RAISON D'ÊTRE
TWENTIETH
SUNLIGHT STREAMED DOWN IN THIN rays through the ratty curtains, followed by the sound of chirping birds and typical everyday life. It felt warm against her face, and she sighed happily into her pillow as the arm around her waist tightened gently. She adjusted herself slightly, nearly groaning in annoyance as she felt yet another lump in the mattress, but she quickly settled back on the bed. If one were to look at them, she'd think they like the typical idea of domestic bliss 一 two lovers curled beneath the sheets and within each others arms, soaking up each other's warmth. She liked thinking they were just like that, two normal people living in their little apartment and simply living their life. Nothing out of the ordinary, just simple life.
Slowly, she craned her neck around to see Bucky still sleeping soundly, lips parted and eyes shut. Rome grinned and pressed a kiss to his cheek before sitting up, allowing his arm at her side to drop. The witch stretched her tired limbs, hearing the tiny crack as she moved her joints around, then swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood. Despite the tiny mattress that sat in the corner of the room on the floor, Rome and Bucky had managed to purchase plenty of blankets and pillows to make it look more homey and presentable.
They'd done the same to the rest of their apartment. The creaky floorboards were covered with an intricately designed deep red rug, the cracked and chipped paint across the walls were either harshly repainted with a similar looking color or a picture was hung over it, and there were tiny little touches here and there in the kitchen. The whole place had a cluttered look to it and yet it looked empty, as if they could up and leave any time they so desire. And they could 一 this apartment didn't mean much to them, just a temporary place they could call home. Romania hadn't been their first choice, but they arrived there nonetheless. It was a country that neither of them had any connections to, and it helped that Bucky had mastered the language while in HYDRA's clutches. They'd spent most of their money on getting the tickets to the other side of the world, and the rest of their money spent on the apartment. While they did technically live in poverty, Rome nor Bucky complained about it. They understood their circumstances and as long as they had each other, they were fine.
She reached into her bag and threw on a pair of thick socks. She headed over towards the kitchen, reaching for one of the grimoires and pulled it from the pile. A red bookmark stuck out between the pages and her fingers flipped through to open it to the correct page. It'd almost become a daily task for Rome 一 she'd wake up in Bucky's arm then spend however long it took for him to wake up searching and reading through the spells. She'd promised she'd help him and that's all she's found herself doing since. She contacted other witches, both living and dead (that last bit was always difficult and left her feeling exhausted for days), and read countless spells, trying them all. Not many of them helped and when one of them did, Rome would use it to the point her nose would bleed (another thing Bucky hated, but no amount of his complaining would stop her).
One of her fingers trailed down the paper, and she pursed her lips. She'd been working with this newest grimoire for five months straight, keeping her focus solely on the memory spells, and the frustration was eating her alive. Picking up the discarded pen beside it, she started writing once again and taking notes. Any spell that had to do with a person's head and memories were always difficult, even more so when said-memories had been locked away behind vault after vault and so on. Rome had been trying to make her own spell in the hopes that maybe it'd do something, but those always took way too much time and the only person she could test it on was Bucky, and she was worried about any possible negative side effects. Of course, she knew exactly what she had signed up for, yet she hadn't realized specifically how frustrating this would all be. There'd be times where Bucky would get the occasional memory here and there, to which he'd write them all down in a journal she purchased for him months ago, but there wasn't much about who he truly was. Bucky had told her once that he remembered enough about his school days when he was a child, helping a young asthmatic Steve Rogers around and playing with him; he even told her about the dozens of girls he had flirted with, teasing Rome as she turned a frustrated red. But they always came in fragments. Nothing ever clear or complete. He didn't know if in that memory he was standing inside or outdoors, or if the sun was shining or if the clouds were a stormy gray, and so on.
"Rome." She nearly jumped when she heard Bucky call out her name, and she straightened her back, tossing a glance over her shoulder. The brunet man was sitting up in bed, rubbing at his eyes, and the blankets had fallen into his lap. "What are you doing?"
