Can we 👏 just take 👏 a moment
To appreciate Panic!'s new album?
Roaring 20's over here giving me life
Also, um TOP CAME BACK
I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW ALL THAT SHIT ONLINE
NICO AND THE NINERS IS SO FUCKING GOOD
k back to the story
• • •
"So, where were you staying?" Atlas asked Lucas, realizing she had never did before. She was dreading this night's end, hating the fact that she'd have to leave this world she created in the span of 6 hours with him. 6 hours, 360 minutes, a quarter of a day. It's insane, absolutely mad, to even think that this all happened in 6 hours. A world was created in 6 hours.
Lucas appeared to be taken aback by her question, seemingly being pushed out of a mental trance. "Sorry what?"
Atlas heaved a subtle sigh, her discomfort and disappointment in the night ending clearly being shown on her features. "I asked where you were staying." She said, keeping her gaze fixated on the road ahead.
Lucas sat back in his seat and looked out his side window before replying, "There's a hotel a few blocks down from your place, I can walk from there."
Atlas continued down the road after giving him a curt nod, they were nearing their dreaded destination now. They both couldn't believe it.
They continued down the road in silence, for once it not being comfortable. They both felt the awkwardness hanging in the air, the dread. They both felt the obligation to say something, anything at all. They both knew something needed to eventually signify the end.
Throughout the silence there was an endless array of thoughts running through their minds. Everything that had happened that night. The drag race that nearly caused a man's death, the department store, the near kiss, the man in the elevator asking them if they were going to have sex. The tattoos engraving their skin, remaining as a lasting memory of this night if they were to never see one another again. Because who knows what might happen afterwards? For all they know, this could crash in a second. They might never see each other again, and that is what truly left their hearts aching. Imagining a life without one another at this point was petrifying. And the fact that Atlas was scared of losing someone terrified her. Sure, she depended on certain people she knew she could trust. But it took this guy 6 fucking hours to do what most people had to work on for the better part of a year, and more.
Lucas on the other hand, felt completely ok to the idea of being open and vulnerable around her. She was difficult, but she was trustworthy. If she wasn't, she wouldn't have been able to make him come on this insane journey. She wouldn't have earned his trust, respect, care, friendship, devotion, in 6 bloody hours. And yes, she was stubborn, and she was closed off emotionally, but she was open with her mind. She didn't view her personality and who she was as a secret to be kept from anyone that came near her. Mentally, she was an open book. It was emotionally that was an issue. And Lucas believed indubitably that in good time, that could be something she trusts him enough to introduce him to. Of course he had no idea just how emotionally close off she was, and what she was willing to do to stay that way. It was the only way she'd ever known, and she certainly didn't plan on changing it. Not for him, not for anyone; not for a long time. Not after last time.
These two people had completely differing thoughts mingling and crashing around inside their minds. They had been met with the same situation, alike personalities, but different ways of viewing vulnerability. Atlas viewed vulnerability as weakness, the one risk she wouldn't be willing to take. Lucas viewed it as strength, because no matter how many times one could get hurt; no matter how many times one has gotten hurt because of it; They'll do it. Time after time after time they will do it again. Because they know that if it works out it will lead to something absolutely magnificent. And that is what gives them strength. That is what gives them the ability to stand back up after being knocked down every single time. The small glimmer of hope they will still have where they choose to believe that everything will work out for the best, true optimism. True strength lies within those who take that risk for happiness.
And may I once again remind you that was a risk Atlas was not willing to take.
They pulled up in front of the house she shared with Jessie, or at least, what appeared to be their house underneath all the trash. It was quite the scene nonetheless, something straight out of a damn movie. Cups, streamers, people strewn across the front yard. There was even one rando naked on the roof, head hanging off the side. That isn't safe. (A/N - *cough cough* Brendon Urie *cough cough*) The entire area had the strong stench of sweat, alcohol, and a whole bunch of sex. Atlas scrunched her nose, her face contorting into one of disgust as the aroma hit her. This wasn't an odd occurrence, quite the contrary actually. This had been what she woke up to every other Saturday morning since she moved in with Jessie. Doesn't mean it gets any less disgusting though.
Atlas was first to get out of the car, eager to get the closure over with. If it was gonna happen, it might as well happen as quickly as possible.
