A/N: WUT. Do you remember that time when Taylor actually updated her stories? No? ...Yeah, me neither. Alrighty, so- I am not going to get into details on why I've been shitty with everything lately because that would take a million and a half years and you guys don't care you just want to bloody read Drive. Laughs because all the people who are so done with me right now not even a joke. I AM BACK THOUGH I SWEAR. And in my pathetic attempt to try and make it up to you guys (HAHAHAHA) enjoy this longer than usual update (complete with some harry flashbacks woah) and I promise to bang out chapters quickly for you guys. I AM SO SORRY I LOVE YOU ALL THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO WILL STILL READ THIS BUT I DON'T BLAME YOU IF YOU WANT TO KILL ME BC HONESTLY WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME I DON'T EVEN KNOW OKAY HERE IS THE CHAPTER.
"...So you're leaving me?"
Louis Tomlinson's head snapped in the direction of his best mate- who was currently standing in the doorframe, his arms hanging loosely at his sides and dazzling green eyes the size of plates. Harry didn't appear to be taking the news well, and Louis had expected just as much. He was never exactly bothered by the way the younger lad was so dependent on him, but Harry should have known that it was impossible for Louis to always be there.
"Don't think of it like that," Louis murmured, looking down to avoid Harry's eyes. He traced the pattern on the counter with his fingers, making aimless circles and patterns. "You know this is my dream school, Harry. I worked hard."
He knew that what he was saying wasn't exactly comforting, and definitely not what his best mate wanted to hear from him, but it was true. Ever since the two of them were young boys, just after his mum died of cancer, Louis wanted to be a doctor. He was a smart boy, that much was undeniable, but he did work to maintain his 4.0 grade point average and balance extracurricular activities. He promptly earned a full ride scholarship, and though he should have been overjoyed, it was this very conversation he was not looking forward to.
It wasn't that Harry couldn't take care of himself. He was a fully functioning adult, after all. He could manage on his own, but Louis was well aware that he didn't want to be alone. To be perfectly honest, Louis didn't see why Harry couldn't just go and live with his boyfriend. Liam was a great kid, fully stable, and it was plain to see that he would do absolutely anything for Harry. It didn't make much sense, but Louis didn't really push the matter. It was true that there is no changing Harry's mind once it's already set.
"...But..." Harry stammered, and Louis could see how glassy his mate's eyes were getting. He silently cursed to himself- Harry had great affects on him when he got teary like that. Sometimes he thought that his best mate knew of what he did. Knew that he practically tore Louis apart by simply taking in a bloody breath. He hated it. Sometimes he hated Harry. "No. You can't. You promised."
Louis sighed, ran a hand through his messy brown hair. He looked like the epitome of shit and he was fully aware of it. This moment- he had been dreading it more than he could fathom. He hadn't slept right for the past couple nights. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw those glittering green eyes shining with tears, and he wouldn't even want to blink.
"Harry," is the only thing that ends up escaping his lips, and Harry is staring at him like he's expecting something that won't happen. In fact, that's exactly what's happening, and Louis hates to admit it to himself. "I'm sorry. I can't just- I can't stay here forever. Neither can you."
Harry looked away, and stared at the wall behind Louis. He bit at his full, pink lower lip- he was noticeably pinching at his upper thigh. He was trying to make Louis feel guilty, and it was most definitely working in his favor.
"University."
The word sounded so short, so quiet- it physically hurt Louis to hear Harry sound so weak. Confident, brave Harry. He wasn't quite as heroic as he made himself out to be. He just wouldn't let anyone know it. Louis saw right through him, as it was particularly easy to read Harry once you started getting to know him. It's been over fifteen years- Louis knows Harry like the back of his hand, and vice versa.
"...University."
The repition makes Louis want to throw up. He can feel the acid in his throat, hearing the strain in Harry's voice. The younger boy, green eyes wide and almost unreadable, stepped all the closer. They made eye contact again, and Louis wouldn't doubt that Harry was looking right into his soul.
