Warnings, if you get triggered by death don't read this chapter.
Then,
Connor's phone rang.
Both boys groaned as the chime filled the silent dorm with basic calling music.
"Just ignore it and let's go to sleep."
"Shit it's the hospital again..."
Evan sat up instantly and looked at the phone screen as Connor held it in his hands nervously. He hesitantly picked up and pressed the phone up to his ear, Evan started chewing his nails as anxiety washed over him, he examined Connor's facial expressions closely. Connor listened the man on the other in and sighed in utter defeat and sadness and he pressed his lips in a thin line. Evan curled up into a ball, running a hand through his hair, as he felt the tears well up, the way he reacted only meant bad news. Connor spoke softly and hung up moments later and then proceeded to sob and start crying, he shakily told Evan that Jared had died.
Just like that,
He was really gone.
It was just over.
Evan didn't want to believe it, but he did. And it hurt. It really did, he started crying too, all the hope he had just gotten vanished into thin air as if it never existed, he just died. He was ripped from them violently and the water finally cleared as if the storm came on a mission to drown the boy. Their lover, the boy they cared for so much, they one they sung to, the one that baked, the one who played piano along with them, the boy who spoke German occasionally, the one with shitty memes and a goofy perfect laugh the one who puts them before himself, him they lost him. The boy who ran into them at the beach because his best friend stole his glasses, and she proceeded to throw them at them. The guy who brightened their day just by smiling, the boy whose snarky remarks to haters made their hearts swell, the boy who played weird memes. The boy who cared for the both of them with his heart and wanted them to be happy and put them before him, him. Yeah, he was gone, he slipped away at the dark hours of the night, alone in a hospital, did he even remember how much he was loved? Did he finally get free from the all the pain he felt? Did he even leave peacefully?
Evan broke, he started crying and rocked back and forth as all the memories of Jared filled his thoughts and it dawned upon that he was not going to be around anymore. He knew he was getting worse and he could always go see him and the sight of him filled him with hope that he'd get better, but now he was gone. Evan leaned into Connor and buried his face into his chest and cried. Connor rested his chin on his forehead and held him tightly, he rubbed his back and cried. His whole body shook as he clings to his boyfriend, nothing seemed real except Evan. Soon the two fell asleep each other's arms shortly after calming down and just clinging onto each other.
>>>
Over the next few weeks the boys had to plan their lover's funeral and it wasn't easy, every time they tried to plan, it ended in tears with little work done. They had to invite Guma for Alana's sake and her small family, calling people to break the horrible news of passing away was difficult especially if you knew the deceased personally. They invited Alana and her family, Evan's mom and her fiancé and his son Jeremy, Connor's family and their other friends. After finally getting everything prepared the day finally arrived and the day was so unbelievably perfect it made the boys wither in sadness at the reality of the situation. It was bright and sunny outside, not a single rain cloud like in he movies, or any cloud. It was the sunniest day of the fall and it was Jared funeral. Things don't work in movies like they do in real life, just because it's his funeral doesn't mean it would raining and be gloomy. The two grieving boys got dressed and drove in silence, they didn't dare touch the radio, it hurt too much to hear the upbeat music Jared left on it. They decided to have the funeral at the orchard they went to often, Jared once said he'd enjoy being put to rest in a bed of flowers somewhere quiet, he never liked the thought of being buried in a gloomy cemetery with other deceased. So, in respect, they did just that and planned for him to be laid in one of his favorite isolated place.
They arrived at the orchard and walked down the path to where Jared's service would take place and it hurt how bright and colorful the place was. All the happy memories they shared here flashed through Connor's and Evan's heads as they slowly walked together. One time they came out and made flower crowns and Jared forced Connor to wear one, and they had brought some of Guma's dumplings and pot-stickers and just ate while the sunset. Another time Jared had taken a bunch of flowers from the orchard and made bouquets for them and took the apples and made apple pie, he would hate to admit it but he loved baking. Just being in the place made their hearts heavy as more memories piled up in their minds, they forced through their sadness and arrived to the service. Alana, her family, and Guma was already there standing near the coffin in silence, we had to wait for the others to arrive first before they started. Once the others arrived the priest started the service, and Connor and Evan did a good job at masking their emotions that is until they removed the lid of the coffin.
