Tris's POV
It's been 2 days since I found out that Tobias wants me to move in with him. It's also the day Hana comes back, also, there is no training today, because today is the day when we're going to find out our ranks.
It's Visiting day today.
I'm in Tobias's apartment, watching Tobias feed our son; they are becoming closer and closer by the day and I love watching the two of them. I know Tobias is disappointed that he didn't get to watch Taylor during those 6 months he missed, but I think he is starting to feel okay with the fact that he did miss it and we can't do anything about.
Tobias and I still haven't been able to talk to each other without him here, or just be together, nor have we been able to sleep with each other. It's kind of getting annoying because we are sleeping next to each other, and I can't do anything with him, I know he is getting tired of it too, but luckily it's was my last night here until after the initiation, so I am just happy I survived until now.
Last night was the hardest for him at least, I think. Every night I have spent here now, he has kissed me many times and it has turned into a make-out session, but last night, we had a great night, we had a usual night, but then when we went to bed, he kissed me goodnight and then turned around with his back to me. I don't know what it is, but I have a feeling that he is getting tired of the sleeping arrangements.
I finish my food and wash my plate. I then walk over to Tobias and Taylor, sit down next to Tobias and look at Taylor.
"Why did you go to bed with your back to me last night?" I ask him and Tobias turns to look at me and smiles. "It's not funny, I want to know, why," I tell him and play pushing him.
"Sorry, you are cute when you're trying to figure out something," He replies and I push him again. "Hey stop doing that, you are going to teach him that pushing people is okay."
I turn to look at Taylor and see him watching us.
"It's not okay to push people okay Ty?" Tobias asks him and he nods. "Not allowed."
"Tell me why you had your back to me all night," I tell Tobias and he smiles at me. "And stop smiling."
"Tris, I didn't have my back to you all night, if I remember correctly, I woke up with you lying with your back against my chest and my arms around you," He replies and I smile.
"When we woke up, I was talking about last night," I tell him as a matter of fact.
"I am sorry, but it's hard not being able to sleep with you whenever I want to, I just needed some space." He replies and I nod.
"Some space?" I ask and he nods.
"Some space, to just fall asleep without actually wanting and needing you," He says and I look at him with a question mark on my face. "Tris, before you came to Dauntless, I always thought that when you came, I would be able to I don't know how to say it -"
"Have sex with me?" I ask, kind of enjoying the conversation because I know that's what he is meaning, but he just doesn't want to make it sound like that's all he wants.
"No, or yes, but in a different way. Anyway, know the first thing, I haven't been able to have to, the second is that you and I, we have been sleeping, and only sleeping in the same bed, for three nights now, it's getting harder, not being able to do anything." He says and I nod.
"I know what you mean," I tell him and look at Taylor.
"Hmm." He replies, and I know he is still looking at me. I turn to look at him again.
"What?"
"Nothing, I missed you," He says and I smile.
"I missed you too," I tell him and he smiles at me.
"Let's go." He says and I shake my head. "What?"
"Kiss me first," I say and he shakes his head. He stands up and picks up Taylor.
"Let's go, Tris." He says and I stay on the floor, shaking my head.
"Kiss me first I said," I say again.
"Why is mommy being mean?" He asks Taylor and Taylor smiles.
"Don't make me ask why you won't kiss me," I say and he smiles.
"Stand up then," He replies. He gives him his hand and I take it and he helps me stand up. He leans in and gives me quick peck on the lips and then walks over to the door.
"Tobias," I say smiling and he smiles at me.
"I love you." He says and I shake my head.
"Fine, I won't kiss you either."
"I did kiss you." He says and I walk over to him shaking my head.
"You didn't," I tell him and play push him again.
"You have to stop doing that in front of him, or he is going to catch on to it, and we don't want a child that is pushing other kids now, would we?" He asks me and I laugh. I walk out of the door and turn around and walk backwards, watching Tobias carrying Taylor, and the smile on Taylor's face makes everything so so much better.
PAGE BREAK
Since it's Visiting Day, my parents and Caleb have already been here, but they had to get back to their life, so they left early. I am sitting in Hana's apartment and she is playing with Taylor and I am watching them. We already moved all his things back this morning, and I don't mind my family is not staying the whole day like every other family does.
