Lowering herself onto the porch steps, Hollis breathed in the cool night air. It felt nice to get out of the stuffy, overcrowded interior. She didn't want to think about the hurtful words that Carter had said, the words that left a scar on her heart. But that's exactly what crossed her mind. She blinked back the tears that she had held in but a few spilled out and ran down her face. Hollis wiped them away with her hand as she let out a shaky breath.
She wrapped her arms around her legs and placed her head on her knees. Closing her eyes, she listened to the rhythmic beat of the music indoors. We can't rewind now; we've gone too far, she sang in her head along to the song that played inside. As she went through the lyrics, the troublesome thoughts slowly left her mind.
The volume of the party increased as the door behind her opened, and the voices and laughter of everyone inside spilled out. She lost the next song that started but she didn't bother straining to hear what it was.
The presence of someone standing next to her caused her to open her eyes and glance up. Her eyes met Stiles, who shifted his weight from one foot to the other. She offered him a smile, which seemed to ease the nervousness he felt.
"I wanted to see if you were ok," he started. Upon seeing the confused look on her face, Stiles continued. "I heard your fight with Carter. I mean, I didn't hear it since I was across the room but I, you know, saw it." His arms, which had been moving the entire time he spoke, were now shoved into his pockets. "So, are you ok? You looked upset. You still do." Genuine concern crossed his face as he stared down at her.
Hollis lifted her head off of her knees and nodded. "Yeah, I'm ok. Thanks, Stiles."
As he nodded to her reply, she slid over on the stairs to make room for him. Noticing this, he sat down beside her. "So, why aren't you inside?"
"I'm avoiding Carter. He's in there, and I can't see him right now," Hollis answered. "But to be honest, coming to the party was kind of a mistake. I wasn't ready for all this."
"I get it," Stiles said.
Hollis looked towards him, surprised. "You do?"
"Yeah. When I lost my mom, it was hard leaving the house, and I used to get these panic attacks after," he admitted somewhat sheepishly.
"I wish I'd known that. I'm sorry," Hollis said gently. She played with her necklace, contemplating her next words. "I get them, too. The panic attacks, I mean." She raised her eyes to his but he stayed quiet and waited for her to continue. "They started when my dad left and my stepdad taught me these breathing techniques. It helped but, lately...." She shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know, they just seem to happen more. They're harder to control."
Hollis never spoke of her panic attacks. She liked to keep them to herself, away from the judgment of others. But she felt ok telling Stiles about them. She knew that he would understand, that he wouldn't judge her or brush it off like several people did.
"I've had bad ones," Stiles told honestly. "They suck."
She nodded in agreement. "Other than the panic attacks, I just don't seem to be able to have fun anymore. I go out sometimes but right when I start to enjoy myself I feel..." she shrugged, unsure of how to describe it.
"Guilty?" Stiles asked, saying the word that had been at the tip of her tongue.
Turning her attention back to him, she nodded.
"Like you can't have fun because they're not around anymore. As if moving on with your life is like you're forgetting them and that's not right."
Hollis stared at him in awe. Stiles had just voiced everything that she had been thinking and feeling for the past few months.
Stiles caught her staring and looked around him. "What? What's wrong?" His hands moved to his face. "Do I have something on my face?" He asked, swatting at nothing.
She smiled. "No. It's just that it's weird for someone else to get all this." Although both Lydia and Allison were there for her, they didn't understand what any of it was like. "But weird in a nice way," she added. Hollis stayed quiet for a few seconds, allowing the music and noise to surround them. Finally, she voiced the one question that had been nagging at her. "How did you move on?"
"It was mainly my dad." He nodded. "And Scott. They both helped a lot." Absentmindedly, he scratched at the back of his neck. "They were there for me. They helped me through the hardest parts." He glanced at her. "But you have that, right? Lydia, Carter and your dad are there for you."
Slowly, she nodded as she let out a soft sigh. "Yeah, I do," she answered. It was much more complicated than that, though, but it was something she didn't want to get into at the moment. Out of the three people he mentioned, Lydia had been her rock through it all. She couldn't deny her dad being there for her but, because things were so shaky with them since their fight, it was hard to include him. And Carter? He was another story entirely.
"Sorry for unloading all my problems on you," Hollis told him. "Guess you didn't know what you were signing up for when you asked if I was okay," she said with a light laugh.
"I don't mind," Stiles said truthfully. "You know, if you ever need to talk, I'm here."
At his words, a smile tugged at her lips. Hollis didn't have many people that she could talk to about all this. Lydia always listened but she didn't understand everything. She understood the situation with her dad but the physical loss of her parents and panic attacks were things that she couldn't wrap her mind around. Hollis couldn't explain how great it was for someone to finally understand. "The same goes for you. I'm here." She paused. "And I'm sorry about before. You know, with Carter at the scrimmage."
