The weekend took my aunt and her husband away on their trip. Without actually thinking that I had been abandoned again, I tried to run the household with my two cousins. I had the groceries refilled to last the whole week and started to take over the kitchen front after school.
Yet, trying to make something special out of American frozen foods needed real talents. For our dinner, I made Okroshka soup, Caesar salad, and Pirozhki made with onion and mushroom, including meat stuffed with rice. For breakfast, I delighted the twins with my favorite Vatruska, a kind of cake with a ring of dough and cottage cheese in the middle. I added some raisins and bits of fruit in them for good measure.
I still had enough cash to spend for at least another month. Before Aunt Vikki left, she also handed me a credit card. I had refused to take it, but she insisted that it was in the case of emergency.
Saturday night came. I was lying in my bed under the soft humps of the blanket and twisted sheets, trying to write something, but nothing could be put into words.
Every time I closed my eyes, the unsmiling angelic face would haunt me.
Then I heard two quick knocks on my door. I got up and went to open it. Jay was all dressed up and smelled of choking man cologne.
He frowned at me.
"Why are you still not ready?" he asked. That was when I remembered about the party.
"Oh, I forgot," I said.
"You forgot? Come on, we're waiting!" he said then he raised his hand as if to excuse himself and fished out the phone from his pocket. The screen flashed Piper's photo with her tongue sticking out. Jay talked to her for a minute before he looked at me again.
"Get dressed, Nina," he said. "Piper is taking her own car to pick up some friends. I'll drive you."
But another buzz came from his phone. He answered the call. A few moments later, he turned to me again.
"My friends are waiting. I have to pick them up, too," he said. "How about I give you the direction and you drive there by yourself? It's not that far from here."
He showed me where it was on the Google map.
"Call me if you couldn't find it," he said in a hurry. "I gotta go!"
With that, he left. The whole time, I hadn't said a word back. I closed the door with a sigh and dropped myself onto the bed.
All I wanted was to be alone.
Half an hour later, I felt decent enough to get out of the house.
I looked around the quiet neighborhood while driving slowly.
The party was only a couple of blocks away from our school. But it was deep inside a private property with big oak trees lining along a small unpaved lane. It was hard to miss when there was a sign hanging with colorful balloons at the entrance. I drove in and passed cars parking on the sidewalk. I found a space under a dark oak tree.
All around the estate were tall uneven grasses and bushes. Sat in the middle of the estate was a big house. Loud music was blasting. The smell of beers and barbecued meat reached my nose even before I stepped out of the car.
It was full of people roaming around. My cell buzzed. I picked it up.
"Where are you, Nina? Can you find the place?" Jay's voice came through the loud music in the background.
"I'm already here," I told him.
"Oh cool, I'll go and get you," he said and hung up.
A few minute later, he appeared, and I went out to meet him.
"Glad you made it, cousin!" he said excitedly. "Come on in. My friends are eager to meet you."
I put my hand up as if to stop him.
"I'm not here as an exhibition for your straight people, okay?" I said.
"What? No! I just want you to have some fun," he said. "Come on, loosen up, Nina. They're fun people. Nothing serious."
He smiled and gestured for me to go inside. I sighed and followed him.
The house was swarming with teens. The beat of the music seemed to echo right through my chest. If it was any louder, I would have mistaken it as a heart attack. There were boys all over the place. They were shouting, laughing, smoking, drinking beer, and eating chips, candy, and pretzels. There were two girls with their feet up against the wall as they twerked.
I found Piper sitting on the couch. She looked stunning in some red backless and a short. I wanted to go over to her, but out of nowhere, Jack Conner walked in. He looked at me as if he'd just seen Jesus.
"Nina!?" he cried in surprise. His voice was loud enough to be heard above the noises, causing everyone to look at me.
Piper turned her face to us. I gave Jack an awkward smile. I just prayed that he wouldn't get any closer. Luckily, before he could come over to me, Andrew and Nathan walked into the room. They hollered like some wild boars. One of them shoved a bottle of beer in my hand. I took it only because I didn't want to drop it to the floor. The rug looked a little moist and squishy already. The place was actually a madhouse full of hormonal teenagers.
"You know my cousin?" Jay asked Jack, leaning into his ear.
"Oh! She's the cousin that you told us about?"
Jay nodded. There was a look of discomfort in Jack Conner's eyes as he looked at me again. Now he knew I was also Piper's cousin.
Piper had disappeared when I looked over at the couch again. That didn't stop Jack from showing me the food table and drinks. I wanted to find Piper, yet it was not easy to actually see anybody because it was pretty dark and smoky. The mixed smell of food and something fragrant hung in the air. Then Jay also disappeared with some friends and that left me with Jack. He was grinning. A brunette girl offered me things to eat.
There were girls with tanned skins in short shorts and tank tops. They danced sensually against each other as the guys sat staring from the corners. Another bunch of girls and guys surrounded a pool table, hollering at two girls lapping vodka off each other's body. I tried not to shake my head at their male-teasing body shot.
I caught a few guys eyeing me from a dark room. One of the bulky guys was staring right at me and grinning. It was creepy, and I turned away.
"You just did me a world of good by coming here tonight, Nina," Jack said as I took a bite of pepperoni pizza. His overly sweet words almost made me choke. Later, Phoebe, Claudia, and Jessica walked in and joined us at the pizza table. They shared some jokes with me and asked me about Russia. Soon I felt less uncomfortable being here. Maybe Jay was right— I should loosen up and let myself socialize again.