Tobias is currently with Lauren - which I am really happy with by the way - they are discussing the rankings for tonight. I don't know whether to be nervous or scared because this is going to determine my fate, whether I get to stay here with Tobias or I don't. If I have to take Taylor with me to live Factionless, or if Tobias is going to keep Ty here. I guess I would want that rather than bringing Ty to the Factionless, but I don't want to leave him, I can't just never see him again. I can't, no!
Let's not think about it. That's better. I look at Hana and she is looking at me.
"What are you thinking about?" She asks and I shake my head.
"Tonight," I tell her and she nods.
"Don't worry too much about it, you will get in." She says and I nod.
"I hope," I say.
PAGE BREAK
We are all eating dinner at Hana's place, everyone except Tobias and Zeke, they are nowhere to be found I heard. I just finished my salad and we are all about to say goodbye to Taylor and leave him with Hana for the night. I think they all wanted to go out and celebrate, if we all do get in, of course.
I say goodbye to Taylor and walk out the door to the dormitory. We are all really excited to find out what the rankings are. Uriah, Marlene, and Lynn are there too, but they won't find out what they are ranked unless they are in the Dauntless dormitory and not where the Transfers sleep. They said that they wanted to find out what we were ranked first, then they could find out where they were and we didn't tell them they couldn't come.
When we get to the dormitory, I see Tobias there with Eric. All the transfers are there and looking at Tobias and Eric, probably waiting for them to say something. We all walk over to them and stare up at them.
"This is the ranking for only the transfers," Eric says while looking at Uriah, Marlene, and Lynn.
"We know," Lynn says. "Just get on with it."
"Okay. The last person on the list is cut." Eric says and we all nod. He then moves so we can all see the blackboard with the list on.
1. Peter
2. Edward
3. Tris
Wait! That's me! I am third! Wait! No! That can't be! All I know is that I am jumping up and down and Uriah, Lynn, and Marlene are hugging me and we are all jumping up and down. I look back at the list.
4. Drew
5. Will
6. Christina
7. Molly
8. Al
8. Myra
OMG! We all made it! We all got in! YES! We are all jumping up and down now! Yes, this is like everything we wanted. "We will see you guys later!" Lynn says, and together with her, run Uriah and Marlene. Probably to find out what they were ranked.
We all jump up and down and we are all smiling so big. I think we stand there for like 10 minutes before we realize we are the last people in the room. I look for Tobias, but I can't find him, I am guessing he went back to his apartment. "Let's go out!" Christina says and I shake my head.
"You guys go, I am going to Taylor," I say and she smiles.
"Sure you are." She says and I shake my head.
"I am serious," I tell her and she smiles.
"Well have a good time." They say and they leave, and I go to Taylor.
When I get to Hana's apartment, I knock on the door and find Tobias and Hana sitting on the floor, and Tobias is feeding Taylor.
"Hey," Hana says and I smile. I didn't expect him to be here. He turns around and smiles at me.
"Hey." He says to me and I nod. "I will put him to bed." He says and stands up with Taylor and carries him into his room.
I look at Hana and she shrugs.
"He is good with him." She says and I nod. He comes back out and smiles.
"He was tried," Tobias says and I nod. "What's up?"
"I was going to be with Taylor, but he is sleeping, I guess I will see him tomorrow," I say and Tobias nod. "I'll see you tomorrow Hana, thank you again," I say and she nods.
"Don't worry about it." She says like she does all the time.
I walk out of the apartment and wonder where I should go now. That's until I feel a hand on my back. I turn around and find Tobias.
"Hey," I say and he smiles.
"Where are you going?" He asks and I shake my head.
"I don't know," I reply.
"You wanna come with me?" He asks, with a smile on his face. "That's if you don't want to celebrate with your friends."
"I can join you," I tell him and he nods.
We walk to his apartment and he closes the door.
"What do you want to do?" He asks and I laugh.
"I think I know what you want to do, but you just want to be polite," I say and he shakes his head.
"No no, I am just asking what you want to do." He says and I smile.
"Mmmm, well I want to watch a movie," I tell him and sit down on the couch.
"Okay." He says and sits down next to me on the couch, and turns the TV on. He gives me the remote control and I look through the channels until I find Point Break and press OK.
"You sure you want to watch a movie?" He asks and I laugh. I lay down so that my head is in his lap and look up at the movie. His fingers go in my hair and I realize that I missed this. He used to do it in Abnegation and I don't know I guess I didn't know I missed it that much.
