Carroll
"Hey Carroll, can you please smile again before you leave? Just one more smile, please?" Ever since I 'accidentally' smiled in the coffee shop, Georgina won't just stop bothering me. Plus Emma. She accidentally saw the candid photo of me genuinely smiling, which wasn't on an accident at all because Georgina purposely showed it to her. She was surprised and amazed at the same time, I mean anyone who does know me will be. Then after she saw it, she helped Georgina bombard me with questions.
"No Georgina, I can't force a genuine smile.. And stop asking because it was just an accident, it won't happen again.." I said while putting my things in the trunk. "Yeah, Georgina, it won't happen again.." I heard Emma say with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Ohhh.. Yeah yeah, accident, won't happen again.." Georgina mimicked. I heard snickering behind me that caused me to turn my head around to see the two of them with mischievous grins stuck on their faces, fist bumping each other. I rolled my eyes at the two of them before walking around my car to hop in.
"See ya later alligator!" Emma yelled when I put the key in the ignition. "Have a nice night, Elsa! Slay them all!" Georgina chirped in and I can't help but to roll my eyes. I stuck my hand out to wave at them before driving away. "When will they stop calling me, Elsa?" I huffed out of annoyance, but smiled anyways. These two can really get under my nerves, but even though my friends are pains in the ass, I still love them. They are all I have.
I turned the radio up to kill the silence in my car. I just really feel lonelier when it is silent. It's like the world's way of telling me that I should've respected the people around me then maybe I wouldn't feel lonely. Karma is a bitch. I chuckled at my own silliness that came to a halt when I heard the familiar tune of the song that my mom used to sing to me before I go to sleep.
So true
Funny how it seems
Always in time, but never in line for dreams
Head over heels when toe to toe
This is the sound of my soul
This is the sound
I bought a ticket to the world
But now I've come back again
Why do I find it hard to write the next line?
Oh, I want the truth to be said
I wish I have not known the truth at all. Then maybe, maybe I would still be living happily with my mom. Maybe I would still be my cheerful old self.
Maybe nothing would have changed.
No, it was right. Me discovering the truth was the correct thing to do. If I hadn't found out about it, then my dad would still be unaware of Carolyn's wrongdoings and continue to live like a fool. I don't want that to happen to my dad.
My car was reaching the house when I saw our gates almost on the view. I killed the engine once I entered the gates. "Welcome back miss Carroll," the chauffeur says while sticking his hands up, waiting for my keys.
"Thank you, just give the stuff in the trunk to Sarah," I ordered with my usual tone. Miguel started driving the car to the garage. "Good evening miss Carroll.. Your father wants to speak with you," Sarah said with a bow. "Oh, he's back from his trip already?" Sarah just nodded and opened the door for me. I saw my dad standing with his back facing me. "Hey dad," I greeted as the old guy turned around with a cigarette on his mouth. He approached me slowly. His face was not happy, something seems off. He stopped right in front of me and seconds later without any warnings, I felt his hard palm make contact with my left cheek.
Wow, I've never been slapped before. It sure stings..
I heard someone gasp loudly behind me but I didn't bother turning around, I couldn't care less. What is his problem now?
"What the hell is your problem Carroll?!" He yelled. "I should be the one asking you that, dad." I answer back with my stare now turning cold, not regretting a word I said. "What the.. You... How can you speak like that to me?! I'm your father!" I inwardly rolled my eyes as I let out a heavy sigh. "Dad.. What is it? I'm sorry for.. being rude, but you just slapped me for no reason?" He shook his head with his hand on his forehead.
"How can you hung up on your mother? I accept it if it's just me, but your mother? You have no idea-" oh this is about that woman again. I cut him off immediately. "You have no idea how she makes me feel.. Every time I hear her voice, it makes want to..." I didn't get to finish the sentence because it hurts so fucking much, this made dad's forehead scrunch but he just shrugged it off. "..die.." I whispered to myself, making sure that my dad didn't hear it and he didn't, hopefully.
"Carroll, why can't you just try listening to her? You have no idea how much she misses her only daughter.." Dad pleaded, I disappointedly shook my head. "Listen to her? Listen to her apologies over and over and over again? No dad, I'm a busy person I don't have time for those kind of things, waste of time.." I huffed then the same cheek received another slap after I spoke.
