Tim POV:
Faith's been acting strange ever since her dream a couple nights ago. She's quiet, and dare I say, clingy. Whenever I walk into a different room, she'll follow a short time after, sitting far enough to give me my own space but always within view. I can tell the wheels in her mind are churning, so I don't dare call her out on it. I don't want to disturb whatever is going on in her mind.
She sits quietly in the passenger seat, while the girls talk amongst themselves in the backseat. On the rare occasion that we are all in the same car together, I can't help but think about the years we spent toting them around in car seats and carriers. She glances my way from time to time, before looking down at her lap, like she's trying to muster the courage to say something. She clings to the edge of her shirt, nervously running her fingers along the hem.
God, what I'd give to be in her head right now... I can tell her thoughts are just criss-crossing in every direction, tying themselves in knots, before organizing themselves amid the chaos somehow.
"Tim?" She calls out, making me glance over her way.
"Yeah?" I reply, watching her eyes monitor the road, like a novel is spread across the lanes.
"I want to go home." She releases quietly, while the girls remain distracted in their own conversation. Well, she can't blow off her own appointment completely. I glance at the clock, knowing we really don't have time to stop back at home after dropping the girls off with my mom.
"We really don't have time to run back before heading over to--" I start, before she shakes her head, looking nervously down at her lap once more.
"I mean home... I want to go back to Mississippi." She clarifies, making me freeze. I stare at the road, trying to process what exactly she means. She's never called Mississippi home... Home has always been here in Tennessee for us... Why would she want to go back?
"Wh..." I start, before narrowing my eyes. "Why?" I spit out, watching her think for a minute. She leans her head back against the seat, looking out the passenger side window.
"I feel like I've lost a piece of me that I had when I was there... I'm not that girl anymore, and I want to figure out what's missing." She explains, while I remain confused. My mind is running with all the things I could say. What does Mississippi have that we don't have here? All we left there was a shitty history and a lot of bad memories.
"So you want to go down there and do what, exactly?" I ask, watching her sit up a little straight.
"Go back to Star, see the house, see our old school... Trace back my steps until I have that moment of clarity." I try not to laugh. I just feel like that will only bring up all the pain and grudges we left there. Going back to Mississippi is an awful idea.
"I don't think that's a great idea." I word carefully, seeing her crack a small smile. That's never a good thing...
"Funny thing about that..." She says, before turning herself toward me. "I talked to Dr Connors, and he said he thought it was an awesome idea. He said that it'd help my healing, by showing what adversity I've already overcome." She tries to convince me, while I simply sigh in response. I pull up to my Mom's house, hearing the girls gather their things.
"We'll talk about it later." I say, starting to turn the car off.
"Well, I called Dr Connors to talk about it, and he canceled our appointment so we could go down today..." She says quickly, making me freeze. I glare her way, watching her spare a child-like guilty smile. My Mom rushes out of the house with open arms, talking through my half-open door.
"You guys will have to send me pictures! I've been wondering if the old house is still there." She remarks, apparently in on the plan. The girls lug their bags toward the door. I should've known by how heavy they packed. I shut my eyes, leaning my head back against the seat. "Oh come on, you need it." Mom says, patting my shoulder. The girls stand on the porch, offering a wave before disappearing inside. They're extremely comfortable over here, since they're here often, so goodbyes aren't exactly formal. Mom shuts my door, before walking inside. She spares us a wave, as she shuts the door, leaving just Faith and I sitting in the car.
"I wasn't planning on pulling this on you, but I had only talked to Connors about it last night. He said that since you took the day off for the appointment, and since it's a Friday, that we should make a weekend of it." She tries to justify, while I shut my eyes. "I was going to tell you ahead of time, but I know you really don't want to go back there. I figured spawning it on you at the last second would keep you from overthinking." She says, now starting the overthinking portion of my brain. I sigh, feeling my headache as it start to bounce from edge to edge on the scale of rationality. "Please, Tim... I really think I need this." She begs. I glance over at her, seeing her green eyes shine in a way I haven't seen in a long time. I'm not great at saying no to her... I groan, and put the car in drive, making her smile.
"If this backfires, then it's all your idea." I say, hearing her laugh a bit. I turn up the radio and settle in for the long drive.
We pull into Star around four in the afternoon. I pull into town, driving past her old Baptist church. She watches it closely, laughing as we pass.
"I remember the church being much bigger." She says, looking my way. I laugh a little, before glancing toward her.
"Probably because that's the biggest building in town." I remark, as she continues to watch out the window. I drive for a while, before wondering where to even start. "So what are we doing first?" I ask. She shrugs, seeming to be enjoying the drive itself. She doesn't get out like this often. Normally our trips are quick, and constantly looking over our shoulders for paparazzi, or more frequently now, nosy fans.
"What about Applegrove?" She asks carefully. I take a deep breath, feeling a little nauseous even bring up that part of our past. Applegrove was a lot of good and a lot of bad. It was the place she first said she loved me, and also the place she told me that she was abused... That's a wide array of emotions for one little shack to hold. "Do you even remember how to get there?" She questions, making me laugh. I could get there in my sleep.
We follow a system of winding gravel roads, until surprisingly pulling onto asphalt. I turn onto the street, feeling my heart sink as a large farmhouse sits on the field that was in front of the shack. They probably tore it down when they bought the land... I pull up in front of the house, watching the weathervane spin slowly. Faith takes a deep breath, staring at the house, before cracking a smile.
"What are you smiling about?" I ask, surprised at her reaction. She shakes her head, not wanting to take her eyes off the house.