"Working," she supplied, shaking her head and continuing to write. "You can keep sleeping, I'll wake you later."
"You should take a break," Bucky said, and she nearly sighed. This wasn't the first time she'd heard him say that, always saying it when he noticed how visibly upset Rome was. Even with her back turned, he could see the tension in her body.
But the blonde shook her head. "I can't," she said, flipping the page so she could keep writing. She leaned over the counter of the kitchen, back arching. "Who knows how much closer I could be to figuring this out?" A part of her had to admit that she might be driving herself crazy but she couldn't stop.
She heard the floorboards creaking beneath his footsteps before she felt the warmth of his chest against her back. Bucky plucked the pen from her fingers, maneuvering around her to shut the grimoire closed. Then with his hands on her hips, Bucky turned Rome around so they were facing each other. They were standing close, noses brushing against one another as he peered down at her. "When was the last time you got a good night's sleep?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Rome asked, her hands moving to grab at his upper arms. There'd been several times where she'd wake up from his thrashing, feet kicking at the blankets and breathes coming out heavy. Sometimes she'd wake him up if they were too intense, and other times she'd hold him close and stroke her fingers through his hair. He didn't respond for a moment, and she took this as an opportunity to continue. "Did you have another nightmare last night?"
Bucky nodded solemnly. "HYDRA..." he trailed off immediately and looked down.
She didn't understand why he still thought it embarrassing. They'd both gone through enough trauma because of HYDRA, and she didn't find it shameful to have nightmares or panic attacks because of it. Rome pushed herself up onto her toes and placed a kiss on his cheek. "It's all right," she said, cupping his face. "We're not there anymore, and they're gone. They can't find us."
"I know," he said. Still holding her within his arms, Bucky craned his neck around to look at their apartment. It looked sad, so despairingly sad, and he knew that. He knew she knew that, and it broke his heart. Bucky wanted so badly to be able to give his love the kind of life she deserved, but as long as they were both criminals on the run, there wasn't anything he could do. He sighed, pressing his forehead against Rome's. "This isn't what I wanted for us. This isn't the life I wanted to give you." Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the newspaper covered windows and sighed again. "You don't deserve this, Rome, any of this and I hate that."
Rome bowed her head and felt him kiss the top of her head, pulling her closer into his embrace. Her ear was pressed against his chest, and she could hear the gentle thump of his heart. "What did you imagine?" she asked quietly, smiling as she moved her hands to wrap around his waist. "Go on, tell me. What is the life that you want for us?"
Bucky smiled. "We don't live in poverty... or on chips and candy bars..." He looked over at the cabinets, knowing how many chip bags lay unopened, and the number of small microwavable foods sitting in the fridge. "We live in this beautiful home with a big yard and... the typical white picket fence, and... and we're happy. HYDRA isn't out to get us and we can live our own lives. We're not fugitives running for our lives, we're not hiding from anyone. We're just us."
Nodding her head, Rome smiled. "Go on."
"Maybe... maybe we'd even have a family," he murmured, not noticing the way Rome looked up at him. They've talked about their futures together several times, but the topic of children has always been something they've avoided altogether. It's not because they hate children or anything 一 in fact, Rome adores children and Bucky thinks he used to like them too 一 but rather that it's a bit difficult to imagine having a child when you're running for life and looking over your shoulder twenty-four-seven. But Rome remained silent and allowed him to continue. "It's not very big but not small either. You're a good and kind mother, always smiling and laughing." He pulled away just enough to see her blushing face. "The life I want for us is a happy one, one where we don't suffer."
It sounded beautiful, a lovely idyllic dream that Rome would absolutely adore. "I like that," Rome whispered, moving to wrap her arms around his neck and she smiled. She pulled him down to her height and pressed her lips against his.
A/N: y'all these two need some
love before the shit storm that
is going to happen (aka captain
america: civil war)