I drank some sweet fruity wine instead of beer and felt relaxed enough to tell a joke my dad had told me. It was something about a man who asked the Genie to make him a thousand times smarter than any man on earth. The Genie turned him into a woman.
The girls laughed so hard, they snorted beer up their noses. The music turned from rap music to electro beats and then to rock metal. I thought I might have a brain damage after this.
"Do you want to dance?" Jack asked me. His breath smelled too much of beer.
"No, thanks." I shook my head.
"Would you like to have a seat then?" He tried again. Since it sounded like a harmless thing to do, I nodded.
"Alright."
"Cool, let's have a seat outside."
Before I could say another word, Jack grabbed my hand and led me out the back door. There was a swing set on the porch. There was no one there. Suddenly, I felt awkward, standing alone with my cousin's boyfriend.
Jack went to sit on the swing and beckoned to me. I took a deep breath and walked over to him and sat down. Jack was smiling, trying to look charming under the glowing light.
"I was trying to catch you after class, but you just vanished," he said, giving me a pouty look. "I was so heartbroken, you know."
I looked at him.
"Listen to me Jack, before you get any wild ideas," I said, and his ears perked up as he stared back at me. "I'm Piper's cousin. You know that, right?"
"Yeah—I—I just realized that now," he said. "But Nina, I'm totally single. Piper and I already broke up."
"What?" I said.
"We have been off and on for two years. She just refuses to accept the fact that our relationship isn't working out," he said and reached his hand out to take mine. "If you're worried about that, I can guarantee you, we're totally over, and I want to ask you out, Nina. Please, if you give me a chance..."
"Jack," I cut him off in a solemn tone. "There is something you need to know about me."
"Yes?" He was waiting and hoping.
"I'm gay."
There was a long stretching silence. I could hear the moths fluttering their wings around the light bulb. Jack kept staring at me, blinking. But after a while, he started giggling to himself.
"You lied," he said. "I don't believe you."
I rolled my eyes.
"Oh well."
"Aw, come on, Nina, don't do that just to get rid of me," he said. "A lot of girls would line up to date me. What else do you want? I'm the captain of the football team. I have the looks and the money. Besides, I can make you happy."
"I'm sorry, mister, but that long list of girls who want to date you just doesn't have my name on it," I said and got up. I was about to leave when he pulled me back by the wrist.
"Tell me why you don't want me?"
"I already did, and you're drunk, Jack," I said, trying to pry my hand from his tight grip. But it only got tighter.
Jack hurled me against his chest and wrapped his strong arms around my body. He leaned over to kiss me, but I turned my face away from him.
"What the hell are you doing?" I cried.
His wet sloppy mouth landed on my neck. I pushed him back, but his grip only tightened.
Then we heard a girl's voice cried out.
"Jack!"
It was my cousin Piper. I wrenched myself free from him and stood up.
"Piper..." I said, staring at her with wide eyes. Piper came over to us, and I stepped away from her boyfriend.
"What are you two doing here?!" she snapped in a fury. Jack got up from the swing and glared back at her.
"We are not in a relationship anymore, Piper! It's over, just let me go!"
Standing in the middle of some stranger's sunken porch, I realized what a big mistake I had made by coming here. Piper started yelling something incomprehensible. With a burst of anger, she stormed over to Jack and slapped him in the face. His head snapped to the side. Piper continued to attack her boyfriend in a frenzy of rage until he grabbed her shoulders and shoved her away. Piper tripped over her heels and fell to the floor.
"Piper!" I came to help her up, but she pushed me off.
"Get away from me, you dyke!"
My hands balled into fists. Jack stood there, looking at me and his crying girlfriend. I rose to my feet again and clenched my teeth. Piper was crying with her face in her hands. My other cousin appeared along with Nathan and Andrew.
"What the hell is going on? What did you do to her?" he cried and rushed over to his sister. I realized that almost everyone in the house had come out to watch us. I tried to keep a straight face without looking at anyone.
Then Jason walked up to his friend and raised his clenched fist. But before any punches were thrown, the other guys rushed over to hold him back. There were some yelling and name calling afterward. Unable to bear it anymore, I turned to walk back into the house, pushing through the crowd.
In the dark hallway, the creepy guy I saw earlier came to block me. He was grinning with his eyelid half shut. A stench of alcohol reeked from his mouth as he spoke to a few of his friends behind him. They were chuckling to each other. The guy flicked his cigarette and puffed out the smoke.
"Is that the Russian girl Jack was bragging that he was going to bang one of these days?" he said. His other friends started laughing.
My body froze. A hot burst of rage rose like lava inside of me.
"Get out of my way," I muttered through my gritted teeth. My entire body was shaking. I felt like the whole house was a ship in a storm.
"Oh, she speaks English!" He laughed. "I've heard pretty Russian girls like you would have sex for a discount coupon, is that true? Because I have many and if you'd like, my boy is waiting."
He moved his hand to his crotch and his friends howled like mad wolves. Hot tears began to burn in my eyes.
"Aw, no, don't cry! We're just joking!" The bulky guy came closer to me and reached his hand out to tip my chin up. With a rush of adrenaline, I grabbed his hand and head-butted him right on his freaking nose. The guy fell to the floor and passed the hell out. The rest of his friends stepped back, but then they burst out laughing at him. They were too high to even care.
"Your joke isn't funny," I said and dared anyone else to come close to me again. They backed away from me like I was a female version of the hulk.
I stepped over the lying man and was out of there.