When the movie is finished, we are still sitting or I am lying with my head in his lap while he is sitting with my head in his lap. Yeah, that makes sense right? Anyway, I look up at him and he smiles at me. I stand up and he watches me. I walk over to the door and is about to open it when he says, "where are you going?" I turn around and look at him. He stands up and walks over to me.
"Going to sleep?" I say, but it turns out more of a question.
"You can stay here." He replies.
"Yeah, I could, but Taylor is not sleeping here, so, I just figured I'll sleep in the dormitory like every other initiate," I say. I walk over to me, and his hands go to my hip bringing me closer to him.
"You are not like every other initiate." He says in my ear. I feel my head leaning back as he whispers that in my ear. He starts kissing down my neck.
"Tobias.." I start, but I can't get other words out.
"Stay." He says. "We don't have someone sleeping next to us anymore."
"Fine, I'll stay, but that is only because we need to talk," I tell him and he smiles.
He starts kissing my lips and I don't do anything about it though I probably should. I wrap my legs around his waist and he pushes me against the wall, next to the door.
"Tobias..." I try to get in when he starts kissing my neck.
"Mmmm," He says.
"Talk," I say and he carries me over to the couch and lies me down and comes over to me. I look at him and he smiles at me.
"Can we talk later?" He asks and I shake my head as I laugh at him. "Why not?"
"I'll do other things with you after we have talked," I start, and he smiles at me. "unless it gets too late."
"Okay, what do you want to talk about?" He asks as he sits up and I join him, having my legs crossed on the couch.
"Well, first I want to know why the hell you seem to be so far away from me when I am right next to you," I tell him honestly. It shouldn't be that hard to speak with me. I know we haven't seen each other in 2 years, but come on, I love him and he loves me, why doesn't it take forever for him to tell me he wants me to move in with him?"
"Why do you have to go into all the deep stuff?" He asks and he turns to look at me.
"Tobias, I get that there is still something missing in our relationship, and I know that we still aren't as close to each other as we were before you left 2 years ago, but that is only because we haven't had sex yet but I want you to tell me why you couldn't just ask me straight out that you wanted me to move in with you," I tell him.
"I don't know Tris, I just haven't seen you in so long, and I feel that after you got pregnant and after Taylor showed up, you are this new person I don't know -"
"Tobias I am still the same."
"Yeah, but things are different, you are I don't know..." He starts.
"Why can't you just tell me?"
"Because I don't know how to, Tris. I don't. I just want things to go back to the way they were." He says and turns to look at my face.
"In Abnegation?" I ask.
"I don't know?" He replies and I look at him.
"I just want to feel like I don't know you anymore."
"Tobias, you know me better than anyone, and probably even myself."
"I don't feel that."
"What do you feel then?" I tell him, really wanting to know what he feels.
"You are not the only one who feels far away Tris -"
"So what are we going to do with that we are both here, but still so far away?" Thinking that I know the answer.
"I know you think the answer, and I want to have sex, I do, but I don't want to have sex and then find out that we are still as far apart as we are now, because Tris I hate it, and I just don't, I love you so much and I hate being far away from you."
"I know, I know, but what if we do and things change, sex isn't going to solve everything, but it might help us feeling closer to each other, and I am willing to try -"
"But what if it brings us further apart?"
"Tobias," I say and move closer to him. "Don't think like that, you wanted sex not long ago, did I change your mind?" I ask smiling. I start kissing his neck and up to his mouth. He turns his face and starts kissing me too. We fall back against the couch, so my back is against the couch and he's on top of me. He stops kissing me and looks at me. Brushing some hair away from my face.
"I don't want to lose you." He says and I nod.
"You won't. I am still here and I am still me."
"Promise."
"Promise I am still me?" I ask smiling and he shakes his head.
"Promise I won't lose you again, even though I did leave, I can't lose you."
"Tobias, I promise," I say and he starts kissing me again. He stands up and I look at him. He gives me his hand and I take it and stand up next to him, not knowing what is going on, he starts kissing me again and I smile into our kiss, which soon fast turns into a make-out session. He lifts me up and carries me to his bedroom and lies me carefully down on the bed and comes on top of me.
"I love you." He says and I smile.
"I love you too," I tell him. I start kissing him and I feel him smiling into our kiss. His hands go under my t-shirt as my hands go under his. Not long after, we get lost in each other.
A/N - Well, hope you pansycakes enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to give some constructive criticism, review, vote etc!
:))