she wasn't shy to really be herself. They could enjoy their afternoons of being cheeky with one another in one of the broom cupboards or laugh at the way they teased each other.
She got along with the boys, she was caring about Remus' condition, even if she did exhibit some fear when it came to his lycanthropy transformations. She was kind to Peter, something that was rare within the castle, but something that the boy greatly appreciated. And she had no problem calling James out and putting him in his place when he was acting foolish around her. But at the same time, she didn't intrude on the boys either, she was a friend to them all, but she had her own life to live.
Elspeth was one to focus on her studies that year, rather than joining them for nights full of exploring and pranking. She didn't want to be a fifth wheel or a fifth Marauder, she was just happy to be there for all four of them when they needed her to be, without overstepping. Sirius could say that he was attracted to their opposite traits, but he saw it more as the fact that it allowed both of them to grow when they spent time with each other.
Such as Elspeth's drive to achieve her dreams, that was something that made Sirius start to focus on the question that McGonagall had asked him earlier that year when it came to taking the O.W.L.s. What did he want to do with himself when it came to his time after Hogwarts? What did he see himself doing? Sirius didn't have the slightest of clues because his time at Hogwarts was so sheltered and allowed him to be happy that he didn't want to think about entering the real world.
The real world had caused him pain, that's where his parents lived, that's where he had run away from home, and he didn't want to go back there. And he certainly didn't want to go back there without a plan of some sort, but Sirius didn't know what he could do. What could he do that would allow him to remain around his brothers and bring him the same joy that he experienced in the castle and on the castle grounds? He couldn't come up with anything and that thought alone was somewhat terrifying.
But when it came to his girlfriend or rather ex-girlfriend, for the time being, Elspeth had it all planned out. She had her goals set in minds and she knew exactly what she wanted and how she was going to get it. He loved listening to her ramble on how she was going to become an Auror just like her friends, Frank and Alice and like her mother and father. Only she wanted to become a Hit Witch, she wanted to go an extra step and while it seemed like it would be a lot of work, she didn't mind.
Of course, there were nights where she had studied herself until she was practically greying, but at the same time, she knew why she was doing it, and to her, it would all be worth it. That was one of the things that Sirius admired about her, the way she pushed herself and the way she cared about herself, it made him want to do the same for himself.
He wanted to have long-term goals and that drive to do better and Elspeth had been his motivator, but he had managed to screw that up quite a bit.
"I can't take it anymore," Sirius grumbled as they were all settled back in their compartment. "She's ignored all my letters throughout the summer and even the French ballads I sent her in Howler form. I worked really hard on those and nothing. And even back here, she's going to simply just ignore me? Does she plan on not talking to me for the rest of the time that we attend Hogwarts together?"
"Well, she did it for the first four years," Peter reminded him. "I mean, you two truly didn't start talking until the beginning of last year, so she has more experience not talking to you than she does talking to you."
Sirius glanced over at him wearing an incredulous face. "Is that supposed to be helpful, Wormtail? Because I'll be the first to tell you that it certainly isn't. It doesn't make me feel better-"
"It wasn't supposed to make you feel better," Peter said, " it was to get you to understand. She doesn't owe you forgiveness. She doesn't owe any of us her forgiveness, she had the right to be mad and she still has the right to not communicate with us or you if she chooses to. It doesn't matter how many times you say you're sorry, it doesn't matter what language you say it in, it's up to her. I'm sorry that you're sorry but that doesn't just make everything go away."
James made a scoffing noise that caused all three of them to look over at him. " That's a load of rubbish, Elspeth is probably just seeing how long you'll go until you ultimately crack. But you know what, eventually she'll give in, she'll give in and accept your apology and you know why?"
Remus didn't like the tone that James spoke in and he was sure that he wasn't going to like the answer that James was going to say to his own question.
"It's because she's lonely. She has no other friends besides us," he said, leaving Remus to shake his head. "Sure, she could have Frank and Alice, but they're off living their own lives and working. She has no one else here, just us, so I'm sure that she'll cave in first and come back to us. She got rid of Penelope-"
"She didn't get rid of Penelope!" Sirius snapped at him. "Penelope called her a slag because she was helping you win over Lily. And do you even hear what you're saying about her right now. That she'll just cave in because she doesn't have any friends? What's wrong with you? The reason she doesn't have anyone around her is because we failed her. We hurt her-"
"We went after Sni...Severus, not her!" James argued. "She's the one taking it like it was a personal attack. We already said sorry so what else does she want us to do to get back in her good graces? Whatever, we did fine before she entered our lives, we don't need her around."
"Oh, so you won't miss having her around in the slightest?" Remus asked him calmly, bringing James to peer up at him.
"No, I won't, Moony. In fact, I can vaguely remember a friendship with her," he replied stubbornly looking out the train window.
"Well, that's a lie," Remus said, " because not only did you correct yourself from saying Snivellus, your hands reached up to your chest as if you were expecting her to correct you."
James opened his mouth to protest, but as he looked down, he saw both of his hands covering his chest where Elspeth normally went for her famous nipple twists. For a moment, he remained still before lowering his hands down into his lap.
"Face it, James, you miss having her around too," Remus said, " and we all really did screw up that day. It's not about Severus anymore, but it's about the girls. Lily was hurt and Elspeth was hurt and even if you two don't stand a chance dating them anymore, it wouldn't hurt to at least try to make things right between all of us."
"But what can we do?" Sirius asked. "I've sent letters, Howlers, and tried to talk to her in person, she won't respond. Lily's not even going to look in James' way anymore. I think she made that quite clear."
It was quiet as they all thought it over but it was Peter who perked up first.
"Cake! We can make them a cake!" he suggested. "And we'll get all of their favourite sweets and hand-picked flowers. They would have to forgive us then, right? I mean, I would just forgive someone if they brought me a cake, but flowers and sweets, I'd marry them."
"Well, at least we know how easy to get into Peter's pants," Sirius rolled his eyes, " honestly, marriage for flowers and sweets? Have some self-respect for yourself."
"I do have self-respect, thank you!" Peter countered. "I was just thinking, if someone knew all my favourite sweets that meant they knew me well enough and if they hand-picked flowers for me, it would show that they put the time and effort into making it special. So that shows they care about me and if I'm to marry someone I want them to care about me. So....suck on that, Sirius Black. Get back to me when you come up with a better plan to get the girl who's been ignoring you for a couple of months to talk to you again."