Homecoming arrived too quickly.
The game, that was.
During the course of the week my dad had announced what Santi's and McCann's punishment would be for acting like dickheads in practice last week. They were suspended from the first official game of the season. I was nervous as hell about this decision. Much as I hated McCann, I had to admit he was one of our best players. And Santiago was our best, period. We were at a severe disadvantage without them. My dad and I were expecting this game to go to shit, so we'd need to put extra effort for the next ones if we wanted a chance at catching up on the standings. He and I had a few ideas already.
The two stooges sat next to me on the bench as we watched the rest of the team warm up before the game started. Even though not having them on the team sucked and we were most likely going to lose, I agreed with my dad. They had to understand that there were rules and that those rules, under the eye of two O'Hares, were not to be broken.
"This sucks," McCann said under his breath.
"I never thought I'd agree with you, but you both deserve it." They had the decency not to meet my eye. "Take your petty fights off the field."
"Aye, Captain," he said. I was fluent in sarcasm and I knew that was how he meant it.
"We're going to lose and it's your fault," I said, with much more venom than I wanted.
Santi flashed me a look but remained silent. McCann didn't know such restraint. "Glad one of our so called coaches has that much confidence in our team."
I shrugged. "It's not a matter of confidence. It's a matter of cold blooded intellect. I know that our team is heavily driven by emotions. There is a lot of confusion going on about what was so important for you both to get into a fight-"
McCann tried to interrupt. "You-"
Santi elbowed him and McCann shut up, just so he could focus all his ire on the glare he set on Santi, instead of on his mouth running off. Still, that was weird.
"And also, the fact that you're both not playing brought morale down in general. Look at them," I said, and they both faced our friends as they stretched. They looked like they'd rather be at home getting ready for their dates. "You both are among the top players and what you do has a huge influence in all of them, especially the freshmen and sophomore."
I folded my arms. Okay, so Santi and I had made up over the weekend. That didn't mean I stopped being mad at him for having the great idea of fighting in the middle of practice.
"Have some conscience of how your actions affect the team." I finished off.
Santi saluted with a languid arm. "Yes, ma'am."
I pushed my knee against his. "Take this seriously."
Dad and the remainder of the bench returned. He said, "Here goes nothing."
The game started and it was long and painful. Some of our guys reacted too late to the ball and other times they'd be too quick in trying to anticipate it. I screamed myself hoarse, trying to tell them to read the path of the ball instead of fucking chasing it. The umpire got mad and ordered me to not come out of the bench because I was disrupting the game. My dad grabbed me on time before I was able to show the umpire what I thought of him with my middle finger.
At some point McCann asked dad to let him play. Both my dad and I said no in unison and that was that. We lost 3-1. Dad drove Santi and I home and I was fuming.
"Is nobody going to say anything?" I asked.
"Not really," said Santi from the back.
My dad said, "I'm good."
I folded my arms and looked out the window. I had roughly an hour to shower and get ready before Chris and Ellen picked me up. I had insisted that I could go by myself, but they both refused. Chris had said that it was more fun as a group, and even though Ellie had agreed I had the feeling she'd been hurt. If I were her, I'd want to be all alone with my crush and not share him with anybody else. I looked at Santi's back once we got out of my dad's car and he walked home. We hadn't talked about homecoming over the week. Like, he didn't invite me, but neither did I. I knew he was going because I'd heard his mom talk about his tuxedo, and I just assumed he was going with Jessica. I thought about the arrangements with Chris and Ellen and imagined a different scenario, where I was going with Santi and Jessica instead, and I felt like my insides turned to only bile.
Ellen sent me a youtube video with a makeup tutorial that I spent most of the hour trying to recreate once I'd stepped out of the shower. Mom helped me by blow drying my hair and curling it into wide waves, which was great because I was sure that if I'd tried to do deal with my endless mass of hair by myself I'd end up needing a second shower. When we were done mom helped me zip into the long red dress she chose for me on Asos and I turned around.
She gasped. "Oh Peyton, you look so beautiful."
I cringed. Somehow that made me uncomfortable as hell. I took a peek at my reflection in the mirror and almost ran away. "Mom, I can't go out like this. Why would you buy me a dress with both boob and leg cleavage?"
I looked like I was trying to imitate Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. And I hated that movie.
"Well." She folded her arms as though she were imitating dad or I. "I bought it because I'd like for you to feel like a girl at least for one night."
I looked at her. "Trust me, I know I'm a girl."
