Harry’s POV
I sat on the bed, taking in the knowledge I had just processed. From what I had read, he had been depressed about hiding being gay. It had just been me that pushed him over the edge. I thought of Annaleise’s face when she told me he was dead.
She was ghostly pale and her eyes were emotionless. The words that barely escaped her lips were nothing more than a whisper. She looked empty as if all the life had drained from her before she ran out the door and started out the car.
I had instinctively followed her but she had needed to go alone. She was quiet when she returned hours later. She looked empty still. I had waited up for her all night, listening for her car to pull in the driveway. I heard her pull in around six in the morning and watched as she sat in her car for a while.
I walked out a few minutes later to coax her inside. I just wanted to be there for her. I wanted to show her that I could support her and whatever she wanted or needed, I was there, ready and willing.
I had followed her up to her bedroom. She barely spoke to me the whole time. She invited me to her bed and I wanted to hold her but I kept my distance until she climbed on top of me and proceeded to have sex with me.
It was some of the best sex we’ve had. I let her take the lead until I couldn’t take the teasing anymore and wanted her to be mine. I fell asleep with her in my arms for the first time in six years and was content. She was mine again.
I woke up the next day alone and in a panic. I thought I had dreamed everything, but looking around I saw I was in her room and it wasn’t a dream. I snuggled up next to her pillow, taking in the scent of her. It smelled like vanilla and I remembered how vanilla was her favorite scent.
I spent the next day with her as she wished. We climbed the hills in Hollywood and I listened while she talked vaguely about Cost. I didn’t push the conversation. I let her say what she wanted to say and she would talk about it when she was ready. Our relationship was too fragile still for me to force anything.
We left the mountain when it was dark out and went to some place called In-and-Out Burger. Typical American fast food, but it was good. I more so enjoyed watching her eat, taking huge bites and dipping her French fries in her milkshake. She reminded me fourteen-year-old Annaleise, the girl I had fallen in love with. The girl in front of me had seemed more guarded until this exact moment.
I had been guarded too until I had seen her again. And then all the walls I had built up had come crashing down.
I loved when she sat back and sighed and complained about how full she was. The sexiest thing in the world was seeing her with smudges of mustard on her cheek and French fry salt all over her. I fell in love with her all over again right in that moment.
We went to the hotel and I booked the most expensive room. She offered to pay for half and I declined. She would be appalled knowing I had just spent almost $3,500 on a hotel room for less than 24 hours. But I didn’t care. I wanted the best for her.
The bathroom was the reason I had chosen that room. The soaking tub was huge and filled with different water jets and she had wanted to smoke weed that moment. I knew it had been a good idea to get some off of Louis. She must’ve practiced a bit over the years because she didn’t throw up this time like she had the first time we smoked together.
She fell asleep in my arms again that night and once again I felt like the luckiest man in the world. I grew sad once I thought of how I wouldn’t see her for nearly three weeks but we would have months together then.
Unless I had fucked up everything between us. I thought of the note again. I had to be so selfish and couldn’t let things take their natural course.
No, I thought, you just did a small little fib. The kid clearly had depression issues.
This just pushed him over the edge, another voice in my head said.
The nauseous feeling I had gotten before came back and I ran into the bathroom, throwing up.
“Jesus Christ, Harry!” Annaleise cried. I heard her turn the water off and she wrapped a towel around herself before coming over to me as I emptied my stomach in the toilet.
She rubbed my back, water dripping on me.
I dry heaved and sat back next to the toilet.
“What happened?” She asked, concern written all over her face.
“Must’ve been the food from last night,” I answered weakly, not able to look her in the eyes.
“This is why I am a vegetarian,” she mumbled. “Hop in the shower, Harry, it’ll make you feel better. I’ll call that damn place and complain about food poisoning. Weird, though, I feel completely fine.”
I did as she suggested and stood in the shower, the steam clearing the stuffy feeling from me and calming my stomach. It did nothing to ease my head though. I had a thousand thoughts running through my mind at the moment and frowned. I felt so guilty.
God, I’m going to be sick again, I thought.
I turned off the water and closed the distance between the toilet and shower and attempted to throw up again. Nothing came out this time. I wiped the spit off of my mouth and sat next to the toilet, my head in my hands.
What had I done?
Annaleise’s POV
I managed to get Harry to keep down some crackers I had the room service send up and laid with him before we had to go. He was silent, oddly distant and involved in his own thoughts. I figured he was just trying to keep himself from throwing up again as we drove the short distance to his hotel from the Beverly Hills Hotel.
I had called Liam from his phone since Harry had said Liam was the mothering type and he was waiting for us to get back with a cup of some sort of hot liquid. He handed it to Harry who sipped it before spitting it out.
“That’s disgusting! Are you trying to make me more sick?” He exclaimed, glaring at Liam.
“Shut up and drink it,” Niall came out. “Alright Annaleise?”
I nodded.
“It’s an old family recipe from my gran,” Niall explained. “You’ll feel better in no time.”
“I think I’d rather throw up again,” Harry mumbled.
“Mate, you’re headed on a plane. Drink the damn stuff,” Liam exclaimed. He rolled his eyes at Harry. “You’re such a baby when you get sick.”
He led Harry inside his room and I followed the boys in. “We’ll see you in a little bit, Annaleise. We’re sorry for your loss. If you need anything, you can call any of us.”
I hugged all four of the boys and they left Harry and I alone in the room. He laid on the bed, having finally finished the liquid Niall had drank for him.
“Feel any better?” I asked.
“Slightly,” he replied. His eyes were shut.
“I’ll miss you,” I whispered softly.
“Me too,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to get you sick, Annaleise.”
I placed a kiss on top of his forehead and held his hand, squeezing it tight.
“I’ll see you in a few weeks, Harry Styles. I’ll not be complete until I’m with you again.”
I saw a smile tug on his lips and he nodded. “Nor will I.”
I left the hotel feeling slightly relieved. Saying goodbye to Harry hadn’t been as hard as I had thought it was going to be and it really was only a few more weeks until I would see him again. I drove away from the Hollywood hotel and thought of all that had happened over the last four days.
It was amazing how life could be so simple for years and then all of a sudden you can have situation after situation on your lap. I drove back to my house quickly, knowing I needed to keep myself busy for the next few weeks in order to not only keep my mind off of Harry, but to sort out the uncertainty that was now the rest of my life.
I wasn’t sure when Cost’s funeral arrangements had been made for and I was supposed to be filming my TV show for the next few weeks. But with Cost’s death, the television show hung in jeopardy. I was certain we would have the week off from filming due to his passing and would meet with the studio execs in order to decide the next steps.
It was such a shame all this had happened. I wish I had known Cost was gay or depressed or even had some inkling to how he felt. I wish we had been closer and he could have come to me and told me the truth. It wouldn’t have changed the way I felt and there were plenty of gay actors in Hollywood, no one would have judged him – they would have been supportive as would the rest of the cast and crew. From the sounds of it, his family seemed it would have been supportive as well.
When I pulled into my gate a while later, there was a handful of paparazzi standing around and I noticed a strange car in the driveway. I wondered who could be there. It was a white Prius, nothing fancy. I walked into the house.
“Aunt Stacey?” I called.
“In here, dear,” she called from the living room. I walked in and saw a semi-familiar face sitting across from my aunt. They were both sipping tea and smiled when I entered the room.
“Hi, I’m Annaleise,” I said introducing myself.
She held out her hand. “I know who you are, dear. I’m Carissa Lemoyne. Costello’s sister.”