"Nakakagago naman talaga oo.." Myla looked at me and cursed when she noticed that I was looking at Ricky and Joan.
Napansin siguro nina Joan at Ricky na may nakatingin sa kanila kaya sila tumingin kung saan kami nakatayo. Mukhang nagulat din silang makita kami sa entrance ng shop. They didn't even think na may makakakita sa kanila dito?
My legs are trembling but my body felt nothing, I can't feel my body, I felt numb. Nakakamanhid ang ganitong bagay. Paulit-ulit nalang ba?
"You don't deserve this, Amy. We should go home." Myla whispered to me. Of course I don't deserve any of these!
My legs are still trembling. "Kakausapin ko sila." Ngunit iba ang lumabas sa bibig ko. Kahit ako ay nagulat sa sinabi ko.
Tumitig si Myla sa akin na para bang hindi siya pabor sa sinabi ko. "No!" She shook her head. "Let's go home; you will talk to him later."
"Hindi, ngayon na, I won't make a scene.." I told her. "Please, just let me talk to them."
"At anong sasabihin mo sa kanila?" She asked. Seryoso ang mga tingin na pinupukol niya sa'kin.
But before I can say anything back to Myla, nakita kong hinila ni Joan si Ricky palapit sa amin. Of course they can't just ignore us. I am Ricky's wife.
"I'm happy to see you here, Myla." sabi ni Joan, malawak ang ngiti niyang nakatingin sa kasama ko. Samantalang ako ay nakatingin sa kanilang dalawa.
Nakita ko kung paano nag iwas ng tingin si Ricky. Bakit hindi nalang niya ako tignan para maramdaman ko talaga ang sakit at nang magising ako sa katotohanan?
"Well, I'm sorry but I'm not happy to see you here, Joan. But I'm surprised to see you here, Kuya." Myla said sarcastically, she was obviously mad.
Joan's undoubtedly hurt because she didn't say any word again. I don't t think I can still take this, I want to run away from them but I can't move. Both of my feet are pinned on the floor. Ang duwag ko pala talaga.
"R-Ricky, uwi na tayo." I didn't know where I got the courage and strength to say those words.
Tumingin sila lahat sa akin, kahit si Myla ay parang nagulat sa sinabi ko.
Tumingin si Ricky sa akin at kay Myla. "Mauna na kayo."
I closed my eyes because he just lacerated my heart again.
"Ay talaga ba? Sama naman kami kung saan kayo. " Myla mumbled sharply but she's smirking.
I looked at her, is she serious? Gusto niyang sumama kami sa dalawang ito? Gusto ko lang silang kausapin kanina pero hindi ko gusto ang sinabi ni Myla. We can't go with them!
Nobody talked for a while, I'm just staring at Ricky but he's avoiding my eyes.
"So ano?" Myla asked as she shrugged her shoulders, she's waiting for any response from Ricky.
Joan looked at Ricky. Is she asking permission from him?
"Well, yeah, sure! Why not?" Joan answered.
"Ay! Masaya to!" pasigaw na sabi ni Myla pero kitang kita sa mukha niya ang galit at inis. I know she's just clearing the air between us.
Nilagpasan kami nina Joan at Ricky, hindi ako makagalaw kaya hinila ako ni Myla.
"Show them you're not affected." she murmured and she rolled her eyes.
"But I am.." I honestly told her.
"No, you're not." bulong ni Myla at nagsimula ng maglakad. "Let's go!"
We followed Ricky and Joan. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. Pakiramdam ko ay sinasaktan ko ang sarili ko dahil sa pagsunod naming sa kanila. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang plano ni Myla.
Nang makarating kami sa parking area ay nakita namin ang kotse ni Ricky. Joan was about to enter on the front seat but Myla stopped her.
"Oh, wait Joan. I think the wife should sit there in front." She said it with full sarcasm.
Napaatras si Joan nang itulak ako ni Myla. I am glad that I still managed to maintain my balance. I know Joan got offended and I swear, I never cared a bit. Joan twitched her lips and gave Ricky a questioning look. I had no choice but to enter. Myla is literally helping me, I should be thankful.
