the second half of this chapter is a flashback! good luck, loves
//
They left Las Vegas two days later, desperate for somewhere to take Remus with the full moon approaching, and James was eager to get Lily away from such a big city when she hit eight months pregnant. Wizards and witches developed children a bit faster than usual, just by a few weeks to a month, so she could go into labor at any time. Remus was happy for her, but from the trauma the wolf had endured a couple of weeks before, Remus was weaker this moon than he usually was.
The moon was three days away when they arrived in a small city right outside the border of California, containing two small hotels and a few other stores, as well as a restaurant and a building both large enough and empty enough for Remus to transform during the moon. Sirius was worried about Remus, he always seemed to worry before the few moons, especially the past few months. But this moon was already taking a toll on him, he was tripping over his feet and could barely stay awake, he was physically and mentally exhausted.
Sirius had resorted to half-carrying Remus as they checked into their motel and got their rooms, this time Peter shared with Remus and Sirius so he wouldn't be alone if Sirius went out, he didn't want to leave Remus alone at all. Peter was wary about being alone with Remus in such a state because if something did happen he wouldn't know what to do, he wasn't the most helpful.
Remus was in bed most of the first day, reading and eating small, light foods like soup and crackers while Sirius was happily curled into his side, asking Remus to read to him whenever he came to a part where Remus smiled or laughed. Sirius would also keep a cup of tea nearby, both for him and Remus to share.
As the moon grew nearer, Remus continued to grow weaker. His already pale skin lost even more of its color and his freckles stood out even more in such a state. He was also cold and clammy, Sirius constantly held his hands. Plus, he could barely stay awake and his usual amber eyes glowed brightly, a clear sign of the wolf. His mannerisms became more animal-like, he wouldn't let anyone other than Sirius and Lily in the room, maybe James if he was lucky.
But Sirius didn't really leave the room the last couple days before the full moon to begin with. He was scared to leave Remus alone at this point, he no longer wanted Peter near him at all. He wouldn't let James get too close, and Lily (the only other person he allowed to get close to him) was too pregnant now to do anything drastic if she needed to do, but regardless, she did her best to stay near Remus, fully aware of the potential danger.
So, on the day of the full moon, James and Sirius left to go "werewolf proof" the building they planned to take Remus to, making sure no one heard anything or saw anything, three hours before sundown. Remus was fast asleep with Lily watching over him, caring for him if he needed it, while Peter stayed in a completely different room. At first, Peter had been in the room next to Remus's, but he wouldn't sleep with him so near.
Everything was going fine for a while, up until one hour before moonrise. Peter was in his room fiddling with his wand, half asleep and doing his best to listen for any odd noises coming from their room. James and Sirius were currently on their way back to the motel where Lily was reading and Remus had finally woken up. Lily was just about to ask him if he needed anything now that he was awake, but he let out a loud scream of pain before Lily could get any words out. She knew what was happening and her blood turned to ice. She cast a quick silencing charm before turning back to Remus.
He was transforming and the moon wasn't even up yet.
She felt a wave of fear rush over her as he contorted, bringing his hands in close to his chest. Lily was torn between running and staying. Remus hadn't had to do this alone in a long while, so she decided tonight wasn't going to be any different. Lily, against her better judgment, got nearer to Remus and gently touched his mop of hair, whispering quiet words of reassurance through low whimpers and screams.
"Get out, Lily!" Remus growled. Lily felt sick when she saw Remus's bones twisting and popping out of place to turn him into the dark part of himself, the one he wanted no one to see. "Please, Lily! I don't... I don't want to hurt you or your baby." Remus let out another low cry of pain, but Lily stood her ground despite her shaking hands.
"No, you won't!" Lily argued stubbornly. Remus gazed up at her with those bright glowing eyes, making Lily shift on her feet uncomfortably. "I won't let you be alone."
"I have to do this alone. I'm changing before the moon," he panted, stumbling out of the bed, landing on his hands and knees. Lily did want to run, the sight was horrible. Blood was dripping onto the already dirty carpet, and she knew if he stayed she'd get hurt, she and her baby. "Only dark magic can induce this, I don't want you to be in the wake whatever I may cause." Lily swooped down and planted a kiss on top of Remus's head, casting a few more charms to secure the room even further.