Stiles looked surprised. "Don't be. Anyway, you don't have anything to be sorry for."
"Actually, I do. It was something else that he said...after you left."
He furrowed his brow. "What?"
Hollis looked down and away from him. "He pointed out that we were never friends." She shrugged, avoiding his gaze. "We've known each other since like kindergarten but it took us so long to talk. I don't know, I guess I just feel like a horrible person for..."
"For what?" Stiles wore a quizzical look, searching her face for answers. "We hung out with different people, Hollis. That doesn't make you a terrible person," he reasoned. "Besides, it's not like you hated me. Well, unless you're the person I pranked in second grade. Then I wouldn't blame you for hating me. Wait...it wasn't you, was it?" He looked at her wide-eyed.
She shook her head. "No, that wasn't me. But I do remember that. It had something to do with glitter and glue, right?" She relaxed and let out a breath. "But I guess you're right. At least we're talking now."
"Better late than never." Stiles grinned.
Without realizing it, Hollis shivered. The chilly air had felt so good at first that she didn't know when it started to seep into her skin and down to her bones. She rubbed her arms to warm them up while staring straight ahead at the typically quiet street that now resembled a small parking lot.
"You're cold," Stiles said, noticing the second shiver that passed through her. Without waiting for her to reply, he pulled his jacket off and held it out for her to take.
She tilted her head to the side as her eyes went from him to the jacket. She wanted to protest but his words had made her realize that she was cold.
"Thanks." She slipped it on and snuggled into the still-warm material that was much too big on her small frame. It felt nice, though and she could feel her skin starting to thaw.
Her head resting on the railing, she stared in his direction. Her cold hands found the pockets and she slipped them in. The crinkling of a wrapper captured her attention. Wrapping her hand around the rectangular object, she pulled it out. A smile lit up her face at the Reece's in her hand.
Stiles noticed what she found and smiled. "You can have it," he told her with a definite nod. "You know, if you want."
"Let's split it," she suggested. When he didn't answer, Hollis opened one side of the orange wrapper. The smell of peanut butter and chocolate wafted into the air immediately. She held the opened contents to him. He pulled one of the two Reece's Peanut Butter cups out, and Hollis took the second one. Her smile grew as her guilty pleasure stared her in the face. Peeling back the brown wrapper, she took the first bite of the candy. "For my birthday," Hollis said as she chewed, "I want a big bag of these. No cake, no presents, just Reece's."
Stiles raised an eyebrow. "What about a Reece's cake?" He suggested.
"Yes!" She beamed at the thought. "That I would want. Or a Reece's..."
"Ice cream cake?" Stiles finished with a smile.
Hollis nodded approvingly. "A land of Reece's. Now that would be great," she stated.
They finished off their candy in silence. Once done, Hollis turned her body so that she could face Stiles. As she did, her head collided with the railing and a shot of pain broke out. "Crap," she said, rubbing the sore spot with her hand. She glanced over at Stiles who covered up a chuckle with an unconvincing cough.
"You ok?" He asked, trying to keep a straight face.
Narrowing her eyes at him, she nodded. "Fantastic," she said sarcastically. Hollis lowered her hand although her head still throbbed. "Do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Yes," he said with a nod. His eyes went wide before he shook his head. "I meant, no. I don't...mind. Ask away."
"What's up with the weird reaction you had to Scott getting first line?" She noticed the surprised look on his face but she continued. "I know you're not jealous. You just looked...worried. Why?"
Stiles looked away from her and drummed his fingers on the stairs. "He's my friend," he said and shrugged. He looked lost in thought, as if trying to come up with a reasonable explanation. Before he could say more, the door behind them opened and Scott ran out. "Scott? You okay?" Stiles questioned as Scott ran past them. "Scott!"
They exchanged a quizzical look before Stiles jumped to his feet and ran after his friend.
Standing up, she rested her hand on the railing. A dark haired girl appeared near the street, one that Hollis instantly recognized. "Allison!" She called but it was too loud for her voice to carry over the surrounding noise. Hollis watched her talk to someone who looked vaguely familiar. Dialing her number, she pressed the phone to her ear. 'Hey, it's Allison. Leave a message.' She tried calling again but was greeted with the voice mail a second time. She looked up in time to see the car disappear down the road with Allison inside.
"Did you talk to him?" Hollis asked when she reached Stiles.
He threw his hands up in the air and shook his head. "He drove off before I could catch him." A worried expression crossed his face, similar to the one she wore.
"Allison left, too." Hollis glanced in the direction the dark car had driven off in.
"Come on," Stiles said determinedly. Without another word, he walked over to his blue Jeep and got in.