Suffice to say, Harry was scaring him. Harry scared him all the time. Louis knew of his best mate's condition- Borderline Personality Disorder. He could go from very low to very high in three seconds flat, and sometimes it was impossible to tell if Harry would lash out, or completely fall apart. It didn't change the fact that Louis loved him with all of his heart. It did, however, mean that he was often fairly confused with Harry's behavior.
Sometimes he couldn't be sure if Harry was seriously falling apart, or if he was just using his condition in his benefit. It wasn't exactly unlike him, unfortunately. Harry was quite manipulative, and Louis is very aware of this. He falls into the trap every single time.
This time, he'd try to hold his ground.
"Don't do this to me, Harry," Louis whispered, voice particularly heated as Harry steps closer. He can feel the tension and discomfort in the air- or maybe it's just him. Maybe Harry doesn't feel uncomfortable. Probably not. Despite his condition, Harry is unbreakable the majority of the time. "Please don't do this."
Harry seemed to have no sense of personal space, as he only progessed towards Louis. They've know each other for so long, shared a few fairly intimate moments, and it shouldn't be as awkward as it is when Louis feels Harry's breath, a strange balance of ramen noodles and store brand root beer that smells oddly like home, hit his face.
Louis doesn't like the effect that Harry has on him. He doesn't like how those green eyes and wild brown curls make him go weak in the knees. As a matter of fact, he hates it. And he definitely hates that Harry knows he does this to him. It almost hurts.
Harry places a hand at the base of Lou's neck, promptly causing the older lad to shiver profusely at the actual physical contact. Louis kept his hands to himself. He knows how this whole thing works, and where he stands. He'll try his hardest to keep his hands off of Harry, but it doesn't work out for him in the long run. It never will.
"Can't do it without you, Lou," Harry whispered, and at the very least Louis is glad that he seems to be out of his little trance. Still, he closed his eyes when he felt Harry's lips make contact with his jawline- breathing hot and heavy on his neck. "Please don't make me do it without you. Can't be alone- you know I can't."
"You aren't alone, Haz," Louis mumbled, not daring to open his eyes. He couldn't bare it at this point. "Even if I'm not there, you're not alone. What about Li?"
Louis can feel a pair of tender, familiar lips touch his own and he swore silently to himself. He didn't move a muscle as he felt Harry working his lips against his own. He couldn't allow himself to fall apart as quickly as he did in the past.
There isn't really a word in the English dictionary that Louis feels is appropriate for the feeling of Harry' lips on his own. Maybe that's just because he's never been very poetic or good with his words- nonetheless, it's definitely strange to feel his best mate's lips pressed up against his. It's even stranger when it feels good.
Even more so because Harry has a boyfriend.
When Harry pulls away, he lingers in close to whisper to Louis, "It's you and me, Lou. It's always been you and me, since the beginning of time. We grew up together. I gave you your very first kiss- gave you even more than that. Where did it go?"
Louis opened his eyes and immediately wishes he hadn't. Harry's eyes captivate him the second he does. He wants more and knows he shouldn't want more. He can come up with a million different reasons why he shouldn't.
"Please don't go away," Harry whispered, and his thumb gently strokes Lou's face. His best mate his jello. "Not after everything. Please."
Louis could feel his heart beating in his neck as he grabbed onto Harry's hand in one swift movement. He didn't have the courage to look his best mate in the eyes as he intertwined their fingers, clasping their hands together. He took his other hand and did the same, tugging him all the closer.
"I love you, Harry," Louis whispered back, and waited for Harry to say it back. He should have known better- it's not like Harry's never told him, for that's certainly not the case, but he could never mean it intimately. The only person he's ever said it to intimately is Liam, and to be honest, it kind of hurts to think about. It's not like Liam is the one who held Harry through the nightmares, cleansed wounds caused by bullies, spent countless nights with him curled up on a cracked leather sofa with no other company than bad movies and energy drinks. No. "You know I do."
"Then..." Harry presses in close, and doesn't kiss him again- rather, nips athis lower lip. "Stay."
Who would Louis be to leave?