She rolled her eyes and swept her auburn hair behind her ears. "Geez, I thought I'd never have to say something like this... But I mean, I want you to feel like a sexy and confident girl, at least once."
"I'm always confident."
"In yourself? For sure. But are you comfortable in your skin?"
Ah, she had me there. Girlhood was a foreign concept to me.
"Peyton," dad called from downstairs. "Your friends are here."
"Quick," mom said, bending down and passing me one of her pairs of heels. "Put these on and you're ready to go."
"Oh, hell no." I side stepped her and opened my closet, from where I pulled out a pair of black flats that I could deal with. I put them on and she groaned.
"Those are not as feminine."
I smiled at her. "But they're much more comfortable."
Her lips also stretched into a grin. She pulled out her cellphone and snapped a burst of pics so fast that I couldn't run out of my room before she had at least fifty pics. I ran all the way downstairs, giggling as she chased me and asked me to pose. And then I stopped because I found myself face to face with Santiago.
Holy fuck.
And by that I meant, Jesus take the wheel.
"Uh, what are you doing here?" I managed to blurt out.
Damn it, damn it. It was not fair how good he looked wearing a well fitted tux, his hair neatly combed on a big sweep to the side. His eyes glittered under the light as he looked down at my dress and all it was exposing.
My dad cleared his throat. "Honey bunny, don't you have another dress?"
I tore my eyes away from Santiago and realized to my chagrin that Chris and Ellen were behind him. I faced my dad. "Why?"
He looked almost ill. "You know I'm a chaperon tonight, right? I can't spend the whole night chasing boys off of only you."
My mom wrapped an arm around me and kissed my temple. "And that, my dear, is how you know you'll make a splash tonight."
"Patty, how are you fine with this?" dad asked mom. "Don't you think she should at least wear a jacket? Preferable a trench coat."
Mom just laughed and ushered us outside to take some pictures of us in our front porch. She had Ellen and I sit on the swing bench together, then had the boys strike manly poses. They both copied The Rock as he appeared in every pictorial where he wore a suit, touching his cuff link and looking off into the distance. Then mom took a couple picture of Ellen and Chris as I cooed in the background, and then she asked for a picture of Santiago and I.
I looked at him with wide, almost afraid eyes. He just shook his head. "Your mom will get her way no matter what."
He grabbed my waist and brought me flush against him.
My mom said, "Smile!"
I did. Or I tried. I might have wanted to scream instead. Tell everybody that he smelled so freaking good. She snapped a few more pictures and sent us off.
Before we got on the car dad called out, "I'll be watching!"
I climbed on the Jeep, butt first and then legs, and stuck my tongue out at him before closing the door.
"Sorry, guys," I said. "Tonight may end up being intense because of me."
"Yeah, and it won't be because of your dad." Ellen laughed. "Girl, you didn't tell me you'd be looking like that. I'd have made more of an effort!"
Chris turned to her for a quick second as he drove. "You look amazing, Ellen Young. If you'd made more of an effort then I'd be the one who has to swat guys off of you."
Ellen made a sound that was the one any teenage girl made in the presence of her celebrity crush. I grinned so hard I thought my face would split, and I smacked Santi's arm to share the cuteness with him. When I turned to him I found he was already looking at me. And then he turned away like whiplash.
I sat up straighter until we got all the way to school. I bypassed the line for the fancy couple pictures and found Anthony, Maurice and some of the other guys from the team hanging out by a table. A good number of them had dates, and I had the pleasure of embarrassing them in front of them by reminding them that at least they seemed to suck less wearing these suits than their baseball uniforms.
"W. O. W." Anthony spelled out as he saw me. "Va va voom, mamacita. Who's your lucky date tonight?"
I snorted and pointed at myself. "You're looking at her."
"Don't get me wrong, I'm all for women loving women, but I'm pretty sure it's not legal for you to marry yourself."
I rolled my eyes. "Charming as always, Pierini."
He grinned and offered his arm. "Would you do me the honor of giving me your first dance?"
I grabbed his arm. "Sure but I gave my first dance to Barney the dinosaur when I was three years old."
They played Sorry by Justin Bieber, a guilty pleasure but a jam non the less. From the corner of my eye I saw Ellen and Chris join us on the dance floor, after they must have taken their couple picture. I was so excited for her and I wished they'd at least kiss tonight. But I knew Ellen had bought a box of condoms just in case. Because that was the way she was, go big or go home. I switched dance partners after a couple of songs, and all the while I couldn't catch sight of Santi. I tried not to, but I kept looking for him in the crowd. Every time I saw a tall guy my heart would skip a beat, and then he'd turn and be wearing glasses, or would turn out to be blonde, and I shocked myself at how I kept seeing him in every face.