"Anyway, where are we going?" Myla asked as she entered on the backseat, sinundan siya ni Joan at naupo silang magkatabi.
Ricky entered the driver's seat ignoring Myla's question.
"Sa apartment ko.." pero si Joan na ang sumagot.
"Oh, sure, sure!" Myla said and she's visibly disgusted.
I just remained silent; I didn't glance at Ricky because I am very upset, very upset.
Ricky started the engine, at nagsimula ng gumalaw ang sasakyan.
"Amy, naaalala mo pa si Jake Willer?" mayamaya ay narinig kong tanong ni Myla.
Napakunot noo ako dahil natanong na niya iyon kanina. Why is she asking about it again?
"O-oo.." mahina kong sagot.
I just ignored my thoughts. Kilala ko si Myla, maybe she's planning something again.
"He texted me again, he's asking about you." aniya at mahinang tumawa. She was obviously teasing every person inside this car.
"And?" Mukhang alam ko na kung ano ang pinaplano niya. Our minds are connected, well of course, we're best of friends.
"Oo, sina--"
"We're here." Ricky interrupted Myla, and he suddenly stopped the car.
Tinanggal niya ang seat belt niya at agad siyang bumaba ng kotse nang hindi niya pinapatay ang makina ng kotse.
Agad siyang pumunta sa likod at pinagbuksan ng pinto si Joan, paano naman ako?
Myla was about to get off too but Ricky stopped her. "No, just wait for me here.." Agad na lumabas si Joan.
They suddenly walked away from us. Akala ko ba pupunta kami sa apartment nila? Well, hindi naman sa gusto ko kaya lang akala ko lang talaga. I
My eyes followed them as they entered the huge building. They look good together but who the hell care? Ako ang asawa! Nakita ko kung paano maglakad ng mabilis si Joan dahil mas naunang maglakad si Ricky sa kanya. Bakit ba kasi kailangan pang ihatid?
Huminga ako ng malalim at sinulyapan si Myla sa likuran. "Teka, ano bang pinaplano mo? Why did you ask about that Willer again?" Naabutan ko siyang malawak ang ngiti sa mga labi.
"Well, gusto kong magselos si Kuya at alam kong nagtagumpay ako. You've seen it, right? Ihahatid lang daw niya si Joan ." she chuckled.
Selos?
"What were you thinking? Hindi siya nagseselos, Myla! Galit lang siya dahil sumama tayo sa kanila.."
She shrugged her shoulders. "Wala akong pakialam! Nagpasama lang yang babaeng iyan dito para kunin ang gamit niya. Ginawa na niya ito dati, eh."
Nang marinig ko iyon ay mukhang wala na akong pakialam. Mukhang sanay na ako.
"Well anyways, I don't care about that girl. We're just doing the right thing, si Kuya ang may ginagawang mali. He's acting like he's not married! Duh?" she rolled her eyes. I'm just looking at her, I know she's just too tough compared to me.
Hindi na ako umimik, I'm just thankful that she's always here to support me.
"Are you okay?" mayamaya ay tanong niya.
Tumingin ako sa kanya at tumango. "Oo,"
"Good. Damn, I should've tweaked that girl's hair! She was staring at me, halatang naiinggit siya sa mga legs natin." she said and giggled.
Ngumiti lang ako at hindi na nagsalita. Iba kasi ang iniisip ko, iniisip ko kung paano tumingin si Ricky kanina sa akin, para bang sobrang dismayado siya na makita ako sa suot ko.
A few minutes later, we saw Ricky approaching the car. Nang makalapit na siya samin ayag agad na siyang pumasok sa driver's seat.
As the car started to move, Myla talked.
"Kuya, huwag mong sabihing nagpasama na naman ang babaeng iyon dito sa apartment niya at pinagana mo 'yang pagiging good samaritan mo kaya ka pumayag?"
"Shut it.." he silently hissed, alam kong galit siya dahil sa lamig ng boses niya.
I turned around and looked at Myla, sinenyasan ko siya na tumahimik nalang.