"How can listening to your mother be a waste of time Carroll?" I closed my eyes for a second before looking up at him, giving him the coldest look I could ever mutter. "You have no idea of what I feel father. You have no idea of what I'm going through.. This is how I am after she left.." I hissed, keeping my voice low. Dad has to insert in his thick skull that I don't want to talk to Carolyn right at this moment, or even any moment for that matter. It just hurts hearing her voice sound so happy and jolly without us, her former family.
"How dare you Carroll! Where has your respect gone? I don't know you anymore! I cannot understand how you can't forgive your mother!" He raised his hand to slap me again, not hesitating to do it. I continued to glare at him, daring him to continue and he did. It didn't matter, he could slap me all he wants. However, I wouldn't be able to trust him ever again for forcing me to do something I don't want to. The same cheek received the third slap. New record Carroll, way to go!
"Yes dad! You can't understand, you don't know.. Nobody knows how I feel! Nobody understands me! Not you, not Carolyn, even Samuel can't!" I snapped at him, he clenched his fists while my grip on my purse tightened.
"How can we know?! You always shut people out! You isolate yourself from us! You keep everything to yourself! If you would just talk to your mom Carroll... We can fix this.." His voice started to soften as he begged, but no, I'm standing on my ground.
"I can't dad! This is how I am after she left us for her mistress! How can you just forgive her? She cheated on you! A part of me was lost when she left, when she left this family.. And no matter what she says, how many times she apologize, that part of me won't return.. It will never return! She was my role model, she was my best friend, she was my everything.. She was the one who always gave me warmth! She always made me feel protected and reassured me protection at all times.. Now that she's gone.. Everything's gone also.. My smile, my happiness, the warmth.." I paused to look intently at my dad's hazel eyes.
"She's the reason I'm cold, she turned me into this ice and now.. She has to deal with it, whether she likes it or not. All of you will have to deal with the consequences of her actions. Do you understand that dad?" I did not give him a chance to reply as I walked out and went straight to my room, not bothering to look back.
I heard my voice being called but I didn't stop running until I found my room. I locked the door and went to my bed. I let myself cry. I just don't understand why he pushes me to talk to her again, bond with her.. Can't they understand the pain that I feel whenever I see or even hear her voice?!
Can't they understand that I'm not ready to forgive her yet?! I am still not ready to accept the fact that once I forgive her, we will never see her again. She will be happy with her wife and completely forget us.
"Fuck this.." I grumbled then cried more before falling asleep.
÷÷÷÷
Melissa
I woke up on Skye's fluffy bed. She has her arm and leg wrapped around me. It's sweet and irritating at the same time. Sweet because she's cuddling me; irritating because I couldn't move my ass for the love of God. "Skye.. Hey Skye.." I repeatedly poked her forehead in attempt to wake her up without being so violent. Remind me to not sleep beside Skye anymore. "Arrrgh.. Five more minutes mom.." She grumbled as she tightened her grip on my waist. I rolled my eyes. Really? She slept early last night and did not wait for me to finish my homework, and then she says that? No.
I escaped from her grip and straddled her with my legs while holding her shoulders.
"Skye if you don't wake the fuck up, I swear to god, you wouldn't like it!" I warned with a low serious voice; however, she didn't wake up. I mean she's awake already but you know like she doesn't want to wake up. I sighed and decided to use my last card on her. I leaned closer to her ears and prayed silently that I wouldn't make any damages to Skye. I screeched, this made Skye sat up straight as if she was just awakened from the dead. I stared at her with pure sympathy. I really hope that I didn't make any damages on her ears.
"You're a bitch, Melissa.." Skye groaned. "Yes, if you're not awake after I take a shower, you'll be taking a bath in no time," I warned her before entering the bathroom.
I took my time showering because I still have time. My mind suddenly pictured Carroll's face when I saw her smiling. It was absolutely stunning and gorgeous, I was even frozen for a second. I might even say that her smile is the most stunning and beautiful thing that my eyes have witnessed. I had to stop what I was doing just to look at how perfect and beautiful she is. It was as if the time had stopped completely and it was just the two of us left in the room. How I wish for that to happen.. That would be blissful, Carroll and I together in a room, alone.
My thoughts caused a goofy smile to my face, however it faded when I heard Skye banging on the door loudly.