Until I saw him dancing a slow song with Jessica Ashford, their figures seamlessly moving to the rhythm as if they knew just how each other's body reacted to the music.
I wished I had the guts to just cut in, elbow her aside and replace her in his arms. But that'd be suicide, because everybody would know then. He would know.
Santi looked up and found my eyes, as though he'd heard my thoughts from far away. I broke the connection and looked up at my dance partner. When the hell had I started to dance with Casey Marchand?
"Hey," I said, kinda hoping that he'd give me a hint of when I'd ended up with him.
He smiled. A curl bounced on his forehead and it looked super soft to the touch. I made a mental note to ask Ellen for more details on the night she kissed him, because now up close I realized he was a catch.
"You look incredible tonight," he said. I thanked him, and it was sincere, because even though he said this he didn't let his eye wander to my very obvious cleavage. "I mean, don't get me wrong.You're always cute, but tonight... wow, you're a killer."
I stepped back and did a small curtesy. "Thank you, sir. You're too kind."
He laughed and caught me again even as the song changed. "I'm not kidding, though. I think I may have a little crush on you."
My jaw dropped. "No way."
He scratched the back of his head and looked at the floor. For a second I imagined that it was Santi saying this, smiling shyly.
Nah, I couldn't see that.
"Why not? You're fun, hot and single." He winced. "You're smart, too. Sorry, I don't mean to sound like an idiot-"
"Yeah, but you're like, one of the most popular guys in school. And we've just hung out what, two times?"
"And maybe a third?" He asked with some hesitation. "At least a third, just the two of us."
My mouth flapped open and closed a few times.
A guy just asked me on a date. For the first time. In my life.
"Peyton!" I heard the unmistakable shrill of Ellen's voice above the music and chatter and saw her barreling down toward us.
I looked back at Casey, who still looked at me expectantly and said, "Can I think about it?"
His smile was wide and pretty. "Of course."
My best friend caught me there, she was breathing hard but didn't appear to be in imminent danger. "You need to come with me to the bathroom."
I waved my hand at Casey and followed her. On the way, we walked by Santi and Jessica, who seemed about to start making out. I struggled with the warring feelings inside of me, one of pride that yes, I too could make a guy like me, and the other of bitter resentment that I couldn't make the guy I liked like me.
We got into the girls' bathroom and both said at the same time, "I have something to tell you."
A girl came out of a stall, pushing the puffy material of her dress down as best as she could in the confined space. We gave her a wide berth and I told Ellen, "You first."
"I just kissed Chris. Now you."
I startled. "Casey just asked me out."
We stood blinking at each other until the girl finished washing her hands and left us alone. Then we burst into squeals and little jumps and hugged each other at least three separate times.
"How was it?" I asked her once we pulled away.
"Sooo incredible... Okay but wait," she said. "What about Santiago?"
"What about him? He's out there making out with the queen bee. Tell me about the kiss."
She sighed, batting her real and fake eyelashes alike like a Disney princess would. "It was dreamy. He's dreamy, actually a better kisser than Casey."
Interesting. "Could that maybe be because you have actual feelings for Chris?"
She leaned against a sink. "But do you have feelings for Casey?"
I scoffed. "No. I can objectively recognize that he's hot but I've barely spoken with the guy in four years. I don't even know where he gets off from suddenly saying he has a crush on me."
She swept a hand up and down, as she looked at my dress from top to bottom. "I'd say this masterpiece here has something to do with that. I've seen Santi looking at you a lot tonight, by the way."
My cheek twitched. "Looking is not the same as, you know, asking me to dance with him or something."
"Doesn't change the fact that he's been staring at you non stop. Maybe this dress made him see for the first time that you're not just one of the boys." She made a pause to turn around and check her makeup in the mirror. "Are you going to go out with Casey? That might make Santiago jealous."
"Jealousy is not what it's cracked up to be," I said. "I feel like puking every time he's around, you know, her."
To our surprise, you know who just walked in. She was wearing a figure hugging peach dress that didn't leave much to the imagination. I could bet my allowance that dad had spent most of his night telling boys to get their paws off of her, not me. She scanned us in that way that made a girl feel like another was looking for flaws to point out.
"You both look good."
"Thank you, so do you," Ellen replied. Much more polite than I ever could be.
She smiled. "Of course I do." She wedged herself between us, also to check her makeup. She opened her little clutch bag and pulled out a small compact. While patting her nose with the sponge she said, "Santiago is a great dancer. He's probably really good in bed, you know?"