Ricky is furious and they would probably fight kapag hindi tumigil si Myla. Myla rolled her eyes again, but she didn't talk. I also didn't say any word. Parang mas gusto kong tumahimik nalang ngayon. I am mad and disappointed also.
Ricky drove us all in strict silence. Hindi ko siya kailanman sinulyapan at alam kong hindi rin niya ginawa iyon sa akin.
Within a few minutes, we arrived at their house.
Agad namang bumaba si Myla.
"Ayusin mo ito, Kuya, kung ayaw mong makarating ito kay Dad. I swear!" banta ni Myla kay Ricky. Ricky didn't say a word.
"Bye, text mo ako." bulong niya sa akin. Hinalikan niya ang pisngi ko at agad na pumasok sa bahay nila. Tumango ako at sinundan ko lang siya ng tingin.
Ricky immediately drove us away, I'm just staring at Ricky and I saw how he madly clasped his hands on the steering wheel. He's just looking straight on the road but his jaw kept on hardening. He's obviously controlling his anger.
Napalunok ako dahil totoong natatakot ako sa kanya. Parang kahit anong minuto ay sisinghalan niya ako.
Hanggang sa makauwi kami ay hindi niya ako kinausap, kahit tignan man lang ay hindi niya ginawa. Lumabas siya ng kotse nang hindi man lang ako nilingon.
Sinundan ko siya hanggang sa sala.
"Galit ka ba?" I decided to ask him though it's very obvious. Hindi niya ako pinansin at umakyat sa hagdanan.
Still, I followed him.
"Kausapin mo naman ako.." kinapalan ko ang mukha ko at bumulong. Total ay nandito naman na kami sa bahay namin.
We reached our room but he is still quiet. He sat on the bed and removed his shoes. Then he stripped off his watch. Lahat ng iyon ay nakita ko.
"Dito ba natulog si Joan kagabi?" tanong ko. I can't endure that he is not giving me any attention.
Kailangan ko ding tanungin kasi kung hindi ay baka mamamatay ako sa kakaisip.
He didn't talk again, goodness! He walked into the bathroom so I followed him again.
"I know you're mad. Pero kausapin mo naman ako." I pleaded pero hindi parin siya nagsalita.
I followed him inside the bathroom. He's washing his face.
"Please, talk to me. Did she sleep with you last night?" tanong ko kahit hindi ko lubos maisip ang mga iyon. We just need to have a conversation.
Hindi pa ako nakakabawi sa tanong ko nang bigla niya akong harapin at hawakan sa magkabilang balikat. Sinandal niya ako sa emergency cabinet sa likuran ko.
Napangiwi ako sa sakit dahil malakas ang impact at tumama sa balikat ko.
I didn't mind the pain on my shoulder pero hindi ako makapagsalita dahil sa gulat. He can go this far?
Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang braso ko at pinisil iyon na para bang gigil na gigil siya sakin. "Will you stop nagging? Just stop!" he hissed at hinigpitan pa ang paghawak sa dalawang braso ko. Ang mga mata niya ay nagbababaga na nakatingin sa akin.
Naramadaman ko ang pananakit ng braso at likod ko.
"M-masakit.." napapikit ako sa sakit.
"Ito ang gusto mo, hindi ba?" tanong niya, dinig na dinig ko ang panginginig ng boses niya. Alam kong galit siya.
He crushed my body to his. With that, he pulled my head and suddenly captured my lips with his mouth. It's not a passionate kiss; he kissed me hard and rough, like the first time.
I just let him kissed me but I didn't respond because it's not the kind of kiss that I wanted from him.
"You want this right? Well, I'll give you what you want." he mumbled angrily and claimed my lips once again. He madly tore my clothes. Napangiwi ako dahil parang mas lalo akong nasaktan sa ginawa niya. He tore Myla's dress!
"R-Ricky, s-stop." I pleaded. Ayokong isipin pero pamimilit ang ginagawa niya sa akin ngayon. Hindi ko kayang isipin na kaya niyang gawin sa akin 'to.