Lucas found himself disappointed when he got out of the car, immediately noticing how stiff she was. She was looking down at the ground, not once daring to raise her head and meet his eyes. She knew everything would come crumbling down if she did. This needed to be a one time thing and she knew it. This had to be, because risking the slight possibility that what she's feeling towards him is more than she knows is petrifying. Petrifying, and once again, a risk she wouldn't be willing to take. So she kept her crystal blue eyes fixated on her shoes.
Lucas knew what she was doing. He could see it, all the tells of one building their walls back up. It was an often occurrence for him to see. Everyone nowadays is so afraid of vulnerability, seeing someone put everything away once again was normal, sadly. But once people spill their guts, they don't go back in; and it appears to be that he's the only one who understands that.
He studied her for a moment, then hesitantly lifted his hand to her chin, pushing her head up to meet his gaze lightly. He could see it in her eyes, the resolve she built up crumbling down once again. He could see how much she hated it. She hated being vulnerable, she hated herself for allowing herself to become vulnerable. She was absolutely seething on the inside, but no one could see it on the out.
"Don't do that." He said to her softly, had it been any quieter she wouldn't have heard it. He sent a soft smile her way, one she tried desperately to not return; but she couldn't help but let the corners of her lips perk up. She scolded herself in her head. Idiot. 6 Hours. 6 fucking hours was all it took for her to become a mess. And the worst part, she walked right into it. She's the one who walked up to him at the party. She's the one who chose to act oblivious to his obvious dismissal towards her when they first met. She's the one who did all this to herself. And that very though could have her loathing herself for eternity. She couldn't blame him, or his perfect smile, or his little freckles, or his curly hair, or how adorably quiet he was in contrast to her loud personality. She did this.
Lucas noticed the war raging in her head, the endless amounts of emotion pouring out through eyes that only the observatory would notice. "I should probably get going." He said as he moved his hand away from her chin to scratch the back of his neck. A nervous habit.
After Lucas started walking away, Atlas headed towards her door. She knew that this had to happen, she knew it was best for both of them to never see each other again. She wasn't currently in the right place for a relationship and firmly believed she never would be. But that didn't stop her from making her next move. She was at the front door, hand on the handle. But then. maybe in a moment of weakness, or hope, or trust. She looked back to see him walking away. And that was when not only her heart, but her entire being broke. That including her mental apparently.
"Wait!" Atlas shouted as she ran down the steps towards where Lucas was. He froze in place, and slowly smiled to himself before turning around to see her slightly panting as she was right next to him, much closer than he expected them to be. Atlas, of course, noticed this as well. Lucas waited for her to continue, not moving an inch from where he was stood.
"Um - I - uh - never asked for your number. Must've slipped my mind." She told him, still breathless. Right now it seemed as if all common sense had left her body. Her weakest moment had finally come upon her. She was the one who was chasing now.
Lucas gave her a smirk before reaching his palm out, signifying that he wanted her phone. She made a quick move to pull it out of her pocket and handed it to him.
As Lucas put his number in and called himself to get hers, Atlas couldn't help but feel the mixture of emotions she was encompassing. The dread, the joy, the anxiety, the relief, the guilt. She couldn't decide whether or not her doing this was a good or bad thing.
Although she didn't necessarily have time to decide since Lucas was handing her phone back to her, a slight smile playing on his lips as he did so.
"I'll see you around." He said to her as one final goodbye, right before turning around and walking the couple blocks back to his hotel to pack for his flight.
Once Lucas was out of hearing range, Atlas finally whispered a small goodbye; knowing exactly what she had to do.
She walked into her house and settled back into her room, giving herself some well earned rest before she had to wake up and make the call in a few hours.
And in her tired state, she hadn't noticed Jessie, her beloved roommate, best friend, basically sister; listening and watching the entire encounter from her window.
And as she saw Atlas walk back into the house, and heard her basically collapse onto her bed. She knew exactly what was going to happen.She had known Atlas for 9 years, ever since she was first sent to their foster home, right after her parents were killed. She knew Atlas like none other. She saw Atlas in her deepest, darkest mental state. She was her very first friend and vice versa. She knew what was gonna happen. And with a silent sigh, she closed her eyes , shut the curtains, and whispered to herself. "Knowing you, you're gonna fuck this up, royally." She said with a little fake chuckle at the end. She then went under the covers, just like Atlas. Out like a light.
• • •
Hi it's been forever I'm sorry BUT I UPDATED AGAIN SO HOORAY. Anyways after this there will be an epilogue that's probably v short sooo yeah wait for that.