Ellen and I exchanged an automatic glance. I wondered if she thought the same thing I did.
They hadn't slept together. Yet.
Jessica applied some lip gloss and smacked her lips together. She winked at us. "Maybe tonight I'll find out."
With that she turned around and exited the bathroom like a queen who had said her piece and couldn't stand a second longer in the presence of ignorant peasants.
"I could punch a wall right now."
"Me too," Ellen said, seconding me. "You know I try not to say things like this about other fellow women, but what a bitch."
"She knows," I said, running my hands through my hair for lack of anything else to do. "She knows I have feelings for him. She's known before I did and has been rubbing it on my face all along. So what if they got to second base in a closet or whatever? I'm his best friend, not her."
"Yeah, but that's the problem." Ellen patted my shoulder until I stopped messing my hair. "You're in the friend zone and she knows it. You have to get out of there by any means. Maybe even by dating Casey, for example."
I didn't see how that could get Santiago to like me as more than a friend, and I also couldn't tell him what I felt if it was only one sided. It'd fuck everything up. Santi had never seen me like anything other than his and Seb's best friend, if I tried to change that — there would be resistance. Santi resisted any change in his life. And then if he got too weirded out that he didn't know how to hang out with me anymore, and stopped, what would I do? I'd have lost my two best friends.
"Yeap," I announced. "I think I'm done with homecoming."
"What do you mean?"
I jerked my thumb toward the door. "That bitch just ruined everything for me and now I'm just feeling insecure and cranky."
"But it's only like, 10pm or something. You can't just go home by yourself."
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the stubborn turn on my chin that made my lips curl into a sad arch. I couldn't get home this early and face my mom's questions. I had a feeling she wanted me to take tonight a lot further than I even thought of.
"You're right, that'd be sad." I picked up my dress. "I'm going to Bobby's All Star. He's open until midnight tonight."
Ellen sighed and her shoulders drooped. "There's nothing I can do to convince you otherwise, right?"
"Not unless you want me to go out there and punch her in the nose."
"But you'd hurt your hand..."
I grinned. "But it'd feel so good."
She laughed a little. "Fine, but at least let's get Chris' keys so you can take his car."
"What about you guys?" I asked and she winked at me.
"We may stay out long."
I leaned down to her. "Did you bring the condoms?"
"You know it."
We stepped out of the restroom and found Chris chatting with Anthony by the table with most of the baseball kids. Ellen motioned for him to lower to her level and she explained the situation to a degree that he looked at me with sympathy and quickly offered me his key.
"Sorry, Pey," he said, turning on my alarm lights in my head. What did she tell him? "I hope your cramps go away quickly."
Oh. Gee. Deadpan I said, "Thank you."
Ellen gave me two thumbs up and I just sighed. I found dad on the way out and told him a version of the truth, that I was feeling stifled by the heat and the people and was going to head to Bobby's for a bit by myself. He was totally fine with this, as long as I rang him as soon as I got there and he could have a quick word with Bobby. I guessed he was trying to make sure I wasn't sneaking out to then meet with a guy somewhere shady. I was already in a shitty mood and didn't want to deal with his overprotectiveness, so I just agreed and left.
Bobby did a double take when I showed up in front of him and shoved my phone in his face. "My dad wants to speak with you."
They talked for a bit. During the entire minute and some call Bobby was giving me the mother of all side eyes.
"Yes, she's by herself," he told dad. "I'll give her some free tokens and we'll call you again when she leaves."
I rolled my eyes but still thanked him for the free tokens. He gave me enough for an hour's worth of batting. Hopefully that'd be enough to work off some steam so I could go home, get out of this freaking dress and wash the makeup off of my face. Go back to myself.
I swept my hair back as best as I could before putting on one of the hard hats and grabbing a bat. I locked myself in one of the fast pitch lanes, far from where there were a few kids playing in the slow lanes, and swung wide on the first couple of balls. The third I batted to what would have amounted to a mediocre hit and a sure out, but the force of the ball against the bat shook me and that felt good. I hiked my dress up so I could widen my stance and tried again. And again.
"You're doing it wrong."
I yelped and dropped the bat just as the ball would have connected with it. The ball slammed into the chainlink fence behind me, where Santiago was standing with his hands in the pockets of his trousers and an unsettling little smile on his face. He had a hard hat on his head and a bat leaned against the fence. I picked mine up.
"What are you doing here?"
"Ellen told me you were here."