But he didn't mind me; he pulled down the thin strap of my bra, exposing my left shoulder. He kissed and sucked my shoulder.
His right hand started rubbing my right thigh.
Gustong gusto kong umiyak dahil sa ginawa niya.
"S-Stop it, please.." I pleaded again.
"Stop? Why do you want me to stop? Dahil iyong Jake na iyon ang gusto mong gumawa nito sa'yo nito? Who's that Jake, huh? Did that bastard fuck you too?" he asked harshly, more like of an irritation in my ear. "Amy, you are married to me, but you wander outside wearing that small piece of shit? You're more than a.." he paused like he 's thinking a word to describe me. "..slut.." he continued.
I felt the painful twisted in my heart. I paused and stared at his face.
Nagsimulang mahulog ang mga luha ko sa mga mata. He can go this far?
Slut? Iyon ba ang tingin niya sa akin?
Why is it always like this, painful and unbearable? Tears flowed out from my eyes, mas marami.
He stared at me too, mas matagal. Hindi ko mabasa ang mga mata niya dahil punong puno ng luha ang mga mata ko.
Mayamaya ay agad niya akong binitawan, nakita ko kung paano niya itinaas ang mga kamay niya. Mayamaya pa ay agad niya akong tinalikuran. Narinig ko din ang malutong na mura niya.
I saw him gripped his hair and went out.
He left met crying, and literally, the pain is killing me.
I stood up and ran immediately to the bathroom; my bra's strap was hung loosely in my left arm. I am like a ravaged girl. Do I deserve this?
I cried inside the bathroom for almost an hour. I checked myself in the mirror and I noticed that both of my shoulders are swollen.
My lips are puffy too and the lipstick I used earlier is now scattered on my chin and cheek. I looked like a mess.
Ngunit nagshower parin ako kahit masakit ang katawan ko. I was lying in the bath tub when the door opened. Nakita kong pumasok bahagya doon si Ricky.
Kitang kita ko sa mukha niya ang pag aalala. Or maybe I was wrong. Nag-aalala? Kanino? Sa akin? Imposible.
Akala ko ay may sasabihin siya pero nang makita niya ako na nakahiga sa bath tub ay agad siyang lumabas at isinara ang pinto.
Ngumiti ako ng mapakla. Siguro nga ay hindi niya talaga ako kayang mahalin.
Namumugto na ang mga mata ko kakaiyak, pero hinintay ko parin si Ricky.
Hanggang sa gumabi ay wala pa si Ricky. I don't know what to do. Maybe he got angry because of my questions. Hindi ako makapaniwala na kahit sinaktan niya ako ay siya parin ang iniisip ko.
I called him several times but his phone was unattended.
Nang maisip ko ang kaibigan ni Ricky na si Miggy ay agad kong tinawagan ang number niya. Miggy's one of his friends na medyo kilala ko noong gabing nilasing namin si Ricky. Mabuti na lang at hindi ko nabura ang number niya sa phonebook ko.
I immediately called Miggy.
"Amy, kamusta?" tanong ni Miggy nang masagot na niya ang tawag ko.
"Hello, k-kasama mo ba si Ricky?" I asked, ignoring his question.
"Hindi, wala pa siya?"
Kinabahan ako lalo.
"Wala pa, nakapatay pa ang cellphone niya."
"Sige, subukan kong tawagan sina Diego, baka sila kasama niya.." aniya.
"Sige, salamat.." sabi ko kahit hindi ko kilala iyong lalaking binanggit niya.
Tinapos ko na ang tawag at agad na naupo sa kama. I need to talk to him tonight to clear things up. I nagged him too much a while ago and it pissed him.
Kahit na nasaktan niya ako ay iniisip ko parin na kasalanan ko dahil kung hindi ko siya kinulit ay hindi siya sasabog ng ganoon. Siguro ay may mali din ako.
Huminga ako ng malalim, I look pathetic. I am trying to convince myself na may kasalanan din ako, this is fucking funny. But.. that's the only excuse that I could think of para gawin niya sa akin iyon, para umabot siya ng ganoon.
I tried to close my eyes but I really couldn't sleep. Paano ako matutulog kung wala pa si Ricky?