"We always talked about building a house here." She says, as a woman walks to the side of the house from the back, a little boy following suit. They walk over to a few garden boxes, investigating their crops, and watering a few. I'm too busy watching them to realize Faith is unbuckling her seatbelt, and getting out of the car. She opens her door, alerting me.
"What are you doing?" I call, before she shuts the door. I turn off the car, and rush out behind her. "Faith..." I release, as she walks toward the woman. What on earth is she thinking?
"Miss?" Faith calls out, making the woman turn around toward Faith. "Hi. I used to live down the street, and we'd always come to the wooded lot back there to play. Do you know if there's still a little shack set up back in there?" She asks sweetly, while the woman smiles in response.
"It's still there. My husband, Bill, just keeps coming up for excuses to not tear it down." The woman remarks, laughing a bit. She looks at both Faith and I, seeming to recognize us pretty easily. "You can go ahead and take a look if you want. We don't mind." She offers, making Faith grin. Faith looks back at me, as if to gloat about her smooth-talking ability. Faith thanks her, before we start to walk toward the tree line.
"I want you to remember that moment for the rest of your life." She brags, making me laugh. I put my hands in my pockets, feeling a little apprehensive. We are jumping right into the thick of it... "Is that it?" She asks, as we come up to what looks like the shack. A little more of the roof has caved in, but from afar it looks almost exactly the same. She picks up the pace, seeming excited. She rushes onto the porch without an ounce of hesitation, while I have to force myself to follow her blindly. The familiar creaking of the old wood brings me back thirty years.
"Wow..." I let out, surprised the paint is still visible. She smiles brightly, I guess associating more good than bad with this place. She runs her fingers along the walls, in a familiar motion that forces a flashback in my mind of her at fifteen. She smiles back at me, before her smile fades slightly.
"You okay?" She asks quietly. I look around, feeling like the air is a hundred times thicker in here. I nod, trying to blow it off. She looks down at the yellow floor, walking over to a spot and wiping away the dirt covering the ground with her sleeve. A faded footprint shows in the paint, where I'd accidentally stepped on the wet paint when I took on this project. She smiles down at it, before standing up and brushing her knees off. "Did you ever come here after I left?" She asks, forcing me to think of a period in time I'd rather forget.
"I did." I admit, watching her raise her eyebrows. She awaits elaboration, but I really wish she'd let it be. "I kind of hit a dark place after you left... I'd lost my best friend, and I really didn't have anyone else, so I'd come here to escape for a while." I explain vaguely, watching sadness develop in her eyes.
"You never talked about what happened after I left." She releases quietly. I shrug, clearing my throat as I feel my heart rate climb. I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack by staying in here.
"I tried... I don't know.... I tried to move on, and be who everyone wanted me to be. I got onto the football team, and made that my life for the most part, because I thought that'd be my ticket out of here. I focused on school too, just so I could stay out of the house." I continue, before having to force myself to breathe. She walks toward me, before wrapping her arms around me. I wrap mine around her, and feel her begin to sway with her forehead pressed against my chest.
"Your heart is pounding..." She releases under her breath. Her fingers rest on my arms, having a firm grasp onto me. Something about the way she's standing right now makes me feel safer...
After a couple moments of quiet embrace, we take one last look around, before leaving the shack. We walk back to the car, passing the house once more on the way. Faith watches the mother we spoke to play with her son. I can see a bit of envy in her eyes, which kills me inside. We get into the car and start toward our hotel outside of town.
We check into our room and make the journey to it without much conversation. She walks in, and drops her bag on the floor, before collapsing into bed. I look over and smile, as I place my bag by the closet, and grab one of the mini bottles of water they have set on the minibar. She perks up when she hears me open it, causing me to grab another for her. She smiles as I toss it toward her. She takes a sip, sitting up in her bed, before glancing my way as I sit down on the edge of the other.
She bites her lip, her blonde hair draping over her shoulder and taking me aback for a second. She looks beautiful, despite the complete lack of effort. She's been wearing the same gray baggy Vanderbilt sweatshirt and shorts for the entire trip, and absolutely no makeup, but something about her blows me away still. She's timeless.
"How much alcohol do they have in there?" She asks, motioning toward the minibar. I feel a little tense, as I start to wonder if she's going to make me call to have them remove it. I would hope she'd trust me enough to save the embarrassment.
"Couple bottles." I answer innocently. She hops out of bed, and walks over to the cabinet, taking out a bottle of wine. She twists off the top, and starts drinking straight from the bottle, despite having cups sitting right there beside the bottles. She sits with her legs criss crossed on her bed, before holding out the bottle toward me. "I'm good." I say, laughing a bit at her. She hugs it for a moment, before clearing her throat.
"Come on..." She tries to convince me, making me a little apprehensive.
"Is this some kind of test?" I ask, making her laugh. She shakes her head, seeming genuine. She holds out the bottle once more, before I shake my head.
"I think we need to talk, and I think some liquor is exactly what we need." She says, as I stand up. I walk over to the mini-bar and grab a bottle of aged whiskey, picking up the glass she abandoned. She smiles at me, watching me open the bottle. I start to pour myself a glass, watching her carefully to tell if she's trying to trick me.
"So why is alcohol going to help?" I ask, watching her smile grow, before she bites her lip once more.
"We've been holding back a lot. I think we just need to loosen up, and speak freely without the fear of sounding ridiculous or harsh." She explains. I set down the bottle, and take a deep breath, looking at the glass of poison lying on the nightstand. One drink won't kill me...