"I love you, Remus. Don't die on me." She gave a weak smile and slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Remus was still twitching and panting, laying on the floor waiting for the transformation process to finally take place, but it was already taking too long. His nose had halfway turned into a snout, his hands had grown nails but had yet to turn into paws, some of his bone structure was canine and some had remained human, leaving him painfully sobbing on the floor.
He didn't know how long it was before he heard Sirius's voice on the other side of that door, maybe it was two minutes and maybe it was ten. The door opened a moment later and the next thing he knew rough hands grabbed his frail body and helped him outside, into the van. He heard arguing, crying, and fearful voices. The smell of fear was overwhelming, making his head ache with every breath in.
The moon was peaking over the horizon when they got there, herding Remus inside. But before he made it inside, the wolf finally took full control. He felt fur sprouting from his hands and he felt the final pieces of bone cracking into place, a new smell invading his senses, but it was all too familiar. But, to his horror, he lost full control of himself before he could warn any of the others.
He woke up. The smell that filled the room made him want to go back to sleep and stay that way. The distinct and sour, rotten smell of death was lingering in the air. Remus could hear sobbing from a few feet away from him, and he could feel hands running through his hair. Had he killed someone? Peter, James, Lily? Or, Merlin forbid, Sirius? The hands in his hair felt too familiar, and he could hear him murmuring to him.
"Sirius?" Remus croaked. Another loud sob echoed through the room, and then another, both from different people. "Who's dead?" The sobbing grew, from both bodies, and then Remus felt himself crying because he couldn't hear to of the people he loved the most crying so loudly, they sounded so weak and broken and Remus didn't know why, or what he had done. "What did I do?"
"Nothing, love, you didn't do anything." That was Sirius, and Remus couldn't help the sigh of relief that he breathed. "I'm so glad you're alive, I couldn't bear to lose you, too."
"Who died?"
"You saved my life." And that was Lily, her voice so quiet and broken and he knew who had died. Remus finally opened his eyes and scrambled to sit up, ignoring his own pain as his eyes scanned the room. They found Lily first, hunched over a limp and bloody body, tears dripping from her cheeks and onto the corpse.
"James," Remus breathed. "No!" Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and pulled him into his chest, preventing him from rushing over to the body of his friend. "Let me go, Sirius!" Remus cried, struggling to get away from his husband. "This can't have happened, it... no!" Remus finally stopped struggling and turned to bury his face into Sirius's chest. "What happened?"
"Peter," Sirius hissed through gritted teeth. "He wanted us to come to California so bad to sell us out." Remus loud out another sob.
"Someone else was here. A girl, a wolf..." Remus trailed off and he felt Sirius's heart rate speed up, making him feel sick. "It was the person I bit, wasn't it? It was Marlene, wasn't it? It was all my fault, wasn't it?"
"No! It wasn't your fault, it was Marlene's fault for sticking her arm in a cage with a fully grown werewolf expecting it to leave unarmed," Sirius told him, petting down his hair.
"James is dead because of me," Remus breathed.
"No, Rem, you-"
"If I hadn't been stupid enough to go get you that close to a full moon this never would've happened!" Remus cried, finally breaking free from Sirius grasp and crawling over to James, sitting next to Lily. His eyes were opened and glassed over, his lips slightly parted with a trail of dry blood running down his cheek. He felt blood soaking into his bare knees were he knelt. Remus reached out his hand and gently closed James' eyes, letting out another loud sob.
Lily gently touched Remus's shoulder, but he shook her off and scooted away, eye still firmly fixed on James' lifeless body. "It wasn't your fault, Remus," Lily assured him with her already broken voice.
"It is."
"No, it's not, Rem." Sirius got closer, and Remus only scooted further back, sobbing harder than he'd ever cried before. Remus knew he was responsible, despite what they all told him it was his fucking fault, he knew it! "Hey, Rem," Sirius whispered. Now he was crying too, not that he hadn't been before. They were all crying and sobbing and wishing to whatever gods their were that this was a dream and James would be okay.
"Stay away!" Remus begged, wrapping his arms around himself, freely crying and sobbing, with snot and blood dripping onto the floor beneath him. "I'm a monster," Remus whispered. Sirius fell back onto his knees and began crying fully now, much like Remus was. And Lily, who hadn't moved away from James' corpse, knelt over him and buried her face into his unmoving chest, crying just as hard as the rest of them.
"I'm a monster," He repeated, looking down at the blood on his hands, the scratches and the pain that filled his body.
"You saved our lives," Sirius sobbed.
"What?"
"You killed Marlene!"