Come home now, please. Nag aalala na ako.
I texted him and waited for his reply pero wala kahit isa.
Mayamaya ay umilaw ang phone ko.
Incoming Call from Myla.
"Myla.." nanginginig pa ang boses ko nang sagutin koi yon.
"Anong nangyari, bakit nandito si Kuya? I woke up because of his commotion."
I got up and sat down because of what she said. Napapikit ako dahil sa narinig ko. Thank God, Ricky is fine!
"Nandiyan siya? What is he doing there?"
"I don't know pero mukhang lasing. Nasa kwarto niya.." She concluded.
I got more worried, lasing si Ricky?
"Is he okay?" I asked.
"Gaga! Ako dapat ang nagtatanong niyan sayo, are you okay? Ano ba kasing nangyari?"
I breathe deeply and stood up. Hindi ko sinagot ang tanong niya, I could explain to her some other time. I grabbed my jacket and went out.
"Wait me there. Pupunta ako diyan."
"Are you sure? It's already late, Amy. Malayo pa ang biyahe. Bukas nalang kaya?" I heard a concern from her voice.
"No. Kailangan kong pumunta diyan. Okay lang ako. I'll be there, kahit huwag mo na akong hintayin.."
I didn't bother to wake Manang Belen up, I would just text her. Ang mahalaga ngayon ay makita ko si Ricky. Hindi ko maiwasang sisihin ang sarili ko dahil sa paglalasing niya.
I drove my car like a madwoman para lang makarating sa bahay nina Myla.
Medyo mahaba ang biyahe kaya magmamadaling araw na nang makarating ako sa bahay nina Myla. I saw Myla near the gate; she's obviously waiting for me. She's wearing pajamas, with a messy hair. Huminga ako ng malalim, alam kong naiturbo siya.
I parked my car and promptly dropped off from the car.
Agad ko siyang nilapitan.
"Anong nangyari?" she asked.
"Galit siya dahil sa ginawa natin."
I saw her eyebrows raised na para bang wala siyang pakialam. Bago pa siya magsalita ay hinila ko na siya papasok sa bahay nila, kailangan kong makita si Ricky.
"Nasaan sina Mama?" tanong ko. Ayokong malaman nila na nag-aaway kami ni Ricky, mas nakakahiya iyon.
She shook her head. "Swerte ni Kuya at nasa Singapore sina Mama." She rolled her eyes.
A maid approached us and she handed a key to Myla. "Ito ang susi..." sabi ng katulong. So he even locked himself inside his room?
Myla took the key. "Thank you, Manang Vivian. You can go back to sleep now. Goodnight.. I mean.. good morning na pala.. "Sabi niya sa katulong at ngumiti sa akin na para bang pinapaalala na madaling araw na.
Hindi na ako nagreact dahil si Ricky ang iniisip ko.
Agad kong kinuha mula sa kamay ni Myla ang susi at umakyat sa taas. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan. Ang kailangan ko lang malaman ngayon ay kung ayos lang ba si Ricky.
"Relax ka nga, lasing lang naman." sabi ni Myla na nakasunod sa akin.
Nang makarating na kami sa kwarto ni Ricky ay agad kong binuksan iyon gamit ang spare key na binigay ng katulong. And I want to scream when it suddenly opened. I saw him lying on the bed.
He's not wearing a shirt. He's sleeping but he didn't bother to remove his shoes. Damn, I am so relieved to see him.
I looked at Myla behind me ang she is also looking at Ricky.
"Oh my! What a mess." She whispered and shook her head like she saw something unbelievable.
"I can handle him, Myla, go back to sleep. Madaling araw na..." sabi ko at ngumiti sa kanya.
Kailangan kong ipakita sa kanya na okay lang ang lahat kahit na ako naman talaga ang kinakabahan. It's my first time to see him like this, at guilty pa ako dahil sa mga nangyari/
She shrugged her shoulders.
"Okay, sabi mo eh." She said and rolled her eyes. I nodded. She turned her back but then she looked at me again. "Sigurado ka, ha? Sabi kasing bukas nalang eh.."
