the little tick mark blinks on my screen, begging me to type a message. her name screams at me from the heart emojis encasing it. the last thing she said to me was 'use this time apart to grow.' it set me off. i was stupid and now my keyboard is begging me to tell her. i click away from her messages and toss my phone onto my nightstand, turning to the girl in bed next to me. i don't even know her name, but her legs are tangled in mine and her hair is spread against the pillow.
she wakes up as i look at her, her eyes scanning the room before landing on me. she smiles and moves across the bed to place her lips against my bare chest. a shaky sigh leaves my lips and i'm not sure if i want to push her away or let her keep going. i know where it's going to lead if i let her go on. her fingers trail dow my side and i shiver at her touch. i don't push her away.
a week passes and i've seen the girl every night. she's only on my mind when i need her. i don't need to know what she does when the sun goes down.
i'm sitting on the couch, waiting for my barely girlfriend to return from her trip. she's due home any moment. when she walks through the door she drops her duffle bag and joins me on the futon. i feel her eyes burning a hole into my back as i spin my lighter around between my fingers.
"so? how was your week?" she says, sounding annoyed. i think over what i want to say. do i want to keep on with this relationship knowing she'll never truly accept me? i know i love her. i cheated because i was mad. i was in the wrong, i'll be the first to admit. do i want to let her go?
"i don't want to waste my time if i can't be by your side. truly by your side." i sigh.
"what do you mean?"
"i mean well. i've been trying. but you almost refuse to see the work i put in and..." a tear falls down my cheek and she sits directly beside me now, "it won't change anything though. it's already been done."
"what are you saying? did you cheat on me?" her voice breaks and i don't say a damned thing. she stands up once more and storms into the room we once shared. i don't follow, just listen as she shoves clothes into her suitcase, yelling curses to me with a broken voice. when she returns to the room, she stops to stare at me.
"fuck you." she turns and gathers her duffle bag and slams the door. leaving my life forever.
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