"God Melissa, what's taking you so long? Are you masturbating or what?" My face became red after I heard her question. I intentionally opened the door, hoping that I could hit her face, but luck is on her side just like always. "No I wasn't." I dryly said before going to arrange my bag. I waited for Skye to finish taking a bath before we went downstairs together to eat breakfast.
"Skye, I can't get Carroll out of my mind.." I whispered to her when I saw that aunt's and uncle's attentions were on their plates before I stuffed my mouth with bacons. "Careful Melissa.." I swallowed the food before answering. "I'm sorry auntie, I just missed eating real breakfast.." They gave me a sad smile. "Don't worry, you're here now, you'll be eating a decent meal starting from now on.." I nodded then we resumed eating. "You like her, I knew it!" Skye whispered while winking at me. I sighed and did not even deny it.
She may be right, I might be falling for the ice queen. I know that it's bad for me because Carroll is as straight as her hair and damn she hates me so much and we're not even friends at all. I've got no chance, no goddamn chance. So all I have to do to solve my problem is to suppress my feelings! Easy! ..not. I sighed again. Why do I have to undergo in this ordeal? Falling for straight girls is just difficult and what's more with falling for those who hate you?
After we're done eating, Skye and I stood up to get our bags. "Hey mom, dad, we should get going!" Skye said as she made her way to the door. "See ya later auntie and anx!" I bid my goodbye before running to catch up with Skye. Uncle Vito waved while aunt Melanie followed us. "Hey mom, where are you going?" Skye asked, confused written all over her face, while opening the door to driver's seat only to be closed by aunt Melanie. "Nope sweetie, you're not driving.. I will," she said in her stern voice leaving Skye no other option than to seat on the front.
"But why mom? I didn't destroy your car, did I?" Skye whined making me giggle. She really sounds like she's having tantrums right now. "Because.. You might run out of gas again, kiddo.." Auntie stated emphasizing the word 'again' as she patted her head. "Yeah, I second the motion.." I raised my hand and nodded at them causing Skye to glare at me through the mirror. "You are supposed to side me on this, Mels." She disappointedly shook her head. "Well what can I say, I don't want to be stuck again," I say while chuckling as auntie stopped the engine. "Here we are girls! Hope you have an awesome day!" She cheered before driving away.
"Aunt Melanie is so cool and great," I stated while walking in the hallways. "Yep," Skye answered in a bored tone, seeming to be mad at me for the encounter earlier. "You have such a great mom, Skye.. I hope you don't hurt her okay? Because if I heard that you became a rebel, I'll kill you, with my bare hands, Skye.. I'm telling you.." I warned as the girl beside me nodded. "Aye, aye captain!" We made our way to homeroom and took our seats.
I tried leaning on my desk... which is a success! "God, thank God! I can finally sleep..." I announce proudly. Skye patted my shoulder after I spoke. "Congratulations babe.. Finally, I can sleep peacefully without worrying my ass off," I looked up at her and faked crying. "Awww, Skye... You worry about me!" I wiped my fake tears as Skye playfully slapped my arm. "Yeah and I think someone is coming for you.." I laughed at her statement. "Coming? For me? You serious babe? I don't even have a girlfriend.." I looked to where Skye was looking and my laughter quickly died. Instead, it was instantly replaced by my heart pounding so freaking hard against my chest. I can't fucking understand this pumping organ inside my ribs anymore! And I FUCKING hate it!
Carroll was approaching to our direction. "Madison, a word please." Skye has a confused look on her face like me because I don't know why she wants to speak with me. Anyways, I still stood up to follow Carroll to wherever she wants to talk, not minding if my heart is beating rapidly that I think I might collapse here anytime.
We stopped in front of the meeting room. "I asked headmistress if I can excuse you from all your classes to help me with the pride week. She said that it is fine and she already announced it to all of your class teachers." She explained before we continued walking. "S-so.. T-that m-means.. y-you are also e-excused.. Am I-I r-right?" I stammered. Goddammit, here I am again with the curled tongue! Like I'm speaking with a short tongue to stutter. Carroll gave a short nod as her response.
We stopped at the stage that already has some equipments and other materials waiting to be used. "You're going to tell me what to do Madison." She stated. I looked at her, confused and frightened at the same time. Me? Telling her what to do? Am I crazy enough to do that? No! There's no way I'll order her around. "Is there a problem regarding with what I had suggested?" That's a suggestion? I thought she was telling me that is what should happen.