"Oo nga, Myla."
"Okay, whatever. I'm just in my room if you need anything, okay?" She smiled before leaving. Hindi pa sumasara ang pinto ay agad ko nang nilapitan si Ricky.
Halatang tulog na tulog siya at gulong gulo ang buhok niya. Huminga ako ng malalim, I slowly removed his shoes and socks. Pagkataps ay umupo ako sa kama.
I caressed his cheek, mainit iyon dahil siguro sa kalasingan.
I love this man so much. Gagawin ko ang lahat para sa kanya. I don't know why every time I looked at him, my chest seemed to explode. I'm always glad to see him and I'm so happy for just a glimpse of him. Isn't dangerous?
"Bakit ka ba naglasing?" Tanong ko kahit alam kong hindi niya ako naririnig.
But I was surprised when he suddenly moved.
Kitang kita ko ang pagbukas niya ng mga mata niya. He stared at me and smile. Hindi lang iyon dahil agad niya akong niyakap. I fell into his body and I am totally on top of him. We're so closed together so I hugged his waist to maintain my balance.
We remained like that for a few seconds.
Dinig na dinig ko ang sariling tibok ng puso ko.
I breathe deep and whispered: "I love you..." kailangan kong ilabas iyon mula sa dibdib ko.
I'm surprised when he tightened his hug on me. I can smell the alcohol from his breath because his lips are very close to mine.
The beat of my heart also accelerated. My heart is literally pounding so loud.
Ngunit nagulat ako sa sumunod na sinabi niya.
"I love you too.. Isabelle.."
Isabelle.
Who is Isabelle?
He is hugging me this tight because he thought I am Isabelle? But who's Isabelle?
My tears started to fall because I can't stop anymore. Tumitig ako sa kanya pero nakapikit siya. He's still sleeping and maybe he's just dreaming. Nanikip ang dibdib ko nang maalala ko ang sinabi niya. Isabelle?
I slowly removed his hand from my waist and slowly got off from the bed. I can cry out loud anytime at this moment.
I went out of the room immediately. It can't be like this.
As the door closed, I collapsed on the floor. I released all the air from my chest and cried, but not as loud as I wanted. Nandito kami sa bahay nila kaya hindi ko iyon magagawa.
"What happened?" May biglang nagsalita sa harapan ko, si Myla.
She's staring at me, frowning. She obviously just came from her room.
Without having a second thought, I stood up and hugged Myla so tight. Niyakap ko siya ng sobrang higpit, ito ang kailangan ko ngayon, ang yakap ng kahit sino.
"Ssh! It's alright.. ", she hugged me back and caressed my shoulder.
I just realized that all I need is a hug. For the past few months, nobody hugged me tight like this.
Myla pulled me inside her room and we both sat on her bed.
"Anong nangyari? Is he awake?" she confronted me.
Tango lang ang isinagot ko sa kanya.
"Ano na naman ang ginawa niya?" she asked.
"I told him I love him.." I tried to breathe normally.
"Tapos?" She creased her forehead.
"And he thought I was Isabelle. Who's Isabelle?"
She bent down her head and shook.
"Damn! He's a real jerk.." She cursed. She always says that word to his brother. Did he really deserve to be called like that?
"Sino si Isabelle?" I asked again, is that Joan's nickname or what? I am confused.
She shook her head. "I- I don't know.. baka kainuman niya lang kanina.." She stuttered.
I bowed down my head. Iyon din ang inakala ko kanina.
"Gusto mong ako na ang kakausap sa kanya?" she asked me.
"And tell him what?" tanong ko dahil kahit ako ay hindi ko alam ang sasabihin kung sakaling kakausapin ko siya at tatanungin ang tungkol sa babaeng binanggit niya. Maybe he just did that to hurt me again.
She bowed her head again. Siguro ay alam niyang hindi din niya alam ang sasabihin sa kapatid kung sakaling kakausapin niya man ito.
"Okay, tama na nga 'to. He's just drunk. Just calm down, at kakausapin ko nalang siya mamaya."