"What?" Remus repeated. "Will one of you please tell me everything that happened?" Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but Lily was the one who explained everything.
//
After Sirius had mostly gotten Remus inside the building, he turned into Padfoot and pulled him the rest of the way inside. James was trying to keep Lily away, but before they could really do anything about it, a large figure leapt into view, causing Lily to stumble back into the building. Padfoot got in between her and Moony, while James drew his wand and stood in between her and the other large figure.
Another werewolf.
The sight of it immediately made James feel sick, Sirius had told him Remus had bitten someone, who knew that someone would track them down and end up cornering them between two full grown werewolves. Padfoot was growling at Moony, who kept trying to get to Lily and James, while James did his best to keep the other one at bay.
"Who did he bite?" James hissed. One of his arms was holding his wand and the other one was outstretched to protect Lily. Peter, who was cowering behind a nearby stack of boxes, smirked ever so slightly.
"Marlene," He replied. James turned to look back at Padfoot who's eyes were wide and filled with fear, then Peter, who looked far too smug for his liking. James then turned back to the werewolf, who had seemed to forget all about the people, solely focusing on Remus. Moony was the same, eyes narrowed, lip raised, worried about another werewolf in his territory.
"You lying, conniving piece of shit!" James snarled. "You're going to get us all killed! That's why you wanted to come to California so bad..." Peter batted his eyes innocently with a nod and turned into a Wormtail, scampering in between a few stray boards and into the building. James, who was overcome by fury let his guard down for a split second, wondering if he should kill Peter now for putting his pregnant wife in danger, and at the moment, Marlene leapt at Lily.
James didn't hesitate to put himself between Marlene and Lily. Having a full grown wolf land on you was not a pleasant experience, James decided, especially when it's intent was to kill the victim. James struggled beneath her for a minute, before the weight was knocked off him in the form of Moony, snarling and spitting, before trying to take a leap at James. But this time, Padfoot got in the way, once again leaving Lily vulnerable.
She didn't even have her wand, so desperate to go with them so Remus could transform safely she had forgotten it. With Moony distracted by Padfoot and Marlene focused on Lily, James didn't hesitate to put himself between the two of them, except this time he wasn't so lucky. The weight of the wolf made him fall just as he had last time, but this time her heavy paws landing on both sides of his chest, and from the pain that fluttered through his chest he knew he broke something.
Next thing he knew his shoulder felt warm and wet and pain blossomed through him. He blinked and looked up at the wolf who now had a bloody maw, teeth bared. James lifted his fingers the where his neck met his shoulder, and pulled back a bloody hand. Once he heard Lily scream the reality of the situation hit him. He was dying. As soon as he realized, everything felt ten times more painful.
His head felt light, but so heavy he could barely even lift his eyelids. He felt blood in his mouth but his throat felt dry, he couldn't talk. As he lay there, gazing up at the night sky, he didn't notice the weight on his chest leave, he didn't notice fighting wolves five feet away, he only noticed how bright the stars looked tonight. They looked like the stars in Lily's eyes, James thought, would his baby have those eyes?
He was leaving his wife, his pregnant wife, and he'd never get to meet his son. But he was tired... so tired... so he let the darkness overwhelm him.
Sirius watched in the form of Padfoot when James took his final breath, whimpering and whining, his best friend couldn't be gone. It was... it was a joke. Sirius, completely leaving Lily vulnerable, dragged James inside the building by his shirt, leaving him near the door before going back outside to see what was happening. Sirius bit the sleeve of Lily's sweater and dragged her towards the van. trying to keep her safe. It's what James would have wanted.
He turned around to see Moony hunched over the now unmoving body of Marlene, teeth still bared, as if daring her to move again. Padfoot slowly walked over to him and looked down at the bloody fur of the wolf that was Marlene. Padfoot nudged Moony towards the building with his nose, urging him to go inside. Moony obeyed, going into the building with Padfoot close behind and Lily safely tucked in the van.
Padfoot shut the door and didn't bother doing anything else. He walked over to James body and rested his head on his chest, the sour smell of death was already filling his sensitive dog nose, and he whined. How could he just be... dead? He couldn't be, surely? He wasn't going to move, but when he saw an all too familiar rat in the corner of the room, Padfoot leapt up and grabbed the rat in his jaws, tearing into his flesh. Before he was completely dead, Peter transformed, looking up at Padfoot with a sick smirk.
Padfoot bit again.