Hollis followed, sliding into the passenger seat just as he pulled away from the house. She looked out the window, watching houses and trees go by in a dark blur. Hollis tried Allison's phone again but only got her voicemail. Sighing in frustration, she crossed her arms.
"What's going on, Stiles?" She fixed her gaze on him.
"I don't know. I'm just as confused as you are."
The minutes went by in a blur, just like the scenery outside. They stayed quiet but the ringing of her phone broke the silence. Quickly, she stared down at the screen only to frown at the name. Carter. The ringing sounded a few more times and she heard Stiles ask, "You gonna get that?"
Hollis hesitated before she hit 'decline'. "No," she answered.
Stiles looked like he wanted to question the unanswered call but decided against it. Instead, he kept his eyes on her, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. "Looks like Scott's home."
Hollis turned to the window to see Scott's car parked outside with the lights on inside the house.
Stiles pulled over and climbed out. "I'll check on him. Try to see if you can reach Allison again." Without giving her a chance to reply, he ran up to the house and disappeared inside.
Hollis tried to reach Allison but, after getting her voicemail again and again, she gave up. Frustrated, she closed her eyes and rested her head against the seat. She didn't know how long she sat like that. When she opened her eyes, Stiles was making his way towards the car.
"How's Scott?" She asked once he shut the car door.
"Fine. He's fine." Stiles sounded preoccupied as he pulled out onto the road. "I think he caught a bug or something. He'll be okay by morning" He paused. "He wants us to check on Allison," he added, staring straight ahead. "But if Scott drove Allison to the party, who did she leave with?"
It was a good question. It took her a couple seconds before the name slipped into her mind. She wasn't positive so she spoke tentatively. "I think it was Derek."
"Derek? As in Derek Hale? Whose family burned in the fire a few years back Derek Hale?"
"Yeah."
Stiles took his attention off the road and stared at her, a mixture of shock and fright in his eyes. In the few seconds that his attention was focused on her, the car swerved somewhat violently to the opposite lane.
"Stiles!" Panicked, her hands reached for the steering wheel but the seatbelt held her back and her fingers barely grazed the wheel before she was thrust back against the seat.
As quickly as it happened, it was over. Stiles regained control of the car, and they were no longer in the opposing lane. Still, her heart was in her throat.
"Crap, sorry." Stiles looked over to see that the color had left her face. "Hey, Hollis? You ok?"
She didn't reply. Instead, she focused on her lungs, which felt as if they had shrunk to half their size. The shuddering breaths she took only allowed for a small amount of air to pass through to her lungs. But it wasn't enough. A new panic took over, leaving her trembling and gasping for breath. She clawed at her seatbelt, which felt as if it was cutting off her ability to breath and move. Hollis tried counting her breaths but that didn't seem to help. Her vision became clouded; the walls of the car seemed to close in around her and her ears rang. Hollis barely heard Stiles' muffled voice.
"I can't – I can't breath," Hollis managed to get out, shaking her head. Her vision swam and tiny dots appeared before her eyes. She closed her eyes but that only managed to make the dizziness worse.
Stiles hastily pulled over, ignoring the angry driver behind them. He grabbed onto her arms, gently turning her to face him. "Hollis," he said. "Just listen to my voice. You're going to be okay." He tried to keep the panic out of his own voice but there was small quiver to it. His hands slid down her arms to her hands. "Take a deep breath. You can do this." He sounded more confident than he felt and his face betrayed that pseudo confidence. He continued to repeat his words loudly yet gently.
One in, one out, one in, one out, she repeated in her mind.
Her breath was shaky. After a few failed attempts, she managed to get a good lungful of air in.
"That's it, Hollis. You're doing great. You'll be fine. Just breathe."
When her breathing slowed to a somewhat regular rhythm, Hollis opened her eyes to see his stricken face. Exhausted, she leaned her head against the seat. Her heart still beat rapidly but, now that the worst was over, it slowed down some.
"Are you ok?" Stiles asked shakily.
Hollis nodded with a weak yet reassuring smile. "Yeah, I think so."
He let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, good."
"Thank you," she said earnestly. "For helping me."
He smiled in reply, studying her. "You scared the crap out of me," he admitted after a pause. His smile faltered as he banged his head against the seat. "It was my fault. I'm sorry. It was stupid, I – I should have been paying more attention to the road." He shook his head angrily. "I'm sorry, Hollis."
"No, it's not your fault."
"Yeah, it is," he insisted. "I should've watched the road. Especially after...what you've been through." He sighed in frustration. "I don't want you going through something like that again."
"That's sweet, Stiles." Hollis paused, touched by his words. "But you can't control these things. And you did nothing wrong. The car swerved but I just overreacted. I get panicky in cars since the accident so this honestly isn't your fault."