I widened my stance again and faced the machine. I realized it had stopped and I had to put more tokens in. With a grunt I went to do just that, and Santi took advantage of the pause to get in my cage. I looked at him, really looked at him. His collar was a little ruffled, but other than that he barely looked like he'd been to the dance at all. He didn't have the typical signs of a hard make out session. "No, really. Aren't you supposed to be with..."
His eyebrows went up. "Jessica?"
I pursed my lips and turned away, putting tokens in the machine and cranking it. "Yes."
I walked back to the plate and lifted my bat, waiting for the first ball. Bobby's machines were pretty good and almost never got stuck, so I could bat as much as my heart desired. And for each ball I could imagine it was Jessica's face. It was cathartic.
"Are you jealous?" he asked.
I stopped. Because that was so on point that I just couldn't fucking deal with him possibly reading my thoughts.
I looked at him incredulous. "No, what even made you think that?"
He shrugged and I turned back to the machine. I grazed the ball and it bounced backward. But since I didn't hear any screams I just waited for the next ball.
"I don't know." He paused. " At first I thought you might be mad because of the game, but you seemed just fine with everybody else. So that got me thinking-"
"Did it hurt?" Clang. That would have been a homer. I turned back to him to give him a good ol' smug face.
He rolled his eyes. "No. As a I was saying, that got me thinking that you've been acting strange ever since I've been hanging out with Jess."
"Oh, she's a Jess now." I told myself to just shut up and bat. The more I talked the more jealous I sounded. "You can hang out with whoever you want, Santi. It's not like I own you."
I hit the ball in the right spot again and it flew up, smacking against the target hanging against the fence to make you feel like you hit a homer.
"Stop, stop," he said. "If you keep hitting the ball like that every time you're going to damage your right arm."
My brows furrowed and I dropped my bat. "No, I'm not-" I turned and froze. He was up against me. So close that if I breathed too hard my chest would touch him. With his hands he guided me to face the plate again. He put his arms around me and helped mine up to raise the bat.
"Like this," he said in my ear. "You hold the bat well enough, but the problem is your legs. You're not putting enough strength in them."
This was eerily similar advice to what I'd given a sophomore not long ago on his pitches. To be honest, batting was my weakness. I could never get the art of staying my lower body and swinging the upper portion half as well as Santiago.
"Now," he said, and I felt his warmth leave as he stepped back. Then I felt his hands on my rear ankle, forcing me to widen my legs. He trailed his hand up my calf, deliberately, I'd say, and hiked my dress up so high that even though I felt a definite breeze I suddenly felt hot all over. "Here's what you're missing, you pull your hips in too much. Your back is not supposed to be ramrod stiff."
He grabbed my hips and gently pulled them outward. Against his. Then he corrected my arms, because I'd been drooping the bat.
I was just about to drop my panties if he kept this up.
"Try it now." He stepped away.
I'd missed like three balls in the course of his little lesson, but as soon as one came I batted it, and even though it didn't hit the target I didn't feel the blow of the ball against the bat so hard in my arms anymore.
My lips pursed into the down turned U. "Damn it, that was good."
"I told you."
I could hear the smugness dripping from his voice and it just made me angrier. I hit the next couple of balls like they'd done me wrong.
"I'll come clean," he said after a few more balls. "There's nothing between Jess and I."
That pulled me out of the very nice stance he'd created for me. I turned to him. "Huh?"
A ball hit the chainlink fence. He shrugged. "She's using me to get revenge on Jared for cheating on her. I'm just playing along."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because it's fun."
Fun, he said. I could see how making McCann mad was fun, but that was about it. I wouldn't entangle myself with a snake even for that pleasure.
I blew a strand of hair away from my face that had got stuck to my chin. "I don't get it."
"All I'm saying is that you have no reason to be jealous."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, would you stop it with that. I'm not. I just don't see why you're wasting your time with her, least of all now that you're telling me it's all just to take a piss out of McCann." I shrugged, arms wide. "It's too much hassle... If you like her, fine. Do whatever you want, it's a free country."
He nodded and stepped closer. His nose flared like it usually did when he got mad. And if he was, so be it. I didn't ask him to come over and ruin my decompressing time.
"Do whatever I want, huh?" he asked, staring me down and forcing my head back so much that it was a wonder my hat didn't fall.
I raised my chin, defiant. "Yes, I don't care."
His green eyes seemed to darken as they roamed over my face. "Fine. I'll do whatever I want."
"Fine," I said, and I was going to add something else to that, something biting, but suddenly my mouth couldn't form any words.
Because he kissed me.