"I.. I um.. Yea.. I.. I would like it better if we umm.. share ideas? I'm.. I'm not really creative so.." She nodded. My eyes wandered to the materials and the stage. "Umm.. Ca-.. I mean, president.." She looked at me, those icy.. wait.. puffy eyes looking at me. Did she cry again? Of course she did, you idiot. It seems like she cried... a long time. Why did she cry again? I just want to run my fingers on her delicate, pale skin while telling her that I'm here for her whenever she needs me. What am I even thinking? I am so fucking crazy.
"Madison? What is it? Is something wrong?" I realized that I'm zoning out again when I heard Carroll's voice. "N-nothing.. I just thought that.." I stopped myself from speaking further. Should I ask her if she cried? Wouldn't she be mad at me for asking her about what happened to her?
"You thought what, Madison?" My attention was brought back to her when I heard her speak. I sighed heavily.
"Are you alright, Carroll?" My question seemed to catch her guards off because her eyes widened, but she quickly regained her composure. "I am fine." She said, however, it is clear that it was just a lie. Her eyes tell me otherwise. "If you need someone, I'm always here.." I offered with a smile that seemed to be ugly because I'm nervous right now. Good thing that I didn't stutter this time because I'm serious about this.
The ice queen spoke. "I would ask for it if I wanted it." I felt a pang in my chest after she said that. At least she now knows that I'm here for her whenever she asked. "So, what's the plan?" She added.
I thought for a moment causing silence to land upon us. She didn't speak after that, seeming to be waiting for me to speak first. "Wouldn't it be b-better if we umm.. get help from the other officers?" I suggested, but Carroll quickly shook her head no. "Headmistress told me to choose only one officer, for it will be a bother if I excused all the officers," she explained. Well.. That makes sense. "Should we um.. get started?" I questioned as Carroll nodded and went to working with the materials.
÷÷÷÷
"There, done!" I happily announced as I looked at the masterpiece me and Carroll just made. "Here," I turned around and saw Carroll offering me a bottle of water. "T-t-thank y-you.." My hands quivered as I took the bottle from her. "Madison, it's three in the afternoon, we should get going," Carroll walked past me, I followed after her. We stopped in front of the lockers. "Thank you for the big help today." She looked into my eyes. I feel that foreign feeling going on my stomach again. I feel like I'm about to puke anytime.
"N-no problem.. Anytime j-just ask me..." I replied and tried to smile which turn out to be a dog smile. I shook my head before leaving. I went straight to science class to check if Skye is still there. I tried to open the door but..
Before I could even open it Skye already opened it and then pinned me to the wall. "Hey Skye.." I sheepishly smiled hoping for mercy. "Tell me where on earth have you been, Melissa Ashly Madison?!" Skye shouted, her calling me by my full name is never good. "Hey Skye okay, calm down.. I was just-"
"Tell me how I can calm down Melissa Madison? Not knowing what happened to you? So how did it go? Was she good? Where-" what the fuck is this girl talking about?!
"What the fuck are you talking about, Skylar Sullivan?" I pushed her then went to the lockers to get my things. "We weren't fucking," I defended as I slammed my locker shut. "I didn't say anything Mels!" I gave her a death glare before going to the restroom. "Wait for me on the gate! I'll just change clothes!" I yelled as Skye gave me a thumbs up.
"What a day it is Melissa," I mumbled to myself before opening the door. I heard faint sobs coming from one of the cubicles. "Hello? Is somebody there?" The sobs stopped, meaning somebody heard me and someone is here. I'm curious, so I pushed the doors one by one. I'm worried, what if that girl crying is suicidal? I wouldn't want someone to die or hurt themselves. The last door opened, revealing a crying.. brunette.. looking up at me.
Carroll.
Why does this always happens?
"I.. I'm sorry! I..I shouldn't have opened! Pardon me! I'll just leave! I'm sorry! I-" I attempt to close the door but Carroll's warm and soft hand held my wrist. "Don't go.. Madison.." She stood up while I took a step back, her hand still holding my wrist.
I'm surprised on what she did next.
She hugged me tightly while crying on my shoulders.
What has happened to my Carroll?
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