Stiles took in her words but the guilt still showed on his face. "Still. If I hadn't taken my eyes off the road," he started but left the sentence unfinished.
"Usually I can control them but I couldn't. Honestly, Stiles, if it hadn't been for you...You helped me more than anyone else ever did."
He seemed to accept this. "I'm glad you're okay," Stiles said, giving her hands a squeeze.
Hollis replied with a smile, looking down at their clasped hands.
Stiles followed her gaze and quickly disentangled their hands. Color rose to his face and he cleared his throat.
"Did you know that Derek was back in town? You were surprised when I mentioned him."
Stiles fell quiet. He opened his mouth to reply but closed it a moment later. "Scott and I ran into him the other day in the woods." Noticing her curious look, he sighed. "It's a long story. I was just surprised that he was at the party. And that Allison left with him."
Although curious, Hollis didn't press him for details. Instead, she leaned her head back and looked up at the roof of the car. "Why would he come back after all those years? After everything that happened?" She shook her head. "This place is just one big reminder. I can't imagine living through something like that."
Stiles shot her a questioning look. "But you...." He trailed off, unsure of how to continue but Hollis knew what he was trying to say.
"Yeah, I know. But that's different. His family was murdered. Someone torched his house and killed everyone in it. My parents died in an accident." She stayed quiet with her thoughts running through her mind. It was one of the first times she had said those words aloud. They left a horrible aftertaste in her mouth. With a quiet sigh, she shrugged. "Think we should go check on Allison now?"
"Oh, yeah. Definitely." Stiles nodded vigorously as he placed his hands on the steering wheel. With a look her way, he frowned. "Are you okay if we, you know, drive? Because we can stay here until you're ready. I might have more Reece's in the car...somewhere."
Hollis stifled a laugh as she nodded. "As tempting as that sounds, I'm okay. I promise," she said. "But, thanks."
As the car pulled away from the side of the road, Hollis gave Stiles directions to Allison's house. With the roads empty, the drive didn't take long. Soon, they entered Allison's neighborhood. Lifting her head off the seat, she scanned the big houses for the Argent residence. "It's that one." She pointed out just as he screeched to a halt.
Leaving the car idling, Stiles jumped out followed by Hollis. They walked towards the darkened house and stopped on the steps. Her eyes flickered to the driveway where two cars were parked. They have to be home, she thought as Stiles rang the doorbell.
They waited for a few seconds before he pounded on the door with his fist. There was still no movement inside the house. He lifted his hand to hit the door some more but Hollis quickly grabbed his arm.
"We want them to open the door, not give them a heart attack," she said with a smile. "Let's just give them some time. I mean, it's late. They could be sleeping."
Stiles nodded with a sheepish look. "Right, right." His hand went to the back of his neck absentmindedly as he continued to nod.
The seconds ticked by, and they both began to suspect that no one would answer. With a chagrined look, Hollis sighed. The moment that she opened her mouth to suggest they give up, the door opened.
Light spilled out of the house, blinding them both as they squinted at Mrs. Argent. She was an intimidating looking woman but she wore a confused expression as she looked from Hollis to Stiles.
Hollis opened her mouth to speak but Stiles beat her to it.
"Hi. We're friends of Allison's and this is going to sound kind of crazy. Actually really crazy. Actually crazy doesn't even begin to—"
Much to Hollis' relief, Mrs. Argent cut him off. "Allison? It's for you!" She called back into the house.
Hollis and Stiles share a confused look when Allison appeared on the second floor landing. But, seeing that her friend was safe, she let out an internal sigh of relief.
"What's up?" Allison asked once she made her way down the steps.
"We were worried about you," Hollis told her. "I tried calling a few times but I kept getting your voicemail."
"My phone died, sorry," she explained. "Thanks for checking on me, though." Allison smiled and turned to Hollis. "Anyway, I'm glad you're here. Do you want to come in? I mean, can you? I could use a friend right about now."
She threw Stiles a guilty look.
"It's fine, Hollis. Go." He grinned. "I should get home, anyway. My dad's probably wondering where I am." With a wave to Allison, he started back towards his Jeep.
"Stiles, wait!" Hollis ran after him. "You forgot your jacket. Thanks for the loan and everything else." She slipped it off and handed it to him. "Text me when you get home, ok?"
He nodded and, with a smile, walked the rest of the way to his car.
AN: So... what did you guys think?! I hope you loved it. Please don't forget to vote and leave a comment or two. I want to know what you guys think: positive, negative, and everything in between (just no hate, please). Thanks for all the support!
** Sorry for posting this so late in the day but I was at work. But I'm posting now, so hopefully that makes up for me not posting on time :P