Just seeing the peaceful limp body of someone who you loved so much and were close too just hits you suddenly. Connor couldn't help the downpour of tears as he slowly and quietly broke down at the sight of their lover. His body shook softly as the gravity of the situation hit him at full force, its one thing to hear a loved one is gone... but to see it was a whole new level. It meant it was true and everything was over and Jared was gone, and Connor thought he was prepared for it but he wasn't, he really wasn't. Every time he and his family went to distant relative's funerals he never really felt anything or really fully grasped the thought of how someone can just be ripped from your life in an instant. That was until he lost Jared, then he finally understood how everyone felt, it was crushing , and scary, and the reality on how short life is and how easily someone can just stop existing painfully or peacefully. Connor felt his chest tighten as more tears streamed down his face, the background talking from the priest sounded foggy like Connor was underwater and felt like he was drowning. Sorrow and sadness overwhelmed him in a deep dark wave as he choked softly, trying to not have a panic attack at a funeral. Everything was like a blur to him and everything was fuzz and his chest hurt, his face hurt and he was shaking violently, he couldn't see through his burning tears.
It took Connor five minuets until he noticed the tight grip on his arm, he blinked away tears to clear his vision for a moment and he noticed Evan full blown sobbing next to him, they were loud and ugly and so full of raw emotion and pain and held a death grip on him as if he left go he'd lose him too. Evan was in to much pain to even care about how loud he was, all he cared about was saying goodbye and never letting go of Connor. Connor held his hand as they cried, the others were also crying but that didn't matter to them at the moment. Once the priest was done preaching he asked people if they'd like to come and say some words and Evan decided to go first, he stood next to the coffin and looked down at the other boy almost breaking down again. As he tried to find to say to him one last time, he couldn't bring himself to speak English everything got jumbled in English, so he didn't.
"Jared volt olyan fontos személy az életemben, és szerettem őt annyira együtt Connor és én vidám hiszem, el kell mondanom, viszlát. nem akarok búcsút mondani, soha nem gondoltam, hogy elhagyja, én tartott abban a reményben, hogy jobb lesz, de mivel ő elhunyt helyett remélem ő végül fájdalom szabad és boldogabb." Evan voice cracked as he said his goodbyes in Hungarian, only a few understood him, but they got the gist of it. He poured his sadness and sorrow into his words, voice cracking as he tried his hardest to not completely break. "Isten én vidám hisz hes ' elveszett, mozgó-ra szokás lenni könnyű és mindennapi lesz fájdalmas de beteg lenni erős részére neki, Isten pihenés-a lélek és május ő lenni béke, én szerelem Ön tehát sok Jared" he started crying again and walked down and stood next to Connor.
Connor went up next and rested his hand on top of Jared's and wanted to shrink away from existence, this whole thing felt like an out of body experience, he didn't know what to say. He wished that Jared wasn't lying in a coffin and was there alive with them and instead of a funeral they could be just having a day out in the orchard. But life doesn't work out that way, humans are such fragile machines but damn, Jared shouldn't have gone like this. Got sick unexpectedly and spent his last days in a hospital bed in pain and in and out of the right mind, seeing someone slowly die and become a different person is just sickening and awful but its worse when they just pass on. Was it selfish? Connor couldn't tell, was it selfish that he thought it wasn't fair that he wouldn't have Jared in his life anymore? Connor leaned down and said his goodbyes quietly, he knew he wouldn't get judged for his words but he still preferred it to be private.
"I don't want to say goodbye to you, I never want to say goodbye, but life isn't fair and you have to go, and I have to move on... but I can't live like I used to without you, we can't do it but we can learn to live without you. Even if we don't want to, you were so fragile and wonderful and I think its unfair for you to be ripped away from us, I'm going to miss you much you perfect asshole, ill miss you playing the piano or baking, or your memes and your upbeat meme music, I wish I could've spent more time with you... you went to soon and young you could've done so many things... our lives are going to be so different without you, I love you so much... I'm sorry Jared, you never deserved this." Connor's voice wavered as he cried and kissed his forehead one last time, he leaned back and sniffled wiping his eyes and walked back to Evan. They held onto each other as the service continued and others said their goodbyes, satisfied with their last words to Jared.
Once the sevice was over Jared was buried with flowers planted over his grave in beautiful patterns and vibrant colors with a small tombstone which had the words 'Jared Kleinman, lover, friend and secondary son, Er wird vermisst warden." Engraved into it. Everyone had left while the two sat in silence just mourning their unfortunate loss.
(Ha that was hard to write, also I poured my feelings into this scene cause I've had this experience before and reality really hits hard when death suddenly is so scary. Here have some Translations there from google so my bad.)
(Jared was such an important person in my life and I loved him so much together with Connor and i cant believe I must say goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye to telling me I never thought of leaving, I kept hoping it would be better, but since he's deceased instead I hope he's finally pain free and happier.
God i cant believe he's gone, moving on wont be easy and common will be painful but ill be strong for him, God rest his soul and may he be a peace, I love you so much Jared)